chemiczen
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 03-25-15, id: 6644459, Profile Updated: 06-09-21

My rants on the stupidity in fanfiction:

o Entitled sob stories. So because the MC has a tragic backstory, this means the world has to bend over and just give them all the things they 'rightly deserve'? And not only that, these stories are also usually accompanied with copious amounts of bashing, whining, and bitching. Go fuck yourself, Karen.

o All the fucking pretentious virtue signaling. So. Sick. Of. This. Shit! Is burning at the stake still a thing nowadays? Coz that's what I wanna do to all these holier-than-thou protagonists.

o Forgoing logic, natural character interactions, and a decent narrative structure, to shoehorn in the author's self-indulgent wish fulfillment. It's not exclusive to fanfiction, *cough* Twilight *cough, but I'm so sick and tired of it.

o My problem with 9 out of 10 fan fictions: every one of those nine is 50% pomposity, 50% bravado, 0% substance.

o Fics that keep 90-99% of canon = a preset photoshop filter and a watermark disclaimer over someone else's artwork. Do the world a favor and stop publishing these pathetic waste of space. Actually...

Time travel/crossover fics that keep 90-99% of canon. Ever heard of the butterfly effect? The fuck did you write a time travel/crossover fic for if EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING STAYS THE SAME?!

o Fics that are stuck in setup hell. Over 100k words of setup! Screw that non-sense. Think I'm exaggerating? Check out the word count for these Harry Potter books:

The Philosopher's Stone - 76,944
The Chamber of Secrets - 85,141
The Prisoner of Azkaban - 107,253

What a waste of time. Read something else.

o Unbelievable convoluted drama for the sake of unbelievable convoluted drama that resolves in an unbelievable convoluted mess. This is, by the way, not exclusive to fanfiction as it happens a lot in real life as well. I'll still put it here because I'm absolutely sick of reading the stuff.

o Couples never breathe while they kiss because it's impossible to do so. *cough* writer has probably only been kissed by their parents *cough*

o Harry/Fleur pairing fics where Harry and Fleur don't go with each other to the yule ball. Seriously, almost every fic I find generally adheres to this stupid-ass shitty cliche. Talk about wasted potential.

o Soulbonds-- or rather, the way it's presented in the fics I've read, it's too contrived. Soulbond formed, ergo they are in love? Stupid. It should be: they are undeniably TRULY in love, ergo a soulbond was formed.

o Shopping is-- 99% of the time-- a prelude to armageddon.

o Male protagonists are always gigantic and muscular/athletic. They are so perfect in fact, that even Michelangelo would cry himself to sleep every night from wondering why he can't sculpt such a perfect specimen no matter how hard he tries.

Said specimen also posses these traits most of the time:

- indecisiveness
- idiocy/cluelessness
- "miraculous" insights
- excessive blushing/nosebleeding/noseblushbleeding
- a carefree smile
- a vocabulary full of generic kind words

Said qualities will then make every female in the universe so horny that they'll want to stick his dick inside every hole in their body every second of every day, because that makes perfect sense. Very sound logic. Absolutely no loopholes. This right here is the epitome of shallow, the bane of romance stories.

o Stories that have no subtlety, no finesse, no sense of personal space, and gets all up-in-your-face, then at the top of their lungs screams,

"OMG NARUTO/HARRY IS BESTEST SEXIEST GUY EVER!!! RIGHT?! RIGHT?!?! YOU AGREE WITH ME RIGHT, READER?!?! SEE HOW MANLY HE IS WITH ALL THOSE MUSCLES!!! LOOK! LOOK!! I!!! SAID!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OMG NARUTO/HARRY IS SUCH A PERFECT GENTLEMAN!!! LOOK HE WOULDN'T EVEN FUCK HER EVEN THOUGH HER BOOB'S IN HIS FACE, HER LEGS WRAPPED AROUND HIM AND GRINDING HER DRIPPING WET PUSSY TO HIS DICK!!! SO HONORABLE!!! SUCH A GENTLEMAN!!! HE IS SO NOBLE!!! THE PERFECT PARAGON OF VIRTUE THAT ALL MEN SHOULD STRIVE FOR!!! YOU SEE IT RIGHT?!?! YOU AGREE RIGHT, READER?!?! YOU'RE NOT BLIND RIGHT?!?! HERE! HERE! HERE! LOOK SOME MORE!!!!"

"OMG NARUTO/HARRY IS SO IN LOVE WITH HER!!! LIKE, LOOK HOW MUCH HE CARES FOR HER!!! SURELY HE WOULDN'T DO/SAY THAT IF HE DIDN'T LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!! THEY'RE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER FOR ETERNITY!!! OMG, YOU STILL CAN'T SEE IT READER?!?! ARE YOU BLIND?!?! I'M GONNA SCREAM LIKE A FUCKING BANSHEE UNTIL YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY'RE DESTINED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OMG POOR NARUTO/HARRY! OH WOE IS NARUTO/HARRY! POOR SWEET, INNOCENT, NARUTO/HARRY GETTING ABUSED. OH! OHH!! OHHHH!!!! BASH THIS! BASH THAT! BASH THESE MOTHERFUCKING TURDS! BASH THOSE ASSHOLES! YOU CAN SEE IT RIGHT, READER?!?! DON'T YOU AGREE WITH ME?! YOU AGREE WITH ME RIGHT?!?! RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH-IGHT?!?!?!?!?!?!"

With my eyebrows twitching, the veins in my forehead throbbing, I smile evilly at the monitor. "Ohohoho~ This story deserves to be trashed. I'mma gonna flame this bitch."

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Twins by Andrius reviews
Desperate for a Yule Ball date, Harry asks the eerie Carrow twins to go with him and Ron. Somehow the evening ends with both Flora and Hestia on his arms.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,933 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 2,120 - Follows: 1,129 - Published: 2/2/2020 - [Harry P., Flora C., Hestia C.] - Complete
Of Grandstanding And Misconceptions by Magery reviews
Raynare isn't a Fallen Angel. There's no such thing. She's just a teenaged girl with delusions of grandeur—and Issei is her long-suffering boyfriend.
High School DxD/ハイスクールD×D - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,320 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 350 - Follows: 162 - Published: 7/25/2018 - [H. Issei, Raynare] A. Asia - Complete
Avalon:First Order by FiendLurcher reviews
The long-separated lovers who reunited in Avalon awaken to the prologue of mankind's destruction. Prompted by the sight of Fuyuki in flames, they set forth to fight together once more.
Crossover - Fate/stay night & Fate/Grand Order - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 42,040 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 1,770 - Follows: 952 - Published: 9/26/2017 - Shirō E., Arturia Pendragon - Complete
Ben 10: Unlimited by The Incredible Muffin reviews
Ben Tennyson has lost everything. Now, in a new universe, he must decide: will he return to the role of hero? BenXSupergirl Based off of sandman7734's story. Complete! Sequel is up! Important announcement at the end! (Discontinued) NOW ADOPTED BY CHIDORIPRIME. Disregard announcements, story will remain, but still adopted.
Crossover - Justice League & Ben 10 - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 39 - Words: 240,908 - Reviews: 1431 - Favs: 2,607 - Follows: 1,570 - Updated: 4/28/2017 - Published: 6/23/2013 - Complete
Unexpectedly, a Fox Suddenly Arrives and Ruins his Peace by Copacetic Pessimism reviews
Hikigaya Hachiman is currently enjoying his peace as a second-year liberal arts student at Tokyo University until it all gets disrupted by a certain sly fox.
My Teen Romantic Comedy SNAFU/やはり俺の青春ラブコメはまちがっている - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 79,238 - Reviews: 275 - Favs: 652 - Follows: 568 - Updated: 12/27/2016 - Published: 3/20/2016 - Hachiman H., Hiratsuka S., OC, Iroha I. - Complete
Legacy by cr4zypt reviews
Madara's lineage did not end at the valley of the end. His legacy lived on through Minato and into Naruto. Sharingan Naruto. Strong/Godlike! Naruto. NaruHina. COMPLETE
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 69 - Words: 499,497 - Reviews: 6196 - Favs: 11,610 - Follows: 8,438 - Updated: 10/12/2015 - Published: 4/5/2013 - [Naruto U., Hinata H.] - Complete
Making History by Arcawolf reviews
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock has finally managed to take down a dragon, only to discover he doesn't have the stomach to kill it. So, he sets it loose and the dragon . . . flies away. That should be the end of it, but dragons have long memories, and destiny has a funny way of catching up to you. An AU in which Toothless never lost his tailfin.
How to Train Your Dragon - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 66,774 - Reviews: 1175 - Favs: 2,737 - Follows: 1,192 - Updated: 6/7/2014 - Published: 1/12/2014 - Hiccup, Toothless - Complete
Dreki Kyn by Arcawolf reviews
"You had never been Viking..." Sequel to Making History. Oneshot.
How to Train Your Dragon - Rated: K - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,180 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 1,685 - Follows: 450 - Published: 6/7/2014 - Hiccup, Toothless - Complete
However I Can Have You by ewarrior11 reviews
Sarah Kerrigan is about to leave Jim Raynor again, this time to wage war against an impossibly powerful foe. Some things haven't been said that need to be, and Jim Raynor intends to correct that. Sequel to "A Healing of Hurts". Takes place just after SC2: Heart of the Swarm. Please feel free to review!
StarCraft - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,352 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 17 - Published: 3/25/2013 - James R., Sarah K. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Champion's Champion by DriftWood1965 reviews
Harry allows Ron to compete for him in the tournament. How does he fare? This is a Harry/Hermione story with SERIOUSLY Idiot!Ron Bashing. If that isn't what you like, please read something else. Complete but I do expect to add an alternate ending or two.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 109,138 - Reviews: 4568 - Favs: 12,797 - Follows: 5,187 - Updated: 11/26/2010 - Published: 11/1/2009 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The Hill of Swords by gabriel blessing reviews
When Louise Valliere performed her summons for her familiar, she certainly didn't expect for it to be a human! Strangely enough, the boy she summoned, Shirou Emiya, didn't expect to get summoned so soon. He hadn't even died yet!
Crossover - Fate/stay night & Familiar of Zero - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 23 - Words: 356,642 - Reviews: 2852 - Favs: 9,144 - Follows: 4,194 - Updated: 11/17/2010 - Published: 7/18/2010 - Shirō E., Louise - Complete
My Apology by lord of the land of fire reviews
Lucy escapes without suffering head trauma. She has only one goal. To find the boy she loves and offer him an apology.
Elfen Lied - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,747 - Reviews: 264 - Favs: 411 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 10/19/2009 - Published: 3/17/2009 - Lucy / Nyu, Kohta - Complete
Promise on the Festival Night by lord of the land of fire reviews
Is your cousin a boy or a girl? A simple question, but one with grave importance to a lonely and abused young girl. A different answer leads the girl down a different path. But in the end, is there a place for someone like her in this world?
Elfen Lied - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 50,605 - Reviews: 469 - Favs: 644 - Follows: 206 - Updated: 3/2/2009 - Published: 12/22/2008 - Lucy / Nyu, Kohta - Complete
12 Days of Kigo by introvertedtiger reviews
KIGO. Kim and Shego show their friends and enemies how they celebrate the holidays. God have mercy on them all.
Kim Possible - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 41,853 - Reviews: 363 - Favs: 591 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 2/8/2009 - Published: 12/10/2008 - Kim P., Shego - Complete
Full Circle by NRGburst reviews
Twelve months of Cloti set between AC and DoC. Moving forward, one step at a time. Shortlisted for Best Het Romance in the 2008 Genesis Awards.
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 63,267 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 427 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 11/1/2008 - Published: 9/22/2007 - Cloud S., Tifa L. - Complete
Jealous Thoughts by JadeRent reviews
Ichigo's not jealous. He's just a...concerned friend. Just a cute IchiRuki oneshot. Rated T for what teenagers do, some swearing, and a bit of Renji bashing. I love the guy, but it's just so easy.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,162 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 554 - Follows: 65 - Published: 9/16/2007 - Ichigo K., Rukia K. - Complete