Here Ye! Here ye! It is time for the random musings of Lady Altaria!

Firstly: This link will take you to my MSN Space: lots of LotR pics and links to other good stories (though, I must confess, most of them lead right back to ff.net and all my friends!)

Stuff About Me!

Elvish Name:Altariel (Altaria sounds better though, I think)

Hobbit Name: Orangeblossom Took

Horoscope symbol...thing: Gemini

Birthday: June 4

Muses: Elladan & Elrohir

Languages I know: A little Quenya. And a little Sindarin. And soon, I'll start learning French.

My Favorite...

Author:Tolkien/Dennis McKeirnan/Tamora Pierce/Elizabeth Haydon/Janny Wurts

Books: The LotR Trilogy, The Voyage of the Fox Rider,The Eye of the Hunter,The Iron Tower, The Hobbit, Harry Potter 1-4, Strandia, The Immortals (quartet),The Circle of Magic (quartet), Song of the Lioness (quartet), The Silmarillion, Rhapsody, Prophecy, Destiny, Curse of the Mistwraith, The Ships of Merior, The Warhost of Vastmark, Fugitive Prince, Grand Conspiracy, Peril's Gate...(These aren't in order of favorites, just in series order, or the order I read tyhem in, or the order I remembered them in.)

Movies: LOTR, Bruce Almighty, Liar Liar, Pirates of the Caribbean, Raising Helen, Legally Blonde(1), Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Men in Black 2, Wild Wild West, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (real-person version), The 10th Kingdom, The Incredibles

Actors: Jim Carrey, Will Smith, Orlando Bloom, Viggo Mortensen, Billy Boyd, Sean Bean

Type of music: Country

Guy Singer: Paul Simon? Maybe. I'm not sure.

Girl Singer: Hmmm...I like Shania Twain.

Favorite songs: Dragostea Din Tei (Ozone), Respect (Aretha Franklin), and most anyhting by Paul Simon.

Animal: Big Cats (lions,leapards...), Eagles/Hawks, Horses, Dogs, Polar Bears.

Color: Greens, Blues, Purples

TV show: Simpsons

Lord of the Rings:

Favorite LOTR Characters: Legolas, Gimli, Eowyn, Elladan & Elrohir, Pippin, Galadriel, Aragorn, Eomer, Faramir, Sam (not in order)

Favorite Middle Earth Race: Elves! Then: Hobbits, Dwarves,The Rohirrim

Favorite Poem: All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither; deep roots are not touched by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken; a light from the shadowsshall spring; renewed shall be the blade that was broken; the crownless again shallbe king.

Favorite Song: Merry and Pippin's drinking song!

Favorite Valar: Mandos

Favorite Valier: Yavanna

Favorite Soundtrack: The Two Towers

Favorite Book: The Hobbit

Favorite Movie: The Return of the King

Symphony of the Ages (Rhapsody Trilogy):

Favorite Male Character: Achmed. Achmed Rules!

Favorite Female Character: Oelendra.

Most Hated Male Character: Hated is too strong a word for it, but Gwydion/Ashe/Sam. He just annoys me.

Most Hated Female Character: Anwyn.

Favorite Book: Destiny

Favorite Element: Water or Air.

Favorite Race: Hmm...Dhracian or Lirindarc (Lirin of the Forest). Liringlas and Firbolg come next.

Harry Potter:

Favorite Main Character: Hermione

Favorite Professor: Minerva McGonagall

Favorite Book: Harry Potter and the Gobletof Fire (4)

Favorite Animal: Fawks the Phoenix

Favorite Movie: Harry Potterand the Sorcerer's Stone (1)

House I Would Belong In: Ravenclaw

...I just read teh Half Blood prince. I don't think it's her best work.

Dennis McKiernan Books:

Favorite Book: The Voyageof the Fox Rider

Least Favorite Book: Into the Fire/Into the Forge.

Favorite Elf: Aravan

Favorite Warrow: Danner Bramblethorn. Or perhaps Faeril.

Favorite Mage: Alamar. He's such a lovable old coot.

Favorite Other: Aiko, from the Dragonstone

Favorite Place: Arden Vale

Tamora Pierce:

Favorite Tortall Series: The Immortals Quartet

Favorite Summersea Series: Circle of Magic

Favorite Character: Alanna. Her determination is almost inspiring, and nothing short of amazing. I also likes Tris, whose fiery temper makes her realistic (and a lot like me!).

Favorite Creature: Griffins.

Favorite place: Discipline Cottage. It seems so homey!

...I haven't read Trickster's Queen yet. I can't wait!

My Writing... I love writing. I may not be good at it, but I love it just the same. Bad grammar drives me crazy and so does not having proper punctuation,capitalization,etc. Because of the way I think and what I believe there are some things you will not find in my stories. They are...

--Slash. I personally think the fellowship is NOT gay. If you think they are that is your opinion. I think it's an honor thing personally but I digress...
--Really descriptive sex. I don't have enough experience (none) to know what I'm talking about. And since it's not something I plan on researching (through first hand experience or otherwise) it's not something I feel I can write about.
--Religion. This is a touchy subject. I don't have a religion. I believe in Science and Tolkien (JK!). Therefore that's what most of my characters will believe in.I'm sure beliving in God or Allah or whatever is great, I just don't.
--Huge amounts of profanity. I'll probably through in a bit here and there, but swearing isn't something I think you can do all the time. I don't. If you do, it loses it's meaning and effectiveness. Or the little it had to begin with.
--THE ULTIMATE MARY-SUE. You know what I mean. The ones that are daughters of gods with talking horses and every male in middle earth after her. The ones where she is the perfect warrior and is the most beautiful woman/elf/thing ever. Prettier than Arwen and Luthien. The ones that no matter how much they cry they just get prettier.Actually, any of the multiple types of mary suemake me shudder.They sicken me. Some of my stories are a bit Mary-Sueish (girl falls into middle earth type of things) but when it comes to actual mary-sues...I'd rather die.
That's all I can come up with for now. I will try to aviod huge amounts of blood and gore but a battle is a battle!

Other:

I love laughing and smiling and randomness. The funnier the better. These are some of my favorite jokes...

There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. They had just robbed a store and the police were after them. As they ran across a field the redhead says "Look! A barn! Let's hide in there!" So they did. They stashed the money under the hay and each one jumped into a big burlap bag. They were completely covered exept for a bit of their hair. Pretty soon the police walked in. One Policeman walked over to the sack with the redhead and kicked it. The redhead said "Meow, meow." The policeman said " It's just a bunch of farm cats." and moves on to the brunette's sack. When he kicks it she goes "woof, woof, bark." The policeman says "It's just a dumb dog." Then he moves on to the blonde's sack. He kicks it and she says "Potatoes, potatoes..."

A bear was walking through the woods when he came to a little clearing where a rabbit was eating. The bear walked up to the rabbit and said, "Hey, do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit said "No." Then the bear picked him up and wiped his butt. (A bit crude I know but hey! I nearly sprayed Pepsi out my nose when I heard it..."

Walking along the beach, a man finds a bottle. He rubs it and a genie appears."I'll grant you three wishes." the genie says. "There's just one condition. I'm a lawyer's genie, so for every wish you make, every lawyer in the world gets double." After thinking a moment, the man says, "For my first wish, I'd like $10,000,000." "Lawyers will get 20 million." the genie reminds him. "What else do you want?" "I'd love to have a red Porsche." Instantly the car appears on the beach. "What is your last wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says "Hey! I've got a drink named after you!" The grasshopper looks up, completely suprised. "You have a drink called Steve?"

a man was on an all day hiking trip in the mountains of Colorado, and it's about noon, when a blizzard blows in. So, he's out walking around, lost, for nearly a week. He was starving to death! So after a few more days, he sees a spotted owl. So he grabs a rock and throws it at it, killing it. He's about halfway through it when the ranger drives up. "My god man! You're eating a spotted owl! What's wrong with you? That's an endangered animal! There are only like seven left! That's a crime!" He says, writing out a ticket. "I'm going to have to see you in court." The ranger leads the man out of the forest and a week later he goes into the courtroom. The judge says, "Young man, that was a spotted owl! You ate an endangered species! That could be a twenty year sentence!" "Now wait just a minute!" the man said. "Let me explain! I was lost, and there was a blizzard! I had been out there for a week! I was starving to death! It's not like I had gone out specifically to eat a spotted owl! It was either me or him." "Well when you put it that way..." The judge said. "You'll just get a small fine. it was survival. But tell me, what did it taste like?" The man thoughht for a moment before answering. "it was a cross between a whooping crane and a bald eagle." (lol. Those are both endangered birds too, if you didn't know)

~~And now for my very favorite joke drum roll The best drum roll the funniest drum roll joke on this list! I (drumroll) give you (drum roll) the (drumroll) TURTLE JOKE!~~

These two turtles decide to go on a picnic. They spend several hours getting ready. They make the sandwitches, buy the beer, find the napkins, all that stuff. Soon everything is all packed and ready to go.And they're off! Two days later, the turtles find the perfect picnic spot. There were a bunch of trees and rocks and even a little stream. As the turtles unpack everything the first turtle says "We for got the bottle opener! We can't have beer without a bottle opener! And we can't can't have sandwitches without beer." the first turtle looked at the second turtle "You have to go get the bottle opener and fast!" The second turtle said "I don't have to get it! You should! Besides once I leave you'll eat all the sandwitches!" the first turtle said "I won't eat all the sandwitches! I'll wait for you. But you have to hurry!" The second turtle thinks for a minute then nods his head and starts off. Nine days later... The first turtle said to himself, "How come he hasn't come back yet? It only should have taken 4 days, not nine! I'm starving! I'll have to eat the sandwitches. I know I said I wouldn't, but I'll die if I don't" The first turtle reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a sandwitch. He took one bite and then...the second turtle jumped out from behind a rock and said "I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WOULD EAT THE SANDWITCHES!"

You might not think those are funny at all, but then again,you might find them as funny as I do. If you have heard a really good joke e-mail it to me I and if I like it I'll put it on here.They don't have to be politically correct but try to keep it relatively clean. So, no jokes that someone would be embarrassed to read! I hope one of the jokes at least made you smile!
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My Favorite Authors

THECheeseTurkey- May Randomness and Hilarity abound!All Bow to the Queen of the Cheese! As she rules with a firm hand and merry heart from the cheese castle with the help of her pet elf, Legolas!BEWARE THE GROOVE! LOL so this is my opinion on MissTheCheeseTurkey...she rules! She writes exactley what I like and what we all occasionally need...HILARITY! RANDOM OOCness! Everything from magical talking forks to elves with pink hair. I love it. Check it out! And be sure to read the disclaimers!

Cryptically Bitter Sanguine-Insanity with a touch of reality in her Aren't you supposed to be Cardboard and it looks like Dude where's my Coffee will go the same way. I haven't read all of her stories but what I have read is excellent! Two thumbs up! Oh and beware of the name change. I swear she changes her pen name every other week. I will try to keep her name up to date but if I get behind (something that is very,very possible) just check my favorite author page.

Aragornwriter-Normally I like laugh out loud funny. But when I need something angsty, sad, or some type of horrific...thing (like I Want More or Irreverence) she is one of the people I turn to. Darkness fills her stories. Mainly about Aragorn,Legolas,Arwen,or Elrond, the stories I've read are fantastic. Positively fantastic.

Ky the Irish Pikey-Another one of my Darkness writers. Angst, suspense, torture...stories not for the weak at heart. Meeting in the Woods and Under the Morning Moon are my favorites by her. It's about how Aragorn and Legolas met and how they became friends for life. Leggy torture seems to be her specialty, and while it sounds a tad bit gross, she does everything with amazing detail and moving dialogue. She is well worth the read.

tongue in cheek scribe- A round of applause for Miss tongue in cheek scribe! A big round of applause. Her stories are absolutely, positively hilarius! The ego oplympics- who is the best elf around? Haldir or Legolas? Middle Earth World- and we all thought Aragorn was intelligent! The MarySue chronicles- Not really about a mary sue, but when Manwe drags a girl into middle earth what's going to happen? No wait, let me rephrase that.. when Manwe drags a girl WITH A GIGANTIC TEMPER into Middle earth what's going to happen to the MIrkwood? Or, more importantly, Legolas? Anyway, her stories are very, very good.

BoromirDefender- HA! MURDER THE SUES! She hates mary sues and loves Boromir, so watch out! I love this author. Very funny.

Reasonably crazy- OMG! She is one of the funniest writers I have ever had the priveledge of reading (her and thecheeseturkey) She writes secret diaries with NO slash (talk about awsome!), an adorable Christmas story (A very Merry and Pippin Crhistmas) which I am anxoiusly awaiting the next chapter of, and a girl sucked into ME story (main characters name-Elena, talk about ironic) which is totally different and awsome. She is also a reviewer! My reviewers rule!

princess-yumin: AHH! HIDE ME! This author is wonderful! Her story The Color Of Distress gave me nightmares for a week. Not my usual funny story. This author scares the crap out of me. EXCELLENT! Most excellent! The author to read if you ever need a good scare or just something to make your blood run cold. I know mine did. Very, very, scary. (gets mental image of legolas...wait! can't tell you! that's the best part! you'll have to read it!)

Roseoftheworld- Excellent author! I love all her LOTR stories. She can do anything from scare the living daylights out of you (The Feeling of Death) to make you laugh so hard you fall off your computer chair (The cellar incident, Hey! Who thought that, Just a peaceful day on Valinor) to just plain freak you out (Some Secrets, Learn to count..., Dreams)She rocks!

Sheep- Scary! Scary scary! Or maybe triple creepy. Or at least her LotR story is. I'm not a big fan of yu-gi-oh. Anyway, the fact that history repeats itself is scary enough by itself, but what if LotR repeated itself? My response to that: Holy crap! Wasn't it hard enough the first time? The poor fellowship... Her story is detailed (and graphic, hence the R rating) and superbly done, and it flows effortlessly. Very good (and scary!).

Jay of lasgalen- sniff, sniff I only recently discovered this author and she is excellent! I love her stories. They make me cry. sniff, sniff, blows nose. I cried harder reading two of her stories than I have cried this past year! I don't cry easily, but this author is extremely moving. Her Elrohir&Elladan stories especially. Jay rules! Now where did my kleenex go?

Crecy: Crecy rocks! Her insanity doesn't even begin to describe it had me shaking the housse with my laughter. And Eleniel-daughter of the stars is good, sad (a little) but good, and her story about the two twins (I don't remember the title) had me cursing Raven until I was blue in the face! (stupid, fat Raven! Stupid, fat, tricksey Ravenses,yes, we hates the Ravenses doesn't we precious?) lol. Very emotional and very funny author. Plus she's a reviewer! I love my reviewers!

lilpippin: Writes two stories that I particularly like, she had me in tears during both. I love it I love it I love it! Excellent! Very sad. Not as sad as some of Jay's (see above) but definitly very very sad. Excellent author!

Hiei-Rulez: LOL. Writes some very random stories which are absolutely hilarious. I discovered this when I sprayed hot chocolate all over my keyboard yesterday. Anyway, she's very funny and her stories flow well, I especially enjoy Therapy with the Authoress, and I LOVE the psychotic cat with the machete! Any cat with a machete is alright with me. Read her stories if you need a good laugh. Very very good authoress!

...I will try to put a bit about all my favorite authors here. They're my fav for a reason! But I'm a busy person and might get behind so, if your on the favorite author list but I don't say anything nice about you wait a few days. It will come.

Namarie,
Lady Altaria