Hello. I'm a wannabe writer IRL, who is using fanfiction to hone his mediocre skills.

Warning: my fanfics and their summaries will contain spoilers for the stories they are based on. You have been warned.

I'm sorry to get on my high horse...well, sorry for you guys, as I am actually happy on said high horse, but I have a few pet peeves about some things I see in some stories. So, if you'll listen, I'll pontificate. Or rant, if you prefer.

Also, if you PM me or leave reviews that are about one or more of these things (mostly updating stories or sending story ideas), then I will assume you haven't read this profile, and react accordingly.

Bad spelling, punctuation, formatting and grammar: Well, goes without saying. Now, I don't mind occasional grammatical mistakes, but when it gets beyond a certain point, it distracts from what can be an otherwise really enjoyable story. There's more than a few fanfics I love that are hampered by that. Overly long sentences, no commas, zero punctuation (not Yahtzee-style)...you get the idea. Get your act together, and make sure that mistakes are minimal. Quick tip? Use a word processor program first, preferably one with a spellcheck, and also be careful about what homonyms you use and where. Don't know what a homonym is? Look it up.

Signposting flashbacks: Of course you should make it clear somehow that you've gone back in time, but that's nothing some tinkering around with tenses and using italics can't help. This is a minor peeve, really, but it does get irritating.

Signposting POV Changes: If you're writing in the third person, you don't need to do this. Just be clear who you are writing from the point of view of, unless the story dictates that you obscure this. If you're shifting POVs in a first person-style work, you're either insane, or inspired. If you're shifting between third person and first person, well...it can work if you do it well. Charles Dickens did it in Bleak House. But keep in mind that, although he wrote many of his stories in instalments like you and I are doing on this site, he's on a whole different level to us. BTW, Bleak House contains one of my least favourite characters: I want to throttle Harold Skimpole.

Bashing and Deconstruction: This may seem odd, as many of my favourite fanfics here include a significant amount of character bashing. Of course, just because a fanfic has bashing doesn't mean I automatically hate it. But I seem to see too much of it, and it seems to go hand in hand with deconstruction, along with what some people think is deconstruction (but is just making things arbitrarily darker and edgier). Taking, for example, the Harry Potter series, you see a lot, especially of Ron and Dumbledore. Yes, these characters have their faults. But I don't see as often as I should reconstruction, that is, taking these flaws, acknowledging them, and making these characters better despite these flaws. I have to wonder, when I see these bashing fics, whether the people who wrote them ever enjoyed reading Harry Potter in the first place, because if they did, they still seem to be taking a disturbing delight in taking the characters apart, and rather brutally.

That being said, I wrote a large number of fics with bashing (let the howls of 'Hypocrite!' commence). I hope they will be entertaining enough, though.

Needlessly Detailed Description: Done right, this can be enjoyable. But being more laconic with your descriptions is better than painstakingly describing every single bloody detail. Like, for example, what someone is wearing, describing each and every item of clothing down to the stitching. Or, and this is a particular peeve of mine, the breast size of female characters. Don't use things like 'C-Cup' or 'D-Cup'. Try words like 'buxom', or 'well-endowed'. Going into details about such things is definitely TMI. And the less said about many a lemon in fanfic, the better.

"Please Update Soon" and variations thereof in reviews or PMs: I am writing to my timetable, not yours. It's nice to be appreciated, but even so, being told to write more chapters will not make me write faster. I don't care how nice it is, either. I will update when I am ready, and not before, and having messages sent to me puts unnecessary pressure on me to write more, pressure that just makes me freeze. Please stop putting that in reviews, and STOP SENDING ME PRIVATE MESSAGES EITHER! NEVER ask me to update a particular story sooner. It might WILL actually deter me from writing further chapters. If a story hasn't been updated for some time, it's on hiatus until I say it's abandoned.

TL;DR version: Never ask me when a new chapter of a story is coming out, or I won't write it.

Complaints about my annotations and notes: It's how I write fanfiction. I have had enough of people complaining about them. And they're NOT going away any time soon. So put up, or shut up.

Requests for stories, submitting unsolicited challenges or asking for help on a story: While on occasion I have accepted requests, these are exceptions rather than rules. As with asking for credit at bars and places like that, do not ask in the first place, for refusal may offend. I write on my terms. Not yours. If by a remote chance your idea does inspire me, then I will give you due credit, but it's better not to ask in the first place. I WILL GET ANGRY. Same for people asking me for help with their stories: I am NOT a good sounding board, I have enough trouble with my own fics. If you PM me without reading my profile, and you get an angry response, that is entirely your fault for not reading my profile.

This also includes sequels to works I've completed. And never ask me if you can adopt a fic. I will say no. I will write a sequel when I want to, and I will never adopt out stories. Any demands, requests, or even PMs saying they'd like to see a sequel will be treated with utter contempt.

Criticizing my story choices: Whether I use a fanfiction cliche like bashing, or keep to the rails of an established franchise's storyline, or shipping certain characters, it is my choice to make what direction I take in a story. I am the author of these fanfics, and I am getting sick and tired of people leaving reviews making out that they know how to write a story better. I write fanfics to be entertaining first and foremost, and if you're not entertained or you don't enjoy it, then leave. And frankly, do not review. There's constructive criticism, and then there's being an elitist who enjoys putting down others. Or being a troll. Guest reviews that flame me and my works will be automatically deleted, treated with the utter contempt they deserve. Anyway, guest reviewers have no right to criticise how I do a story. If you don't write, you have no leg to stand on. This also goes for people who think I should be concentrating on my earlier stories. If I don't have the motivation to do more chapters, then I cannot write them. And don't get me started on idiots who are obsessed with certain pairings, either demanding them or demeaning them.

TL;DR version: Don't EVER tell me what to write. Don't like? Don't read, and don't leave a review.

My challenges are on the forums of DZ2, whitetigerwolf, and Gabriel Herrol. If you want story ideas, try those places...and if you want to bring story ideas to my attention, post them as challenges there.

https://www.fanfiction.net/myforums/DZ2/1931089/

https://www.fanfiction.net/myforums/whitetigerwolf/2016872

https://www.fanfiction.net/myforums/Gabriel-Herrol/1009234/

I've removed my fanfic and stats listings. They took up too much space...

An authorised translation of Verdant Magic in Spanish can be found here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13520329/1/Verdant-Magic-Traducci-Autorizada

DECEMBER MASS UPDATE:

The World is Not Enough (new story)

My Sister's Keeper

200 Years, A Long Wait for Friends

40 Thieves? I Just Need One Wizard!

Zirael ui Dewin

Unique Skill: Obscurus

Virtus et Scientia

Oskmey

Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus

The Cauldron

Hope you enjoy my fanfics! Please leave a review if you've enjoyed them, or have constructive criticism (as opposed to flaming, which will get any guest reviews doing so AUTOMATICALLY deleted, or criticising my choices in how I do the story). Oh, and if any of you guys like my stories, and contribute to TV Tropes, feel free to either do Fanfic Recs, or else start pages to my stories.