I have no stories on this site. Please read my lovely fictionpress story, The Omnipotence Draught. It owns your mother. I stole that line from Sarah. linkety link: www.fictionpress.com/~rebelauthoress And now Kyle has the link, so feel special Kyle
URGENT UPDATE: ROSEMAIDEN'S NEW FIC INTENDED TO BASH ME
Just recently, a story was posted by RoseMaiden a fanfiction author who USED to be a friend of mine. It was a Yugioh oneshot that relates very little to Yugioh, and consists mostly of pointless friction between a bitchy heroin and her annoying classmate. The annoying classmate is based on me and the entire story was designed for the sole purpose of bashing me. Luckily RM is such a crappy writer that it was simply hilarious. In the process of bashing me RoseMaiden took it upon herself to bash almost every single one of my school friends most of which she has never met (and trust me this shows in the fic: they're even more OOC than I am which says something).
Things I love about this story
I love how because I pissed off RoseMaiden I am now a prep and so is everyone who hangs out with me because the world has always been divided into good people and preps.
I love how RM took out her anger with me on the clique that I stopped hanging out with three months before RM stopped being my friend.
I love how RM dragged my boyfriend into it and made him dump me at the end.
I love how the mecharacter had a total mental breakdown after said boyfriend dumped me as my feminism apparently evaporated the moment RM stopped being my friend.
I love how the only two people she actually physically described were me and Icy Pheonix because were the only people she's actually seen.
I love how she spelled "clique" c-l-i-c-k throughout the entire story.
I love how, in her story me-character's "click" took on the name "YECART" (Young Enemies of Caring Artistic Rebel Teens), which is my name spelled backwards.
I love how my "click" is supposedly taking over the main characters life even though RM doesnt go to my school and therefore even when I did hang out with them most of the people RM accuses of trying to control her didnt know she existed. I dont know if she's flattering herself or has merely gone completely and totally insane.
I love how she made Ray the girl based on Icy Pheonix, do no more wrong than stand there and glare rudely at the main character, as she had nothing else to pin on her.
I loved how the fic was titled "Short Story" proving that RM has not an original bone in her body. Would you title a fanfic "The Fanfiction"?
RM if you're reading this I truly enjoyed "Short Story". It was a marvelous piece of fiction.
Ok, now for the actual bio stuff.
I'll start with the basics.
Looks: Tall-ish and built like an asparagus. I have light brown hair and lots of it, brown eyes, glasses, braces, and DROP DEAD GORGEOUS ELBOWS! MY ELBOWS ARE SEXY! My nose is sexy too. It takes up exactly 1/3 of my face. IN YOUR FACE, ORLANDO BLOOM!
Likes: chocolate, candy, ice-cream, basically anything that satisfies my sweet-tooth, writing, reading, music, Phantom of the Opera, my friends, anything or anyone who can make me laugh, anything or anyone who laughs at MY jokes, the internet, The Luggage, my English teacher, bringing immense joy by showering good fanfiction authors with praise, people with KICKASS self-esteem like mine, hilarious inside jokes, the fact that my elbows are sexier than yours, the color green, personality quizzes, the Whitney Houston song that's playing at this very moment, and my favorite jeans
Dislikes: people with no sense of humor, rap, intolerance in any way-shape-or-form, the grade I got on my civil war journal, The Bin in my closet, General McClellan, my locker, people who put themselves down (especially if they're doing it to fish for compliments), the cold, dresses that make me look like a pineapple, Paris Hilton, Smedley-non-veggie-givers, chain letters, people who hold endless grudges over nothing, people who scare me by coming up behind me when I least expect it, HieixKurama fanfiction pairings, and that Sketchers ad with Christina Aguilera in it ("wear Sketchers, so you, too, can lean on a car with your ass in the air as your other personality arrests you")
Biggest Weakness: I'm ticklish. Really ticklish. You can tickle me without even touching me. Just the sight of the pokey finger approaching my ribs makes me clutch my sides and shriek in protest and hysteria.
Personality: spastic and hyper. I laugh easily and am hard-put to stop giggling once I start. I have kickass self-esteem and YOU SHOULD TOO!
If any of you read the stuff written by these authors, you will be my hero because most people just ignore these things. But be warned: flame my friends, especially Icy Pheonix, and you will be shot. If you survive, you will be shot again. And again. And again. And again. WHY WON'T YOU DIE ALREADY?
Writers I'm a Fan Of:
Aurelia Lothlorien (she wrote a terrific AU Inuyasha fic, but she hasn't updated since the CLIFFHANGER SHE GAVE US IN MARCH 2003! Grr!)
Hikari loves Kurama (How can a fangirl be such a good writer? It's mind-boggling! I love all her stories.)
MizuCrystal (Her Inuyasha story BodyGuards was unbelievable. Simply unbelievable. You are doing yourself a grave injustice if you do not read it. Also, Lady Of The Night is fabulous.)
The Masked Mistress (A Legend Known, With a Twist, is a masterfully original AU Inuyasha fic in which the characters take on the roles of characters from Beauty and the Beast. The casting is marvelous, and she's a great writer)
GroovyBananas (GroovyBananas gets the Creative Name award, and also the Funniest Harry Potter Fic award. Any Harry Potter fans who love to laugh simply MUST read The Eternal Search for the Lads' Toilet. I have also started reading The Confessions of Lilly Evans, and it is SO funny! Partly because it reminds me so much of mine and my friends struggles with boredom. It's so realistic and so hilarious that you just have to read it! I also love Confessions Of A Teenage Psychopath, which is a mediator fic making fun of Paul.)
Icy Phoenix (another close friend. What Happened To My Life is absolutely brilliant, and she's a terrific writer. Kickass sense of humor. Her other, more recent story, Kara is also brilliant. It's about a Klepto O.o When I said 'flame my friends and you DIE' that applies to Icy Pheonix. She handles criticism very well, but that doesn't mean the people who flame her don't have to answer to me.)
Jak Stark (he is a friend of mine from school. His story is very good; it's a humor fic that has Kurama on pot, Yusuke forced to baby-sit, and Hiei coerced into teaching people how to get over their anger.)
SecondLord: (another friend from school, though not this year, as she is older than I... She's a very talented writer engaged in a highly promising romantic fic with a Kag/Sess pairing. PLEASE READ IT.)
SilentViolence (Icy Phoenix's little brother, and my favorite gremlin lol. If you don't like violence, don't read his story. Hold on, if you don't like violence, why are you reading MY story? Don't flame him either, because even though he hurt my feelings when he almost put his head through a wall to avoid hugging me, I still like his story alot and I owe it to him to defend him from all the nasty flamers the way I defend his sister.)
Suicidal Hitomi (utterly hilarious friend from school, has two fics up, One Piece and Escaflowne, neither of which I actually follow. but her One Piece fic has peeps from my school in it -including me, though I only have two lines -and so I understand it perfectly. You probably won't. It's an inside joke. For God's sake, read it anyways!)
Somewhere In Between, aka People I E-Mail But Have Never Met:
Kumaru Yeoman (My dear clone! lol. Cruel and Unusual Punishment will make you laugh until you cry, as will You Think WHAT? C&UP is sort of on hold right now because she's in the middle of moving, but there are enough chaps to keep you busy.)
DJ Werrwulf (A great writer, though he never writes about anything that I watch :-P A great person to talk to. Rock Steady, DJWerrwulf!)
Cetesy (She specializes in Marauder's era Harry Potter fics, and her stories Playing Nice, Loving Sirius Black: My Diary, and 101 Ways To Be Rejected are all AWESOME! She has a terrific sense of humor.)
All other people I was too lazy to babble about are on my favorites' list.
Me & People I Know
“Muahhaha, feel the hate!” Gina
“Is that the POPE?” Sarah (pointing at old guy walking past a statue outside a church, about a week after the pope died)
“That thing’s smart. I don’t like it.” Kyle J.
“One of the advantages to shopping with girls rather than guys is that you don’t have to tell girls not to eat the bubbles.” Me
Me: “Stop mocking girl power!” (Hits Kyle J.) “Ow, I hurt my wrist! I’m pathetic…”
“With Jak, it’s never a question of where. It’s a question of when.” Kyle K.
“Jak has an ice cube! RUNAWAY!” Kyle J.
“I thought it was just bad when your insides explode.” Gina
“I will die young and enjoy what I eat.” Jak
“I can’t spell in three different languages!” Fish
“You can’t spell ‘Caucasian’ without ‘Asian’!” Tyler
“I wish that I could jump like a lemur.” Tyler
“Now push it into the ground from the bottom, because if you push from the top the wood will crack and you’ll get a splinter and die.” Mr. Wendizzle
“Poetry, ladies and gentlemen, comes from the soul. Some of you however HAVE NO SOUL!” Mrs. L.
“The problem is that the wires are getting tripped by everyone’s BIG FEET! I want those feet amputated by Monday!” Mrs. L.
“Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.” Jim
“All the other poets were adhering to rules about rhyme and syllables….but Walt Whitman said BLEAH!” Mrs. L.
“I’m crispier than you!” Emily
“Eet moor human souls.” The cows on the billboard that Sarah and I planned to create
“Girl power!” Me and Kyle J.
“Whoo-ha, cloudy!” Jeff
“Well I’m glad my abdominal pain brought you joy.” Me
“Your father wasn’t a dumb jock! If he didn’t get good grades, how would he have gotten a full wrestling scholarship?” My Mom
“What do you want me to write? ‘Thank you for not beating us within an inch of our lives, you are a crucial part of God’s Great Plan; we hope you can take up some more space in the near future?’” Nick
“I just professed my love to a piece of wood.” Me
“MIBS!” SilentViolence, aka Gremlin
“There is a monster in room 507 that eats submissions and Penn and Ink members. For our sake, please send submissions.” Albert
“I don’t believe in butter.” Emily
“You’ve been attacked by a Goth-in-a-box. Have a nice day!” Lera
“He’s not yaoi, he’s just ugly.” Lera
“I’m so quotable I hurt myself!” Lera
“I can do it! I am macho-woman!” Gina
"Bitch what!" Jessey
"Oh damn, oh damn, we're all gonna die, oh damn." Jessey
"DON'T LISTEN!" Jessey
"Underpants-head." Icy Pheonix
"What's worse than Angry Bob? Angry Bob with torches!" Gina
"That analogy reminds me of a clam I once tried to pry open when I went to the beach with my mother. I tugged and tugged, finally breaking part of its shell. It was then when I fully understood how much clams dislike having their shells broken. I remember it peeking out that tongue like body and looked around, and when it spotted me, it rather lunged. Of course, my chubby legs couldn’t outrun this amazing clam, and it leaped up to chomp on my ear. Quite hard. My mom heard me screaming, and came to pry it off, but even she could not pry it off, so we had to cut our visit short to get the doctor. I had needed a tetanus shot, and the evil clam had to be put to sleep before it could be tugged off. I remember my satisfaction at seeing the needle penetrate it’s fragile, evil body; hearing it’s last breath… 'You…will…pay…'"-Icy Pheonix's lead character Katrina, in What Happened To My Life? lol, that will go down in history.
Anonymous (aka unknown or some random t-shirt)
“Three wise women would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the baby, brought a casserole, given practical gifts, and helped clean the stable. Then there would be peace on earth.”
“Strangers have the best candy.”
"Sometimes, when I'm lying in my bed at night, gazing up at the stars, I wonder... where the hell is my roof?"
“I used to have superpowers, but my therapist took them away.”
“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.”
“I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.”
“Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.”
“I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.”
“Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.”
“You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.”
“Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.”
“I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.”
“God must love stupid people; He made so many.”
“They call it PMS because ‘mad cow disease’ was already taken.”
“Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.”
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade and then throw it in the face of the guy who gave you lemons when you asked for oranges.”
“When life gives you limes, ask for lemons and then squirt them in people’s eyes.”
“The newscaster is the guy who says ‘good evening’ and then tells you why it isn’t.”
Stolen From Other People’s Bios (many thanks to all the people I stole from for not reporting me. Don't be insulted; be flattered. BE FLATTERED, DAMNIT.)
“I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.”
“If you can keep your head when all those about you are loosing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.”
“When things are going badly, they will get worse. When things are as bad as they can possibly get, the impossible will happen. And when things appear to be getting better, you have probably overlooked something.”
“If you're a vegetarian, does that mean you can’t eat animal crackers?”
“Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.”
“Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girl's are made of; the hell with sugar and spice.”
“STRESS: A condition brought on by over-riding the bodies desire to choke the living daylights out of some jerk that desperately deserves it.”
“They say the truth will set you free. But then why is it that every time I tell the truth I get sent to my room?”
"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."
"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't know how to spell anonymous"
"I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes stuck in my nose."
"Behind every good man there is a good woman and behind that another man looking at her ass."
“It takes 42 muscles to smile; so instead pick up your middle finger and say bite me in a bitchy tone!”
“A friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be somewhere else”
“Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans”
"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died."
“As you slide down the banister of life, may your ass collect many splinters.”
“One day your prince will come; mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.”
“Silence is Golden, but shouting is fun.”
"Anybody here who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand."
"Humans are like slinkies, they're useless in the long run but it always brings such joy to watch one tumble down the stairs"
"My favorite word starts with F and ends in UCK my favorite word is Firetruck what did you think I'd say."
"The glass is neither half empty nor half full, it's twice as large as it needs to be _"
"When life gives you lemons...wait for it...wait for it...squirt it in someone’s eyes and run like hell!"
“I am not short! ...I'm vertically challenged.”
"I'm coughing up my toes."
"Men are nice, but I do not need one. Kind of like an electric can opener."
"We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and that annoys me."
"If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song."
"If you’re in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they're thinking, you can throw a real hand grenade at them."
“How do we tell them not to put my body near an oven?” Yusuke
“No one gave you permission to die! You got hit by a car! Strong people live through that!” Atsuko
Kuwabara: On my last test, I scored a... 7!
“I don't want you to think I'm weird or anything, but please, just kiss me!” Yusuke
Kurama: All this time we thought you were a brilliant strategist. In reality, you're just a lucky fool.
Rando: How are you doing?
“It smells girly. I don't think I like it” Kuwabara
Yusuke: Oh sure, and be a tough guy like you and be obsessed with kittens!
Kuwabara: What if he loses and we get booted from the tournament?
(Kuwabara is talking to himself)
Kuwabara: That is unbelievable. I mean I can't believe we missed the entire fight just because I took a couple extra minutes to brush my teeth.
Yusuke: So that's how you treat the guy that wins the whole Dark Tournament! (imitating Kuwabara) "Thanks for savin' my life and all pal but my sandwich is just to damn good!"
Botan: To bad Hiei's not here. We could use his Jagan Eye to find himself
Genkai: “If you had used that lump three feet above your butt you would've held on to your soul.” (looks at Hiei) “make that two feet for you.”
Yusuke to Kuwabara: “You're like an ugly singer with a good voice, best for backup”
Yusuke (to Sniper): “What did you do to me?”
Hiei: I know as much of games as I do of hugs and puppies, and care even less. Wake me for the end of the world.
“Tell me, how does it feel to live in a constant haze of stupidity.” -Hiei To Kuwabaka
“I thought I was crazy, Urameshi, but you'll take the prize. The hell was that? You don't make bombs go boom in your face!” - Jin
“In other words, you're death was a complete and utter waste.” - Botan
“You're a real team player. A save-the-day super-hero. I hate people like you.” - Hiei
"...like phosphorescent...bread crumbs." Kurama
"Guy saves the world, still has to do algebra...Makes sense."-Yusuke
"Hey I just got back from Grandma's evil boot camp, don't you think I need a vacation?"-Yusuke
“…and then you’re all paranoid: we’re all gonna die, don’t drink the water, there’s anthrax in my bagel…” Luke (Gilmore Girls)
Donna: “Don’t worry; someone will stab Eric.”
Red: “Eric, bad things don’t happen to you because you’re bad luck. Bad things happen to you because you’re a dumbass.”
“Friends do not grunt!” Kitty (That 70s Show)
“I don’t really want to share my feelings. I don’t think I have feelings.” Red
“Hey, there’s only room for one creepy pervert in this group!” Fez
Bender (Breakfast Club): “That’s impossible. It’s in Brian’s underwear, sir.”
"Ohshitohshitohshit I'mgonnadieI'mgonnadieI'mgonnaDIE!" Rincewind (Terry Pratchett's Discworld series)
"If complete and utter chaos were lightening, Twoflower would be the type to stand on top of a mountain in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armor and yelling 'all God's are bastards'" Rincewind
"In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded." Terry Pratchett