Author has written 5 stories for Evangelion, Harry Potter, and Code Geass.
Passion(s) or pasttime(s): reading, wandering, working/playing on a computer, occasionally scanlating a manga, lurking on IRC...
It might be late to post this piece, but you can never do too many things for the sake of clarity and closure. As I imagine many of you have guessed, I'm practically standing with both feet out of the fanfiction playground, not having posted anything new for a couple of years already.
There are many reasons for this dereliction and recent events have sealed the deal on what was inexorably becoming an inevitability.
- Real life being the mother of all b*es. My own father passed away in 2009 and ever since...I must confess I utterly lost the drive to write. I just couldn't conjure the resolve to return to my keyboard and resume work on the series I had started.
- Profession/studies: I graduated last year and am currently looking for a job, which is no small or easy task. This shears more than a few hours off the time I can dedicate to composing series and continuing those already started.
- Literary evolution: I tried, shortly before my father passed away, to rewrite The Beast Inside, both as an impromptu literary workout and as a genuine attempt to "purify" it from its infantile flaws. It was, after all, the first story I had ever written, and my English (my mothertongue, but no longer my first language) had gotten terribly rusty. Ironically, though, it got better when my parents forced me to read both Harry Potter (snicker) and Lord of the Rings (reading that will give you an irresistible desire to adopt a much better, refined prose...at the risk of becoming increasingly grandiloquent, archaic-sounding and unnecessarily convoluted). I just...couldn't continue past the first chapter...the experience was so horrible I almost tore my facial muscles to ribbons. Some of my later (and unpublished) stories delved into the realm of first-person narration and featured a slightly lighter writing style, but I just never found them mature, complete or well-developed enough for me to submit them here, even as teasers or one-shots. The more I tried pruning annoying literary tendencies from my own style, the more aware I became of these flaws; I tried to do away with the excess flourish, but I kept reverting back to my old bad habits...and there were days I just couldn't summon the dynamic flow I used in preceding paragraphs, creating large swaths of discontinuity in quality. It's quite frustrating: you start a whole new story with dozens of passages and dialogues that earn your own, heartfelt approval and...two, three chapters down the line, you sense your tale devolving into something unoriginal, awkward...forced. I just couldn't deal with that--it felt like getting...cheap, for lack of a better description. It also didn't help when my own thirst for detail and realism invariably began to overload my prose, turning it rigid and technical, and ultimately ruining the whole atmosphere. It's a bad habit I need to shake off, and I'm not sure I can ever grow out of it, at least without constantly editing my own writing (like this very text, for example! I must've edited it three-four times to purge it from all the literary dead weights!).
- Plot issues. My own stories often cornered me into dilemmas and inconsistencies, especially with my Harry Potter series. Over time, I found myself greatly dissatisfied with the way I wrote them, not to mention the rough roadmaps I had outlined for them. Some basic ideas started venturing into implausible territory. In retrospect, most of these fics were nothing short of childish...and everyone always craves something better. Unfortunately, desires do not necessarily rhyme with reality and practicality. That's what happened with the Code Geass story I had started not too long ago: I was well into chapter two when I started questioning a certain key scene that should have given more flesh to Lelouch's character. The more I dissected the scene to test its plausibility and see whether it fitted within the larger context, the clumsier-looking it became. Loss of satisfaction eventually scuttled the entire second chapter, leaving me with two halves of a story and one large hole that I really struggled to refill. This hurdle nevertheless gave birth to a much-needed moment of introspection, and I ended up dissatisfied with my own vision of the series.
- Lack of interest. People change; that's an unavoidable, inevitable fact. I still frequently visit FFN to read and discover more stories (and take a break from the real, dead-tree novels that are dangerously overcrowding my own bookshelves), but I've lost my original passion for writing. I moved on to other things. For one, I took up computer programming and web technologies and am currently charging up on those areas of professional knowledge. Now, to be truthful, I have always returned -at least once- to previous hobbies, so I can -more or less safely- say that in the future, yes, I'll write again...but I'm not sure whether I'll post here again. I have since learned to write and keep the chapters (even those 100% completed) unpublished until I have become 100% satisfied with the larger picture, and there are some half-written stories still awaiting my attention, idling away on my hard drives. I'll see to them when I'll have once again marshaled the creativity, the enthusiasm and the time to commit myself to the world of fanfiction. In the meantime, I'm sorry to say this, but consider all of my published stories dead and buried with no chance of resurrection; I've had more than enough time to take a long, hard look back at them and deem the whole lot no longer worth continuing/overhauling.
If you enjoyed my stories prior to reading this, then from the bottom of my heart, thank you. The pleasure was mine, in spite of my writing's immaturity.
If you didn't, then I'm afraid you'll be the only one left to care about that.
I'll be moving on, as an author, but I'll always remain a reader.
We'll meet again, hopefully under better auspices.
(25 June, 2011)
(revised for grammar and fluidity in Oct. 2013 and Feb. 2014)
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