hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 07-20-15, id: 6955161, Profile Updated: 08-05-22
Author has written 30 stories for Harry Potter.

Here I am. Just Trollin' Around. Unlike certain other authors, I consider a fine trolling to be like a good wine -- something you can enjoy with or without understanding the poking fun.

To trolls who are writing stuff in reviews: The ones to The Floating World are fun. You got the poetry, and ran with it. The rest are long and copy-n-paste. If you're going to troll, try harder, dammit!

I figured I ought to state, for the record, that I never troll in reviews. You're getting my heartfelt opinion, like it or leave it. I do, having looked at a number of human beings in my day, find it rather implausible to have someone able to be both freckled and tanned to a golden bronze. Those are two different skin types.

Story Blurbs (for the people who weren't taken in by the ones in the stories page. Slight spoilers below):

Nobody Ever Asked My Birthday -- a fun story that starts from a "what if", and very quickly becomes "How many puzzles can I throw at the reader?"
In short, if you liked HPMOR, you're going to like this. Protagonist has been... oddly powered, through the story. He's powerful magically, but that doesn't seem to help him much. Expect this trend to continue. Protagonist will probably continue to be 'Fish Out Of Water' because it's both sensible and blessedly convenient.

Loose Snakes, Loose Ends -- my surprisingly Hufflepuff story, which has been influenced by the reviewers loving the cuddly sections.
Read if you're having a bad day. Snape keeps on having bad days, so it's kinda funny too.

Crimson beyond blood that flows -- The quote's from Slayers. This is basically my response to "Write a Hufflepuff Harry story that's mesmerizing."
Harry is NOT your ordinary Hufflepuff. He also hasn't been as abused as in canon... He's still got Problems, though.

Thanks, but I'll just try the dragon. -- No Actual 'mushy stuff.' Many misunderstandings. Potter still spends too much time snooping.

Any Story that has Redux in the title is a compilation of the story from a different "story" here. You will not gain more knowledge by reading it (though there will be fewer typos, hopefully). The stories with smaller "chapters" will have more authors notes, and occasional tidbits.

I am shortly going to be posting a bunch of "starts" to stories.

Read and review, or the story gets it.

Seriously, this is a way to gauge interest (and my skill at telling different types of stories).

Results So Far: People really seem to like sadism, oddly enough.

I tend to start stories with "Draco Malfoy is bored" a lot. This is variously code for "Draco wants to do something inventive/brilliant/malicious... but mostly just plain devious" ... because that's Draco Malfoy.

Surprisingly enough, I like Snape a lot better than I like a lot of portrayals of Draco. (Might just be I don't like blonds).

Today's Fun:

What Halloween Costumes do you think Various Characters would choose?

Snape would probably do Phantom of the Opera.

Harry would be Shinji (the classic everyman 'superhero').

Draco would be Hitler (and yes, that comes with sass and attitude. This is not 'I want to be Hitler')

Hermione as Shallan Devar (because of course she reads things like that).

Ron as a star from the Chudly Cannons (because of course).

Prior Pet Peeve: How is it that no fanfiction authors understand that Harry is a normal nickname for Henry? Seriously, Harold, Harrison, Heroditus... but not Henry?! "Every tom dick and harry" -- yes, like King Henry.

Last Pet Peeve: Lucius Malfoy was NOT trying to bring Voldie back in second year. He was trying to get Gin, and by extension Arthur in trouble. What sort of conniving Slytherin would willingly allow someone larger than himself to resurface? Particularly when Lucius was at the top of the heap of "Ex Death Eaters and Movers and Shakers to boot"?

Current Pet Peeve: Be more creative, if you want Harry to stand up to bullies! He doesn't need to be Superman to be awesome (and this goes triple if you put him in Slytherin.)

Please Note: Ask if you want to add a story to your Draco/Hermione community, particularly if no other Draco/Hermione communities are attached to the story. Chances are there's a reason.

Today's Fun Fact: I managed to get Snape to use the word Sweetheart in a story! I am proud. (Yes, he was being sarcastic. Wasn't it obvious?)

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

--Langston Hughes, my all time favorite poet.

Today's "This is too sensible NOT to be canon": Bellatrix Lestrange, dragged off to Azkaban, loudly proclaiming that her Dark Lord will return -- but also, very deliberately, confessing to Imperiusing Lucius Malfoy and any other family members. Family doesn't come first for her, but there's no sense in not taking the blame right.

Today, 3/23, someone asked if they could translate one of my fanfics to Russian.

I'd like to answer with a tentative yes. Provided they're willing to answer some questions, first.

1) What is your stance on creative control? Do you translate literally, or figuratively?

2) Do you understand English well enough to grasp wordplay and literary humor?

3) If I use a reference to an English work, will you use it ad verbatum, or substitute an equivalent?

4) Also, can said translator please provide a link when it's translated?

4/2: Oh, the AUTISM! Everyone, if you're reading this, Nobody Ever Asked My Birthday is a creative work of fiction. I do NOT want to hear about how "There were only two kids marked." (Yes, I do know, shocking!). Because, you know, the prophecy doesn't specify an age. And that puts rather a lot more people under the heading Marked, doesn't it?

Further Ranting about Nobody Ever Asked My Birthday: Yes, Harry's able to pick up the prophecy. He's not able to hear the prophecy, because he's not the one in the prophecy. Yes, this is a change from canon -- it makes more dramatic sense in my story. You can assume either that "Everyone knows they can pick it up, and wanted Potter to do it in order to hear it" or "The Unspeakables have been spreading rumors, to prevent people from wanting to try Every Prophecy In The Hall to see if they're mentioned."

Today's Fun Idea -- Severus Snape has always hated his name. He gets on the Hogwarts Express, and introduces himself to the boys on there... as Sue.

Today's annoyance: Most people, on presentation of someone bleeding to death, will vomit. If you're presenting someone in your story with dead bodies -- rotting bodies, they're GOING to vomit. Particularly if it's the first time. If it's not? Well, there's a reason Bunk (from The Wire) smokes cigars. It's to cut the smell.

Gift Story Idea of the Moment: Run Rabbit Run. Draco Malfoy discovers he has feelings for Hermione Granger. He promptly runs away. Hermione isn't going to accept that as an option.

New Gift Story Prompt: Harry Potter draws Severus Snape in a Secret Santa caper. He's sure Snape probably didn't put his own name in. Despite generalized pessimism, Harry becomes determined to give Snape a really good gift.

Severus Snape stands athwart a world cradled in darkness, and conjures a flame. Some years ago, he would have let it fall, sending the entire world ablaze.

Not today.

Today's Hilarity: observing someone's reading of a 500 chapter story. "Read somewhere between 1-10 chapters. Then skip to the NSFW one." You may not find this hilarious, but I do. Particularly since that NSFW isn't what most people mean by that. Haha!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Harry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin by The Sinister Man reviews
Harry Potter was Sorted into Slytherin after a crappy childhood. His brother Jim is believed to be the BWL. Think you know this story? Think again. Year Four starts on 9/1/20. NO romantic pairings prior to Fourth Year. Basically good Dumbledore and Weasleys. Limited bashing (mainly of James).
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 167 - Words: 1,458,621 - Reviews: 19859 - Favs: 20,739 - Follows: 22,416 - Updated: 12/31/2023 - Published: 4/17/2015 - Harry P., Hermione G., Neville L., Theodore N.
The Ribboned-Witch by IShouldBeWritingSomethingElse reviews
"Why would I want your…fumblings?" There was a thread of steel in Granger's voice as she played along with Severus' game. "When I could have *his* expertise?" / SS/HG HEA...Always :)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 69,477 - Reviews: 2246 - Favs: 2,528 - Follows: 3,934 - Updated: 9/21/2022 - Published: 11/22/2014 - Severus S., Hermione G.
All Because of a Muggle Bookshop by Cora DeBlaere reviews
Years after the war, Hermione decides to leave the wizarding world. What starts as a vacation ends up being a new life with a new identity in a new country. Finding a job at a quaint bookshop, she settles into her new muggle life, leaving her old life as Hermione Granger behind. That is until a certain familiar blonde wanders in. Why is Malfoy living like a Muggle?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 77 - Words: 214,132 - Reviews: 1727 - Favs: 1,392 - Follows: 2,025 - Updated: 4/13/2016 - Published: 10/14/2014 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G., Draco M.
When A Lioness Fights by kayly silverstorm reviews
Hermione Granger, master spy, and Severus Snape, spymaster to the Order. An unlikely partnership, forged to defeat the Dark Lord on his own ground. But to do so, they must confront their own darkness within. Spying, torture, angst and love. AU after fifth
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 80 - Words: 416,508 - Reviews: 8039 - Favs: 6,923 - Follows: 2,594 - Updated: 2/6/2010 - Published: 12/7/2004 - Hermione G., Severus S. - Complete
The Gilded Cage by ApollinaV reviews
Clever Miss Hermione Granger believes that by marrying Azkaban prisoner 11652 she can effectively skirt the new Ministry Marriage Law requirements. A story about morality, mortality, and pickled walnuts.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 62 - Words: 203,885 - Reviews: 3974 - Favs: 4,206 - Follows: 1,440 - Updated: 9/7/2009 - Published: 11/17/2008 - Severus S., Hermione G. - Complete
Plan B by ApollinaV reviews
She was given a book, a tent, and a half-cocked plan to save the entire Wizarding world, but Hermione Granger had other ideas.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,857 - Reviews: 327 - Favs: 641 - Follows: 157 - Updated: 12/29/2008 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Severus S., Hermione G. - Complete
Changing of the Guard by Lomonaaeren reviews
Post-DH, HPDM slash. Need a perfect stranger? Come to Metamorphosis. Harry Potter runs the business secretly and becomes whoever's needed for each occasion. Now he's posing as Draco Malfoy's "perfect" boyfriend, Brian. COMPLETE
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 217,538 - Reviews: 3562 - Favs: 3,568 - Follows: 1,192 - Updated: 7/19/2008 - Published: 3/3/2008 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

In which Everything Goes Wrong reviews
Harry Potter is trying to be a Hero. When Harry met Dumbledore at Kings Cross Station, he took the train back to the past. There have been a few slight detours along the way - for one, Harry James Potter is now a Dark Lord.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 27 - Words: 20,691 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 4/1 - Published: 10/25/2019
The Floating World reviews
Draco Malfoy is in love... Whether he wants to be or not. He's pretty sure being in love isn't supposed to hurt this much
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 183 - Words: 97,025 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 151 - Updated: 8/17/2023 - Published: 12/2/2015 - Hermione G., Draco M., Blaise Z.
Just call me Mephistopheles reviews
Despite the name, this is actually a Romantic comedy. I guarantee that by the end of the story, you will want to punch someone. Possibly the author. Blaise already knows exactly who he wants to punch.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 44 - Words: 24,796 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/7/2023 - Published: 5/6/2016 - Draco M.
Loose Snakes Loose Ends reviews
A heartwarming conversation between Draco and Harry. Also Horses. And Snape has several unfortunate things happen to him, while Sirius tries to be a real, real dog. \n Previous Description: Harry and Draco are off to join the Travelling circus! (Okay, not really, Draco doesn't know what a circus is...) But they are running away...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 71 - Words: 52,757 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 3/27/2023 - Published: 7/23/2015 - Draco M.
Read the Last Page First reviews
Hilarious Romantic Comedy ensues out of an unexpected arrangement that neither party knows about. Love and laughter and light, this story will delight!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 153 - Words: 85,818 - Reviews: 229 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 10/24/2022 - Published: 12/22/2015 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Nobody ever asked my birthday reviews
"Neither can live while the other survives..." Yeah, that sounds like Harry Potter, alright. Except no, it really doesn't. In this story, we choose a far more likely candidate than Harry Potter for the prophecy.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 553 - Words: 363,175 - Reviews: 659 - Favs: 236 - Follows: 288 - Updated: 8/5/2022 - Published: 3/11/2016 - Harry P.
Safe Enough To Scream reviews
Two people call Hogwarts home. Not a house to simply live in, but a sanctuary. One might even happen to notice that they find it safe enough to scream.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 155 - Words: 93,576 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 2/27/2020 - Published: 11/8/2016 - Harry P.
Nobody Ever Asked My Birthday: Folio Edition reviews
Bound copies of a story that generates complaints because my chapters are too short. Authors notes have been removed from this version, in the main.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 41 - Words: 269,006 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 2/27/2020 - Published: 8/2/2019 - Harry P.
Grow Up or Die reviews
Harry Potter is quite dead, and Draco Malfoy is very, very confused. Nothing is as it seems, and that's what's bothering him.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 66 - Words: 34,145 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 2/26/2020 - Published: 10/21/2015 - Draco M.
Crimson beyond blood that flows reviews
Harry Potter decided to be just what his relatives called him. A criminal and a malcontent. Oh, and a freak, that too.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 39 - Words: 25,898 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 12/11/2019 - Published: 6/13/2018
Thanks, but I'll just try the dragon reviews
A story in which the damsel declines to be saved by the knight, and decides to try the dragon instead.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,658 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 8/22/2019 - Published: 5/8/2018 - Hermione G. - Complete
Call me Homer reviews
Aliases say a lot about a person.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 305 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/9/2019 - Draco M. - Complete
Through the wall reviews
As the saying goes, you should never back a rat into a corner, for then they have no choice but to fight. Draco Malfoy's taking the other option. You know, where you go through the wall.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 7,028 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/29/2019 - Published: 3/7/2018
Never Prank Snape reviews
A prequel to Nobody Ever Asked my Birthday
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,009 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/11/2019 - George W. - Complete
Sanctuary Redux reviews
Something lovely, dark and deep, resides in the heart of Hogwarts.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,860 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/16/2019 - Complete
What's the Damage?
Harry Potter is an Auror. That's not surprising. What's endlessly surprising to Draco Malfoy is that Potter has actually managed to be a Man on the Force, not a Mascot or a Rising Star. Ordinary Joe Auror. NOTE: This deals with PTSD. Reality bites, triggers be damned.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,048 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/15/2019 - Harry P., Draco M.
Outtake: Nobody ever asked my birthday reviews
Snape snarks it up in Dumbledore's office. Italics are Potter's thoughts.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,567 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/1/2019 - Complete
I'm your new best friend reviews
Draco Malfoy shows up to call in a favor Hermione Granger never knew about.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 4,625 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 1/18/2019 - Published: 12/10/2018 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Golden Treacle Lies
Tell a lie long enough, and make it truth. This one's the sticky sort of lie, like a flood of syrup.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Horror/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 525 - Published: 12/21/2018 - Complete
Grace Note reviews
It is always darkest just before dawn. Light a candle, and outshine the dark.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,187 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 12/6/2018 - Published: 12/4/2018 - Severus S.
Mental Quicksand reviews
Hermione knows there's no possible reason for Draco Malfoy to want to be her secretary. What are his ulterior motives?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Mystery - Chapters: 101 - Words: 58,672 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 12/5/2018 - Published: 10/21/2015 - Hermione G.
More Fool You reviews
Harry Potter is crying, and there's blood on his knuckles. Snape cannot restrain his curiosity.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 566 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/27/2018
Out for a Cuppa reviews
Draco Malfoy out in the muggle world. Turns out he's not the only one. Continuing oneshots.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 480 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/22/2018
Sanctuary reviews
In which Severus Snape has started a cult at Hogwarts. For perfectly rational reasons. Former Summary: Something deep and dark and lovely dwells within the heart of Hogwarts. Read and find out.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery - Chapters: 20 - Words: 9,861 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/18/2018 - Published: 12/4/2017 - Complete
The subtle scent of oak and onion reviews
Bellatrix Black had made a costly mistake. Worse, she had no idea what she'd done. But, Draco Malfoy was the type to take advantage of any situation, particularly when in such dire straits. And this? This had possibilities... and maybe even a fragile hope.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 52 - Words: 40,899 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 7/29/2016 - Published: 11/11/2015 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
Poor Jack's a-cold reviews
You only get one chance to return from beyond the grave. Severus Snape is going to do it right.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,252 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/2/2016 - Complete
What Price Freedom? reviews
Draco Malfoy has his freedom. But at what price? ONESHOT.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 609 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/30/2016 - Draco M. - Complete
Shadow's Cat reviews
Malfoy is patrolling the corridors, when he finds a very familiar cat. Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 345 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/31/2015 - Draco M., Severus S., Minerva M. - Complete
Cat and Mouse reviews
Hermione Granger goes to her first Christmas Party at her first job after University. ... Is that Severus Snape? smiling?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,219 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 12/30/2015 - Published: 10/26/2015 - Hermione G., Severus S.
Goyle's Bet reviews
Just what the Hell has Malfoy gotten himself into this time? Sixth year, and it's another bet. But this one isn't like all the others. For one thing, it was Goyle's idea...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 446 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/30/2015