Here I am. Just Trollin' Around. Unlike certain other authors, I consider a fine trolling to be like a good wine -- something you can enjoy with or without understanding the poking fun.

To trolls who are writing stuff in reviews: The ones to The Floating World are fun. You got the poetry, and ran with it. The rest are long and copy-n-paste. If you're going to troll, try harder, dammit!

I figured I ought to state, for the record, that I never troll in reviews. You're getting my heartfelt opinion, like it or leave it. I do, having looked at a number of human beings in my day, find it rather implausible to have someone able to be both freckled and tanned to a golden bronze. Those are two different skin types.

Story Blurbs (for the people who weren't taken in by the ones in the stories page. Slight spoilers below):

Nobody Ever Asked My Birthday -- a fun story that starts from a "what if", and very quickly becomes "How many puzzles can I throw at the reader?"
In short, if you liked HPMOR, you're going to like this. Protagonist has been... oddly powered, through the story. He's powerful magically, but that doesn't seem to help him much. Expect this trend to continue. Protagonist will probably continue to be 'Fish Out Of Water' because it's both sensible and blessedly convenient.

Loose Snakes, Loose Ends -- my surprisingly Hufflepuff story, which has been influenced by the reviewers loving the cuddly sections.
Read if you're having a bad day. Snape keeps on having bad days, so it's kinda funny too.

Crimson beyond blood that flows -- The quote's from Slayers. This is basically my response to "Write a Hufflepuff Harry story that's mesmerizing."
Harry is NOT your ordinary Hufflepuff. He also hasn't been as abused as in canon... He's still got Problems, though.

Thanks, but I'll just try the dragon. -- No Actual 'mushy stuff.' Many misunderstandings. Potter still spends too much time snooping.

Any Story that has Redux in the title is a compilation of the story from a different "story" here. You will not gain more knowledge by reading it (though there will be fewer typos, hopefully). The stories with smaller "chapters" will have more authors notes, and occasional tidbits.

I am shortly going to be posting a bunch of "starts" to stories.

Read and review, or the story gets it.

Seriously, this is a way to gauge interest (and my skill at telling different types of stories).

Results So Far: People really seem to like sadism, oddly enough.

I tend to start stories with "Draco Malfoy is bored" a lot. This is variously code for "Draco wants to do something inventive/brilliant/malicious... but mostly just plain devious" ... because that's Draco Malfoy.

Surprisingly enough, I like Snape a lot better than I like a lot of portrayals of Draco. (Might just be I don't like blonds).

Today's Fun:

What Halloween Costumes do you think Various Characters would choose?

Snape would probably do Phantom of the Opera.

Harry would be Shinji (the classic everyman 'superhero').

Draco would be Hitler (and yes, that comes with sass and attitude. This is not 'I want to be Hitler')

Hermione as Shallan Devar (because of course she reads things like that).

Ron as a star from the Chudly Cannons (because of course).

Prior Pet Peeve: How is it that no fanfiction authors understand that Harry is a normal nickname for Henry? Seriously, Harold, Harrison, Heroditus... but not Henry?! "Every tom dick and harry" -- yes, like King Henry.

Last Pet Peeve: Lucius Malfoy was NOT trying to bring Voldie back in second year. He was trying to get Gin, and by extension Arthur in trouble. What sort of conniving Slytherin would willingly allow someone larger than himself to resurface? Particularly when Lucius was at the top of the heap of "Ex Death Eaters and Movers and Shakers to boot"?

Current Pet Peeve: Be more creative, if you want Harry to stand up to bullies! He doesn't need to be Superman to be awesome (and this goes triple if you put him in Slytherin.)

Please Note: Ask if you want to add a story to your Draco/Hermione community, particularly if no other Draco/Hermione communities are attached to the story. Chances are there's a reason.

Today's Fun Fact: I managed to get Snape to use the word Sweetheart in a story! I am proud. (Yes, he was being sarcastic. Wasn't it obvious?)

Hold fast to dreams, for if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly.

--Langston Hughes, my all time favorite poet.

Today's "This is too sensible NOT to be canon": Bellatrix Lestrange, dragged off to Azkaban, loudly proclaiming that her Dark Lord will return -- but also, very deliberately, confessing to Imperiusing Lucius Malfoy and any other family members. Family doesn't come first for her, but there's no sense in not taking the blame right.

Today, 3/23, someone asked if they could translate one of my fanfics to Russian.

I'd like to answer with a tentative yes. Provided they're willing to answer some questions, first.

1) What is your stance on creative control? Do you translate literally, or figuratively?

2) Do you understand English well enough to grasp wordplay and literary humor?

3) If I use a reference to an English work, will you use it ad verbatum, or substitute an equivalent?

4) Also, can said translator please provide a link when it's translated?

4/2: Oh, the AUTISM! Everyone, if you're reading this, Nobody Ever Asked My Birthday is a creative work of fiction. I do NOT want to hear about how "There were only two kids marked." (Yes, I do know, shocking!). Because, you know, the prophecy doesn't specify an age. And that puts rather a lot more people under the heading Marked, doesn't it?

Further Ranting about Nobody Ever Asked My Birthday: Yes, Harry's able to pick up the prophecy. He's not able to hear the prophecy, because he's not the one in the prophecy. Yes, this is a change from canon -- it makes more dramatic sense in my story. You can assume either that "Everyone knows they can pick it up, and wanted Potter to do it in order to hear it" or "The Unspeakables have been spreading rumors, to prevent people from wanting to try Every Prophecy In The Hall to see if they're mentioned."

Today's Fun Idea -- Severus Snape has always hated his name. He gets on the Hogwarts Express, and introduces himself to the boys on there... as Sue.

Today's annoyance: Most people, on presentation of someone bleeding to death, will vomit. If you're presenting someone in your story with dead bodies -- rotting bodies, they're GOING to vomit. Particularly if it's the first time. If it's not? Well, there's a reason Bunk (from The Wire) smokes cigars. It's to cut the smell.

Gift Story Idea of the Moment: Run Rabbit Run. Draco Malfoy discovers he has feelings for Hermione Granger. He promptly runs away. Hermione isn't going to accept that as an option.

New Gift Story Prompt: Harry Potter draws Severus Snape in a Secret Santa caper. He's sure Snape probably didn't put his own name in. Despite generalized pessimism, Harry becomes determined to give Snape a really good gift.

Severus Snape stands athwart a world cradled in darkness, and conjures a flame. Some years ago, he would have let it fall, sending the entire world ablaze.

Not today.