WatchingTheWatchman
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Joined 09-04-15, id: 7107573, Profile Updated: 06-16-16
Author has written 10 stories for Bleach, Fullmetal Alchemist, and X-Men: The Movie.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? -Juvenal, Satire VI, lines 347–8

Who watches the watchmen? Me. I watch him. Always. -Terry Pratchett, Thud!

My Rules for Storytelling

1. As Eliezer Yudkowsky put it so eloquently, "You can't make Frodo a Jedi unless you give Sauron the Death Star." Characters that can walk all over any challenges that face them are no fun in RPGs, and they're no fun in a story either. Power balance is key! In fanfiction that's especially important, since some of these characters are already insanely powerful. So they need some sort of handicap, and their opponents need to be just as powerful. Which leads to:

2. If every conflict is the equivalent of a nuclear explosion, you're doing it wrong. Either your characters are too powerful, or their opponents are, or both. Little conflicts can be just as interesting to read as gigantic ones, but when every conflict almost ends the world, it starts to be boring after a while. Basically, don't threaten the end of the world as we know it unless there's a chance it'll actually happen. Mr. Necromancer-Lich-King-of-Doom can pose a terrifying threat without a big red button that unleashes the zombie apocalypse and destroys the planet.

3. Follow the laws of physics! Now, these don't have to be the ones you learn about in college physics classes, but they do need to be consistent. I tend to follow Conservation of Momentum and Conservation of Energy, though in magical worlds there are different sources of energy around to power the magic. Any spell that produces large physical changes requires an equally large amount of the caster's energy. Admittedly, I'm a physics major, so the laws of physics are near and dear to my heart, but every good world I've read about has consistent physical laws.

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Harry Potter and the Natural 20 by Sir Poley reviews
Milo, a genre-savvy D&D Wizard and Adventurer Extraordinaire is forced to attend Hogwarts, and soon finds himself plunged into a new adventure of magic, mad old Wizards, metagaming, misunderstandings, and munchkinry. Updates monthly.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Dungeons and Dragons - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 74 - Words: 314,214 - Reviews: 6834 - Favs: 7,221 - Follows: 8,053 - Updated: 8/2/2018 - Published: 5/7/2012
Stand In the Rain by Shadow of an Echo reviews
When a plot of Aizen's creation leaves Ichigo in a fragile state, and a painful confession has his usual support grow cold, who will stop the rain pouring down in his soul? The healing journey will be hard, the memories haunting his every step, but in the end a treasure awaits. Contains: Shunsui/Ichigo/Jyuushiro, Yaoi, Mpreg.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 159,752 - Reviews: 456 - Favs: 773 - Follows: 850 - Updated: 12/22/2016 - Published: 2/14/2012 - Ichigo K., Shunsui K., J. Ukitake
Bonds of Honor by ObsidianJade reviews
Direct sequel to Red Duty, Black Honor. Life - and love - continue, but a familiar face from the past has a storm brewing on the horizon... Bya/Ren and Ichi/Ruki main pairings.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 35 - Words: 199,916 - Reviews: 405 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 267 - Updated: 9/22/2016 - Published: 7/14/2010 - Byakuya K., Renji A.
I Change Shapes by thekurosakiconundrum reviews
Grimmjow and Ichigo go on a backpacking trip for Grimmjow's birthday, during which they have fun with blackberries, encounter a thunderstorm, and are both utterly in love and kind of messed up. GrimmIchi. Post-canon, established relationship. I tried to write something schmoopy and fluffy and this happened instead. Written in honor of Grimmjow's birthday, 7/31, a bit belatedly.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,467 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 9 - Published: 8/2/2016 - Ichigo K., Grimmjow J. - Complete
The Arrancar Talks by thekurosakiconundrum reviews
When Ichigo's irritating towel-delivery mission takes a turn for the weird, he just can't stop himself from staying to hear what Grimmjow has to say when he thinks no one is listening. Yaoi-GrimmIchi(Grimm). One-shot.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,013 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 25 - Published: 7/27/2016 - Ichigo K., Grimmjow J. - Complete
Fuk Yu, Shakespier! by JolinarJackson reviews
When former criminal Jack Harkness leaves prison, he discovers that the money he stole is now buried underneath a school gym. Gaining access as a teacher, Jack is split between being a conman and a role model to difficult students. His attraction to the idealistic teacher Ianto Jones makes things worse, because now it's not just Jack's freedom that's at stake, but also his heart.
Torchwood - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 37,227 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 2/21/2016 - Published: 12/30/2015 - [Jack H., Ianto J.] Gwen C., Owen H. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality by Less Wrong reviews
Petunia married a biochemist, and Harry grew up reading science and science fiction. Then came the Hogwarts letter, and a world of intriguing new possibilities to exploit. And new friends, like Hermione Granger, and Professor McGonagall, and Professor Quirrell... COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 122 - Words: 661,619 - Reviews: 36104 - Favs: 28,143 - Follows: 20,565 - Updated: 3/14/2015 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The Peacock by The Kujaku reviews
Ikkaku and Yumichika had nothing in common when they first met in Soul Society. In fact, Yumichika had good reason to keep the details of his life hidden. Add an awakening zanpakuto who is as egotistical as Yumichika and the mix gets even more interesting
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 34 - Words: 272,078 - Reviews: 162 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 8/21/2014 - Published: 3/12/2012 - Yumichika A., Ikkaku M. - Complete
Twin Souls by Liralen Li reviews
2000 years ago, Ukitake Jyuushiro and Kyouraku Shunsui went to Yamamoto's Academy. This story goes from when they met to the point where they achieved shikai, and why they're the only two in Soul Society with twin blades. Mild yaoi content.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 42 - Words: 190,839 - Reviews: 487 - Favs: 446 - Follows: 326 - Updated: 6/16/2014 - Published: 2/11/2008 - Shunsui K., J. Ukitake - Complete
The Peacock Part III: Azure by The Kujaku reviews
Part III of the continuing story finds Ikkaku discovering the truth about Yumichika's zanpakuto as a new enemy looms on the horizon.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 76,791 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 9/4/2013 - Published: 7/25/2013 - Yumichika A., Ikkaku M., Ruri'iro K., Hozukimaru - Complete
The Peacock Part II: Wisteria by The Kujaku reviews
Part II of the Peacock. It follows the adventures of Yumichika and Ikkaku as Shinigami, as well as the development of the relationships the two share with their zanpakutos.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 193,688 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 7/18/2013 - Published: 8/30/2012 - Yumichika A., Ikkaku M. - Complete
Breaking Point by Dressed With Black reviews
Working together in a small storage closet after hours, Shunsui & Nanao are forced to come to terms with their relationship. One-shot. Rated M, for lemon.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 17,756 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 263 - Follows: 54 - Published: 4/16/2013 - Shunsui K., Nanao I. - Complete
Touched by peppermint quartz reviews
I am your parastatheis, now and always. Gin x Aizen. Companion Piece to First Contact. Gin's pov. M. COMPLETE.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 110 - Words: 249,908 - Reviews: 620 - Favs: 201 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 12/1/2012 - Published: 1/14/2008 - G. Ichimaru, S. Aizen - Complete
First Contact by peppermint quartz reviews
I will not say the words you crave. I will not break the spell you cast over me. Aizen x Gin. Companion piece to 'Touched'. Aizen's pov. M. COMPLETE.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 110 - Words: 249,571 - Reviews: 622 - Favs: 223 - Follows: 121 - Updated: 12/1/2012 - Published: 12/6/2007 - S. Aizen, G. Ichimaru - Complete
Protasis by lucymonster reviews
In which two complicated men grapple with with desire, protocol, and a total inability to communicate clearly with each other. Byakuya/Renji, in three parts.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 16,661 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 10/18/2012 - Published: 10/6/2012 - Byakuya K., Renji A. - Complete
The Dark Lords Strike Back by claymade reviews
As Queen Metallia nears release, those who oppose her prepare themselves for battle. Now, between the Dark Kingdom, the Sailor Senshi, and the martial artists the fate of humanity will be decided... and a course will be set to the future.
Crossover - Sailor Moon & Ranma - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 76,297 - Reviews: 317 - Favs: 784 - Follows: 405 - Updated: 4/1/2012 - Published: 7/17/2011 - Ranma, Ryoga - Complete
Chrysalis by vicioux reviews
A butterfly can hide in a chrysalis for months in order to avoid harsh conditions. Jyuushiro Ukitake can't help but think that, after almost a century of hiding in plain sight, it's time for Nemu Kurotsuchi to emerge from her protective shell.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 16 - Words: 86,534 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 3/3/2011 - Published: 12/9/2009 - Nemu K., J. Ukitake - Complete
The Dark Lords of Nerima by claymade reviews
Ranma and Ryouga are no strangers to trouble. But when they accidentally convince both the Sailor Senshi and the Dark Kingdom that they're megalomaniacal villains bent on world domination, trouble starts to take on a whole new meaning.
Crossover - Sailor Moon & Ranma - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 230,297 - Reviews: 1392 - Favs: 1,816 - Follows: 1,089 - Updated: 2/24/2011 - Published: 5/30/2007 - Ranma, Ryoga - Complete
Red Duty, Black Honor by ObsidianJade reviews
It was inevitable, he realized, as he settled the white haori across his shoulders. Time progressed, change happened, and life went on. The intertwining lives of the Shinigami in post-War Seireitei. Slow-burn ByaRen and other pairings.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 125,861 - Reviews: 501 - Favs: 516 - Follows: 168 - Updated: 6/30/2010 - Published: 1/13/2010 - Byakuya K., Renji A. - Complete
8675309 Renji For a Good Time Call by DrabbleandFluff reviews
Renji is a part time phone sex operator, Byakuya is a high powered CEO, mostly alone in a foreign country... their lines cross.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 35,806 - Reviews: 362 - Favs: 809 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 10/2/2009 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Byakuya K., Renji A. - Complete
I Come To You In Pieces by StarkBlack reviews
ShuuheiRenji. After years of fighting along side Kurosaki Ichigo, Abarai Renji has fallen for him. How far? All the way. Hisagi Shuuhei sees it, and being the person he is, and loving Renji the way he does, he can't help but try to help.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 112,517 - Reviews: 419 - Favs: 523 - Follows: 166 - Updated: 12/8/2008 - Published: 11/6/2007 - Shuuhei H., Renji A. - Complete
Breathing Lessons by DarthAmmonite reviews
Nanao couldn’t imagine what she’d do without the Eighth, or its captain. She supposed that she loved both, although it wasn’t the kind of whitehot passion that her friend Matsumoto was always waxing eloquent about. Maybe that was the problem.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,701 - Reviews: 319 - Favs: 722 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 7/12/2007 - Published: 7/1/2007 - Nanao I., Shunsui K. - Complete
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Second Chances reviews
Shunsui's always had a soft spot for the broken ones. But, when he heals Starrk after the battle with Aizen, that soft spot threatens to get him in more trouble than he ever dreamed. Yaoi.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 11 - Words: 32,382 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 9/7/2020 - Published: 11/19/2019 - Shunsui K., J. Ukitake, C. Stark
Judas Kiss reviews
After Xavier, Wolverine, and Quicksilver break Magneto out of prison, Charles visits Erik to talk about their past. But they both get more than they bargained for. Lemon.
X-Men: The Movie - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,792 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/31/2020 - Erik L./Magneto, Charles Xavier/Professor X - Complete
Cat's Cradle reviews
When Juushiro learns that he's to room with Shunsui, Academy playboy extraordinaire, his heart sinks. He's already dealing with bullies and a heavy classload; he doesn't want to deal with the notorious student as well. Shunsui, for his part, is no happier, regarding Juushiro as a boring stick in the mud. Will they be able to get along, or will their dorm room become a battleground?
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 148,542 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 3/12/2018 - Published: 4/9/2017 - Shunsui K., J. Ukitake - Complete
Of Petals and Peacock Feathers reviews
When Yumichika, in desperation, uses Ruri'iro Kujaku to save Ikkaku's life, he never expects his partner to find out. But, thanks to meddling by Kurotsuchi, Ikkaku learns the truth, and is furious. Will their relationship ever recover? Yaoi oneshot.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,720 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/5/2017 - Ikkaku M., Yumichika A. - Complete
Pandora's Box reviews
When Nel deposits an unconscious Grimmjow on Ichigo's doorstep, the substitute shinigami knows that he's in for an interesting time. Not yet fully recovered from the war with Aizen, he's struggling to keep up with his schoolwork, and doesn't have time to babysit a healing espada. But Grimmjow needs a place to heal, safe from his enemies, and Ichigo can't say no. Yaoi. COMPLETE
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 86,480 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 190 - Follows: 160 - Updated: 1/11/2017 - Published: 1/22/2016 - Ichigo K., Grimmjow J. - Complete
Pandora's Surprise reviews
There are some days where a fight simply seems inevitable. When it turns heated, as it invariably does between Ichigo and Grimmjow, what's a substitute soul reaper to do? Yaoi oneshot. Companion to Pandora's Box.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,002 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 13 - Published: 12/29/2016 - Ichigo K., Grimmjow J. - Complete
Dreams in the Dark reviews
After the Winter War, the shinigami thought that peace had come at last, but the appearance of strange monsters in the world of the living prove them wrong. After the creatures nearly kill Ikkaku and Yumichika, Captains Kyoraku and Ukitake are sent to the living world to investigate. But that investigation takes them places they never expected.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 139,364 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 7/2/2016 - Published: 9/5/2015 - Shunsui K., Nanao I., J. Ukitake - Complete
A Thousand Grains of Sand reviews
Stationed in the barren deserts of Ishval, Riza Hawkeye carries out mission after mission, executing rebel leaders on the orders of her superiors. But, as the carnage grows around her, she begins to question the true purpose of the war. Everything comes to a head when a routine mission is interrupted by Kimblee, forcing her to make a choice between her principles and her orders.
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,637 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/29/2016 - Riza H., Kimbley - Complete
A Familiar Taste of Poison reviews
The morning of the offensive against Aizen, Izuru woke to find a dried persimmon on his bedside table. With war looming on the horizon, threatening to obliterate them all, he is faced with the hardest choice of his life: does he answer the wordless message, or turn his back on his former captain once and for all? Mild yaoi. Oneshot
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,305 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/30/2015 - I. Kira, G. Ichimaru - Complete
Poison Apples reviews
Before Gin Ichimaru's betrayal, Lieutenant Kira was fanatically devoted to his captain. But no one knows why. What drove a bright young soul reaper to fight against his closest friends, in defense of a man who terrified everyone? The beginnings of an answer can be found in one lonely night shortly after Izuru became a lieutenant. Warning: yaoi, dubcon.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,742 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 12/9/2015 - Published: 11/9/2015 - G. Ichimaru, I. Kira, S. Aizen - Complete