JULY 15 UPDATE: HI! Anybody who might be there :-) I'm not on FF anymore much - I spend most of my reading time on AO3 now. Don't worry though - I will continue to post my stories here, at least for now. On that note...

I have a new story posted!!!! It's called Inexorable Tide and Pounding Surf, and is a rewrite / expansion of a previous oneshot of the same name. (I have renamed the oneshot Tide Surf to avoid confusion). Anyway, now it's a complete 12,000 word story, tracing Harry's path from the end of his relationship with ginny to the beginning of his relationship with draco, with a lot of introspective solitude for Harry, in which he sorts through some of his past. It's a little odd, but I love it. It's also sort of a love letter to the place I live: the rocky pacific coast and redwoods of (far) Northern California.

I'm still working on the adventure story - it's coming along nicely and should be ready for posting soon. I hope. :-)

Let's see... in other news, I had a flash fic piece accepted into this year's Queer Sci Fi Flash Fiction Anthology. (A mouthful, I know, but exciting, since it's the closest to a proper publication I've come. Still don't get paid though. Ah well.)

I've not been as active or productive in fic (or other writing) as I'd like lately. I've been sliding into a pretty nasty bipolar depression episode since last October or so, but I'm on a new med now, and it seems to be working! Astonishingly. I've tried so many meds over the years, and none of them have really worked (without horrendous side effects), so to find one that does is a big deal. So, anyway, hopefully I'll be able to write a bit more in the near future.

I've not even been super active on tumblr, but as always feel free to stop by and say hi. My username on tumblr is whimsicaldragonette, and I tend to share snippets of writing, and ask people's opinion on stuff. And of course reblog lots of drarry and otayuri fanart :-)

Oh! And I made a podfic of one of my oneshots - Draco Malfoy and the Squeaky Shoes. It was pretty fun, and I might do another in the coming weeks (especially if I have trouble getting into the adventure story.) It's on AO3 here: archiveofourown (dot) org (slash) works (slash) 11035707

APRIL 8 update: Hiya! I know I've been not-as-active lately. I am still writing, though, not to worry. Cat Comma is still in progress COMPLETE!

I'm also working on a new Drarry that I've mentioned before - a sort of Indiana Jones meets Romancing the Stone lighthearted adventure story. With minimal angst. I know. How could I possibly write a story that's not 95% angst?

AND I've been working on non-fanfic writing for the past several weeks. I've had a poem and a short autobiographical prose piece accepted for an upcoming anthology. And I've been working to polish a couple older stories to submit to Science Fiction magazines in the next couple weeks.

AND one of those stories is rapidly turning into a novel. So. I'll be working on that, too, for a while.

All that to say, I should have the new drarry finished (I hope) sometime in the next couple of months. And I'm sure there will be assorted one-shots (drarry and otayuri) tossed in here and there for spice.

If you want to stay updated on my writing progress (fanfic and non), I'm more active on tumblr - username whimsicaldragonette. Feel free to stop by and say hi. :-)

* Hey guys! A quick Vampire Academy update: I am sorry to say that i won’t be writing the planned sequels to Coming Home to You or No One Ever Looks Up. I’m not really in the Vampire Academy fandom anymore, much as I love Vampire Academy, and I have too many demands on my time just now to do them justice.

If any of you are interested in writing a sequel / follow-up to either or both of these, PM me. I would be happy to chat about it and/or beta. Please also send me a link when you publish, and I’ll link to it here and on the other sites this is crossposted on.*

SO... YURI!!! ON ICE.

I seem to have fallen headfirst into another fandom, you guys. I thought I loved Victuuri. I mean, I do love Victuuri. But then. Otabek Altin (no, spellcheck, I did NOT mean oatcake) waltzed in and stole Yurio's (and my) heart. I mean... These two put up such a tough front, and don't let *anyone* see what they're really like inside - i.e., cute, fluffy kittens. And they. Are. So. PERFECT. Gah. Expect more Otayuri from me guys. I'm, uh, sorry? There will be Drarry too, of course. Loads of Drarry. But also Otayuri. :-)

WHAT IT'S LIKE IN MY HEAD:

-ME: Oh, good. I can see the end of this story approaching. Just a few more chapters to write, and I've outlined them pretty thoroughly. I'll just wrap it up and focus on another run-through/edit of my novel.-BRAIN: What? The end of the story is approaching? Wait! Here's a short story that you Must. Write. Now.-ME: But --BRAIN: And here's another story. Shortish. Just 6 chapters.-ME: Nonono. Finish current story. Edit novel.-BRAIN: *happily plays first 4 chapters of new story in my head on loop for two hours until i give up*-ME: fine. *tyeptyeptype*-BRAIN: *plays story like a movie far faster than I can type* andthenandthenandthen...-ME: whew. *looks at what I wrote.* Those aren't even complete sentences or thoughts. let me just...-BRAIN: And Then...-ME: Nooooo!

UPCOMING (VAGUE/SUBJECT TO CHANGE) WRITING PLANS - for those of you that are interested :-)

APRIL -

- continue (and hopefully finish!) Romancing the Sorcerer's Stone (new Drarry fic (Romancing the Sorcerer's Stone) - basically an Indiana Jones-style treasure-hunting AU)

- finish and post 19 Years follow up (s?) (Drarry). Centered on Madam Pomfrey, James

SOON - new fanfics: Luna-centric? Dark!Home spinoff: Harry-takes-on-the-corrupt-Ministry); 19 Years one-shot follow-ups, Home sequel,

CURRENT POSTING SCHEDULE!!! (wish me luck) ;-)

Subject to interruption by real life and toddler-centric mishaps; please don't send an angry pitchfork mob if I miss a week here and there*

LIST OF MY FANFICS BY FANDOM

HARRY POTTER - Drarry (OTP and obsession)

YURI!!! ON ICE - Otayuri (new OTP and new obsession)

VAMPIRE ACADEMY (Not currently writing / in this fandom - PM me if you want to write sequels / follow-ups)

You can also find me on AO3 (as shilo1364), Wattpad (as Shilo Quetchenbach), and tumblr (as @whimsicaldragonette and @whimsicaldragonettehpfanfic and @ahatfullofwhimsy)

*PSA: If you wouldn't call something "gay" - and please tell me you wouldn't, unless you're 12. Actually, no, not even then - then please don't call things "bipolar." Like the weather, or the stock market, or anything else that is one way and then suddenly is a different way. That's not bipolar - that's just change. Bipolar Disorder is a mood disorder. It's often very serious, it's genetic: not a choice or a punishment for some wrong choice, and it can make people's lives hell. Please don't devalue that by using it to flippantly say "it's cold today and it's gonna be hot tomorrow." Thank you. That is all.*

*POSTING THIS HERE, EVEN THOUGH I POSTED AS A CHAPTER IN MY TWO ONGOING DRARRY FICS*

I AM QUEER - QUEER ENOUGH, AFTER ALL.

I have been unable to write anything since the shooting in Orlando on Sunday. I have been reading about the shooting, about people's reactions to it. I have been trying to distract myself with reading Drarry fluff, but the distraction lasts only until I read the last word.

I have been an in-the-closet not-sure-how-to-even-label-it queer for the past decade. I have written facebook posts and messages to friends, only to delete them again. I have planned to go to queer support groups/meetings on campus - both campuses - and chickened out at the last minute. I have convinced myself that I am "not queer enough." This shooting hit me harder than anything has in a very long time, and I finally "came out" to my friends and family on facebook. I am tired of hiding pieces of myself.

I have hidden bits of myself from my family and friends since I tried to talk to my mother about this in high school. I told her that I found girls just as attractive - if not more so - than boys. I probably sounded worried - I didn't know anyone who was queer then (though several of my good friends came out later, after moving away) and I didn't have the language to express myself. She said "Oh, that's normal. Everybody feels like that." I felt like she was shutting the conversation down, so I subsided. I didn't try again for several years, until I was talking to my boyfriend about it. He has been wonderful - he's my husband, now - and he has been very supportive with every step I take to figure out just who I am. He says he has never questioned himself, his identity, his gender, his sexuality. And, honestly, that baffles me. I can't recall I time when I *didn't.* When I knew for certain anything other than that I was not straight. Not a woman. Not. It has always felt so limiting, identifying myself by what I am not, rather than what I am.

Reading, and then writing, Drarry fanfiction has helped me immensely in coming to terms with my own views on my gender and sexuality. I won't claim to understand all the shades and nuances of the different labels. I chose the ones that I feel fit me the best. That I identify with. In the end, isn't that what it's about?

And if I can make even one person who had previously thought of me as a straight woman rethink their views on those of us who identify as queer, then telling the world will be worth it.

Here is the facebook post in which I came out to my friends and family:

I have been struggling with myself over this since I heard the news Sunday of the Orlando shooting. And I have been struggling over this for over a decade. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to make this about me. Obviously, it's not about me. I've never been to the club affected. I've never been to Orlando. Hell, I've never been to Florida. I've never identified as LGBTQ ... at least, not out loud. Not to anyone but my husband, a close friend or two. To myself.

I don't want to "come out" now if it makes anyone more affected than I by this tragedy feel that I'm riding their coattails, or stealing their thunder, or any other way of saying it. I don't even know why it's affected me so strongly.

But I have spent the past two days reading about the shooting. Reactions to the shooting. And my heart is hurting. It is screaming at me that this is wrong. That the people trying to make it about "all Americans" or "all people" are wrong. It wasn't an attack on Americans. Saying that it wasn't the largest mass shooting - that there were massacres of more Native Americans - is entirely missing the point. It was an attack on the LGBTQ community, and so many people are twisting that.

It wasn't an Islamic terror attack against America. It was a homophobic terror attack on the LGBTQ community. Deflecting from that is wrong.

LGBT, even with the added Q, is intimidating. Am I gay enough? I don't know. I have long preferred Queer. I know some people find the word offensive, and if it offends you, I am sorry. I don't mean any offense. But, for now, I am more comfortable with it. It feels more like me. So... Queer it is.

I am happily married to a man. I have a child. And... I am not straight. I have never identified that way. I never knew what the hell I was - I'd never heard of bisexuality before I went to college. I'd hardly heard of being gay, or lesbian. It just wasn't a thing in my town. Or I wasn't aware of it, if it was.

All I knew was that I had crushes on male and female friends, from the first crush on, though I tried to squash the "weird" ones. I didn't tell anyone about them. A large number of the books that made it on (and stayed on) my "must have a copy of to reread" shelf featured Queer characters. Gay men, usually, but sometimes 2 men and a woman. A man, a woman, and a demon who alternated between the two. Rarely, lesbians - probably because men generally have more fun/freedom in fantasy novels.

I have quietly identified on census forms and the like as bisexual for a little over a decade. I have always - since I became aware that one *could* be attracted to someone else - been attracted to men and women. but... the middle. Not overly feminine women. Not overly masculine men. Queer men. Queer women. The middle. The people who straddle the "line," the people who blur it. I am Pansexual, perhaps. Queer.

So. Queer men and women. Artists. Hippies. Social non-conformers. In fact, you can pretty much summarize my sexuality/romantic attraction as "attracted to the entire cast of Rent."

More of my friends identify as part of the Queer community than not. And even if I have never been to a Queer support group - because I've spent over 10 years feeling like I'm not "Queer enough" to go - at the end of the day, this was an attack on the people I identify with in my heart. An attack on "my tribe" as is popular to say on the internet these days. And it hurts. And I can't just let it go. I don't want to just let it go, even if I could. I want to shout it from the rooftops. These are my people, and my heart breaks for them.

For over a decade I have been afraid to claim a part of the Queer community, because I did not want to be one of "those people" who are claiming to be Queer, while still able to pass as .. well, not. Because their lives are, necessarily, harder than mine because they can not, or will not pass. But I feel like I'm hiding - smothering - a part of myself and I don't want to hide anymore.

Even now I hesitate to post this. But, I ask myself, what if they think I'm, I don't know, trying to get in on the sympathy by claiming kinship? To which I reply: Why? I don't react like that to other tragedies. I hurt for the victims, their loved ones, because I value all human life, and these tragedies are... well, tragedies. But. I don't spend days reading about it, aching over it. I don't feel like those rip my heart in two. I don't feel personally betrayed by the people spewing hate, distracting and detracting from the tragedy. And now I do. And isn't it more likely, really, that I'll garner more dislike for it?

It's the same for the other things that are key to my personality. I tried to squash being an artist; tried to be a scientist, instead. Because it's what a "smart" kid like myself would do. Should do. It didn't work. I nearly broke myself. I have hidden, or played down, for a decade, my mental illness - through a fear that I would be seen as less of a person, that I would be seen as a poser, that I wasn't "mad enough."

I am tired of hiding.

Likely, no one will actually care. But, I need to say it anyway.

I am Queer. Pansexual. I am Nonbinary. Neutrois.

I am Bipolar. I have anxiety, depression, PTSD.

I am a feminist. I am an artist, and a writer. I am not-quite-a-vegan (I eat beef or bison once or twice a month, when I need the iron). I am Gluten-Free, because a hint of gluten makes me sick. I suspect I am Celiac, though I haven't been tested. I have migraines. I have fibromyalgia. I have allergies and asthma. I don't practice a religion, but if I had to choose I would maybe be pagan. Or buddhist.

I am complicated. I am human. I am me.

And my heart bleeds for the Queer community - my Queer community - tonight.

~~~ I WANT YOU TO BETA READ MY YA NOVEL!~~~

PM me if you're interested - I'll be sending it out this week, along with some questions to help me gauge what needs tweaking.

Here's a teaser:Jaq and the Bean Stock is the first book in the Jaq and Gil trilogy - a coming-of-age YA fantasy with shades of myriad fairy tales, and hints of mystery and romance. Jaq is a sheltered girl abruptly thrust into the world, attempting to make a place for herself and learn who she can trust. In a world where nothing is what it seems, she encounters magical creatures whose images appear on her skin, portals between worlds controlled by two opposing secret societies, evil sorcerers, magic teachers, insane aunts, absentee best friends, and a mysterious guide whose story doesn't add up. Join Jaq as she attempts to differentiate truth from lies, and decide whom to trust - with her heart, her secrets, and her life.

- I lived in North Carolina until I left for college (in Southern California) where I bounced from major to major, studying mathematics, biology, and English before transferring to Northern California to finally finish my degree in Studio Art.

- I spend much of my day chasing after my toddler (endlessly discussing trains and all things wheeled).

- I love to read, write, paint, draw, sew, embroider, work with clay (ceramics), make sculptures and mixed media art, and generally making messes.

- I live in Northern California, in a small town where I can walk to everything I need, a short drive from the ocean, redwoods, oodles of hiking trails, and general gorgeousness. I've seen elk, whales, bears, and more here!

- I love reading (and writing) YA - especially fantasy, sci-fi, and some horror (with a dash of romance, of course).

- I also like reading more adult-y fantasy and sci-fi, but YA is often better.

- I love reading the classics - Jane Austen, Henry James, Victor Hugo, and Charles Dickens, especially.

- I adore Rose and Dimitri, and I didn't know what my life was missing before I discovered Harry/Draco fanfic.

In my imagination I:

- went to Hogwarts

- fought the Empire

- sought out new life and went where no man had gone before

- went to Vampire Academy and trained to be a Guardian

- solved crimes with Sherlock Holmes

- fought beside the Dread Pirate Roberts

- defended the king with the Three Musketeers

- sailed the seas with Jacky Faber

- traveled to Mount Doom

- sailed with Captain Jack Sparrow

- volunteered and fought the Capitol

- saved Earth with the Doctor

- fought aliens with Jack Harkness (huh... that's 3 Captain Jacks on my list)

- was a browncoat

- scribbled away in my attic with Jo March

- Matched wits with Mr. Darcy

- Lived in a boxcar

Some of my favorite book series (in no particular order)...because I feel like it:

- Vampire Academy (duh)- Bloodlines- Harry Potter- LOTR- The Hunger Games- Divergent- Daughters of Zeus- everything Patricia McKillip ever wrote- most everything Robin McKinley ever wrote- The Iron Codex- The Animal Guild- Gallagher Girls- Castle Glower- Enchanted Forest Chronicles- His Dark Materials- Jacky Faber- Books of Bayern- Kingkiller Chronicles- everything Terry Pratchett has written- ditto for Douglas Adams- Elemental Masters- Heist Society- Wicked Lovely- Matched- The Tower and the Hive- Tiger and Del- Cecilia and Kate- Wildwood- Gemma Doyle- Stravaganza- Wrinkle in Time- Uglies- just about everything by Donna Jo Napoli

- how could I forget the Wicked Lovely series???

-Pride and Prejudice

... Ok gonna stop now. I think you get the point. And those are just the book *series* :-)

Aaaaaaand TV shows:

- Yuri!!! On Ice

- No. 6

-Doctor Who

-Star Trek (all)

-Sherlock-Firefly-Buffy the Vampire Slayer-Jeeves and Wooster-Young Dracula-Elephant Princess-H2O-Downton Abbey-Torchwood-10 Things I Hate About You-Boy Meets World