xiao chan
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Joined 12-26-04, id: 727464, Profile Updated: 06-25-11
Author has written 26 stories for Mulan, Peacemaker Kurogane, Teen Titans, Gilmore Girls, Princess Diaries, Marching Band, Grey's Anatomy, Twilight, and Host.

Once upon a time, there was a boy who was born with a screw in his belly button. This poor boy suffered much ridicule because of this abonormality and he desperately wished for it to disappear. One night, he was wandering out in the dark desert with only the dim light of the stars to guide him. Driven half-insane with thirst and hunger, he fell to his knees and begged for the cosmic forces to remove the screw in his belly button. Minutes later, a golden screwdriver descended from the heavens. Very slowly, it twisted the screw out of his navel...

...and then his ass fell off.

(the above was a true story)

"Reality continues to ruin my life." ~Bill Watterson
(personal motto)

"What are you saying, Carla, JESUS wasn't a FETUS? Jesus was a HOLY FETUS." ~Marc

"I have the spirit of a fat girl." ~Cat

"Prom's a waste of a guy's money and a girl's virginity." ~David G.

Guy: "Don't make fun of the Holocaust, Megan. We had a family member who died in it."
Megan: "Oh, I'm so sorry."
Guy: "Yeah...he fell out of his watchtower."

"Yeah, totally! Cause, you know, I get crucified, like, every other weekend." ~Kevin

Allison: "I'm taking Cooper with me on a cruise this summer."
Me: "Try not to get him pregnant."

"Did you know that if you wait long enough, your virginity grows back?" ~Victor

"I think there's a law against being poor in Southlake." ~Mi Hermanito

"Sara, quit squirting your gourd at me!" ~Kyle

"David, I think your rubber's leaking." ~Kyle

"I smell like flowers, minus Cheetos." ~Cat

"Sticks and stones might break my bones, but words will hurt and devastate my inner child." ~Victor

"Of course I'm heavier than your tuba! I HAVE LIFE!" ~Victor

"That's what happens when you girls have babies. Except for when you're married. Then God cuts the pain in half." ~Mrs. Sublette


Paunch: "I think I'm bi."
Nathan: "Why the hell are you telling me this now?"

"Everyone knows the key component of serious, rampant procrastination is the inability to put anything on paper. " ~Shonda Rhimes

"What kind of question is that? That's like asking Hitler why he bought a new oven." ~Megan T.

"That is some awkward love geometry." ~Lizzie

"Thanks for nailing me in the ass, Victor...I MEANT WITH SNOW!" ~Jane

Marc: "The only difference is Mary Poppins didn't have a penis."
Michael: "Damn it, disappointed again."

Jane: "Ha, Cat, you're married to Marc!"
Marc: "Ha, Jane, you're in an on and off sexual relationship with Ben."

Jeff: "If you just got a bunch of musicians in a room and told them to play, no music or anything, what would it sound like?"
Gary: "Jazz."

"Screw the French. It's freedom kissing." ~Marc

"See that stop right there? See how you didn't die? That was a sexy stop." ~Marc

(visual basic joke)
If Hot Then
ElseIf Ain't Then
End If
~Marc & Me

"Psh, that's lame. Infections are for pansies."

Me: "I hate being so short, I can't see anything."
David: "You can sit on my lap if you want."
Me: "No, David, I will not have sex with you! If you want to have sex with me, you're going to have to get me drunk and do me on prom night like any other guy! God, if you're going to take advantage of me, at least do it right!"
David: "Sorry, Carla, I'll be sure to follow protocol next time."

Me: "Caitlin, quit pissing your pants!"
Caitlin: "For the last time: IT WAS KOOL-AID!"

"What fictional character would I date? Well, I really love the Harry Potter books, but I know that someone's going to call me some creepy old pervert if I say Hermione Granger..." ~Fr. Thomas XDXDXD

Sarah: "Have you gotten a pap smear lately?"
Joe: "I'm a guy. I have no paps to smear."

"Sorry, Ted. I left my testicles at home." ~Katie

"I'm Catholic. Of course I hate the bible." ~Joe

"Oh wait, your watch is in killing people time." ~Mike

Joe: "I think Angelle drinks a gallon of mayonnaise a day. That's why she's so jolly."
Angelle: "You too, can be happy."

"Eat shit, Jeff Scott." ~Joe

"Oh, Carla...you're fun-sized!" ~Dana

"You're the poop sock guy!" ~Joe

"Buddhist sneak attacks!" ~Joe

"Let's just say the pin on his compass pointed north more often than not." ~Walter

"I just Germ-Xed my mouth." ~Joe

"It's the peace machine gun." ~Ted

Chris: "These balls are heavenly."
Sarah: "...WHAT?"

"I smoked a cigarette - which I'm never going to do again - and I lost my virginity - which I'm never going to do again."

Maria: "Any size larger than that is a dollar fifty more."

Jen: "Where'd you get those flowers?"
Joe: "Off a casket."

"Guys, it's pretty high, so grab whatever you need to hit those notes." ~Ted

"Oh, I'd totally take off my pants for anyone with a guinea pig." ~Katie

"It's kind of useless to point at a blind person, Ted." ~Katie

"Whenever my daughters have it, I read Cosmo because I want to figure out one hundred and twenty things I want somebody to do to me." ~Michael Grinfeld

Marc: "Hey...we prefer the term bohemian."

"Who are you to criticize my double-standards?" ~Fr. Thomas

"You must think I'm a whore. I don't entrust my uterus to just anyone."

Ted: "Laura, quit groping me!"
Me: "Geez, Ted, what is there to grope?"

"So do you not use deodorant, you just stuff potpourri in your armpits?" ~Sarah

"You're like a Protestant...you take a two hour break and then you go back." ~Teresa

"Zebras and rainbows make me nervous." ~Joe

"Your mom is a great dancer and I want to lick her ankles." ~Joe

(We were Christmas caroling)
Fr. Thomas: "Ted, this is a Jewish nursing home!"
Ted: "WHAT?"
Fr. Thomas: "Just kidding."

"Malaria is a son of a bitch." ~Laura

David: "I'll rock around your Christmas tree."
Marc: "I'll jingle your bells."

"Hi, we're Teresa and the Christmas Experience." ~Marc

"Hi, we're the Yule Tide Revolution." ~Marc

"Hi, we're the Jingle Bell Jammers." ~Marc

"Hi, we're the Caroling Crew." ~Marc

"That was as smooth as a car crash." ~Caleb

Me: "How did you get your hair like that?"
Joe: "It starts with a healthy prayer life."

Me: "Ted, you're like an Asian leprechaun."
Dan: "Yeah. With a bowl of rice at the end of the rainbow."

"Making Ted cry is like kicking a puppy in the balls." ~Katie

"That makes my OCD happy." ~Katie

Clay: "Ha, try being one of seven kids!"
Stud: "Hey, I was one of twenty-five."
Clay: "Who has twenty-five kids?"
Matt: "Catholics."

"Carla! Get to him before God does!" ~Megan

"I think evolving to no longer being asexual was the worst idea in history." ~Marc

"God gave man a brain and a penis, but only enough blood to run one at a time." ~Caleb

"And then I asked him, 'Mr. Penguin! What are you doing in my boot? Shouldn't you be at the North Pole?'" ~Dan

"I didn't want to be like, 'CUNT BLOCK!'" ~Katie

Dana: "Penises are weird."
Ryan: "Penises are very weird. They're like the only protruding part of the male anatomy that you don't have control over."
Beth: "Brandon can control his!"

"Hey! I know you! Let's have an informal conversation!" ~Joe

Joe: "Apparently I look like Meatloaf."
Me: "The singer and the food."

Mandy: "I can't believe you're choosing to sit here, Father Joachim."
Joe: "Well even Jesus dined with sinners and prostitutes."
Me: "So what are you implying, Joe? That Mandy and I are prostitutes?"

Mandy: "Hi, Joe."

Joe: "Oh, no. I just give Jeff shit to his face, but I say really nice things about him whenever he's not around."
Jeff: "Just think of it like a eulogy, only I'm still alive."

"Does everyone else feel really young or is it just because Fr. Joachim is here?" ~Joe

"He's such a fart. And a flirt. Let's call him Flart." ~Joe

"We don't talk about hookers. They're not real." ~Joe

(Before you read this, you must know that Joe looks like a dirty hippie and Evan uses a wheelchair. I'm not Samoan, but we have an inside joke saying that I am.)
Evan: "It's the dirty hippie's fault!"
Me: "Ooh! Score one for the cripple!"
Joe: "And the Samoan goes for the legs. Literally."

Laura: "I don't want to breathe in secondhand smoke, Joe."
Joe: "Then maybe you shouldn't be standing so close to a fire."

"I'd stamp that if it wouldn't make me a pervert." ~Joe

"Drums make me want to ovulate." ~Joe

"I gave up sleep for Lent!" ~Joe

"That's what I love about the Bible...it's chock full of scripture." ~Fr. Scott

"That sounds like someone raping an animal farm." ~Joe

"I get really angry whenever I get something in my eye because I mean, SERIOUSLY! What are the chances?" Cynthia(Cynthia's Asian)

"Sometimes alcohol isn't a social lubricant. Sometimes it's a social laxative." ~Joe

"There's a French terrorist outside!" ~Jonathon


(in a Russian/Spanish/Ukranian/Italian accent)
"I like you better when you at work." ~Sarah

Caitlin: "Oh my God, Carla...I have no boobs in this picture. Where did they go?"
Me: "I don't know. Maybe the Boob Fairy took them?"

"Martinis are the language of my people." ~Sean (Sean's gay)

Muddy: "Mike, Batman or Superman?"
Mike: "Duh! Superman, 'cuz he's real!"

Kyle: "Then what would you call Bambi? A nature film?"
Marc: "What? That's like calling Aladdin a cultural experience."

"Girls don't wash their shoes! That's what boys are for." ~Marc

"Crap, I'm walking in grass. My shoes are allergic." ~Walter

"I'm in a posthumous relationship with Frank Sinatra." ~Me

"Like you could say, 'The bird flies over the coconut,' and that can mean, 'How was the flight?' And then I'll reply, 'The lights shine bright in Albuquerque,' and that can mean, 'The flight was great. The pilot was a douchebag.'" ~Me

"Whoa...homeboy smells like a forest." ~Me

"I think I got bit by an orgasm." ~Joe

"My grandma took a vacation to vagina." ~Joe

"Men, we all have the impulse to kill our fathers and sleep with our mothers. If you haven't figured that out yet, you've been repressed and you need to get over that." ~Prof. Schenker

Me: "Who would win in a fight? Evan or Joe?"
Joe: "I'd just find some stairs."
Me: "Joe, that's terrible!"
Joe: "Well come on! In a physical fight, Evan would totally kick my ass! I can't let myself get beat up by a cripple!"

"The Dominican Order was formed to oppose the Albigensian Heresy. The Jesuits were formed to oppose the Protestant Reformation. How many Albigensians have you talked to lately?" ~Fr. Simon

"Nay-Nay passed away-way." ~Joe/Mixed Kaitlyn

Josh: "I'll let you guys pull out first before I leave."
Me: "That's what she said!"

Katie: "I just want a Pokey Stick."
Me: "That's what she said!"

Victor: "Did you guys do your homework?"
Little girl in his bible class: "No, it was too hard!"
Victor: "That's what she said."

"That's what it all comes down to in the end: who's afraid to touch whose peeper." ~Jonathon

"It's as hot as a two dollar whore in church waiting for a three dollar customer." ~Joe

"The basic idea is to concentrate as much love in this house in the next thirty-six hours, then explode it all over them." ~Colin

"You wanna smell victory, just sniff David Bowie's codpiece." ~Jeff Scott

"I don't know how you guys can handle it. My balls started sweating three feet into the door." ~Jeff Scott
(Hence, Ball-Sweat Saturday)

"I'm a big chubby muffin of burps and awkward." ~Joe

"We're bitches for the Lord." ~Me

"God loves a working man, so get your ass in gear." ~G-Side

Joe: "Just pull out. That's what she said!"
Victor: "Well obviously that doesn't work. Look at the Virgin Mary."
Danny: "Yeah. The Holy Spirit doesn't pull out."

"Your vagina says hi." ~Sean

"You smoke? We're over, Joe! TAKE YOUR PROMISE HAIR BAND BACK!" ~Sarah

Sarah N.: "Hey, what are you doing on Saturday between nine and noon?"
Me: "I believe I will be arguing with you over why I'm too busy to do whatever service event you have planned for this week, which will include a long list of excuses and will eventually end in my concession. Why?"

Victor: "Yo, J-Dawg."
Me: "Which one? Jacob's name starts with J too."
Jessie: "Well so does mine. But I'm a girl, so it doesn't apply."
Me: "Then by that logic, you would be J-Bitch."
Sean: "The only thing stopping me from calling you that for the rest of your life is the fact that we share bloodlines."

"There was one guy who ate the brains of his opponents on the battlefield, and the gods said, 'That's disgusting, you don't get to be immortal.'" ~Prof. Schenker

"If I ask, 'Is this Zeus or Poseidon?' Your answer would be, 'Yes.'" ~Prof. Schenker

"Isn't that sweet? They're all going to die. He's going to die...and he's going to die...well, she's going to get sold into slavery, if that's any consolation." ~Prof. Schenker

"Voldemort! There, I said it!" ~Prof. Schenker

"If you go into someone else's cave, at least wait for them to come home before you eat their cheese." ~Prof. Schenker

"My nipples are bigger than those sea shells." ~Victor

"Don't be hatin'. Interpretive dance frees my soul." ~Katie H.

Dr. Perry: "I'm pretty sure you'd be able to tell if it were a man or woman, despite the ski masks."
Me: "Well that's a generalization at the expense of the transgender community, and I'm pretty sure they don't appreciate that. Just throwin' that out there."

Prof. Fennel: "Y tú, Erica? Qué harrías si tu novio amara una chica otra?" (And you, Erica? What would you do if your boyfriend loved another girl?)
Erica: "Oh, um...cómo se dice 'punch him in the face?'"

Me: "What's a good excuse if you're caught helping your friend take a shower in a girls' bathroom?"
Nelson: "How much are you helping?"

Walter: "Haha, am I not fucking angelic?"
Me: "You value the truth and I value my life, so I'm not going to say anything."

Jonathan: "It's just a picture of me with a chick...en."
Victor: "Wow, Jonathan, that almost sounded promising."

Victor: "You finally escaped the birth canal."
Me: "Hold on, a minute ago you cut the umbilical chord. How can you cut the chord before you escape the birth canal?"
Victor: "We had to shove him back in. He wasn't ready. Like a premie."

Me: "I'm going to stab you in the throat."
Eric: "Carla? Is there anything you'd like say in front of the rest of the choir?"
Sean: "Um, I believe she just said it. I don't know how much clearer you want her to be."

Daniel: "Has anyone ever told you that you're beautiful when you frown?"
Me: "No."
Daniel: "That's because you're not."

"I've never died before in my life." ~Victor

Katie: "I always thought that Jonathan would have comfortable biceps."
Victor: "I can vouch for that."

"So global warming is menopause?" ~Victor

Dr. Koller: "Is anyone here from Canada?"
Katie S.: "I'm from Minnesota!"

Victor: "That guy really needs to button his shirt."
Jessie and Me: "No he doesn't."

"I could feel my kidneys giving up, but I didn't care." ~Victor

Me: "You're Vietnamese! All you do is hair!"
Victor: "What? No! We do nails! Get your stereotypes right!"

"I watched two hours of 'For the Love of Ray J.' I don't give a shit about Ray J!" ~Victor

"There's no halfway. It's dead or no dead." ~Victor

"Jesus would be rolling over in His grave if He stayed dead." ~Victor

Me: "Do you guys have any rubbing alcohol?"
Victor: "No, but we have Everclear. It's basically the same thing."

Victor: "Jonathan's looking at lobster porn!"

(Talking about the old Herbal Essences commercials)
Joe: "Do you have an orgasm every time you take a shower?"
Victor: "Not every time..."

"It's not gossip, it's fact. We're facting." ~Victor

"Jesus on three!" ~The Group

"There's a V...there's an I...there's a seizure..." ~Katie (deciphering Victor's signature)

"Don't get married in the Catholic Church. You have to do compatibility tests and shit. You can do that on eHarmony for a free six month trial or whatever." ~Bubba

"I don't know anything about marriage, but if you have to do it, prenupt the shit out of it." ~Bubba

"Don't put your sock on the seat. That's how you get STDs. You don't know how many cooches have been on there." ~Bubba

"I'm not a woman. I just have really bad cramps." ~Mike

"If that kid says 'cracka lackin' one more time, I'm gonna cracka lack him in the head." ~Jonathan

"Molly is a stupid whore." ~Clay

"They're all winners. They all belong in this nexus of winners where everyone knows each other." ~Clay

"Your jokes are so stupid! They're so stupid that they kind of make me want to laugh." ~Waiter at Ed Debevic's

"Repeat after me: 'This is your birthday song, it isn't very long.'" ~Waiter at Ed Debevic's

"Happy happy birthday, from all of Ed's to you. If I came here for my birthday, I'd hate my family too." ~Waiter at Ed Debevic's

Me: "So there's a sign above the urinal in the men's restroom at Ed Debevic's that says 'No ball playing.'"
Victor: "Man law."

Waiter: "The gratuity's included in the tip."
Mike: "Yeah, we took it out."
Waiter: "Oh, what, are you a bunch computer/math geniuses or something?"
Me: "Yeah. That's why we're not working as a bunch of grumpy waiters at a burger restaurant."

Waiter: "Do you want to see the desert menu?"
Us: "No, thanks."
Waiter: "Oh, what, you're too good for the desert menu?"
Me: "If the deserts are anything like the burgers, then yes we are."

Danny: "Well if you don't fall asleep, I won't grab it."

"If you're foaming at the mouth and it tastes like bacon grease, you have swine flu." ~Victor

Tony: "You know, in Mexico, they're called The Honas Brothers."
Sean: "I kind of want them to adopt a fourth brother named Ca, so he'd be Ca Honas."

"Oh, we will crank them out. We'll crank them out like Mexicans cranking out babies." ~Me, right in front of my supervisor

"Carla, you're a Filipino living in Texas, which means that in twenty years you'll be working at a massage parlor in the outskirts of Austin, giving people their happy endings." ~Joe

"I like to sneeze. When I was younger, I used to fart and sneeze at the same time. I'd do it for you now, but I don't know if I can do it anymore." ~Ryan

"This floatie's like a conversation condom; there are holes, but it still works." ~Muddy

Marc: "So he got in trouble for touching the male member--"
Me: "Pff. You said male member."
Marc: "I love you."

Me: "Hey, Vic, you want to talk to Kevin's roommates?"
Victor: "Are they hot?"

"There is only one instance in which you are allowed to lead with a quote, and that's when the quote is, 'I'm back,' and the person saying it is Jesus." ~Katherine

Ryan: (about The Beatles) "They looked funny."
Victor: "That's because they were British."

"I, as a homosexual, am required to be aware of the Bravo line-up at all time." ~Sean

Katie: "We could do a power 24 hours!"
Katie: "Dude, I was kidding. I don't think our livers could handle it."
Me: "Hey, you never know until you try."
Victor: "And if at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

"I love Jell-O shots. You don't need pee and your vomit looks like a rainbow." ~Katie

"Asian people are more flammable." ~Stephen

"Judge Cockburn made an influential decision on obscenity. That is his real name, I couldn't make this up." ~Prof. Davidson

(about an international student from Africa)
Clay: "But you know him right? Because he's one of your people."
Me: "Yeah, totally. We exchanged the minority handshake and everything."

Me: "Look at this kid! He smokes two packs a day and he's only two!"
Victor: "I saw that. He's a BAMF."
Me: "What the hell? He's going to get lung cancer at eight!"
Victor: "That's the price you pay for being a badass."

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True Love by Twin-Lupus reviews
What starts out as normal days for the team may unfold into days that will change their lives. Will they realize it in time? [RxS, RxBB] First story, please review! [FG]
Teen Titans - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 106,083 - Reviews: 574 - Favs: 196 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 7/14/2014 - Published: 7/14/2004 - Complete
Matryoshka by mixed.vinyl reviews
Half a year after their successful inception, Ariadne receives an offer of another job with the team, and just like the last time, she has no idea what she's getting into.
Inception - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 83,216 - Reviews: 934 - Favs: 908 - Follows: 625 - Updated: 5/3/2011 - Published: 8/1/2010 - Ariadne, Arthur - Complete
He Prayed for a Savior by bellakitse reviews
His savior was holding him and Noah Puckerman became religious
Glee - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,534 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 8 - Published: 1/3/2010 - Rachel B., Puck - Complete
Bed and Breakfast Man by Ruthless Bunny reviews
It's Christmas-time and the gang is traveling to Las Vegas. Wedding Bells anyone? Ch-31 What Happens Here, Stays Here.
Daria - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 159,995 - Reviews: 400 - Favs: 136 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 7/7/2009 - Published: 7/23/2002
30 Shades of Red by Ebony10 reviews
A collection of 30 shorts/drabbles. Most Jisbon utimately Jisbon , but a lot simply Lisbon/Jane centric. Each chapter will alternate viewpoints.
Mentalist - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 30 - Words: 22,584 - Reviews: 268 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 3/16/2009 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Patrick J., Teresa L. - Complete
All at Once by Aurilia reviews
AU. Harry didn't go to Hogwarts, he went to Stonewall Secondary. His main goal in life was to leave the Dursleys' and go to college, until Remus Lupin finds him on his seventeenth birthday and his life changes all at once. See Ch 1 AN for more info.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 39 - Words: 210,642 - Reviews: 3005 - Favs: 2,436 - Follows: 2,463 - Updated: 10/24/2008 - Published: 5/1/2006 - Harry P., Remus L.
The Locker Next Door by UnoriginalScreename reviews
When Bella Swan meets Edward Cullen, she can’t stand him. He’s arrogant, rude, and annoyingly handsome. As she vents her frustration on her blog, Bella’s feelings change. Can Bella channel her online confidence into a real-life confession? R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 14,504 - Reviews: 1101 - Favs: 1,185 - Follows: 352 - Updated: 9/24/2008 - Published: 6/2/2008 - Complete
Better than Perfect by Margaret Rose reviews
Ten years after the end of Book V, Mia struggles to be the princess the Genovians want, and Michael tries to avoid running into his ex-girlfriend, her family, and the Genovian national guard.
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 128,253 - Reviews: 852 - Favs: 347 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 6/16/2008 - Published: 7/5/2003 - Complete
Healing Her Wounds by Raine Delmont reviews
Bella never jumped. She never found out about Jacob. In fact, she married Mike Newton. Four years later, she finds herself in a abusive relationship with no way out. What will happen when Edward comes back to her? Can he save her? Will she let him? R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 32 - Words: 68,184 - Reviews: 4265 - Favs: 1,798 - Follows: 738 - Updated: 5/1/2008 - Published: 10/23/2007
No Ordinary Cinderella: Once Upon A Time by Just Your Average Teenage Girl reviews
α тαℓє σƒ α gιяℓ ωнσ нαѕ ησтнιηg єℓѕє тσ тαкє, ωнσ нαѕ ησтнιηg єℓѕє ƒσя нєя ƒαтнєя тσ вяєαк, ѕнє ιѕ вєαтєη αηd ѕнє ιѕ вяυιѕєd, ωнαт мσяє ιѕ тнєяє ℓєƒт тσ ℓσѕe? ѕσ ωнαт нαρρєηѕ, dσ ρяαу dσ тєℓℓ, ωнєη тнє cυℓℓєηѕ тяу тσ нєℓρ нєя єѕcαρє ƒяσм нєя нєℓℓ...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 28,352 - Reviews: 689 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 143 - Updated: 2/16/2008 - Published: 11/19/2007
Bella and the Beast by Elliptic Lullaby reviews
An AU version of 'Beauty and the Beast' featuring the 'Twilight' gang and their many misadventures. Read AN for full summary. Rated T to be safe. [EB]
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 57,592 - Reviews: 321 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 227 - Updated: 1/4/2008 - Published: 9/15/2006
God Bless Catastrophe by emilie whoa reviews
What if Renee never left Forks? How would that affect Bella when she meets the new kids her first day of Freshmen year at Forks High?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 37,602 - Reviews: 940 - Favs: 830 - Follows: 257 - Updated: 11/5/2007 - Published: 1/6/2007 - Complete
If Mulan Went to High School by Handmaiden of Artemis reviews
It wasn't hard to save the world. But how will Mulan survive cliques, classes, and cafeteria food? Not to mention attention from a certain football playing cutie.... AU, MxS
Mulan - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,373 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 6/21/2007 - Published: 3/4/2007
The Nine Parts of Desire by TheFicChick reviews
You never really understand desire until you've seen a pregnant woman with a jar of peanut butter.
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 10,430 - Reviews: 254 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 4/2/2007 - Published: 3/13/2007 - Complete
The Scientist by Kronoskingofthemonkeypeople reviews
What would happen if Meredith never went to Joe's the night before she started work at Seattle Grace? Would she and Derek see eachother same way by starting with a platonic relationship? This is mostly food for my curiousity but I hope you enjoy.
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 35 - Words: 40,988 - Reviews: 354 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 95 - Updated: 3/28/2007 - Published: 1/5/2007 - Complete
Sleep On It by Jez1 reviews
Meredith has abandonment issues. What if these issues were more serious than Derek realized? MerDer
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,624 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 3/13/2007 - Published: 2/17/2007 - Complete
Moonlight Sonata by Lynyrd Lionheart reviews
Bella's blood called to Edward from the first time they met. What if he didn't reisist that call?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 37,829 - Reviews: 603 - Favs: 462 - Follows: 181 - Updated: 2/11/2007 - Published: 1/12/2007 - Complete
The Truth About Love by SkyEvangeline reviews
In the end, we’re always left with a lingering question: What is love?
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 31,922 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 9/13/2006 - Published: 9/7/2006 - Complete
Dealin' With It? Psh Rollin' With It by Thought'sPen reviews
I'm Tristan Dugrey. I extended a hand and smirked. You can call me God. Tristan's going to do more than just cope in military school, he's going to rule. Trory of course.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 36,269 - Reviews: 662 - Favs: 226 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 8/4/2006 - Published: 10/14/2004 - Tristan D., Rory G. - Complete
Not As Easy As It Looks by MidnightBlue88 reviews
After detention, the five teens try make their new friendships work, with mixed results. Is passion enough for John and Claire? How well do Andy and Allison really know one other? Where does Brian fit in? DISCONTINUED
Breakfast Club - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 54 - Words: 119,456 - Reviews: 901 - Favs: 250 - Follows: 175 - Updated: 7/20/2006 - Published: 6/8/2005
Kissing the Bully by blank82 reviews
SUMMARY CHANGED. A valiant childhood rivalry put on hiatus. Six years later, dramatics will ensure and hormones will rage as Jess and Rory find that cupidity and overwhelming detestation are very much the same thing. Literati
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,589 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 5/6/2006 - Published: 10/22/2005 - Rory G., Jess M.
Scratch by TrueLove0526 reviews
It’s been eight months since he left you and you’re still in love with him. You try not to let that bother you.
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,827 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 7 - Published: 4/9/2006 - Complete
From Michael’s Computer to Yours by Melika Elena reviews
COMPLETE. It’s been done before, but as Mia would say, “whatever”. Go into the computer and mind of Michael Moscovitz and see his thoughts on his life, his parents, his sister, and most importantly, his sister’s best friend.
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 14,672 - Reviews: 220 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 2/21/2006 - Published: 4/21/2005 - Complete
Lights, Camera, Action! by Bittersweetbloodbaby reviews
AU Jess is the bad boy playing the nerd, while Rory is the good girl playing the vixen. There’s chemistry onscreen, but what about off?
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 67,730 - Reviews: 807 - Favs: 240 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 10/27/2005 - Published: 5/15/2005 - Rory G., Jess M. - Complete
The Emperor's Pendant by MiniEllie reviews
Mulan's back in the army, Chien-Po's ill, Shang's in love but is too shy to admit it, Yao's betrothed, Ling makes a discovery and out there, a big bunch of Huns are coming to get them...
Mulan - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 104,725 - Reviews: 360 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 9/1/2005 - Published: 9/4/2004
Living without Danger by whydoyouneedtoknow reviews
AU, second in main Dangerverse, complete. Harry Potter, Hermione Granger–Lupin, and Draco Black were raised by the Marauders and their wives. Now they and their friend Ron Weasley are off to Hogwarts. Heaven help Hogwarts. Years 1 and 2, twisted canon.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 36 - Words: 242,469 - Reviews: 2378 - Favs: 1,578 - Follows: 372 - Updated: 8/29/2005 - Published: 3/15/2005 - Complete
ExBoyfriend by SushiChica reviews
When Starfire's ex shows up, trouble brews. He's willing to do anything to make her love him again, even if it means eliminating the one thing that stands in the way. RobStar RaeBB COMPLETE
Teen Titans - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 80,542 - Reviews: 1216 - Favs: 339 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 8/22/2005 - Published: 8/6/2004 - Complete
Serendipity by Jjah-Jjah reviews
A down and out Haru, once again, saves the life of a strange cat and is given her heart's desire in return... One Shot
Cat Returns - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,279 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 32 - Published: 8/4/2005 - Complete
Was It a Crime? by jacki reviews
CHAPTER FOUR. Michael has been missing. What happens when he shows up outside Mia's window? How can he explain? Was he kidnapped? Why is he coming on to Mia all of a sudden? And what does all of this have to do with Alex James from Blur? READ ME. DO IT.
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,967 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/6/2005 - Published: 12/17/2004
Puppet Master by rjs0123 reviews
A prank war, or something more? RoryLogan! COMPLETE!
Gilmore Girls - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 26 - Words: 41,171 - Reviews: 720 - Favs: 309 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 7/3/2005 - Published: 12/4/2004 - Rory G., Logan H. - Complete
Shine by luna leigh reviews
Beth's last summer before college was going perfectly well until the arrival of Will Darcy threatened to change everything. After repeated misunderstandings, can they ever manage to be friends?
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 109,246 - Reviews: 804 - Favs: 1,235 - Follows: 179 - Updated: 6/10/2005 - Published: 9/24/2003 - Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy - Complete
The Magnolia Tree by Mii-chan1 reviews
[Complete]The death of Shang's father and his new responsibility as General have made him a hardened man. Emotions are forms of weakness. He's no longer the kind Shang we knew. Will Mulan be able to get the old Shang back or is the new Shang here to stay?
Mulan - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 29,744 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 6/8/2005 - Published: 5/26/2004 - Complete
Pictures of Success by schwartzibrow reviews
AU: What happens when Mia falls for the guy slated to play Josh in the movie of her life? Note: Not Erik Von Detten.
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 36,465 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/20/2005 - Published: 1/2/2005 - Complete
Truths by Neurotica reviews
Complete and Revised.AU.After an odd sighting on the full moon, Remus begins to realize his what he's believed for five years isn't quite accurate. With a little help from Dumbledore, Sirius is set free and the Marauders attempt to raise Harry. Pre-DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 30 - Words: 100,574 - Reviews: 971 - Favs: 1,362 - Follows: 297 - Updated: 1/27/2005 - Published: 11/10/2004 - Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Power of Truth by CreativeQuill reviews
COMPLETE! What if the magical world DID exist? What if Harry Potter and the major characters from the books were real, and there was a very real threat looming from the magical world?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 90,936 - Reviews: 307 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 9/14/2004 - Published: 7/8/2004 - Harry P. - Complete
Teen Titans: Prince Charming by Seth Turtle reviews
Primarily a RobinStarfire fic. Starfire is taken home to marry a prince in order to end a deadly civil war. But, it turns out someone on Tamaran is setting a trap, and Starfire is the key.
Teen Titans - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 32,865 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 140 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 3/7/2004 - Published: 2/5/2004 - Starfire, Robin - Complete
Pink and Red by Poodernite reviews
A short AU ficlet. Rory and Jess are in fourth grade. It's valentine's day in elementary school. Literati, enjoy.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,580 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/12/2004 - Rory G., Jess M.
Yin Yang Out Of Balance by Bao Li Na reviews
Mulan is sent to Camp Wu Zhong to get through really harsh martial arts practice, and Shang acts a bit weird with her...he's always following her around and pointing out her mistakes, obviously she's not gonna like it.
Mulan - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,466 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 6/1/2003 - Published: 12/14/2002
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Never Say Forever reviews
All Human: After her parents' bitter divorce, Bella Swan had long given up on the idea of forever. But can her best friend, Edward Cullen, convince her that lasting love truly exists?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,180 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 9/20/2009 - Published: 7/27/2009
Celebrity reviews
Nearly everyone in the universe knows that Wanda's a celebrity... Ian isn't one of them. How does he react when he finds out?
Host - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,203 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 14 - Published: 8/16/2009 - Ian O., Wanderer/Wanda - Complete
Cravings reviews
A companion story to Raid: Looks like Wanda might not need those tampons for quite a while...nine months to be exact.
Host - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,896 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 37 - Published: 8/14/2009 - Complete
On the Mend reviews
FINISHED AU: After the brutal murder of her parents, Bella's sent to live in Forks under the Witness Protection Program. Her will to live dwindles with each passing day...but can a sympathetic Edward convince her that life is worth living after all?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 17 - Words: 67,343 - Reviews: 352 - Favs: 229 - Follows: 130 - Updated: 11/22/2008 - Published: 6/11/2008 - Complete
Hot Dogs reviews
Derek attempts to explain the facts of life to his three year old daughter...and ends up failing miserably. Just a one-shot, MerDer fluff!
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 884 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/16/2008 - Complete
Raid reviews
Melanie and Wanda have...special needs. How in the world can they explain it to the boys?
Host - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,279 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 154 - Follows: 33 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Complete
Shadows of Hope reviews
AU: "Bella, can’t you see?" Edward whispered. "Even when I was human, I was never alive. I was never able to truly breathe until I met you. You are everything to me now and forever, and if you die then I would die as well."
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Spiritual - Chapters: 16 - Words: 42,780 - Reviews: 423 - Favs: 211 - Follows: 310 - Updated: 6/19/2008 - Published: 2/20/2007
All's Fair in Love and War reviews
AU: The year was 1945. In times like these, you never know when something could come along and change your life. In my case, I broke the rules. I fell in love. Literati
Gilmore Girls - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 11,734 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 5/19/2008 - Published: 6/12/2007 - Rory G., Jess M.
Worst Friends, Best Enemies reviews
FINISHED AU: Derek and Meredith have grown up next to each other and have hated every minute of it. Now that the two of them are in the same work place, will they finally realize that animosity is closer to love than they thought? MerDer
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 29,015 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 174 - Updated: 2/25/2008 - Published: 4/30/2007 - Complete
The City of Sin reviews
One week till Bella's wedding. Aside from the obvious, there's one more experience she has to go through. Bella's reluctant, but come on...what wedding is complete without a bachelorette party? one-shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,291 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 8 - Published: 1/17/2008 - Complete
Angel of Music reviews
AU: Take your loveable Twilight characters and put them into the Phantom of the Opera: Bella is Christine, Jacob is Raoul, and Edward is the Phantom. Begins like the Broadway play, but Twilightesque twists will change everything.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,410 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 33 - Published: 9/21/2007
This Heart reviews
[FINISHED] Meredith Grey never fully appreciated what it was like to be a patient until now. Tragic news forces her to re examine her life, and to make an important decision. Can she find the strength to tell the one person who matters the most? MerDer
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 27,754 - Reviews: 379 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 6/19/2007 - Published: 3/26/2007 - Complete
Dirty Dancing: Grey's Anatomy Style! reviews
AU: That was the summer of 1963. When everybody called me Mer and it didn't occur to me to mind. That was the summer we went to Kellerman's...and that was also the summer I fell in love. MerDer
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,729 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 6/19/2007 - Published: 5/29/2007
Seattle Grace Preparatory High School reviews
FINISHED AU: Meredith Grey is just like any other teenager in high school: struggling to understand her mother, trying to pass Biology, making friends, and falling in love with the most unattainable guy at Seattle Grace Prep.
Grey's Anatomy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 57,717 - Reviews: 575 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 4/27/2007 - Published: 2/2/2007 - Complete
Take Me Away reviews
AU: Michael's been trying to get Mia off his mind and move on with his life, but he just can't shake this feeling about her new friend, Chris McLachlan. And who's this new superhero on the scene? Well, he sure is hot...[sequel to Supergirl]
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 14,826 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 3/16/2007 - Published: 2/21/2006
A Tale of Two Royals reviews
AU: What do you get when you mix Prince Michael Moscovitz of Monaco, Princess Amelia Renaldo of Genovia, crazy royal families, ADD, and Hugh Jackman? A new xiao chan fic, that's what.
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 17,697 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 7/27/2006 - Published: 6/4/2006
Cupid's Magic reviews
Little kids are just so cute! Michael and Mia are no exception. But while Michael doesn't believe in the power of Valentine's Day, can little Mia manage to convince him? One shot.
Princess Diaries - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,008 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/23/2006 - Complete
Most Eligible Bachelorette reviews
[FINISHED] Five years after they've broken up, Michael and Mia continue to stay single. Grandmere starts a romance reality TV show on Mia's behalf and Lilly signs Michael up for the same show. Will sparks fly...again?
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 34,064 - Reviews: 545 - Favs: 168 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 2/16/2006 - Published: 5/27/2005 - Complete
Supergirl reviews
[FINISHED] AU: NOT based off the movie. Mia has set off on a lone mission to save her country and all those she loves from the corruption of Parliament and her enemies. But who's gonna save her from a loveless marriage and a lonely life? MM
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 38,993 - Reviews: 237 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 2/12/2006 - Published: 8/21/2005 - Complete
My Knight in Shining Armor reviews
[FINISHED] AU: When Mia finds out she's a princess, she's introduced to her new bodyguard. What happens when sparks fly between the two of them? MM
Princess Diaries - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 27,009 - Reviews: 435 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 11/25/2005 - Published: 4/29/2005 - Complete
Winning State reviews
Intensity...Pride...Tradition...all these words are familiar to a true band geek. When it all comes together, the result is so much more than anyone could ever expect.
Marching Band - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,595 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/19/2005 - Complete
I Do Times Two reviews
Lorelai and Rory plan a double wedding. Will Emily take over? Will Luke and Tristan survive? Will they live happily ever after? Trory and Luke x Lorelai.
Gilmore Girls - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,160 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 6/18/2005 - Published: 3/31/2005
Forever reviews
[FINISHED] Takes place after Shang lets go of Mulan in Mulan II. Shang gets amnesia and Mulan has plans to become queen. What will happen when they unexpectedly meet years later?
Mulan - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 16,229 - Reviews: 220 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 6/4/2005 - Published: 2/8/2005 - Complete
Let Me Take You Home reviews
Robin gets drunk to try and forget. Who's gonna come and take him home? Songfic to Closing Time by Semisonic.
Teen Titans - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 620 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/28/2005 - Robin, Starfire - Complete
Piggy Perspective reviews
Why does Saizou hate Tetsu so much? Well, this is just my idea. It's really weird, so don't say I didn't warn you.
Peacemaker Kurogane - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 449 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 4 - Published: 1/25/2005 - Complete
Mulan vs Matchmaker reviews
It's Mulan's final chance to prove to the Matchmaker that she's truly talented and graceful. What happens when Shang unexepetedly shows up?
Mulan - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,742 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 180 - Follows: 32 - Published: 1/24/2005 - Complete
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