Author has written 13 stories for Edgar Allan Poe, and Radio Dramas.
Now accepting beta requests.
TigerShadow (TigerintheShadows on too.com, TigerShadow on the Soda Shop) drew Jason and Connie for my avatar and covers for my stories.
Possible spoilers ahead
IF THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY STORY CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME?
Chapter 5 up. Maybe silly but who cares.
Sometimes it works good this way. Not write for a while, but think about it, and then when you start to write you can't stop. I had written some notes down yesterday and today I just started by typing them into a Word doc and then I just kept typing--I kept getting more ideas for what they were saying and doing--I couldn't stop even though it wasn't exactly my priority. I do intend to write a little slower now with this story, partly because of my other stories I'm focusing on, and partly because of how the story is constructed. It's not an "adventure" so it's not as urgent. And it has the potential to have chapters added onto it as things go on...Not sure how many. Perhaps we'll stop after the next chapter or two. Because I have ideas...that's also the reason I've been going slower. And it's over a longer period of time. A couple months will go by.
I wrote Chapter 5 today and started Chapter 6. I couldn't write fast enough for my ideas and so I'll probably have to go back and fix it. I haven't re-read it--not sure what the finished product is. :) But fun writing it. Fanfic is fun. and I'm not going to abandon J/C anytime soon. I love them. Even though it may be AU. I'll write a whole AU saga...stretching forever...
I have ideas for other stories too...more in Jason/Tasha adventures and perhaps something back in the old days with Blackgaard...even an AU with it...
Chapter 4 up! Not sure how well it's working but oh well. It's been a long time in coming. See if you can tell which point I found out that canon Jasonnie is not going to come to fruition, and see if you can see a difference in tone.
I'm going to try to ignore that though and go ahead now that I know it'll be AU. A whole divergent point from the main Odyssey. Free to do what I want... problem is, I don't want it to totally lose its Odyssey character and be something else...or maybe it will... others have written stories that were fanfiction and turned into regular fiction.
Well I wrote some more of Chapter 4 today. It's going rather slowly, but it's going.
I have other projects that have to be the priority, but I have not forgotten this and won't abandon it. It just will be a while before it's updated...Or who knows, I could start writing and finish the chapter by tomorrow. You just never know.
Plus I have ideas for the stories going forward, into the future.
researching foods that are good for pregnant women. :)
HAHA I just realized my previous posts had the wrong date on them. And here I thought I hadn't done that yet this year. Maybe I should just erase them...
I have not abandoned A New Life. It's just been on hold. But never fear, I think that I will have to continue it. I have the ideas for moving forward...
Plus, I wrote some of Chapter 4 today. It's been a while. But whenever I hear about babies, I want to write this...and today it built up into inspiration. I have perhaps recovered sufficiently enough to ignore Canon and move forward. How excited Connie and Jason are about the baby.
a BIT in the mood for the next Jason/Tasha story. What do you think?
If I continue, it may inevitably be different in tone, unless I can totally forget the fact that there is virtually no chance of Jason/Connie in real life. What is that called? Denial, or suspension of disbelief.
Reread A New Life so far. After all the time I put into it--hours so far, for 6000 words-you'd think it would be a little better. Even considering the fact that most of these stories are a little rough-drafty and posted probably prematurely as they're mostly for fun. What was I thinking? Perhaps this is a silly thing to do after all. Stepping back from it a little bit.
Should I continue this series? If I do, they'll have to inevitably face more hardships. To have stories, there must be conflict, and I tend to write epic storylines, which means bad things happen. Should I continue, or should they stay happy?
Chapter 3 up.
I always want to post the chapter but never sure if I should post it. Oh, well, it's fanfiction, I can do what I want.
Connie and Jason
Chapter 2 up. Lots of romance-ish things and love and kisses but if you're reading this you're ok with romance anyway and they are married. And very much in love.
They do need some happiness after all that's happened. That's what this is. But there also must be a plot. and fitting into the whole series. Things will happen in the next chapter...
there is a bit of tension here showing how there will be a conflict that will have to be resolved sooner or later. They are in love, but different people, and they'll have to work this out. And work through any problems that come their way, together. Never apart again.
Well I posted a new story. I wasn't intending to write or post it that early. But I felt like it. So. It may be a little premature, a little rough yet...Oh well.
perhaps I should have just kept it to myself for a little but when I write something and enjoy it I want to share it.
This are going in a little different direction, if you can tell...But.
We'll have to wait and see what happens...
Well, not so sure how good that last one was. It's for fun anyway. I've got to focus more on my original novels, but I'll still be doing fanfiction. I'm working on a post-Collision story, to kind of recover from it/their reaction to what happened. A little. More like getting over it and getting on with their new lives as married couple in Odyssey.
I wrote some of it-- several different versions. They weren't working very well. Then yesterday morning I just started writing and I could not keep up with my ideas and I, the author, dissolved and the characters were speaking--I was there with them. That's the best way to write. I look back on it and of course it's pretty rough--but there's some good parts. Connie/Jason--I do so love them together.
However, I might write another Jason as a young agent story--so for those of you who like Jason and Tasha--
Ideas welcome. Any and all comments questions etc.
Chapter 23 up.
I kind of want to make another story now, too... of them at home. Make a different one, because I don't want a long epilogue. I want to be able to tell another story, kind of like Echoes...but not as traumatic. Though conflict drives fiction... I don't want them to have a fight soon after they're married either. And I don't want anyone to be kidnapped etc...we've had enough of that for a while. Perhaps some random scenes...but there needs to be a common thread through it.
my I don't know if the last chapter was ok. It may have been kind of rushed...I just wanted to get done with it. Need to dwell more on what he was feeling...but then things did happen fast. I guess it's good that this series is over. We can start fresh. Might take a little while to recover from this... Might write some scenes to help me recover, show them recovering, starting their new lives together. Odyssey, back to normal...'normal' conflict? --can I write that? --
some of this I can't believe I wrote... partly comes from having Gray and what happened to him. Things had to come together in some way...
Things all work out in the end. I could have...let it go further--but we are not writing a tragedy. At least not to that point...I couldn't do that to Jason. (draw the line somewhere...)
it is interesting to think of how he would react, but only in a purely theoretical manner. More so than is the scope of fanfiction, mine anyway.
Odyssey may go dark places sometimes, and my version go darker...but there is always a spark of light at the center of it, and things always work out in the end.
sorta my writing philosophy, as that is how the world is. Dark but there are threads of good through it...and in the end, it will all be swept away. And those who chose the Right will live "happily ever after".
This might be one I need to totally revise. The funny thing is, it might have worked better if I'd stuck to the original idea...although, practically, it would have worked less. Logically, it didn't make sense. So maybe not. And Connie and Jason wouldn't have been married.
I will just try to do better next time. I hope this story is ok in some ways though. I'll have to read through the whole thing at some point...
next ones more careful with...shorter?
this did take all summer and part of fall...wow.
Posted 22. Yesterday actually. Revised a bit of the ending. Cliffhanger!
yes we are used to cliffhangers especially ones where someone gets unconscious.
I am not used to not getting reviews this close to the end, so it's hard to know what people think. I think I may be getting a little sloppy.
part of it is I'm ready to be done with this story. things didn't quite go how I wanted...but at the same time, worked out better than I thought...considering.
but when I am done with it, then what? I will want to write more. I don't know what will happen though...
prhaps I won't post the last chapter because I don't know if anyone cares about what happens in my imaginary universe which isn't even real--it's not the real Jason after all
I need to revise it some but should I totally rewrite it? Not so happy with Chapter 22. I envisioned it a different way, but that wasn't working so..
Should I just post it? I am not sure.
in a way I am satisfied with the ending, but it wasn't how I thought.
Better than perhaps I expected, though, after all that trouble...
It does work with how it started, though. Somehow things came together.
Unless I'm imagining that.
But it was kind of traumatic, no matter how you look at it.
cathartic in a way--relieved/happy--but also traumatic. For me, who didnt' even have to live through it. :)
I am ready to write some cute vignettes of Jason and Connie starting their lives.
cute scenes of them putting their house in order...decorating...just being together. relieved after all that happened.
but it won't stay happy forever.. :( Conflict drives stories, so..
but we may stay in Odyssey for a while, just normal stuff... Need to recover.
and i keep seeing cute scenes... I can hardly stand it they are so cute. i want to see more of them just doing normal happy things.
I realy hope for them in 'real life'. ...
Okay, well...I didn't intend that...but I wrote the rest of the story tonight! It may be kind of fast...but I needed to get to the climax and through it because I didn't want to dwell on this too much! And events in the end go fast anyway, and so. There we are. Because I wrote it so fast, I'll have to go back and fix it, maybe add some things, and subtract some things...no guarantees it'll be perfect. : ) but hopefully make some sense. Give some closure.
it's the end really, of the Fallout series, and transitioning to the next.
One thing I've learned in this series, though, is that one event leads to another. There's always a 'fallout' of what happened. There will be of this. 'Repercussions' of what happened in this story. And so I already have ideas for the next story... it seems to be not a big long one, but maybe shorter, like Echoes...dealing a little bit of what happened, but not a lot...More focusing on Connie and Jason's relationship.
and then further on an 'epic' one...totally different. But of course still threads from this...good characters always react, learn, and grow from what they experienced.
I did want to finish this story this weekend, as I may be starting something that will take up time next week--also Nano which I may use as excuse to start next novel... But I hope that this will not be the last. I will at least try to write something in my spare time. Because despite its troubles, it's been wonderful. I like to write these...even though they sometimes go some pretty dark places. Helps me work out some things in my own life...sorta.
we'll see. I do wonder what people will think of this, and the end...it went some places I wasn't totally intending, and I dared not go too far, especially since I didn't want to, at all, go any further than I did. Those who read it may see what I mean.
I did cry in this last chapter, just so you know.
Posted Chapter 21. I did split it in two, although I have written that long of chapters before. Oh, well, some of the chapters in this story are short, and it seemed a good place to stop.
It's sad...I don't know if I should write this but that's the direction it's turned...further than I thought it would...things could go several ways: choose your own adventure
Hm, that's an idea.
But I know what I want...the one that leads to closure.
could probably write anything at this point. Hope I'm not getting sloppy... I want the climax to be good. I am horrible; I am addicted to reviews and I used to despise people who were. But my love language is words and one word can make my day or send me spiraling into darkness...
words mean something to me. Maybe why I'm a writer.
or trying to be...
I say bad things to myself, and these things have power. I should say good things perhaps. Good is always better.
no guarantees what I'll write at 11:00 at night...random thoughts, leftover from the day...stream of consciousness, weaving into dreams...
Well, I have written all of Chapter 21. The second part went really fast--I wrote the scenes before I could figure out just how to word them, so they may not make sense. But it helps to write fast when you are writing action--the sentences are 'choppy' anyway. And you have to get all the words out--it's like you're along with Jason as he acts and reacts quickly. I knew vaguely what would happen, but the specific scene eluded me until I started writing. Where it happened etc. A lot needs fixing at least for clarity. There's over 3000 words; maybe I should break it into two parts.
It's going longer than I thought it would; we're sort of at the climax--but not at the peak of it, I suppose. Things definitely aren't resolved by the end of Chapter 21 (and 22?)
I've reached over 200,000 words! Wow!
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climaxes are hard but fun. You have to pull all the elements together--the thing you've been imagining for months is going to happen-- but what if you don't make it work? Worse, what if you never write it? And all of this will have been for nothing.
So you have to write, even if it's not the best, for the alternative is worse. Nothing is worse, at least in this case.
Part of what this series is too is that I am trying to work out what it would be like to forgive your worst enemy, who had done terrible things to you. How do you forgive someone while not letting them hurt you or others?
It is still going on in my family. My sister's ex--who she was married to for only a couple months before they divorced, because he started abusing her--is going to have a trial soon. After the divorce, he still feels like he owns her. He's done things like try to run her off the road with his car. All kinds of drama. He got her fired from her first job out of college. This summer he climbed on the roof of my sister's apartment, trying to get inside. I am afraid he will get released soon and hurt my sister, her daughter, or my family. I thought I had forgiven him but mostly I try to put it out of my mind. The anger is still there. So no, writing about it does not automatically make the same thing happen in real life. Thinking about things is not the same as doing it. You have to make your own choices.
You can't protect someone else without having that anger. Without it, you give in to fear. So perhaps there is something to what Jesus said--if someone strikes you on the right cheek, let him slap you on the left. Is that truly what it means? To always be the victim? It isn't good for the victimizer to do these things and get away with it. They will just get more corrupted and unrepentant. If there is no punishment, the innocent will be attacked and the evildoers will take over.
And yet...there is transforming power in love. That is what this series is, really. About love. I was trying to examine it, but looking at it directly, you can't really see what it is, like a star. So now we're just drawing in all the loose ends of a story, kind of half-heartedly...Because some of this was envisioned a long time ago, and I have to get that vision out in the open, you see. See if it will work. It is, perhaps, working less than my previous stories. I just have a little left anyway.
but it seems I am in the twilight of it...at the end of what I am capable of in this universe...drying out .I hope that's not the case and there will be a renaissance. But I feel alone out here, like a last dying star at the end of the universe...growing cold, then going out.
Well I have not experienced what Jason has of course but
maybe not a big deal to others, but when I was 11 I was at a fair. Because Mom did fair face painting for a kids ministry. Us kids always tagged along. We went there to set up. There was a 15 year old boy hanging around. I don't know why. It was a small town, didn't have anything else to do. Also...-- I was sitting on a bench in the fair trailer and mom must've been outside. The boy was there. He leaned over and kissed me on the mouth and said, "Was that good for you?" (I always remember what he said--um--no! but I froze and couldn't move, couldn't say no--why?) Mom came in a moment later and I ran out to the car, hiding with my sister who bounced around all happy not knowing what had just happened. It wasn't much but it was- it stuck in my mind for a long time, (along with totally different events when I was 7...and when i was 15...) a defining event sadly. I don't know why, I mean it wasn't as bad as lots of other people experience but even now when I think about it I feel sick, hot and angry inside.
They say that the events that you remember are the ones that define you. I wonder what that has done to me. Why I write about some of these things...involuntary contact, your will being taken from you...trying to deal with it. catharsis. or whatever. anyway.
Chapter 20 up. 20 chapters! Things seem different in this chapter but that's because they are different. Situation with Gray...and things he has never faced before...
A little tentative about posting the next chapter because I'm not sure if I should leave some things in or take them out. It's hard to know without feedback. There are some things that are...well, a little difficult. Because there are parallels between Gray and Jason at this point...
Eek! Chapter 20 finished. Didn't quite get to where I wanted--but it's already over 3000 words (probably go down after editing). It went places I wasn't quite expecting to go...but they do make sense, considering what's gone on before.
I cried at several points in this chapter. It's very sad--how things have caught Jason in their grip, even worse than before...or portending that way. And with Connie--
faces worse than he has before. Worse than Gray has, even.
finales always increase the tension...
Started Chapter 21, which starts with Connie's POV. She knows something is wrong...
I am working on Chapter 20. In a way, it's not as bad as Jason might have expected, considering his previous experiences. But in another way, it's worse. Or, the possibilities are worse. What he could face... I had the general idea, but something else appeared as I wrote it, an aspect...it's horrible to even contemplate. And if it happened could affect his relationship with Connie, if he ever gets out of this...:(
my, my poor Jason always has to go to the darkest places...
writing climaxes gets intense. I am also writing the last part of Impact (probably)...which I thought of for a while but couldn't bring myself to tackle. Partly because it's hard to write about--hard to get right, and partly because it's hard to face such things directly... when it is Tasha, and even Gray--I would not wish what happened on him. It is part of the storyline...but then, characters always have free will; you should guide them but not force them to react a certain way, unless it makes sense for the character.
relates to Collision and perhaps what happens after it...
well I suppose the stories could be better but I have to write them no matter if they aren't so much. I just hope I'm not ruining the characters so I will never write about it again
not as good as my other stories?
This had to happen; it may seem like it's happened before but that's because it's what Jason has to face, to get over
the end of this section of the series
once and for all
Gray and Jason--resolve that
Well, who knows what will be totally resolved. :) this is just an idea.
Chapter 19 up. Things are always the bare minimum of acceptability for being posted. :) I have to stop at some point. I can't really get far into the next chapter until I post the one before it. But I also can't post something that has any grammatical errors (that I can see) or lacks clarity or too much redundancy. Hopefully have weeded these kinds of things out. If you see them, please point them out. Inconsistencies especially--something I may not have caught, because I'm too close to it.
It's kind of a weird chapter too though. A little surreal of a situation for Jason to be in. And there is the collision, what this story is named for...
some interesting stuff happening in the next chapter already. Some things that you might not (or might...) expect... some things even took me by surprise. Ideas that pop up while I'm writing. ...
I have finished Chapter 19. Started Chapter 20! May and probably will post 19 tomorrow. Some interesting things are happening...Things are starting to come together...build toward climax. May be in Chapter 20. Or close to it. I partly don't know what I'm doing and partly do, which makes for a story that is a little uneven perhaps. Sometimes I write fast because that's how fast the ideas are, and sometimes I'm just plodding along, barely making it. I just don't want to diverge too far from the characters, while having a unique story. (can't really write anymore as evidenced by this note and so must go to bed. Headache mashed my brain more than usual. Stuff tomorrow. Till evening oc. )
Chapter 18 up. Hopefully it makes sense. It's getting closer toward the end. Perhaps it could have been drawn out a little more...then again, I think that was part of the problem. Not knowing how to go from there to here. Jumping ahead gets rid of some of those problems. Also probably for the best, since it's got more action and we have more of a focus. Also the story kind of took me there. The best writing is when the story writes itself. It may seem rather sudden...Not sure. Oh well. The story can't go on forever. I already have ideas for the next stories... a short one focusing on Jason and Connie back in Odyssey, and another longer adventure...and maybe going back into the past with Tasha... ideas inspire more ideas. :) Same with stories.
Okay, weird chapter. Chapter 18. I've written it, but need to edit it of course. It's kind of a roller-coaster ride of a plot. It kind of went in a different direction than I intended--at least, not so soon--but the ideas happened as I was writing and I just went with it. The circumstances combined with the character's choices can give you surprises you didn't plan. Often they're better than sticking with any plan, because they're more natural. I hope. Not totally sure if this makes sense--I thought about re-writing it, but I will probably post it just to see what people think. Although...there's never any guarantee of a review...:)
I finished Chapter 17. It'll have to be edited before posting... smoothed out since there are several sections to it, written at different times, as I tried to work it out. I actually rewrote it--the first version veered off into a weird direction I didn't know how to get them out of. And I'd sort of lost track of Jason--his POV and emotions. Just weird plot... maybe not so bad, but this versions better. (makes you wonder what if you rewrote all your chapters--but what if they never were done. it all has to do with whether the chapter turns out the way you want it and serves the overall story.) Jason and Connie's conversation I especially like--I almost just summarized it and some of it still doesn't make sense but I just started writing it and it flowed--they were both speaking together --I wasn't there. That kind of writing is the best. When it's the characters making the decisions. Speaking in their own voices. Also shows how natural Jason and Connie's relationship could be, if done on the show.
It's been easy to get discouraged in the middle. This one especially...perhaps because it's so far afield? Whatever I'm trying to say. I can't leave it there though. If at all possible, I will try to finish this story.
Even if I have to work on it just a few hours a week or so...I'll get it done.
Reviews do help encourage me, though, especially in these horribly sticky parts. :(
Hopefully toward the end--which I visualized more--it will go faster. Like it was a couple chapters ago...
anyway. I have tons of other stuff to work on, but I don't want to neglect this story. If I have only one reader, it's worth it.
if neither the writer or the readers are enjoying a story, should it continue?
Perhaps this is the end. I thought my vision was working but maybe it isn't.
ha. Hm. end of my glorious career as AIO fanfiction writer.
it was really one of the most enjoyable things I ever did. And I met so many great people through it. I don't want to go...
Chapter 16 up. It's probably the longest chapter in Collision so far. I figured I'd better get things moving.
Probably more action-y from now till the end. Not totally sure how much longer that will be. But at least 2/3 through, probably more...
Finished Chapter 16. It's really long but will probably be shorter when I edit it.
part of the problem is that things have slowed down in the middle. There isn't a lot of action. Even the romance has taken a back seat. It's Jason trying to find clues, which are hard when there's so little to go on. Things go faster when there's action--perhaps I should have just summarized the middle meetings? I do kind of stop reading fanfics once they get slow, especially if they are long. And it's supposed to be action-y. Well, it will be. Once we get to the action--happening soon--things will probably go faster.
Another problem is I try to do a whole bunch of things at once. Focus is most important when writing; I may have said that at some point. :)
I so want to do them justice. I really need to get this story written! I do like it. All stories have their difficult parts. the (other) most important thing is to keep your characters in character and write them well.
Perhaps I should zip right through this story and get to the next one.
Perhaps it is the location--I can't write about somewhere I've never been. What even is this?
Why is this part so hard? I don't even know. Perhaps I've lost my ability to tell this story, to write about Jason. Perhaps I've outstayed my welcome.
IS THIS STORY ANY GOOD? or am I going overboard doing all these sequels, trying to recapture the magic of the original. Is Jason too far from the Jason of the show? Why isn't it working? It was. I liked the first part.
Perhaps it's just a symptom of being in the middle. Will I ever emerge from it is the question.
does anyone care
I am kind of stuck at a part. I know what happens next but I need to get over this part and I don't know how! I don't want to make Jason seem like he doesn't, because a trained agent would know this. It's pretty elementary. Tasha wouldn't want someone who didn't know and it's not like all of his tradecraft was erased that easily
Posted new chapter. may not be perfect but I fixed a few things in it. Needed to work out before moving forward.
So tired, I wish I could write more but I have been researching this morning. Lebanese names.
May make another chapter of Impact, to explain things...
This is sort of the dark ages of my fanfiction, perhaps the twilight...no reviews, no one talking to me anymore on the internet...perhaps I've chased them all away. perhaps there is no more in me--I thought it would be a good wonderful story to transition to the next ones but perhaps I have ruined it. go out with a bang? no a whimper. and here I wanted JC to be amazing and have amazing story after them but now I've ruined it and gone the opposite... thought I would write fanfiction always but perhaps I have nothing left to offer and I don't have much time because I can't make this a priority after all...wish I could write it all the time and then... wish I could incorporate research right but ends up feeling awkward. perhaps I should stick with imaginary places like Odyssey and Muldavia...too much to keep track of without wondering if I'll ruin it. It's a fictionalized version of the city after all like Chicago but at least I've been to Chicago...my sister is in SAm (Chile) and I am jealous because I started writing this way before she went and now I am just in it in my imagination and her bf paid for it, like that's even fair! I don't want to have to depend on anyone anyway. Then you owe them, they own a part of you. I need to be independent and not let anyone take advantage of me like so many women do. so anyway I don't even know what I'm doing now because end of week, end of day I'm barely awake or even alive so I need to go to bed and although I was trying to write more of this story
I can't end it I have to write the rest. I have to always finish what I start. why can't it be wonderful though? when I'm writing it it's like I'm in SAm so there. I don't want to trade places with her I just want both. travel and write and independent and have someone who likes who I am. I want it all apparently. :) likes who I am--that's a tall order. is this a diary? shudder. perhaps. no one will read this or want to. so does it matter I'm writing weird stuff in the middle of the night? stream of consciousness doesn't have to make sense like sound and the fury by Faulkner shudder. and I am crazy...perhaps literally. no one wants to know that but it's the truth.
oh my Jason what have I done to you. wonderful adventure. Connie.
wrote part of outline for what will happen in Chapter 16 yesterday in car...when he goes back to Connie after the revelation that I will write
middles are hard but why was Fallout so easy and fast? I have nostalgia about that. but some say newer stories are better. I just had no trouble writing that one. consequence-- I did have trouble with that one. Like with Fallout --now that I think about it--I did have trouble with it--I almost stopped writing it completely. I threw my Complete Guide in the closet. and Consequence I was up at my aunt and uncle's in dead winter and snowed and iced in and I was writing it and posted part of it on a critique board and they said my writing was average and needed work and I was so mad and shaking and I almost stopped and I did for a little and was sad and watched SpongeBob on TV for a while which made me feel better oddly though I haven't watched it much otherwise I still get nostalgia thinking about that time and how SpongeBob helped me. and I should really go to bed instead of writing nonsense...will probably erase because I'm going crazy legit. no i'm not under the influence of anything but my own odd mind and I really want to write the rest of my story but it's still somewhat amorphous (one of my favorite words) though I've been researching about Lebanese and terrorism which will probably hardly make it into the story anyway with how things are going. but I like to learn about this stuff. I really want to see Jason in action--he is a heroic figure. flawed and vulnerable but strong and courageous and that's why I like him. I need to always keep sight of that. why can't I have someone like him? I can't settle for anyone but him or some secret agent who's also good and doesn't think I'm inferior. somehow. I really want to study national security too. hm. let's not get out of hand here. pouring out emotions on this ...central focus. it's night and there's a moth on the wall the cat is looking at. train is humming. my pink shirt is on the floor...I spilled fruit juice on it. I like- oh, no the cat caught the moth. cats are always hunting.
Jason and Connie are awesome what am I going to do? no one even wants them anymore I am doomed AIo will not do this and so...what is the point. tons of words for what? perhaps Jason should be an agent after all. both.
and next Gray will be explained.
and Jason and connie are so close and will get closer and I thought of a random story idea yesterday and wrote it down for next and it was happy and then sad and I was crying and I hadn't even written anything but a couple notes, snatches of dialogue and thoughts --can I possibly do that to them?????? poor connie. journals are for working out your thoughts, so
kind of getting a feel for it now. Was in kind of a place like Chapter 7/8 when I didn't know where I was going next--how to get there anyway. I have the climax of the story in my head; it's just that I didn't know what would build up to it. Ideas I had were not working.
Partly because I lost Jason. I think he may have gone a little OOC on me. It wasn't him--it was me that was imposing things on him that were not right for him, for the sake of the structure. I have to tweak the structure to go with the character, not the other way around. Seeing Gray wouldn't make Jason afraid of everything. Just of Gray. And more specific fear like Echoes. Not sure if I have this explanation right; I go mostly on intuition.
also, middles are notoriously boggy.
also, the tone (an elusive concept, to me) was getting sidetracked. There is an inherent instability in this story, because of its very name, Collision. The collision of several things--Gray, Jason and Connie's wedding, the mission. I have to balance them, and can't lose sight of any element. I started out with Connie and Jason getting married, and I have to continue--it can't go all dark. The light tone--I don't want to lose sight of that. It's about their new life together as much as anything. Interludes of darkness. The rest is fun--action, and love.
ambivalence is not good for writing stories.
Well wrote the rest of Chapter 15 and part of Chapter 16. Writing quite a bit now! Hopefully not too fast--ideas come faster than I can write them out in a way that makes sense/sounds ok. These kind I have to go back and fix quite a bit.
Things are not what they seem...
Chapter 14 up! wow another chapter. Well I already had it written, just had to fix it a bit.
I think I am figuring out a little more of what I need to do... Partly helps to go back and read what you've read. you forget things. Want to be consistent. Lots has been foreshadowed...
Hm. There have been barely any views of the newest chapter, and no reviews since Chapter 11. I wonder what that means. I probably won't stop writing this but it's kind of discouraging.
I do think I messed up with something but it's driving me crazy because I'm not sure what.
I don't want to have ruined this whole series and make people reconsider Jason and Connie. And maybe me not continue any more after this...well it's for myself anyway but i'm posting it for others but if they don't like it there's not much point
Finally a new chapter! I cut off the first part, which wasn't really working anyway. It's still a little odd and transition-y but there are some nice moments in it, I think.
I have to fix the next chapter which will be up in a day or so and write the rest of Chapter 15.
I am not sure about these chapters. I could redo them but I don't know if I need to go that far. But something has been lost...Perhaps it's just the transition and it'll get back on track once I write more of it.
But reviews would help me to know what's wrong (if anything) so maybe I will post them.
Well, last night I wrote the rest of Chapter 13, Chapter 14 and part of Chapter 15. Once I figured out where it was going, I wrote pretty fast. Perhaps too fast--as I know there's lots to fix, especially in Chapter 14. Something happened that I did not plan at all--but sometimes characters do that. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision by Jason--which we know he does sometimes. It gave us some action, part of the reason I wrote so fast--one thing after another was happening. But now I have to go back and fix those chapters, so it will be a little while before they're posted.
I also have to make sure it fits with what happens next...I kind of need to write in order to figure it out, but then it might end up a little...rushed. The tone of it might change. Chapter 13 was a little weird. But it's transitioning. (that seems to happen a lot when I write...good excuse) At least I sort of know what I'm doing going ahead now. I knew before, but I had virtually no scenes in my head of what would happen between now and then. It is probably partly because I was mostly focusing on the wedding and honeymoon. Now shift gears a little.
we'll see if it works going forward.
okay, the worst thing is not knowing if you'll ever finish a story. But that awful feeling gives you the motivation to finish it. Sometimes hard though when you have to fit in the time to write it.
Wrote more of Chapter 13 today--may get the rest done. Figured out a little more of where to go next. Scenes taking shape, not just vague ideas. working some things out...introduction of Gray and Connie going with Jason may have inadvertently made things harder...although I think I may be figuring it out. And new character introduced--wasn't sure what his character was going to be like so perhaps a little shaky at first to find his voice and image. And how much he will have to do with the plot.
I don't want to draw this out too much either--want it to be cohesive. Most of all, fit in with Jason's journey. Connie's now intertwined with his.
Does anyone care about this story anymore? Or have I completely messed it up?
part of the problem is in the title, Collision. It's the collision of Jason and Connie getting married, the culmination of what happened with Gray, and...what happens next, the plot in South America. Which I am rather unclear on, I suppose. Sometimes you have to work it out as you go along...but I don't want to diverge too much and ruin it completely. Ruin the whole series by this.
I wonder how this is going to work. It kind of started as two stories in one--perhaps not the best idea. Even though there was a lot leading up to this, the focus has been their relationship. Now the focus has to switch--or at least, be equal. Not sure how to make it work--or perhaps it's that I don't know enough about the subject I am writing.
Wrote a bunch of Chapter 13 today. It's in this weird place where I thought I knew where it was going but I have more to work out than I thought I did and I am writing to work it out because writing the actual story helps me but often it's better to visualize it first so who knows what the chapter will end up like. I am not even sure how the chapter will end.
Need to make sure the structure is on the right track. I know Jason's basic character arc for this story and some other details but a lot of the plot is vague and I hope it does not end up in a weird choppy result. How much do I need to know where I am going in order to write an effective story? It needs central focus, mainly, which I generally have. But also focus for the specific scenes and I hope that happens soon. I don't want to wreck the whole story by fuzzing out in the middle. I have to do Connie and Jason justice.
and always need to finish what I start, especially since I've envisioned this and been working on it for a long time. It can't be in vain.
it is kind of hard though writing what you haven't experienced. you have to fill in the blanks with your imagination and what if that imagination isn't right? Well as long as it's vivid, as long as you can see it in your mind, the reader will see it. Not if it's all muddled. Even if the details are fuzzy till you write them, the central focus must be clear. At least, mostly. That is a writing principle.
Jason and Connie are so cute together! I can hardly stand it.
It's also fun finding places that they'd travel to, as if I'm planning a trip there, even though I'm not going there, which I wish I was...
I don't like it when I can't think of the right words--I have the general idea but the specific words are elusive...Hopefully this condition is not permanent. (often happens when I am too tired :( or too hungry)
Wrote some of Chapter 13. It will probably go a little slower since I didn't have a lot planned after this--it was more a general overall picture. I know where it's going, but I didn't think of a lot of the specifics before this.
Posted Chapter 12. Fixed it some but may be mistakes because I'm tired. It's kind of a weird chapter. But it's kind of the transition from the first part of the story to the next. (I guess all the chapters are, in a way--they progress, if they didn't it wouldn't be a story, or a very good one)
Wrote the rest of Chapter 12 and some of Chapter 13. Have to go back and fix it, so I'll probably post it tomorrow. If I post it too quickly, there might be mistakes I didn't catch, especially when my brain starts working weirdly late at night (kind of like now). Last night while I was writing it was past 12 and I was struggling to think of the words that would have come more easily if I'd been less tired. Some of it was working though. Writing when you're tired and making mistakes you have to fix is better than not getting anything done at all. :)
While writing, I just--my Jason, he's been through so much but he always thinks of her first. And they are so cute together. So happy, and sad...and--
Wrote some of Chapter 12. Probably a bit more to it though. Stayed up later than maybe I should but worth it to write more. :)
Impact chapter 4. Subject warning. Background on what happens next in Collision. Partly me working it out, making sure the details fit before proceeding.
This is weird, but for the last 21 days someone has read the fourth chapter of Echoes. In most cases, it's JUST the fourth chapter. Every single day. What is going on here?
What do people think of the latest chapter and the developments in it? I don't know because no one has reviewed it. Maybe I should go back and see if it needs fixing.
I wonder if this is too much? I do have a plan, if a vague one.
I have part of Impact Chapter 4 because it does explain some of what's going on. If only to help me work out the specifics of the background. But I am kind of stuck in the middle of the chapter and I'm not sure why. Perhaps I need to go back with a different POV? Or a different scene? The subject matter in this one is.a little...dark so perhaps that's part of the problem. I do not know about it and it's traumatic and difficult to look at directly? Perhaps shouldn't...maybe that's the point
Or perhaps Tasha's characterization isn't working...or...
Just working some things out in my head. Helps to write it out. This journal is part of the writing process.
also tired from Camping so don't know if I can write now or not or if I can make any sense... :)
Posted Chapter 11. Perhaps I should have worked on it a little more, but I wanted to post it today, and I won't have access to the Internet till sometime tomorrow because I'm going camping. :)
Wrote the rest of Chapter 11. Can't post it tonight; will have to edit it and hopefully have it up tomorrow.
things shift a little bit...
well that was fun even though I wrote like 3 sentences (and like 6 in the other story)
researched about Triple Frontier. It's very hard to integrate something in a story when you're trying to figure out what road goes to what country and how long it would take to get there esp. when a lot of this will be extraneous to the story and end up getting cut. And mustn't forget that the main story is them not the country, we're not here to learn about it, it's here to be hopefully semi-authentic seeming backdrop.
they are mainly focusing on each other and the rest is almost interruption.
Each wants the other’s well-being above their own, and that is love.
Took the content warning off--it is a day after their wedding and you can kind of see what's coming and it is not really explicit or anything and they are not doing anything wrong-far from it-and it's part of the plot. Some may be sensitive about these things though, I am in some ways, so we'll see. I'm going to write what I write in these stories because if I second guess myself wondering what others will think my writing will be paralyzed. They are for older than target audience, like me, who still like the show and want to explore what could happen in an 'expanded universe'/ what if.
Part of me hopes no one reads this profile because it's pretty random and weird most of the time.
Behind the scenes- my sister is reading Redeeming Love right now and really likes it. Not sure if the content has anything to do with this story...but the title does. Also when I was like 13 I stayed up all night at a friends house watching Pride and Prejudice miniseries. That is one long movie but it's good.
Chapter 10 up--some notes--
I waited longer to post this chapter after it was written, partly because I was busy and partly because...Well, I like this chapter but I wasn't sure how people would respond to it (am I ever?...)
Is the warning totally necessary? This is rated T after all. And it's pretty much kissing, although it goes further than we have before. But they ARE married. But I suppose it's best to be on the safe side.
That there is so much of the wrong way to have relationships portrayed in the media, though, that it's nice to have an example of a married couple interacting...I would never be graphic. I wouldn't want to be. But this was also part of the overall story. His scars were a part of his past, which he's trying to get over and get on with his life. She is helping him do that.
Also I realized after I wrote it that there were some similarities between the final scene of the chapter and a certain scene in The Raiders of the Lost Ark...hm. Wonder if it's just a coincidence, or how much other things have influenced me without me knowing it...
got the rest of chapter 10 done...seems like a long chapter. And I cried at part of it. Not sad, but kinda. And happy. And--well, not sure if posting it today or not. Still have to go back and fix it, but also started chapter 11.
they arrived at the hotel. not without some bumps along the way...
dream last night about Connie and Jason. In the story she's having a dream about Jason.
unfortunately I didn't get much written today because busy and got started too late. mind basically dead :( Not sure if much hope for tomorrow either.
Well, wrote a lot of Chapter 10 tonight. Mostly they are on the airplane
Kind of at the point now where I'm not stuck exactly but I am savoring the moment when they get married. Waiting for a little bit before jumping into the second part, their honeymoon down in South America where all will be
perfectly blissful and happily ever after
or--well, we wouldn't have a story if there was no conflict.
jumping from the joy of the events in Collision to something darker...most is implied anyway but it's rated M, just to be clear that there's mature content (probably for even older audience than most of my fanfics). Most of the worst is in the past, but it is discussed some, and recalled by Gray.
This story, formerly a one-shot to show that Jason did impact Gray by forgiving him, is now a piece of the larger picture which will be clearer later on, 'bonus material' expanding the scope of Collision (and helping me write the background so I know what's happening going forward). It happens not long before the events of Collision and will have a bearing on future events, as Gray knows about Ramon, and has worked for him in the past. Tasha doesn't tell Jason she consulted Gray, because he's the one who mercilessly tortured him, and thinks he would rather not hear about him ever again.
Gray had so much pride he had to go through the worst possible experiences, had to be broken in order for him to be open to the hope of redemption--although to say so implies I am complicit in it. Even though he's a fictional character, an OC, and the one who hurt Jason (I felt awful for 'making' him get hurt too)--I'd rather not have this done to anyone...but it is something that happens in the world and sometimes there is a purpose even in the darkest stories.
Chapter 9 up! I had it prewritten that's why it's so soon. :) I couldn't write fast enough to keep up with the images in my mind of what would happen next. Writing's best when it's like that. As long as it doesn't seem rushed. I think it goes with the excitement of what was happening. And how fast this is all going.
Will it be happily ever after?
It's never that perfect.
We could leave it at this. But there is a lot more to their story.
The marriage is the beginning, not the end. The prelude, not the finale.
They've had a relationship for months now, and had their ups and downs. But marriage will bring in a whole new set of challenges.
Especially starting it so unconventionally!
-starting with an unconventional honeymoon.
which is, technically, mixed with a mission...
chapter 8 up!
Wrote chapters 8 and 9 this afternoon (!). Will have to go back and edit, but may post one today.
finally going forward and hopefully won't get too stuck again. :)
Wrote part of chapter 8. I actually think I know the story is going to go ahead, that is, if I can be coherent enough to write it :)
I have this terrible feeling that I have messed up this story. By researching and knowing something of where they'd be going I changed the direction of the story in some ways and how can I possibly write about some place I've never been? Well I can write about imaginary places but that's different. Is it? I'm in crisis. I don't want the mission to overwhelm the story...I mean, I'm not sure if it's structured right. And more importantly, I'm not sure if it's being true to the characters. How can I be sure if it's true to the characters now that they've diverged so much from the show? I mean, Fallout was written in response to the Labyrinth but as they're going further away from the actual show are they becoming diluted, not themselves? Was it a good idea to keep going with that background or should I just reset everything? The problem is I want Connie and Jason to get married. If not on the show then I might as well here. It's wish fulfillment. And so I could write this and then reset maybe...I don't want to write something terrible. Ruin it and everyone's image of it... Maybe I should have quit while I was ahead. I just like to write these fanfics so much that I wanted to write some more. And I seemed to get responses from them. But I am writing a totally different storyline for them and I hope it's not awful. I don't own the characters thus how can I possibly begin to write them correctly?
well it's called fanfiction. Just write it and have fun let everything else come what may...If you love the characters, everything will turn out all right in the end. (?)
Chapter 7 up!
It's kind of strange that it's going this way; I wasn't planning on Connie and Jason getting married in this story. If it seems a little too fast--well, they are both rather spontaneous personalities. Especially Jason. And they love each other, and so...what obstacles are there to them getting married? Plus I want to see them married before it's ruled out on the show (IF), just in case it ruins my vision of it, as I mentioned earlier. Also, the direction of the story diverged while I was researching South America. When I saw Iguazu Falls in Paraguay, I thought, that would be a perfect place for a honeymoon. I could just see Connie there. Them going to all kinds of romantic spots...
I have written Chapter 7 and need to fix it a little before probably posting it tomorrow.
Here is a postscript from Aftermath Chapter 4. I didn't post it because I thought it would be too much of a downbeat ending. But it shows Tasha's POV.
Tasha stopped her car in front of the Harlequin Theatre, and stepped out into the frosty night. She wanted to say a final farewell to Jason before she left.
Inside, balloons skittered across the lush red carpet. The place was deserted; she wondered if he'd gone home with everyone else.
She cracked open the theater door and peered into the darkness.
Two forms standing there, wrapped in each other's arms.
At first she thought they were rehearsing a play or something, but on second glance, she knew them.
She shut the door carefully, and, numb, stepped outside into the snow.
Only as she began to drive away did the tears fall, an unbearable ache crushing her heart.
I can't believe I'm doing this. But things seem to be headed in that direction...
By this I mean South America. It's kind of an experiment since I've never been there. I've researched some but it can't fill in all the blanks. Most of it will be fictional so bear with me if there's any mistakes.
And I also mean--the direction Connie and Jason's relationship seems to be going. Quite a whirlwind! I didn't expect to do this in this story but perhaps I should get it over with before I find out once and for all whether it'll be AU...see if I can even write AU. In that way.
I'm being cryptic because I don't want to totally spell it out--
And just in case it doesn't happen anyway and the story diverges--
you never know what will happen in a story--plans are only suggestions, you have to follow what the story is telling you from moment to moment.
I have Chapter 6 written, but it needs to be fixed before posting. I am not totally sure if it's the right direction but the chapter seemed to come together ok so maybe I should just go with it. :) I just want it to not diverge too much from Odyssey even though...they may be going to a different country. (Which AIO has done before).
I have the basic background; the other things will have to be worked out as I go along. Which is the most fun way to write a story anyway. :)
(behind the scenes, possible spoilers)
I have been doing some research on some things Jason will be doing, before I move forward with writing the rest of Chapter 6.
About South America. But it may or may not go that direction!
Not sure I can totally describe that area just from research, since I've never been there. At some point I'll just leap into writing and fill in the blanks. :)
I wrote some background for Collision to figure out some details of what would happen next. I thought about posting it here, but I posted it as another chapter of Impact.
I am not sure when the next chapter will be up. I am trying to figure out the exact direction it is going, and doing some research.
But I fully intend to finish this story, like I have finished all the others. Even if it takes a while. ;)
Chapter 5 up.
As promised. Connie's POV. But is it any good? I was in kind of a hurry to put it up.
This is as much as I had written in the notebook. I did start part of Chapter 6. Things will change. There will be a surprise. They shouldn't have waited, maybe. :)
Behind the scenes: (spoilers)
I had part of a couple different chapters written of how Jason would propose, but they didn't seem right. It seemed like he would just be spontaneous, especially with how much he loves Connie. They could get married and then have a wedding. What do you think?
Chapter 4 up!
Sorry it's so short. I'll probably post the next one tomorrow to make up for it. :)
Sorry the chapters are so short. But that way there are more chapters!
It may not be the best chapter, but I wanted to post one anyway.
I just wrote the next 3 chapters in my notebook. Now, because they are in my notebook, they are probably an inferior product, which usually happens when I write in my notebook for some reason. It does help me get ideas flowing, though, and today I just couldn't stop writing once I started. I'd only intended to start one chapter and ended up writing 3! Although they are shorter chapters than my previous stories. I will now have to type them up, and hopefully they won't be so bad I'll have to totally rewrite them. I usually just re-write as I type, which also is kind of a good method; I don't have to go back and revise as much.
Perhaps I shouldn't have posted the next chapter so soon, since I just wrote it last night. Perhaps it should have been a little longer, and perhaps I should have fixed it more. But I posted it because it was a whole scene, and I wanted to post a chapter before I left for the day, so I could look at it on fanfiction.net on my iPad and work some more on the story (which didn't happen). But I hope the story is working ok. Was it too fast--should Bill have told Jason no? I guess that's just not going to be the main conflict in this story, although I'm not totally sure what its shape will be going forward. I have an idea, but until it's written down I don't know if it's going to work or I should head another direction.
I hope this is not going to be some long meandering thing I abandon. I don't want to abandon any fics. But it remains to be seen whether this has as much going for it as the Fallout series. That we kind of jumped right into. This is starting out slowly.
Well, I keep going back and forth. Now I have a picture in my mind of how it would happen--
but I have also been wondering if the rest of the story should go how I thought it would. I have an idea of where it should go but then I think it might go a different way... Once it gets going it should be easier to write. I thought I was at that point but I guess not! Perhaps I'm overthinking it like usual. It's for fun after all.
Reviews and favorites always encourage me to keep going.
Well, I wrote the first scene and now I'm not entirely sure how to proceed. I was going to have Jason propose first, but it wasn't coming together. I'm not sure if I know how he would propose. And perhaps it raises the stakes this way. They aren't just going to get married and live happily ever after. There'd be no story there.
I've had the idea in my mind for a while, but it's still forming...and I don't want to rush into it. I want it to be worth the effort.
The main thing is to listen to the characters and follow what I can see them doing. Feel what they would feel.
I'm still on the first chapter. I'm taking some time with it because...of certain reasons you'll find out when you read it.
I worked on some background POV for the story. It starts in Jason's POV so I figured I'd write what Connie was thinking at the time. Here's part of it.
I’ve never…even with Mitch…no, nothing, nothing compares to this. He is my amazing secret agent, my playful little boy, my companion who I can tell anything to, the brother I never had in a way (yeah, that’s weird to say), and he’s just—he fills me to the brim with love and each day I don’t know how much I can take—this feeling bursting inside of me, this love for him, but each day it grows—oh, I love him! As much as I’m with him, as deep as we know each other, I’m not satisfied. I want more. I want to go as deep as there is, to be closer to him than I am—always deeper and deeper….
Breathe, Connie. Is this all for real? How can a feeling be this strong—and stronger every day? Love seems too thin a word. So does feeling. It encompasses EVERYTHING in the world. He is part of everything I think about. He is in every minute of my day.
So this is basically in alternate universe where all the same things happen but ConnieJason are together (and Jason was captured in the past…)
new ship name--Jasonnie. I think.
Those first paragraphs didn't work on second thought so I'm back to the beginning. But I have the basic idea skittering around in my head. I just have to rein it in to make a cohesive plot. :)
I am starting a new story. We'll see. Just a few paragraphs so far. I was hit by inspiration through others who like JasonConnie. There is more to the story, even if the AIO team does not tell it. I might have to just make it AU. I might make JasonConnie parallel with the episodes, having most other things be the same.
Last time I wrote Fallout (etc) in part to tide me over until the new episodes. This time, I have been waiting for the team to show one way or the other, definitively, if JasonConnie is out of the question. They have brought this -other person- in but it's still up in the air whether he's going to be Connie's significant other or not. It's kind of leaning that way but I really don't think he's the best for her. I mean, Jason.
But writing and fanfiction is about playing around and having fun and going deeper and asking 'what if?' so maybe I shouldn't take this too seriously. My storyline might be entirely negated but then it will be AU. and there are lots of those on this site. There are a lot crazier things than Connie and Jason getting married (!??!?). It's just that writing carries with it a certain amount of suspension of disbelief. I have to believe that it CAN happen or I can't write it. I have to believe in it totally, at least while I'm writing it, or it won't come off as authentic. The deeper the relationship--the harder it will be to go back to a new fic and pretend none of that happened. It's kind of that way with all that went on anyway--Jason's injuries etc, taking a darker turn than the show has, at least in that direction.
I might go ahead with this storyline for a while-- because there's more to tell- then bounce back to canon when I feel like it. Not sure if that will be possible, but we'll see.
I don't know if I'll be able to finish JC if I find out it can't be canon--but then again, I might be more motivated because I have put that much energy into it and I don't want it to be for nothing.
Well, there's me taking it too seriously again.
I just figured I should post some sort of update. I really don't like this period of not having any active fics. I need to get writing again. (with my original stories too.)ASAP! *you can do this.*
Adventures in Odyssey--if you haven't heard it, you are missing out. This is the fandom I am writing right now, focussing on Jason. Why? He is awesome.
TV shows: Star Trek
The Walking Dead
LOST, the X-files, Lois and Clark, Stargate, Supernatural, Prison Break, Monk, Psych, City Hunter, Twin Peaks, Community
Avatar:the Last Airbender, Tron: Uprising, Fairy Tail
Get Smart, Green Acres, Leave it to Beaver, Hogan's Heroes, Cheyenne, the Prisoner, the Invaders ...
Miniseries: Tenth Kingdom, Tin Man, Alice, the Idiot (Russian)
I love Lord of the Rings, book and movie.
movies-- Lawrence of Arabia, Pirates of the Caribbean, The Dark Knight/Rises, Star Wars, Galaxy Quest,
books/authors-- CS Lewis, Tolkien, Kafka, Dostoyevsky, Flannery O'Connor, Max Brand, Diana Wynne Jones
Harry Potter series, Series of Unfortunate Events, Hunger Games, John Carter series
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