Set after 'No Reason' (S2), House must work through the immediate consequences: near death, successful ketamine treatment, hallucination. But he's not the only one for whom the shooting has caused a questioning of previously settled realities—Cameron is beginning to accept what she wants more than anything else. No matter the past, a future is always something worth fighting for.

Time Travel AU: Harry Potter had always led a miserable life. That was before his best friend and godfather had their souls sucked out by demons right in front of him. As if things weren't bad enough, he suddenly finds himself in the year 1942. Things only become more complicated when, among others, an enigmatic prodigy fixes her unwavering attention upon him. Harry/Fem Riddle

House comes to Cameron's aid when she gets into trouble with a patient in the ER and brings to question once again whether she wouldn't be happier working for him again, especially when a case begins to interfere with their lives outside of the hospital. Beginning to fear that he's pulled his ex-employee in too deep, he wonders if it's too little too late. (House x Cameron)

Torn from a desolate future, Harry awakens in his teenage body with a hefty debt on his soul. Entangled in his lies and unable to trust even his own fraying sanity, he struggles to stay ahead of his enemies. Desperation is the new anthem of violence.

He always sat there, just staring out the window. The nameless man with sad eyes. He bothered no one, and no one bothered him. Until now, that is. Abigail Waters knew her curiosity would one day be the death of her...but not today. Today it would give her life instead.

Time after time they said goodbye wondering which of them would be a final one. It had become their routine, a tradition of sorts. Her trying to go away, cutting the strings loose, and him pulling them back. S6 spoilers, set after Teamwork.

AU. Voldemort kills Dumbledore but is defeated by a child. In the aftermath, Snape becomes the Headmaster and radically changes Hogwarts. Harry Potter of House Slytherin begins his Third Year at Hogwarts Battle School and realizes that friend and foe are too similar for his liking. Competing with allies and enemies, Harry finds there is a cost to winning.

Something had happened in that tent. Something had happened to Harry. He wasn't sure why or how, but he longed for those days when it was just him and Hermione against the world. Somewhere along the lines Harry had done something he had never intended to do. Harry had fallen irrevocably in love with his best friend. Takes place directly after DH. Harry/Hermione

When Remus is dared to ask Bellatrix Black to dance, he never expects her to actually say yes.

The presence of a foreign soul may have unexpected side effects on a growing child. I am Lord Volde...Harry Potter. I'm Harry Potter. In which Harry is insane, Hermione is a Dark Lady-in-training, Ginny is a minion, and Ron is confused.

"What if something more. . . was something wonderful?" Post-War Romance, EWE, Haphne Fluff, One-Shot

The bloody war has ended at Harry's sixth-year. Though hailed a hero, he's ready for one last year at Hogwarts. One year of a normal life before becoming an Auror. While there, a simple agreement manages to challenge his identity as a hero, while still providing the normalcy he craves. Haphne AU. Post-War 7th year.

This is it! The big one! The one we've all been waiting for! For Oliver Wood this year is his last chance at winning the Quidditch Cup and he was very willing to go to (almost) any lengths to do it. Featuring a determined!Oliver and a confused!Harry.

Consumed by anger and guilt following Padmé's death, Darth Vader committed himself to the dark side and vowed to destroy the Rebel Alliance. But when he is forced to protect the new Senator from Naboo, their destinies collide and secrets are revealed as he is forced to question everything about the new man he has become.

Instead of Quidditch, Hogwarts students play cricket. Lee is still Lee. [WDLF gift for Galadriel1010.]

His life had been a mockery to itself, as too his death it seemed. For what kind of twisted humour would force Severus Snape to relive his greatest regret? To return him to the point in his life when the only person that ever mattered in his life had already turned away.

As per the Hat's decision, Harry gets Sorted into Slytherin upon his arrival in Hogwarts—and suddenly, the future isn't what it used to be.

Odd little one shots that may or may not be turned into their own stories.

I could speak for hours about my rotten luck, about how many times I've been close to death. But luck is relative and some would say I am, in fact, extremely lucky. I would have disrespectfully disagreed. That was before I met fair Miss Delacour though; well even for a bit after I met her if I am honest. Follow me trough a year of adventure and discovery, in more than one way.

Newly minted auror Harry Potter is assigned to partner with the DMLE's loose cannon, Nymphadora Tonks, on her last chance with the Department. AU.

Someone has a daring plan to go back in time and fix everything. No wait, not him, I meant the other... how many people have time traveled anyway? Poor Harry seems to be the only normal one left.

Follow Harry Potter through the holidays that shaped his life as he grows closer with one of his teammates and learns the meaning of love. A short story for Christmas.

When the dementor attack presents Harry with an opportunity to begin to fight back he gladly sets himself on the path to have a hand in his future. But as time goes on, it's clear that not all is the same as it once was. Why has his scar stopped hurting? What are these seemingly random objects he's drawn to? How deep does the connection between him and Voldemort truly run? Post GoF

Prior to his fourth year, Harry had led a quiet, solitary life. As a series of remarkable events unfold, his life is irrevocably altered. AU. Re-posted.

Random AU: The holiday season has arrived, and fifteen-year-old Emily Riddle has never liked Christmas. One encounter with the famed Boy-Who-Lived later, and Emily's outlook on this particular Christmas takes a rather sharp turn. Harry/Fem Riddle One-Shot, Fluffy Christmas Story

The summer after Harry's fourth year would have been much better if just one person in his life had disregarded Professor Dumbledore's instructions to ignore him. And if that person was Hermione Granger? It would have been much, much better.

Voldemort chooses Neville but the Potters do not escape unscathed. Regulus Black survives the war and establishes a Foundation to undo the damage inflicted by Voldemort. Five years later, new employee, Lily Potter walks back into Severus Snape's life. Things are about to get complicated. AU. *COMPLETE*

With everything going wrong for him in fifth year, Harry finds solace in a very unexpected place: the quidditch locker room. Harry/Angelina. Smutty Romance with Plot. Warning: not intended for younger audiences.

Crack!Fic. Once a year Voldemort (and his followers) and Harry (and his friends) all lay down their wands for a Truce Day. Voldemort cooks for them all, hide & seek is played, war stories exchanged, and promises made for the upcoming year. Absolutely nothing makes sense. What wizarding war?

We all know that Hermione went to Slughorn's party with Cormac McLaggen to make Ron jealous. But what if she didn't? What if she came to her senses in time and invited Harry instead? As friends of course.

An encounter neither expected to rock their world. A shared secret that threatens the lives they portray to the world. A chance to find the adrenaline rush only a thrill-seeker would crave. A relationship they know will change everything. Will it be worth it, or will it all fall apart and ruin more lives than just their own? MATURE. NextGen. Lily/Teddy.

Looking back, Harry had to admit that he might have missed a cue or ten. But to be fair, some of them might have been a little unusual.

Five years after the Battle of Hogwarts, Hermione Granger is making up for lost time with her parents and taking in the sounds and sites of Muggle London. All is well, until a certain dark haired, dark clothed man that she knows to be dead starts appearing everywhere she goes...

Dudley Dursley reluctantly accepts an invitation to his cousin's wedding. While there, he discovers some wonderful wizarding adult beverages and meets Cho Chang, who has her own reasons for drinking heavily at Harry Potter's wedding. In the months to come, this unlikely encounter will make him rethink his attitudes towards the magical world and change his life forever.

Tom Riddle's plans fall through when Ginny Weasley loses his diary shortly after starting her first year and it is found by one Luna Lovegood. A series of bizarre conversations follow. Luna? - Yes Tom? - I've been giving this a lot of thought...and I believe you may be insane. (Not crack. Plot takes a while to appear but it's there) See last chapter for fan art and translations.

Vivian Blair is everything Sirius hates: an elitist Slytherin prefect. Pranking her is something he takes great pleasure in, but this time it will have unforeseen consequences. He should know better than to toy with fate, for the more love poems he writes, the less of a prank they become, and the more fate seems intent on getting some revenge of its own. Sirius Black/OC

The Empire is born. The Jedi have fallen. In a dark bedroom an Angel sleeps whilst across the stars the Dark Lord rises. When a soul is burned only ashes remain. But what happens when those ashes meet the whirlwind of a previous life? Dark story. Trigger warning.

Hermione Granger has managed to lead a quiet, unassuming life as a fifth-year Ravenclaw. Harry Potter is a well-adjusted and popular fifth-year Gryffindor. What happens when they eventually cross paths? Non-BWL au, Ravenclaw!Hermione, happy!Harry, HHr, unbeta-ed and please review!

After entering his sixth year at Hogwarts, Harry catches a glimpse of a girl that will steal all of his attention. Wanting to have a secret of his own, he decides to keep this information to himself. At least, until everyone notices.

A French Veela with a vendetta against Death Eaters is tasked to counter Umbridge and protect Harry, Ron, and Hermione. But a Death Eater's attack has changed Harry and Ron. Now, they're focused, driven, and as their fifth year at Hogwarts unfolds towards a climatic ending that rocks the wizarding world, Fleur is desperately trying to keep them safe from Voldemort, and themselves.

AU. Her father had given her one task for her first year at Hogwarts: befriend The Boy Who Lived. However, that was before Druella Malfoy met the blabbering fool with the shaggy hair and smudged glasses. [Fem!Draco/Harry]

The 15 year anniversary of Voldemort's defeat is near so Luna is writing the behind the scenes look at what the 'power He knew not' was all about. She turns to Dr. Bell, famous psychologist, for her unique view of the B-W-L. Year 1 onwards w/future perspective. Harry/Multi due to House needs.

Two years after Order 66, Padme is both an assassin for the Rebellion and a mother of twins. She will stop at nothing to bring democracy back to the Galaxy, even if it means killing Imperials to do it. But news of suspicious assassinations reaches Sidious, who dispatches Vader to hunt down this mysterious assassin. What Vader discovers will change the fate of the Galaxy.

It's the summer after the Department of Mysteries and Harry Potter's about to do something drastic, something nobody expects, and he may not be alone. Following the lives of Harry and the Order as they battle against each other.

Single father, Harry Potter, thought his romance days were behind him. He lives for his sons, his friends, the single-parenting support groups he attends weekly, the occasional great latte, and a beautiful woman who might be more than the friend he thinks she is. — Written for Sing Me a Rare Volume 3; Runner Up: Best Comedy, Best Romance

When Tonks is forced to go undercover as Harry's bodyguard at Hogwarts, chaos ensues. Who ever said that fighting Dark Lords couldn't be fun? Slow-building Harry/Tonks. Fifth year. Rated M for crude humor and a few adult situations.

"Isn't, you know, your entire magical identity kind of a lot to 'just not bring up' to somebody?" Harry shrugged. "I was kind of surprised but it wasn't as important as you'd think it would be." A story in which Harry meets a muggle and is wrong. OC/Harry. Also, a trio friendship fic.

I have a singularly impressive talent for messing up the plans of very powerful people - both good and evil. Somehow, I'm always just in the right place at exactly the wrong time. What can I say? It's a gift.

Harry runs into the Ice Queen of Slytherin during a late night trip to the kitchens.

After the war, Harry Potter is desperate to make sure that not a single life more is ruined by Voldemort's legacy. Aided by the ever loyal Hermione Granger, he makes a decision which will forever change more than one life. An epilogue disregarding, Cursed Child inspired, Harmony romance.

One night Harry Potter walks into a pub and sees a honey-blonde woman sitting along and glancing his way. He decides to go over to her and the rest of his life is changed by this simple act. Post-War AU

Pre-5th year, Harry is visited by a woman claiming to be his magical Aunt Holly, except that she can't cast spells... or keep her hands off of him... or stay out of trouble. Holly plans to teach Harry the true power of having a Destiny, or die trying.

Liv Wellwood is psyched she's been assigned to a high profile case in the Auror Department, until she sees that she's paired up with Harry Potter. An absentee best friend, and alcoholic boyfriend, and an unlikely friendship leave Liv looking at life with a new perspective. (Warning: substance abuse, domestic violence, sexual content) Updates every M/W/F at 9AM EST!

Harry Potter is a geek, a nerd, a total dork whose favorite hobby is "transfiguring stuff." He doesn't understand what rules are, has no social skills, is barely sentient, and is very smart.

There's nobody like her. She's smart, beautiful, and witty. Unfortunately for Harry, she's also engaged. When Fleur Delacour returns to Hogwarts to help prepare for the war against Voldemort, Harry has to manage an uneasy balance between the demands of the war and the demands of the heart. Harry/Fleur during HBP.

War is coming to Hogwarts, and Harry Potter, fifth-year Ravenclaw, is beset on all sides by enemies unknown, unseen, and unfound…

AU. Harry, Ron, and Ginny send themselves back in time to avoid the destruction of everything they hold dear, and the deaths of everyone they love.

A few years have passed since the Battle of Hogwarts. Harry's friends have returned to their normal lives, but he is drifting, and his relationship with Ginny has stagnated. Meanwhile, Hermione may have found a way to restore her parents' memories. In search of help, she and Harry become reacquainted with Lavender, Parvati, and others. Romance, tears, and a dash of Jane Austen.

One day in the library, Hermione and Percy strike up a comfortable friendship. As they grow closer, their secrets grow deeper. How far will this unlikely pair go to keep the other's confidences? Only time will tell. Hermione/Percy Friendship to start. Canon to start, but will deviate. COMPLETE. Sequel now in progress: An Inch To The Left.

AU. Salazar Slytherin once left Hogwarts in disgrace, vowing to return. He kept his word. A thousand years later he rules Wizarding Britain according to the principles of blood purity, with no end to his reign in sight. The spirit of rebellion kindles slowly, until the green-eyed scion of a broken House and a Muggleborn genius with an axe to grind unite to set the world ablaze.

Harry Potter always knew he'd have to fight in a Wizarding War, but he'd always thought it would be after school, and not after winning the Triwizard Tournament. Worse still, he never thought he'd understand both sides of the conflict. AU with a Female Voldemort.

Living a frugal life in a small cottage out in the middle of nowhere, is Harry Potter really who he seems? New recruit Laura Madley finds an odd file going through the tax records and begins to investigate. She doesn't know what to think, but something about him keeps pulling her back.

READ THE FIRST TWO BOOKS FIRST OR YOU WILL BE LOST! War! The Clone Wars has begun! So far, the horrors of battle and the loss she has recently suffered has changed Zelina greatly. But it is only the beginning. Things are only going to get worse. With both Anakin and Zelina spiraling towards a dark path, will any of them find the will to make it through this war?

A mature commission set after DH, ignoring canon: Harry asks Tonks to sit near him at a Weasley family gathering so Molly doesn't try to set him up with Ginny once again. Tonks would rather play footsie under the table and tease him in a very public place, instead.

Hermione is engaged to Ron and Harry to Ginny and everyone is happy, or so they think. What happens when memories brew sexual tension between Harry and Hermione? Who really loves who? Is it love at all? Romance/Drama.

AU past OP-After Harry is thrust back in time, he has to survive his final years in Hogwarts and live his new life around people he knows will become Death Eaters. Can he beat his prejudices and give people a chance, or will he crumble under the pressure?

This fan fiction Episode VIII and IX was written Feb. 2016. I intentionally avoided reading any fan theories as I was writing it, so I hope this is fresh and unpredictable for most readers. I hope you enjoy.

"She Transfigured Seamus' testicles into a pair of tweezers!" Through a series of unfortunate events and unwise decisions, Harry Potter ends up going to the Yule Ball with Daphne Greengrass. Perhaps things won't turn out so bad after all: when you've hit rock bottom, the only way to go is up, right? …Right? Not your usual Daphne fic. Warnings for language and underage drinking.

... How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cruciatus. Albus Dumbledore always worried about the parallels between Harry Potter and Tom Riddle. But let's be honest, Harry never really had the drive to be the next dark lord. Of course, things may have turned out quite differently if one of the other muggle-raised Gryffindors wound up in Slytherin instead.

19-year-old Lily Evans finds herself mysteriously in the future, a world she no longer recognizes. With no one else to turn to, she goes to her old friend Severus for help and sets out to fix the past. What will Severus do when the love of his life returns to him? [SS/LE]

A sharp and sudden change that can have devastating effects. When a Harry Potter that didn't follow the path of the Epilogue finds himself suddenly thrown into 1970, he settles into a muggle pub to enjoy a nice drink and figure out what he should do with the situation. Naturally, things don't work out the way he intended.

Set during Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. While Harry, Ron, and Hermione are searching for Horcruxes, a small band of witches and wizards are helping Muggle-borns escape persecution by the Ministry of Magic. Follow Bill and Fleur and Percy and Audrey as they struggle with the realities of war, trauma, family, friendship, and romance in the darkest year of their lives.

Dudley's training makes a difference.

After the war, Harry becomes sullen and distant & Hermione is the only one who can seem to get through to him. Then he gets a mysterious new job and disappears for over a year. Hermione refuses to accept he's gone for good and when he turns up again she manages to follow him, only to be pulled into the new and dangerous life that he now leads. (Previously posted on Portkey site )

In one world, it was Harry Potter who defeated Voldemort. In another, it was Jasmine Potter instead. But her victory wasn't the end - her struggles continued long afterward. And began long, long before. (fem!Harry, powerful!Harry, sporadic updates)

How Percy, a wizard, and Audrey, a Muggle, met, became friends, fell in love, and what came after.

Set during OOTP. The story of how Hermione's innocent suggestion of running a Secret Santa with the DA leads to the ultimate search for the perfect presents, an unexpected change in holiday plans, late-night mistletoe-kisses and revelations of profound feelings hidden deep down. Total HHr.

All is seemingly well in Wizarding Britain as the last aftershocks of the War against the Dark Lord fade away, but a series of murders lead ace Auror Daphne Greengrass to a threat that may throw her world yet again into imbalance. COMPLETE!

Hunted by Voldemort, Hermione and Harry make a last stand in Godric's Hollow. When the Boy-Who-Lived lives no more, Hermione is thrown back in time into another battle where she has a chance to save not only Harry, but another Potter. *Art by colour me luna*

Goblin courts are inhumane, the Ministry thinks it can arrange marriages, and Voldemort wants to oppress everybody. The muggle government is not amused.

Dark times lie ahead, they said. Soon we will have to decide between what is easy and what is right, they said. Yeah, well. Nobody told him they were actually talking about that Yule Ball nightmare that now lies inescapably ahead with no clear answers in sight. How will he ever get out of this mess, and is there any way that doesn't involve dancing? (There isn't.)

Set the summer after OOTP. Hermione gets struck by Dolohov's Curse in the Department of Mysteries and that sparks a change in the relationship between Harry and Hermione. They help each other deal with the grief, finding solace in each other and, eventually, love. Rated M for mentions of child abuse, some swearing and mild adult situations.

AU. When Lily died, Snape removed his heart and replaced it with a steel trap. But rescuing her daughter from the Dursleys in the summer of '92 is the first step on a long road to discovering this is less true than he'd thought. A girl!Harry story, covering CoS - GoF. Future Snape/Harriet. Sequel "No Journey's End" (Ootp - DH) is now posting.

A little girl of mysterious origins will become the driving force that will change the very nature of Harry and Hermione's relationship with each other. Moves from canon, disregards epilogue.

After four years in Vice City, college graduate David DePalma returns upstate to Daytona City, and finds himself working for his older brother, who is need of his help. He soon realizes that Daytona City hasn't changed, but he has. Chapter 42 is up!

With Voldermort defeated,Harry,Ron and Hermione are sharing a flat in Hogsmede and moving on with their lives. But soon a shock anouncement is going to put the strength of Harry and Hermione's relationship to the ultimate test.

I just escaped from possibly the most awkward date in the history of Earth, and I need to decompress. I brought ice cream. And wine. And cupcakes. 1x7, Home is Where the Heart Stops.

In which Harry understands Victorian flower language at age 11. Events grow gradually further and further from the original. Features CharacterDevelopment!Crabbe and Goyle, and many other not-quite-expected variations. This story has reached its conclusion; enjoy. Watch out for the April Fools' chapter.

Spin-off AU of Per Ardua Ad Astra. Harry lost his magic and became a soldier. Ziva lost her sister and became a spy. Theirs is an unlikely bond, a friendship forged in fire, blood and loss that endures despite divergent commitments to duty, country and agency. First only friends, who became something more - something deeper, more powerful. They are, and always will be 'khaveyrim'.

This is a series of oneshots involving Harry believing that everyone in the 'magical' world is insane. Involves a boatload of sarcasm from Harry. Mr. Black makes an appearance. Books 1-7 - Completed! Crack-fic.

DH disregarded. Damaged by the war, Harry flees everything that used to be familiar to him and instead roams the night, haunted by unsolvable questions -- what truly killed Voldemort? And what lurks in the Forbidden Forest, where the trees seem alive?

AU. Years after his defeat of Voldemort, Harry Potter remains a willing and secret prisoner of the Ministry, but not all is what it seems. Harry has a plan, and the world will never be the same.

The Mirror of Erised is supposed to show your heart's desire - so why does Harry Potter see only vague, blurry darkness? Aberforth is Headmaster, Ariana is alive, Albus is in exile, and Harry must uncover his past if he's to survive his future.

After the fall of Voldemort, Harry makes a dumb career choice and Ron tags along. Hermione, sensibly, doesn't. Seven years later, a very different trio are drawn into an international web of intrigue by a little girl and an old relic. Lesson to be learned: stay in school, kids. Post-DH; Slightly AU. Rated M for language and violence. Not slash.

The world is breaking. War and technology push on the edge of the unbelievable as S.H.I.E.L.D. desperately tries to keep the peace. Soldier and scientist no longer hold the line alone, as an ancient fire burns alongside them. The last of all wizards.

Tracking down a Death Eater who returned to the past, Adult Harry Potter must place his memories into his 15 year old self. Now in an alternative timeline, Harry resolves to right all the wrongs in his previous life, but in order to do this, Harry must pretend to be someone else. This story contains Gender-Bending and Yuri. Harry/Cho. Alt. Book 5.

After losing Sirius, Harry resolves to himself to become stronger, revive the DA and create his own 'army'. In one of the most trying year of his life, Harry will need everything he and his friends can offer to overcome the trails and tribulations before him.

When Chris Lassing transfers out, Lilly Rush is at first less than impressed with Scotty Valens, her new partner. But things are not as they seem and Lilly becomes tempted to break a commandment she set for herself back at the Academy. Canon first several chapters.

Arthur Weasley knew quite a bit about childproofing; in fact, he knew enough to keep his bewitched car away from his children's inevitable ruckus and mishap. What he hadn't known was in his efforts, he'd accidentally created a semi-sentient Ford Anglia, hell bent with only one goal in mind: protect the Weasley kids, as much as a hunkering piece of enchanted metal can.

The boy from the train was right. In order to be Sorted, they really did have to fight a troll.

Also known as 'Harry and Voldemort Explore Fanfiction Tropes Together'. Different Harry Potters visit Little Hangleton, and Voldemort's the only one with much sense around here. I almost feel sorry for him. Includes Slytherin!Harry, Fem!Harry, Plothole!Harry, Flamboyant!Harry, Joker!Harry, Dark!Harry and more.

Wars leave scars. Harry and Hermione indulge their torrid affair in secret, as broken people do, although Harry's feelings for her slowly grow to bewilder them both. While Harry, Hermione, Ron and Ginny struggle to adapt to post-war life, they soon realize even Voldemort's death doesn't translate to a perfect world, as old bonds are tested to extremes.

::Year 2 Divergence:: What does it take, to reshape a child? And if reshaped, what then is formed? Down in the Chamber, a choice is made. (Harry's Gryffindor traits were always so much scarier than other peoples'.)

AU Start to Sixth Year. What do you do to stop a genocidal dark wizard? Try appeasement. If it sinks your entire economy, well... That just makes things more interesting.

Voldemort would regret ever laying a hand on the Potters. The surviving sons would make damn sure of that. AU. Harry/Fleur. OC/Hermione.

It wasn't the bright and shiny Jewel of the Galaxy you've all seen on the HoloNet. Harry's story started in the Underworld, a kilometer below the upper levels of Coruscant, where you never walk the streets alone, especially if you don't have a blaster hanging by your side. He left for a little while, but now it's called him back, whether he realizes it or not.

On the night of Halloween 1981, Harry Potter vanished for eight years, reappearing at a Muggle orphanage with no recollection of his past. The deck stacked heavily against him, Harry arrives at Hogwarts, his past the key to the present’s brewing storm.

Emperor Palpatine parodies songs from his perspective, mostly towards Vader. At this time, mostly Belle & Sebastian songs.

Here's an interesting fact that I just made up. In a strange universe slightly disconnected from this one, Harry Potter was born premature on the 31st of July 1980. In this story, he wasn't. Born 27th of September 1980 this is a Harry Potter with no scar, new classmates, a sinister looking wand, and somehow he's got a strange diary belonging to T. M. Riddle.

During their summer at Order HQ, the suspicious Marauders clash with the secrets of Severus Snape: his unforgiving father, Albus' loyalty, a past that haunts his nightmares... But no one expected friendship, nor the consequences thereof. Plus cute!Tonks. ***NEW CHAPTERS FINALLY UP AFTER 5 YEARS WHAAT? Newest ch is 41! NOW COMPLETE!***

Harry is a prisoner, and Bellatrix has fallen from grace. The accidental activation of Bella's treasured heirloom results in another chance for Harry. It also gives him the opportunity to make the acquaintance of the young and enigmatic Bellatrix Black as they change the course of history.

A new threat enters the game and Harry finds himself surrounded and chased by all sides. The Order is scattered and Harry is on the run. He must rally all his wits to survive. Without the support Harry once relied on, he must find in himself the temper to fight back, alone if need be. Attempting an international thriller. Slow start. Eventually Harry/Fleur

From the moment they met, Jake Knightley was wrapped around Emma Woodhouse's little finger. Too bad she's too blind to see it. But did anyone say the course of true love would be easy? Modern Emma. COMPLETE!

Katie Bell's fifth year should have been simple, without even Quidditch to distract her from OWL exams. But an unexpected romance brings the Tri-Wizard Tournament close to home, and pulls her into the ugly side of the magical world.

AU. Lily Evans isn't a witch.

Hameron. Romance/Hurt/Angst. IN PROGRESS. Cameron is in terrible pain but hiding the reason why. When House realizes that his typical method of diagnosis won't work, he resorts to different tactics to uncover the truth. But is he too late to save Cameron? Does she even want to be saved by him? WARNING: sexual content, drug use, abuse. WILL BE CONTINUING SOON!

Four years after the war Auror Harry Potter and his partner investigate a series of murders involving their former classmates that threaten to divide the Wizarding World once again.

Harry Potter faces a boggart that doesn't turn into a Dementor or even Voldermort, but into a horror from his childhood. Now the boggart isn't even a boggart anymore. There's no imitation. That which holds the image of an Angel, becomes itself an Angel.

Could a drunken mistake be the best thing that ever happened to them? A lot can happen before an annulment is finalized... After all, as House said himself, the most successful marriages are based on lies... HouseCameron

Secrets of the war, a murder and a fatal attraction: After his victory over Voldemort, Harry became an Auror, and realised quickly that it wasn't at all like he had imagined. Disillusioned with the Ministry, he takes on a last case, but when he starts digging deeper, his life takes a sudden turn … AUish, Post-Hogwarts. HP/DG

We all remember the scene from "Deathly Hallows": Harry was struck down by the Dark Lord, and his spirit seemed to go to King's Cross and confer with Albus Dumbledore. Suppose, instead of returning directly to his body, Harry's spirit came back late?

When House mocks Cameron for being boringly predictable, a Halloween party with the requirement to 'dress up' provides her with an opportunity prove him wrong. Her bold move backfires when House struggles to accept her playing an unlikely hand in their familiar back-and-forth, leading to repercussions neither of them would have expected.

When Cameron passes out after a differential, House takes it upon himself to investigate. When he begins to suspect that he might be the reason behind her ill-health, he's left struggling between his bitter nature and a begrudging concern for his youngest protégé. ED trigger warning.

Dumbledore found another living relative for Harry to live with. One who is the most electrifying man in all of entertainment.

Hermione Granger is fifteen, sixteen in a few weeks. She has this summer job in the local library she loves, but something is amiss. Why does she spend so much time waving things, like this ruler, in such a silly way ?

Begins after Season 6, "The Tyrant" Some S6 Spoilers . Focuses on House: Hameron, Huddy, friendship with Wilson. Most chapters rated "T" but some will be "M" later.

HPxOC. Runs along with the original storyline. Adele Polkiss is the younger sister of Piers Polkiss, a close friend of Dudley Dursley. This way she meets Harry Potter, a curious boy with a mysterious past, and a wonderful secret... Magic! COMPLETE

A difference of a few seconds can change a life. The difference of a few minutes stained Harry's hands with blood - but for the Dark Lord, it was insufficient. After all, you do not need to kill a man to utterly destroy him. Harry/Tonks

The first time, it was an accident. The second time... well, I really should have known better. HP/Fem!TR

When muggle Kate Foster first met Harry Potter, he saved her...by breaking her fall. She knew then and there that he had a major hero complex. "I hope that you don't make a habit of this saving people thing. You aren't very good at it." She didn't know that he was a wizard, or that he was destined to save the world. Very slight Harry/OC.

I'm sick of the manipulation, the lies and the deceit; sick of jumping to the tune of dark lords and old puppeteers. I'm cutting the strings. Innocents will pay in blood for my defiance, but I no longer care. I lost my innocence long ago. Dark!Harry

There's finding yourself, there's knowing yourself, and then there's seeing yourself through someone else's eyes.

"Have you found out how to get past that beast of Hagrid's yet?" ...Snape kicks Harry out of 'Remedial Potions', but as we know from The Philosopher's Stone, there is another Occlumens in the school good enough to keep out the Dark Lord. Stupid oneshot.

Arthur Weasley is campaigning for Minister of Magic and has forbidden Harry and Hermione to help him. An unexpected day leads to a way in.

Sequel to Everything's Eventual. Beau and Charlie and the rest all return as life seems to fall in to place for some and fall apart for others.

Her lips are soft and she's frozen. He pulls back after an instant—most people wouldn't even call it a kiss. — Lily/Teddy - M to be safe

"Follow your inner moonlight, don't hide the madness." - Allen Ginsberg — Lily/Teddy

Nobody can maintain total control of their feelings, no matter how vigilantly they guard their heart. Not even Mad-Eye Moody. Warning: CrossGen. One-shot.

First year: "Celebrities," Harry said. "Fame makes them mad. I take it the wizarding world doesn't really have them, then?" Draco and Ron exchanged glances. "No, not really." AU, assorted oneshots and snippets.

Harry and Ron, both 58 and both alcoholics, are sent back to their 4th year and given a chance to do everything again. Will they be able to do it right this time? Or will history repeat itself? Canon to Epilogue, then not so much... (Reworked)

Patrick Woodhouse is a charismatic college student who has the inexplicable urge to butt in to other people's lives. He also has a best friend, Zoe Knightley, who restrains him as best she can. - Modern Emma with a gender twist

All they need is an excuse to cross that line. L/S

Harry recalls that a pale little girl called Sally-Anne was sorted into Hufflepuff during his first year, but no one else remembers her. Was there really a Sally-Anne? Harry and Hermione set out to solve the chilling mystery of the lost Hogwarts student.

Maybe it's all just an accident. - -TeddyLily.

Percy is given an untidy and absent minded assistant named Audrey Larrabee to help promote himself in the Ministry. Will he be able to handle her seemingly complete apathy for the Ministry? Or will she be able to help him in ways he never dreamed of?

Post Book 7 AU; A little over six years have passed since the events that ended the second reign of Voldemort. Now, Harry Potter is the one that needs to be rescued. Rising to this challenge is... Draco Malfoy? Apparently I have to say No Slash.

To avoid the unjust prosecution of his friends in the days following the end of the war, Harry Potter signed a magical contract in blood. Years later, Harry struggles with the balance of his latest Auror case involving a wizard ritualistically murdering Muggles, periodic contract renewals, and both the developing and deteriorating relationships with those closest to him. HP/NT.

She didn't like herself reckless; she was prone to getting herself in dangerous situations, get hurt. And here she was, reckless, with her partner all doe-eyed and gorgeous in front of her, and she wasn't listening to the warning bells...

Take a deep breath, count back from ten… and above all else – don't worry! It'll all be over soon. The world, that is. Yet for Harry Potter the end is just the beginning. Enemies close in on all sides, and Harry faces his greatest challenge of all - Time.

Love and war, tragedy and redemption. It begins with Cameron’s resignation in S1, and follows two doctors as they fight with and for each other at a tiny clinic in Africa. Mistakes are made, lives are lost, and something profound will bring them together.

What happens when a botched ritual switches a Harry from an evil mirror universe with our hero? Will the world survive? Post OotP Parody/Erotic Comedy Evil!Harry/multiple partners/femmslash

Fairytales happen when the boy and the girl decide they don't need a happy ending, they just need each other. — Lily/Teddy

After the events of fifth year, Harry experiences a slightly different summer than what he may have originally expected... not that he's complaining. Post-OotP. Eventual Harry/Tonks.

She missed him the way she missed the briny scent of seawater or the scummy smell of her duck pond or even the chemical haze of chlorinated pool water—she missed him like that, but worse. — Lily/Teddy

Alternative flaw of events; starts before Pilot. As it should have happened! I used scenes and dialogues from the canon and put them into a different light. I don't own those parts, just the rest. HAMERON & much of Wilson; M for language & eventual smut.

Teddy has developed feelings for Lily over the past year. Knowing that being with her could cost him his relationship with the family he loves, Teddy needs to realize if being with Lily can really work, or if it's all doomed from the start.

But that dragon tattoo brought the realization that she could make mistakes, and big ones. She could make decisions that could screw up her life, and her family's, and his. — Lily/Teddy

Thanks to Cameron's advice, Cuddy calls it quits with House. Curious about her meddling, House pursues Cameron for an answer, but soon finds himself pursuing her for entirely different reasons. AU.Chapter Ten Up! Finale. Thanks to all my faithful readers.

Post Ep. 608, Teamwork. Five years after leaving PPTH, Cameron is roaming an antique store when she comes across the last person she expected or wanted to see. HC.

The trick of love is to never let it find you...House/Cameron. NOW COMPLETE

When House is admitted to Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital, he is forced to deal with his own demons. His absence from the hospital, however, also forces the rest of the PPTH staff to face that which they wish to deny.

CDHG "Can I just ask, what exactly are you planning on doing with that eclair?"

Not all of James died that night. Not all of Harry lived. The Triwizard Tournament as it should have been and a hero discovering who he really wants to be.

When Cameron falls ill, will House find that in having the inner strength to save her, he is able to save himself? Hameron, Wilson/Cameron friendship. A new chapter is up!

Inspired by a line in David Cook's "Come Back to Me". Cameron thinks she's ready for a life change. House, as always, has his doubts. Starts out Cameron/OC, eventually ends up House/Cameron, no particular season in mind. NOW COMPLETE.

“Did you sleep with him?” Since Chase had asked the question it seemed to echo in her head constantly. This one tiny little question would turn out to have a lot of consequences for Cameron and House...House/Cameron. Spoilery for the end of season 4.

She believed he couldn't change. Discovering his true heart's desire made him want to try. Can Severus Snape reclaim what was lost before it's too late? SS/LE

Uh oh.

After his last battle with Voldemort, eighteen year old Harry wakes up in the future. He’s older, next to a wife he never married and working as the Ministry of Magic’s finest expert in solving murders. They tell him that he won, but Harry knows better...

Ten years after the defeat of Voldemort, Lee Jordan asks what life was like during the Death-Eaters' reign for the Muggleborn son of a prominent Tory family, and what he learned as a member of the commission which investigated how they came to power.

After a hard night of boozin', House awakes to find something different in his bed. A very bad different. Lies, bets, drugs, sex, and dying patients, it's all too much for House. Too bad his only salvation is with someone he'd rather not see. [HouseCam]

Alternate Universe with Booth, Brennan, and the gang with Original Characters. A fanfic dealing with Brennan's and Booth's recovery, rehab and realizations from the shooting in "Wannabe in the Weeds" Starts out PG-13 and then changes to M at around the Chapter 40 mark

An envelope emblazoned with a familiar logo. Bold, black printing. A Jersey postmark. Him. A letter...from him. House/Cameron. AU. Takes place several months after Cameron quits in Role Model.

The-Boy-Who-Almost-Died has to figure out what it means that he didn't. Harry's tumultuous 5th year at Hogwarts is Cedric's 7th and final. Bound together by shared trauma, both boys fall under Ministry suspicion ... Who is Cedric Diggory? Cedric!Lives AU

When trouble finds Allison Cameron she goes to the only people who can help back at the hospital she abandoned.

HouseCam. House woke from his coma to not remember anything over the past year. This includes a Head Honcho Foreman, Surgeon Single Chase, Secretive Wilson, Same Cuddy, and Pregnant Cameron. So many questions need to be answered. Complete.

Truth has taken the Forerunner ship and is on his way to the Ark. Keyes and Johnson have stopped Installation 05 from firing, but the failsafes have been activated. Janissary James and the others on Earth are ready to take the fight to the Covenant.

She gives you the most terrified look you've ever seen, as you grab her trembling hand. Outside the plane window, the ocean is rapidly approaching, and you wonder if this is it? House/Cam, COMPLETE

A "same old, same old" plot: pregnancy, narcissism, friendship, and even a medical mystery or two, but with a few post-Season 4 twists. Wilson, reeling from the events of "Wilson's Heart," warns Cameron that she needs to stop trying to save House.

Anyone think that Darth Vader’s kids were making a fool out of him? Let’s explore the Sith Lords’ relationship with his twins Luke and Leia Skywalker. How tough of a father is he really?

When karma bites Anakin Skywalker on the butt, he realizes he must make up all the bad things he's ever done to have a chance at happiness. From the creator of "The Death Star: An Imperial Workplace". A "My Name is Earl" parody

Felicia Robina has always been giving to her family, reluctant as she may be, but there is one thing she will never comprimise and that is her hatred of her father's criminal profession. Will Tommy's presense be enough to change her mind? Ch. 6 rewrite.

House/Cameron, House dresses a cut. Set a little post 4.14, before House's Head. Some Chase/Cameron and mentions of past House/Cuddy.

AU of HBP. After losing his Godfather and promising to think before he acts, Harry receives a letter from the new Minister of Magic with an intriguing proposal, he gains a new ally and begins doubting an old one. Independent!Harry Realistic!Honks

A Noir story of HP ass kickery cooked to perfection and served over a savory blend of snarky humor. Before sending Harry to the afterlife, Voldemort told him he'd write the book on worse things than death with him. Harry's back to write the epilogue.

A year after her best friend betrays her, Hermione has to face Harry and work with him to uncover the truth about the past, as Harry struggles to convince her that they can have a future.

Dumbledore doesn’t ignore the 2nd prophecy! He apprentices Harry and teaches him a rare form of magic, but draws the ire of a secret society who seek to guard this knowledge and do Harry in. Assassination attempts on multiple fronts. H/F, Yr. 4 GoF AU.

COMPLETE. Two years after defeating Voldemort, Harry falls into an alternate dimension with his godfather. Together, they embark on a new life filled with drunken debauchery, thievery, and generally antagonizing all their old family, friends, and enemies.

It takes two thieves, a Dark Wizard, and a Tentacle Monster named Tim.

"Of course it's missing something vital. That's the point." Dennis Creevey takes up his brother's camera after the war.

I different take on Halfwit. Cameron doesn't care that House is dying. Or does she?

She is in love, and there is nothing she can do about it. It is unfair. Cameron decides she must distance herself from House, but has he changed his mind about her? Does he object to her distancing? Rated M for smut and language.

COMPLETE. H/Tracey. The diary left more than battle wounds. Voldemort's ingenuity planned for more than Harry initially assumed. The time has come when he must pierce the shades of grey that colour the Wizarding World. A fast-paced, psychological thriller

What happens when Cameron visits the Mirror Syndrome patient's room? What happens when she and House are in the room together? Post Mirror, Mirror. HCam Angst. Don't worry, this is definitely ending up with Hameron.

A Housian adaptation of Shrek. As the title suggests, its House & Cameron, also a little Wilson & Cuddy. Rated T. Fun Fun Fun Plenty of HouseCammy goodness to come!

AU. Balancing the Force cost too many lives. The Force turns back time and changes reality. Anakin is born earlier, Padmé is Force sensitive... Palpatine chooses another as his apprentice, Darth Bana. AP. OSabé. First in series.

After over a year, I've finally updated. Chapter 19: The aftermath of the 'Usumir incident' and an ancient AI makes his mark on a Covenant cruiser. And the Sha'naren are confirmed dangerous, but what is their purpose?

House, Cameron, HouseCam HouseCameron. This story started life as a one shot, but grew. Cameron plans to ask House out until either he or she can take no more.

post OOTP. Harry is back on Privet drive and receives a notebook from Hermione. When he opens it, he finds it to be a most unusual connection. Rated M for abuse, violence, implied slash, rough stuff, rape,etc. HPNT On Hiatus due to RL issues. Back soon

A Christmas story. Lilly and Scotty investigate the death of a John Doe. Very definitely LillyScotty.

House is slowly realizing he has something to say to Cameron, but when the time comes he may find himself unable to speak.

Finally Updated! It won't be easy. Everyone knows that. A look at the bumps and bruises that House and Cameron will have to experience before they get it right. Eventually HCam

This is the story of a very unlikely pairing in a love, hate…more hate relationship. This is a cynical look back on how it all began and the maddening realization of why it hasn’t ended. A Harry, Pansy pairing. Yes, I have undertaken the implausible.

When the team looks into the 2003 death of a 16 year old highschool junior, they find the trail leads to love interests and family secrets. LS UST. FINALLY DONE.

Episode 3 AU After being brought back to the light by Obiwan Kenobi on Mustafar, Anakin and the surviving Jedi join with Mon Mothma and Padme's Rebel Alliance to strike back against Palpatine's Empire

The three main GTA characters are forced to live in the same house, along with others who will be added. Bad language is used. Read and see what happens, and don't forget to review! DAY 10 ADDED, MY FIRST UPDATE IN ALMOST A YEAR!

The day Tommy Vercetti has dreaded for six years has finally arrived. The day in which his reign of Vice comes to an end. Did ya miss me?

Harry is hiding away from all thing magic and finds love and happiness, but some things magic are unavoidable...I was short of stories about harry falling in love with a muggle girl. so I gave it a shot myself.Please R&R

The titanic clash between two alliances, and the bravery, honor, and commitment of those involved, will determine the fate of all – and reveal the truth, along with darker secrets and corruption at the highest levels of leadership.

The story of four of the greatest heroes ever known to Weyard, fighting to prevent the release of an ancient power. World's first and only complete noelisation. R&R!

The personal diary, if you will, of Darth Vader starting at the battle over the first Death Star. Mostly sticks to the movies, but the end of ROTJ has a bit of a twist...

Oneshot. During a study session Harry learns what witches really want. Implied HarryMulti.

Harry has learned the prophesy and he does not believe that a schoolboy can defeat Voldemort, so he decides that if he is going to die then he is first going to live.

JohnxocMegan was captured years ago, to be Cleansed of her human blood. Now she will meet her childhood friend again and be faced with a choice. Save her own race? or the ones who saved her life?

[UNDERGOING FINAL REVISIONS] Villains or heroes, decide for yourself. The tale of The Golden Sun, told through the eyes of Saturos, Menardi, Felix, Alex, and those that traveled with them. Preview for sequel now up.

A long time ago, in a galaxy that never was... At the end of the Battle of Geonosis, Senator Amidala chooses duty over love and the forbidden marriage never takes place. How strange that a decision so personal could alter the fate of the galaxy forever...

The incarnation of evil itself, which was sealed away in the past, has awaken once again. Only the weilders of the Holy Weapons can destroy it, and the Smashers have it. Multicrossover with many series. At long last, FINISHED!

The consequences of Sayonara Salvatore for Portland's resident Mafia dynasty. First stroy ever so PLEASE REVIEW!

Sequel to SHADOW. Scotty and Lilly are getting ready to have a baby, and must solve another hectic case in the process...Now Finished!

Mission Eleven: The [lame] Cast Party. This is a Halo parody inspired by Halo: Combat Devolved by Agent Smith. Please don't sue me. Rated Mature for very, very bad things.

Book 2: The Mysteries of the Halo Universe collide in this tale. Join Eric Raynord, Rose Santos and Wesley Williams as they learn secrets of ONI and the mysterious Halo ring worlds. Familiar faces return in Book 2 of the trilogy.

The title will chage. Following the events of the Cime Lords of Liberty City in the year 2008. Max Payne, Claude Speed, Joey leone, and many, many, more. These stories intertwine through a series of twists and turns to a new conclusion. Very intense.

COMPLETE. Anakin, with the help of ObiWan and a female Jedi, battle the lure of the Dark Side. Palpatine will stop at nothing to make Anakin a Sith again. PostROTS.

MWPP, Lily and friends enter 7th year…”I was so stupid to think that for a second you actually cared.” Hate, bitterness, tension, betrayal, fights, lies, a diet plan, serious denial, can they find love? COMPLETE

As Harry struggles with the guilt of Sirius' death, new neighbors arrive. This foreign family has a very beautiful daughter, and she's taken a liking to Harry. He must hide his own true identity, but is this girl all she claims to be?

The cast of Halo read their fan mail aloud. Some funny stuff and I’m bad with summaries. Just read. Rated for language. and RedvsBlue on CH2 Compl. For now

Cameron finds something to share with House, but it's not what she ever would have wanted. HCam eventually.

Now it's Cameron's turn, what are House's Aunt and Uncle like? Ch. 27, Member of the Family

Cameron has quit, but she returns to the hospital under unfortunate circumstances and House is forced to confront his feelings for her along with dealing with Vogler, Cuddy and the rest of his staff at PPTH. EPILOGUE IS UP...COMPLETE.

Lilly meets the family ... MEGAfluffLS

AU. Before the duel on Mustafar Anakin receives a vision from the Force. Now he must find a different alternative to defeating Palpatine as time runs out on the fledgling Rebel Alliance. Includes speculated background of Palpatine too. COMPLETED!

A parody of Star Wars: Episode III. Please read and review!

An epic crime story taking place over several decades. Centers around GTA3, Vice City, & San Andreas but contains characters from The Getaway, True Crime, Driv3r, Mafia, Max Payne, Dead to Rights, Sin City, Lupin III, and Manhunt.

Notice the refrence in the title. It is like that 70's show but in my own version. Tommy, Claude, and Carl share an apartment, and are constantly partying with friends and manage to get into loads of trouble.

The war is over. Voldemort won. The light's last hope is a desperate ploy, concocted by an insane genius, that probably won't work anyway. Now Harry must find a way to win a war he's already lost once before.

FINISHED Four years after Tommy Vercetti took over Vice City, an upandcoming hitman for the Leone family is sent down to negotiate a business. What was a simple plan soon escalates into a web of death and deception. Great story, you will love it.

GTA3. She appeared on the streets when the money grew thick in men’s wallets. Malibu was her name. And boy, could she make that money disappear. She was looking for someone in particular. Someone dangerous. Someone who was 'just small time'.

Formerly Making It The Hard Way. A story about revenge, oppression, action, violence, and survival in a fictional world as tough as Vice and Liberty combined!Includes characters and references from previous GTAs, with a few clever twists.Please R&R!Ch14UP

It is finally here, as I promised. CJ, Nick Kang, Tommy Vercetti, Claude Speed, Max Payne, Solid Snake, and Leon Kennedy fighting together against the Russian army invading Los Santos. Episode III up!

This is San Andreas in a novel form. Enjoy.

Scotty moves in with Lilly to protect her after a particulary twisted case takes a turn for the worse and the suspect gets away plotting revenge. Finished!

COMPLETE! After 66 chapters, it is over. Keep an eye out for the sequel, though!

Tommy Vercetti, Carl Johnson, and Fido are brought together. For what? And what will happen? (Completed)

[HPNT] Tonks is determined to make sure That Harry has some fun before sixth year, so what can she do? Take him to her apartment, embarrass the hell out of him and then take him on a road trip of course!complete]

Two tales all in one story. The first one is set a year after GTA3 about Fido. The second one is about Tommy Vercetti trying to make his name in Liberty City. LAST CHAPTER NOW UP! PLEASE REVIEW!

Follow the misadventures of Master Chief as he battles Covenant troops invading the gigantic Halo hoop from their ship, Humor and Reconsillyation.

Tommy Vercetti combats the Feds, teams up with a stranger from Liberty City, and asserts his dominance on the streets of Vice City --- all while information about his organization is leaking out in a most unexpected way (to Tommy)

He never had it easy. But now Harry Potter is faced with a new challenge an enemy he cannot see. But before Harry can consider battling his new foe, he must first control the demons within his mind. Written before publication of HBP.

Bill Weasley is positive that Tonks has a new boyfriend and he’s determined to find out who. As for Tonks…well, she just wants to bake buns; after all, what’s the worst that could happen?

What do a Slytherin pureblood and a Muggleborn Hufflepuff have in common? Nothing except music, and even that doesn't go far. As Hogwarts descends into chaos, two uneasy acquaintances struggle to understand the opposite point of view on the coming war. P

Gilderoy Lockhart assigns a poem in CoS, about his defeat of the Wagga Wagga werewolf, and here are the poems. Oo; Pretty stupid.

A post-Hogwarts story by Zsenya and Arabella

5 years later. The Republic is divided and on the verge of civil war. Key political figures that have held the fragile galactic government together are being systematically assassinated. Now it is up to Obi-Wan Kenobi and his apprentice Bali Tiro to find

BLOODY BRILLIANT Award Winner. Who but Severus would write a song that insults every house but his own in polysyllabic rhyming couplets? If Rowling were in her grave, she'd be spinning..