lock shock and barrel
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Joined 02-13-05, id: 758165
Author has written 22 stories for Aliens/Predator, Misc. Plays/Musicals, Les Miserables, Charles Dickens, Invader Zim, Bartimaeus Trilogy, Edward Scissorhands, and Snatch.

wtf?

So. You're wondering what the hell I'm doing here.

Or maybe not.

But anyway...I'm here to supply you with something to do between meals and jerking off. Hopefully I do that sucessfully and with a touch of grace. If not, well...concrit is always accepted and wanted.

And to those who might be thinking "Hey, these fics look vaguely familiar, but not the name", then you probably knew me as Paroxysmal Lupine. Changed the name, yo.

I'm also here to destroy this inbreed known as 'bandfiction' that has crawled up onto ff.net. These are, at a most basic level, wetdreams about various members of emo boy bands (usually Fall Out Boy) that are posted in the muiscals section. Bands are not musicals. Musicals are works of art which can take years to compose. FOB is a group of men in tight pants and eyeliner. They are not equal.

Take your bandfics elsewhere.

who the hell are you?

I go to highschool. I write, I act, I sing, I draw.

I attempt to drive.

I also enjoy buying neon-colored eye liner from Hot Topic.

I love Les Mis. Montparnasse is a sexy beast. Sweeney Todd also lays down quite a bit of smack.

If you notice, my writing style (and reviewing style) had changed quite a bit in my few years here. I'm not a hyper freak anymore hellbent on whoring for reviews. I guess it's like...ff.net confession. I always wanted to go in a cofession box...

My username can refer to either the NMBC characters or the phrase referring to a gun. Lock shock and barrel. I just think it sounds kickass.

Beyond that, there's nothing too terribly interesting about me. Except maybe that my entire family is insane. One day, I'll be just like them. Oh, God.

how 'bout that there concrit?

Since lately I've been running low on muse, and writing non-con seems to tire my readers out, I've recently decided to start giving concrit (that's constructive critisism, children) to those who want it. And possibly those who need it but don't necessarily want it. Watch out, kiddos.

If crucial, flames might also be induced. But I'm a bit of a hippie, so I really love everyone. Except people who insist on writing like a brain-damaged walrus. Apparently walruses can paint. And they're well endowed. But I digress...

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS

Trolls, you might ask?

Well, my friends, as a demi-avid member of Fr's army, I find I must educate you poor innocent people on the inbred evil that is the troll.

You've seen them before. You're strolling about on your fandom, happily clicking along, when suddenly, you find a piece titled something along the lines of "da best stroie EVA!!!11oneshift1 llolz", written by iSuCkPeNiSLAWLZ12126512.

Or something similiar. That, my friends, is a troll. Someone who writes God-awful pieces of shit just to set people off. And people who don't recognize the troll as a troll will begin to simply lose their marbles and begin attacking the fic.

Never do this, ever.

This is, in a sense, feeding the troll. Because you just flipped a shit, they get off from it. So don't feed the troll. Just ignore it. This is the only way to keep the fandoms clean.

Don't feed the trolls.

i'll sprekken my own damn language, kthnx.

I will speak English and Spanish.

Not Japanese.

I'm sure Japan is a wonderful country. But I'm not going to stare at your profile for hours on end trying to learn random Japanese phrases.

And no, I'm not 'all hatin' on teh Japan'.

in conclusion...

That's me and my cause. You can agree or disagree. I don't really care either way. If you want to cleanse the site of idiots, join Fr's army. If not...then...don't.

Anyhow, I do believe it's time to watch Edward Scissorhands again. Ciao.

-lock shock &barrel

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Fall by LesMisLoony reviews
Montparnasse and Eponine fluff. That's right, fluff. With almost no context or content. Because MontyPonine is darker and more interesting than MariusCosette, I guess.
Les Miserables - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,089 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 25 - Published: 11/22/2007 - Eponine, Montparnasse - Complete
Making Friendship Bracelets For The Death Eaters by Avada Cruimperio reviews
They may be called Death Eaters, but this group of minions are anything but evil, and they've decided to replace the Dark Mark with something much more fashionable... friendship bracelets!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 62,025 - Reviews: 929 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 7/15/2007 - Published: 7/27/2005 - Voldemort, Severus S.
Charmer of the Shadows by LesMisLoony reviews
Despite what you may think, Montparnasse’s life was really a neverending search for love, happiness, and fancy clothes... until he met Eponine. Rated for language, loose women, and lots of blood. Complete at last.
Les Miserables - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 34 - Words: 57,454 - Reviews: 270 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/25/2007 - Published: 12/31/2004 - Montparnasse, Eponine - Complete
The Day of Realization by Cassandra Y reviews
[AVP Fic] An Ooman female is saved by a Yautja and finds out that she is a Pyode Amedha and Queen Kainde Amedha Hybrid. She is accepted by the Yautja after ridding the ship of Kainde Amedha and saving other Yautja . Summery does this story no justice. R&R
Aliens/Predator - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 46,241 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 5/9/2006 - Published: 2/27/2005 - Complete
ILL by SoftMynx reviews
A Yaut'ja warrior steals a human female from Earth. What does he need her for? Wow! You guys are diamonds! I'm still getting requests to update this story 9 years after my last update! I'm on Twitter now @NightOnyx. Please hit me up! I'm prepared for all of the "flame" I'm going to get! I deserve it! Love you guys!
Aliens/Predator - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 41,025 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 1/30/2006 - Published: 1/15/2005
Does Your Soul Define Who You Are by Silvermoonlight GJ reviews
When your stranded in the deepest darkest region of space with only a hunter by your side. You come to realize who your true friends and enemies really are.
Aliens/Predator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 156,992 - Reviews: 426 - Favs: 281 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 7/17/2005 - Published: 1/2/2005 - Human, Predator/Yautja - Complete
Sacrifice Theory by Solain Rhyo reviews
Sequel to Surviving This. In the aftermath of the the pyramid, Lex finds herself on another hunt, and must prove her worth not only to the predators, but to herself as well. COMPLETE.
Aliens/Predator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 55,326 - Reviews: 515 - Favs: 445 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 4/5/2005 - Published: 2/14/2005 - Lex, Scar - Complete
Hunter's Quest by CassieKnight reviews
We know how Lex saw and felt the events during the time in the pyramid...but what did Scar think and how did he see it all fold out? The AvP movie based on Scar's side of things from beginning to end...Rating for language and icky images please R&R Co
Aliens/Predator - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 20,385 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 3/21/2005 - Published: 2/26/2005 - Complete
Guilty by Digestive-biscuit reviews
Oneshot. Lex thinks back on what happened and her part in it, and realises that she was guilty, that she had hurt more than helped, and that remembering hurts just as much as the scars. Note: change of author name from Mademoiselle Morte to Zukanna
Aliens/Predator - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 945 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/21/2005 - Complete
Aftermath by CassieKnight reviews
Alexa Woods returns home and tries to carry one with her life. Eight months later, she discovers a visit from someone much too familiar. (Poor Summary) Please R&R. Complete
Aliens/Predator - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,874 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 2/17/2005 - Published: 2/13/2005 - Complete
See Christine sing! Sing, Christine, sing! by Silver Whirl reviews
A brief rewrite of Phantom of the Opera, done in the style of the Dick and Jane books. (You know, "See Spot run," and all that.) Light, parody fun. Enjoy!
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 999 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 7 - Published: 1/24/2005
The Javvie Clause by LesMisLoony reviews
COMPLETE! Javert accidentally knocks Père Noël off the roof of the police station and has to become Santa. He undergoes a HUGE character change and gets rather fat.
Crossover - Les Miserables & The Santa Clause - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 20,050 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 15 - Updated: 4/22/2004 - Published: 11/15/2003 - Javert - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Blueberries reviews
slight slash Tommy and Turkish spend Christmas Eve together, because no one else really wants them.
Snatch - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,105 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 6 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Complete
Sweeney Todd: THE MOVIE reviews
Haven't seen the Sweeney Todd movie? Don't plan on it? See it here! read it here?
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,677 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/14/2008 - Complete
Collapsing Inward reviews
They knew him, and they feared him. For they knew his story. oneshot, AU
Les Miserables - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 965 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/6/2008 - Complete
When the Alleycats Cry reviews
Vignettes of a certain gamin's life.
Les Miserables - Rated: K+ - English - Spiritual/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 807 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/20/2007 - Eponine - Complete
Snow Falls reviews
[oneshot] A night of winter play is cut short by a brush with the shadows.
Les Miserables - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 457 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Published: 7/19/2007 - Eponine - Complete
Red Glass reviews
Flowers die, of course. Blood does not stain forever, not on the white carpet. But it likes to stain the photographs of some Godforsaken history.
Edward Scissorhands - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 764 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/13/2007 - Complete
Charcoal reviews
[very light slash] Claquesous has taken up a new hobby.
Les Miserables - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 970 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/29/2007 - Complete
No One Watches reviews
[Sweeney Todd] Violence has become an integral part in every aspect of Todd's life.
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 462 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/16/2007 - Complete
Scar Tissue reviews
[probably an overused title, but oh well] When Nathaniel has no one left in the world, all he can think to do is walk out on life. But someone still close to him may find it in themself to heal a broken soul...
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,686 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 6/6/2007 - Published: 3/14/2007
Humor at its Lowest Form reviews
This one sort of speaks for itself.
Les Miserables - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 489 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Published: 5/24/2007 - Complete
Brothers reviews
Montparnasse and Gavroche spend some quality time together. [very pointless, I really just wanted to get away from my usual sadistic Monty]
Les Miserables - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,100 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 9 - Published: 2/17/2007 - Complete
I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours reviews
[Slight ZADR] Dib seeks refuge from the rain...in a most unexpected place. Secrets are revealed, chaos most likely ensues. [the title is totally platonic and metaphorical. I win.]
Invader Zim - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,141 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 2/3/2007 - Published: 12/30/2006 - Dib, Zim
Remise en Cause de Ma Santé d'esprit reviews
[just pretend I didn't use babblefish and that the title translates to Questioning my Sanity] Drabble, pretty sadistic, no rhyme or reason at all. But what else do I write? [MontyxPonine]
Les Miserables - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 487 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Published: 2/2/2007 - Eponine - Complete
Ce Soir reviews
[very slight EponinexMontparnasse] This fic is the lovechild of Panic! At the Disco and Paroxsymal Lupine staying up until like 5 in the morning. Revel in it. Yes, the title is lame. Deal.
Les Miserables - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 814 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Eponine - Complete
Home reviews
Dodger consoles Oliver on a lonely night. [A bit of DodgerOliver]
Charles Dickens - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 737 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/20/2006 - Complete
The Rain reviews
[MontparnasseEponine]Spring is a wonderful time of year...
Les Miserables - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 691 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/19/2006 - Eponine - Complete
Just Friends reviews
[Les Mis] Montparnasse and Eponine are only friends...Depending who you ask. [MontparnasseEponine fic]
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 15 - Words: 9,547 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 11/18/2006 - Published: 9/9/2006 - Complete
White Lilacs reviews
[Oneshot] Gavroche mulls over things in life.
Les Miserables - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 407 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/30/2006 - Complete
Scream reviews
[Les Mis] Eponine returns home to her father's wrath...I take an already bad fate and make it morbid. That's just how I roll.
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 476 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/8/2006 - Complete
Forever Yours reviews
[Once on this Island] Ti Moune soon begins the regret the bargain she made after an encounter with the god of death...
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,019 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/14/2005
Torn reviews
You'll see why it's called Torn later in the story...man have I been gone long...
Aliens/Predator - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Tragedy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,769 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/10/2005 - Published: 2/17/2005
Newton's Encounter reviews
Just a short story about my newt trying to get to Greece and instead ends up in Antarctica...I was deprived of sleep and it was a math project, so bite me.
Aliens/Predator - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,176 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/27/2005