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Joined 06-02-01, id: 76060, Profile Updated: 03-23-12
Author has written 3 stories for Lord of the Rings, ER, and Pirates of the Caribbean.

Date: March 23rd 2012,

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of Orphie Pest's death. (sigh) Anyways, Feisty Pest died on March 14th. I hate March.

Right...it's best not to dwell on that. I'm not updating much on this. I don't feel like typing it. So anybody who reads this will just have to put up with me saying next to nothing. Sorry, I have a headache and I'm having a really bad month.


August 10, 2005

As on Cassi's page, we've opened a yahoo group for the posting of all our spoofs. And of course anyone else's. We'll take script format, chat room fics, bloopers and other lists and pretty much all the funny stuff that they don't allow here.

If this is something of interest to you, please don't hesitate to drop in. The more, the merrier. You can find us at this link

--Cassi & Sven

I will now update my short bio below and let you see how much I have changed.

FULL NAME: Svenda Astrid Vance-- I still prefer to be called Sven.

AGE: 30 as of October 9th 2011

HAIR COLOR: Mouse brown with lots of silver mixed in

EYE COLOR: Steel Gray

MENTAL STATUS: Unsure..at times depressed but mainly insane as normal

FAVORITE BOOK SERIES: I still love the Xanth series, but I also enjoy reading books on Geology, Volcanism, Meteorology and everything else in that field. Yes, those are nonfiction text books and I read them in my FREE time. I guess I am insane. I also read books on Forensics, and Profiling and that type of stuff...I have some that are on serial killers as well...I TOLD you I was INSANE!! I also read the Joe Grey Mystery books. I love the talking cats!

FAVORITE TV SHOW: I have now have 5 of them..(grins) Mythbusters!! That's the first one... Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman are cool! The second show...is Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe. The third is Deadliest Catch, the Northwestern and the Time Bandit are cool..as is the Corniela Marie. Fourth is now Border Wars..I love it when they go after those drug smugglers... and the fifth is Man vs Wild. (regardless of the controversy surrounding this show, I still like it, Bear is a neat person. I have 3 of his books. I mean he climbed Everest at the age of 23. He is the youngest Brit to reach the summit and then return safely to Base Camp. The 22 year old that reached the summit the following year, died of exhaustion on the descent. Bear is also a christian, it was because of his relationship with Jesus that he survived Everest. So the critics can shut their mouths about him!)

I also watch Alaska State Troopers, Manhunters, Flying Wild Alaska, Bordertown: Laredo, Bomb Patrol, and The First 48. Disorderly Conduct: Video on Patrol and Most Shocking. (There are others but those are close to the top of the list.) Wait..can't forget Walker, Texas Ranger!

FAVORITE MOVIE: Don't really have one right now. I don't watch too many movies.

And of course there is one more thing I have to add. I want to mention who my best and closest friend is. That would be my Lord and Savior Jesus... or Yeshua in Hebrew.

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

Favorite Bible verses:

Isaiah 40: 30&31

Young men may grow tired and weary, even the fittest may stumble and fall; but those who hope in Adonai will renew their strength, they will soar aloft as with eagles' wings; when they are running they won't grow weary, when they are walking they won't get tired.

And a brief message to all those who are unsaved. Jesus is the only way to salvation. All you have to do to be saved is to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and ask him to Fogive you of your sins. This is the only way. There are no other paths to Salvation.

I think that pretty much says it all.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Stolen Heir by kaotic312 reviews
Who is Kili's father? Kili doesn't know. Thorin doesn't know. Dis knows, but she's not telling. What does he do when he finds out she left him while carrying his son? Alternative ending to BOFA. Overprotective dwarves. Overprotective families. Thorin, Fili and Kili live. Hurt/Comfort. Angst with a Happy Ending. Eventual Kili/Tauriel.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 62 - Words: 443,821 - Reviews: 1542 - Favs: 396 - Follows: 462 - Updated: 5/30 - Published: 8/27/2014
Son's of Dis (A What If Story) by readergirl4985 reviews
What if something kept Fili and Kili from continuing on with the company after Rivendell? Kili is severly injured and unable to continue. Fili will not leave his brother behind. Bonus: Glorfindel. Lots of Glorfindel. Adventure, family feels, and (much later) romance.
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 30,755 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 3/22 - Published: 12/22/2014 - Fíli, Kíli, OC
Grimm Tidings by Amycat8733 reviews
A string of suspicious deaths cause two worlds to collide as Team Sheppard and Portland's Grimm meet. Solving the crimes will take the skills of both teams and every ounce of courage they possess.
Crossover - Stargate: Atlantis & Grimm - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,617 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 69 - Updated: 1/10 - Published: 2/13/2014 - John S., Teyla E., Nick B., Hank G.
Stirring the leaves by Kindle-the-Stars reviews
COMPLETE - "Your presence here in Middle-Earth is like the wind in the trees, Miss Darrow," Gandalf said, smoke wreathed around his head. "You may stir the branches, even knock loose a few leaves, but the tree itself remains untouched." Thorin/OC,
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 59 - Words: 357,570 - Reviews: 3086 - Favs: 2,537 - Follows: 2,227 - Updated: 12/24/2015 - Published: 5/24/2013 - [Thorin, OC] - Complete
The Curiosity Game by Bubble Wrapped Kitty reviews
Clint Barton knows that boredom is dangerous; it tends to lead to him doing stupid things. Stupid things like making bets with Tony Stark about which one of them can find and befriend the Daredevil of Hell's Kitchen first.
Crossover - Avengers & Daredevil - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 15,514 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 242 - Follows: 153 - Updated: 8/25/2015 - Published: 8/7/2015 - Black Widow/Natasha R., Iron Man/Tony S., Hawkeye/Clint B., Matt M. - Complete
The Making of the SCU & A Makeshift Family by LouiseKurylo reviews
How did the SCU start? How did a motley group of people become a tightly-knit team and makeshift family? By necessity Jane doesn't appear till chapter 5 since this story takes it back to the formation of Lisbon's team and the gradual team bonding. Promise it will be interesting anyhow! / I do not own The Mentalist and reap no economic benefits from this story.
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Mystery - Chapters: 31 - Words: 119,929 - Reviews: 321 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 6/27/2015 - Published: 10/8/2014 - Teresa L., Patrick J., Kimball C., Wayne R. - Complete
Dragonfire by Prepare For The Noble War reviews
AU where everyone lives. Erebor has been reclaimed and is flourishing. In it, one sharp tongued and passionately moral half-blood finds herself trapped under the gaze of the Durins, all in different ways. After her once horrid life changes for the very best, she finds herself growing closer to the lot of them in just as many ways. She definitely isn't used to this kind of life.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 42,873 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 5/6/2015 - Published: 1/16/2015 - [Thorin, OC] Fíli, Kíli
The Guardian of the Stone by Katie Moon reviews
Gemma's father wanted her to take care of a weird inherited stone as his dying wish, but when she is transported to Middle Earth, she has some major regrets about her promise. Gandalf and Thorin want to know why she has the Arkenstone and Gemma just wants to know why she's in a fairy tale. Story will contain a mass amount of Cherokee legend and Norse mythology. Thorin/OC
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 49,151 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 4/28/2015 - Published: 4/13/2015 - Thorin, OC
The Intersect versus The Robot by KeJae reviews
The idea of the conference was for agents of the New York FBI office to be introduced to the new idea of a fighting robot. It was designed to provide a challenging opponent for the agents to train against in Quantico and other training facilities. Using a volunteer to display the possibilities of what the robot could be capable of, Jones decided to raise his hand. With military...
Crossover - Chuck & White Collar - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,106 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/11/2015 - Bryce L., Neal C., Peter B. - Complete
Mission Report: Impossible by Peace Like a River reviews
"So... should we fire them?" "Probably." Nova Prime takes in the train wreck of colors, the haphazard editing marks, the blatant use of all-caps... and is that a stick figure of her in the margins? Team-fic, in which the Guardians write the best-worst mission report in the history of the Nova Corp. Established Starmora.
Guardians of the Galaxy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 11,010 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 358 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 9/18/2014 - Published: 9/12/2014 - [Peter Quill/Star-Lord, Gamora] Drax, Rocket R.
Remarkably Bad Ideas by kalina16 reviews
The thing about Peter is that he's remarkably capable of provoking emotion from people. So when someone decides to take advantage of that fact, the Guardians react. Poorly.
Guardians of the Galaxy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,883 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 248 - Follows: 39 - Published: 9/15/2014 - Drax, Gamora, Peter Quill/Star-Lord, Rocket R. - Complete
A Bit of Universe Hopping by foxfire222 reviews
Takes place after book three of Hitchhiker series. Don't really care when it happens in SGA universe as long as it's after last season but still in the Pegasus Galaxy. Arthur isn't having a good day, and it only looks to be getting worse when he ends up on a mystery ship owned by aliens called the Wraith. What will happen to him, how will the lives of those who found him change?
Crossover - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy & Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 29,535 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/13/2014 - Published: 1/22/2014 - Arthur D., Ford P., John S. - Complete
Freaks of Nature by Ulura reviews
Sherlock meets Startrek. The super humans were not the tyrants Starfleet made them out to be, infact they were betrayed. Sherlock, John and their fellow superhumans decide to freeze themselves and wait for a better time. But when Marcus finds the ship Sherlock is forced to work for him until he dares to make an escape. Can he convince Kirk of the truth and save John and the others?
Crossover - Star Trek: 2009 & Sherlock - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 11 - Words: 15,160 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 350 - Follows: 286 - Updated: 10/16/2013 - Published: 6/10/2013 - Spock, J. Kirk, Sherlock H., John W. - Complete
The Saints of Atlantis by steamfan reviews
There are more than a few people who want the Saints out of the Hoag, but one group doesn't want them for their calling. They want them for their genes. Too bad their Da didn't live long enough to see this.
Crossover - Stargate: Atlantis & Boondock Saints - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 43 - Words: 91,537 - Reviews: 195 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 184 - Updated: 4/28/2013 - Published: 4/20/2010
Battle of the Cops by SunlightOnTheWater reviews
What started out as a suggestion turned out to be an all out war. Who knew being a giant alien robot disguised as a cop could be so much fun? Based off hummergrey's fic When nothing else fits
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 13,983 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 1/2/2013 - Published: 10/11/2011 - Barricade
Temporary Insanity by TimeLordParadox reviews
Rookie police officer James Denning attempts to escape the monster infested nightmare of Raccoon city. However, in his struggle for survival he is given a helping hand when he discovers an old Mask, which gives its wearer more then they bargain for.
Crossover - Resident Evil & The Mask - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 16 - Words: 74,774 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/4/2012 - Published: 10/8/2010 - Complete
A week in babysitting by Warrior Queen 21 reviews
The male Avengers are tasked with looking after a 4 year old Clint. Chaos, pandemonium and disorder follow in that order...
Avengers - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,501 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 31 - Published: 6/4/2012 - Hawkeye/Clint B.
Weekend Warrior by blackdog-lz reviews
Ignoring pain, mental and physical barriers so that he can keep up with the rest of his superhero team has become a new hobby
Avengers - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,031 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 366 - Follows: 38 - Published: 5/6/2012 - Hawkeye/Clint B. - Complete
Thin Blue Line by emberlotus reviews
A Tranquility police officer finds herself in the middle of the war between the Autobots and the Decepticons. Her unexpected guardian is prepared to protect her at all costs from both sides, as she becomes more important than either side realizes.
Transformers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 133,183 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 223 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 1/19/2012 - Published: 1/11/2011 - Barricade
An Earthquake in the Force by Jedi Buttercup reviews
"Not so loud, Rodney," John said, pressing a hand to his temple. "Was it just my imagination, or did I just land the city with my mind?"
Crossover - Star Wars & Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,316 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 42 - Published: 12/30/2011 - Yoda, John S. - Complete
Screwing with SG1 by Azamiko reviews
Because SG1 has one nutcase-per season-and three sane people, and SGA1 has one sane person and three nutcases.
Crossover - Stargate: SG-1 & Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,226 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/6/2011 - D. Jackson, Rodney M.
Resuscitate by Kink Fluff Angst reviews
Patrick Jane faced death many times, but he couldn't remember a time where he'd had a pipe pressed against his throat. T for language. Jane Pain.
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,633 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/7/2010 - Patrick J. - Complete
Red Daze by IntoDarkness reviews
A distant figure lurched and stumbled, like a scene stolen from a zombie movie. Carlos recognized the man's profile and curly honey blond hair. Crap, all he needed was a Patrick Jane incident. Jane pain.
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,901 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 8/19/2010 - Published: 8/12/2010 - Patrick J. - Complete
Punisher vs Predator: Blood Summer by enRAGEd reviews
Frank Castle hunts the guilty, and makes examples of criminals. The Predator hunts the strong, and makes trophies of warriors. When one stumbles across the other, who will emerge victorious, and walk away with the spoils? One-shot.
Crossover - Aliens/Predator & Punisher - Rated: M - English - Crime/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,237 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/12/2010 - Complete
A Born Tactician by TrekFan24905 reviews
A reinterpretation of the final scenes of the film. One-shot.
Law Abiding Citizen - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 970 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/2/2010 - Clyde S. - Complete
Danger Zone by Mulligrubs reviews
Jane has a talent for getting into trouble, but has serious doubts he will be able to talk his way out of this one. It turns out that pissing off the biggest drug lord in California is a bad idea. Rated for violence and language.
Mentalist - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,534 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 5/30/2009 - Published: 5/28/2009 - Patrick J. - Complete
King of Broken Hearts by reen212000 reviews
A captured John Sheppard gets rescued by an unlikely hero. Written for the Farewell to SGA Ficathon at sheps atlantis on LJ.
Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,341 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/14/2009 - John S. - Complete
The Tinman and the Runaway Princess by jypzrose reviews
The eclipse is over but everything isn't golden in OZ. DG feels out of place, uncomfortable in her new role as Princess. The only place she feels at home is with her friends. SEE INSIDE FOR FULL SUMMARY. DG&CAIN AZ&Glitch. COMPLETE
Tin Man - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 59,814 - Reviews: 400 - Favs: 180 - Follows: 113 - Updated: 4/29/2008 - Published: 12/11/2007 - DG, Cain - Complete
Path Less Chosen by FeistyFox reviews
DG finds that the O.Z. may have a more interesting plan for her than just becoming queen.
Tin Man - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 33 - Words: 73,627 - Reviews: 478 - Favs: 301 - Follows: 94 - Updated: 1/31/2008 - Published: 12/28/2007 - DG, Cain - Complete
In the Line of Duty by CasusFere reviews
After Mission City, Barricade moves to LA and mystifies the local police force.
Transformers - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,763 - Reviews: 278 - Favs: 618 - Follows: 144 - Updated: 9/28/2007 - Published: 8/28/2007 - Barricade - Complete
Mind Over Matter by Dr. Dredd reviews
John starts to exhibit telekinetic abilities after returning through the time dilation portal. Takes place between Epiphany and Critical Mass, spoilers for Epiphany and Condemned. COMPLETE!
Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 38,895 - Reviews: 331 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 4/24/2007 - Published: 1/27/2006 - John S., Carson B. - Complete
Jabberwocky by Stealth Dragon reviews
How far is John willing to go to protect? Heads going snickersnack, and genetic impossibilities. Oh, and don't forget the terrible physical trauma. John's not a happy man.
Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 158,257 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 4/21/2006 - Published: 2/23/2006 - John S. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

When Worlds Collide reviews
This is about a legend older then the Great Rings. A legend that might keep Middle Earth from fading now that the Rings are gone. This story is finally re written, and we hope better now.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 11,553 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/1/2005 - Published: 3/7/2002
Youth Elixir II: More Interesting Title Later reviews
Chapter five up! The ranks of the five year olds are ever growning as two Naval Officers join them. Meanwhile, Norrington and Pellew have to get their Officers off the docks before someone sees all of them in their cute pink dresses. (grin)
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 25,124 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 9/17/2004 - Published: 12/11/2003
ER and the Terrible Youth Elixir Incident reviews
We're finished! The evilauthors on break from the spoofs, threw themselves a big party, and all our well planned torture backfired. They would enjoy, it wouldn't they? And Romano has adopted a pet parrot.^_^
ER - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 96,592 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 4 - Updated: 5/6/2003 - Published: 1/27/2003