Hermione W. Cullen
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Joined 02-19-05, id: 761686, Profile Updated: 12-03-14
Author has written 23 stories for Phantom of the Opera, Star Wars, Twilight, Harry Potter, Indiana Jones, Fairy Tales, and Sandman.

Greetings, friends.

I'm a grad student who grew up on this web site. Most of the fanfiction I've posted here spans from middle school to halfway through college, but there are a few things I update occasionally--notably Harry Potter and the Irresponsible Shippers, because the fan/friend response has been amazing. I'm still available through PM, so talk to me if you want.

Note on the history of Irresponsible Shippers: The story has been reported (and deleted by ff.net admin without investigation) twice, and so the version that's up now is the 3rd edition. It doesn't break any of the site's rules, and as far as I can tell was reported because a few people were upset that I criticized their ships. In the old days, tempers ran high about one's Harry Potter ships, and no doubt I was a bit incendiary and got a few things wrong. Have you ever been in high school? Then you'll understand about making mistakes. But still, Irresponsible Shippers is one of my greatest achievements in the field of comedy, and I've always had more positive response than negative. So I shall persevere.

Fanfiction philosophy: We're all here because we love reading and writing, so go forth boldly!

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Seven Seeds by Surviving Sheika reviews
The story of how a young goddess became the Queen of the Dead. The tale of Persephone's capture and life in Hades through her eyes. Experience her adventures. T to be safe.
Greek Mythology - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 91,949 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 6/8/2011 - Published: 11/29/2008 - Persephone, Hades - Complete
Who is the Mole? by TimmyTAR reviews
What happens when 12 of your favorite Dunder-Mifflin-ites compete in a game of lies and sabotage known as The Mole? R/R. Takes place after "Goodbye Toby." The Final Three Has Been Revealed.
Office - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 68,594 - Reviews: 98 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 7/19/2010 - Published: 7/25/2008
Drops of Color: Journeys into Hogwarts by hannahannah reviews
Drops of Color is an ongoing collection of 100-word HP drabbles. Each drabble is inspired by and titled with a different paint color. Please read and review.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 95 - Words: 10,833 - Reviews: 782 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 8/14/2009 - Published: 10/10/2007
The Hippie Headmaster’s Pajama Party The Musical by Dreamstallion33 reviews
A parody on the fifth Harry Potter movie. Author not responsible for randomly feeling the need to sing or the urge to see Equus. Erratic bursts of laughter may also ensue please consult OotP to accurately complain to WB! ENJOY! R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,596 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/18/2009 - Published: 2/1/2008 - Complete
It's Not That Easy by Bingo7 reviews
You wouldn't think a kitchen girl would be this deep in the complications of love. I mean hot sauce I'm a kitchen girl! And I almost wish I never met the prince. Almost. Things are crazy, including Charlie, May, Beric, Alyce and a little thing called love
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 34 - Words: 121,125 - Reviews: 668 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 118 - Updated: 4/8/2009 - Published: 9/7/2006 - Complete
Bad Fanfiction by yayme2012 reviews
Funny fanfic telling what you SHOULDN'T do in Twilight fanfiction... Includes JacobXBella, EmmettXBella, and my personal fave: BananasXBella! New chapters include The Movie, Yum Lemons, and 2008. Curing Twilight fanfiction, one parody at a time.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 66 - Words: 51,675 - Reviews: 2796 - Favs: 569 - Follows: 331 - Updated: 3/2/2009 - Published: 11/14/2007 - Elizabeth, Aro
To the Seven by Kimmy Jarl reviews
Small poems to the Endless
Sandman - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 10 - Words: 603 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/21/2008 - Published: 3/9/2004
Congressional House Call by Historybuff reviews
It's 1776 and congress has become nothing more than a room full of disorderly, immature, spoiled brats. Hancock has had enough. Based on movie/musical 1776. Note: This story IS a parody. If characters seem overdone/exaggerated, it was intentional.
1776 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 10 - Words: 15,268 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 9/6/2008 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Complete
Bloodstone by Artichokie reviews
The night following the Potters' deaths, Sirius sits alone, pondering past events. It doesn't take long for the sense of betrayal to invade his senses. The thirst for justice then consumes his being until he's mad with it.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,568 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 4 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Sirius B. - Complete
Giving One Thousand Percent by Thanfiction reviews
Ten Weasleys. One hundred words. A family like none other.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,046 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/17/2008 - Complete
Tug of War by Lucky Dice Kirby reviews
‹kategarrett› One step forward, two steps back.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 238 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Garrett, Kate - Complete
Legal Implications by Fluffisacoolword reviews
A Twilight comedy series, written with Cloudmoo and inspired by yayme2012's BellaxBanana Challenge. "Sick, twisted, and hilarious!"
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,050 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/13/2008 - Published: 1/23/2008
You, Who Stole My Solitude by halfmyheart reviews
I'll follow you anywhere. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 667 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Kate, Garrett - Complete
The REAL Epilogue to Breaking Dawn by Intermission reviews
This is for all of you who were not satisfied with BD and wished for a different ending. .:Edward's POV:.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,658 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/5/2008 - Edward, Emmett - Complete
The Newspaper by Mari Falcon reviews
One decision, seemingly small, seemingly insignificant, can change the course of history. Even something as small as a picture in the newspaper.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,431 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 11 - Published: 6/10/2008 - Sirius B. - Complete
The Epic Journey: Lily and James by Little Miss Elizabeth reviews
Ever wondered how it all happened? Here it is, just how Hogwarts most infamous couple, Lily Evans and James Potter, finally got together. Rated for safety.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,600 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 6/6/2008 - Published: 10/12/2007 - James P., Lily Evans P.
Better Wizards Than You by WiccaRowan reviews
A young nurse at St Mungo's comes across a rather unusual injury.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,796 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/15/2008 - Complete
Brotherhood by blondie AKA robin reviews
The Cullen boys go hunting. Jasper can't stop quoting the Princess Bride, Emmett can't stop quoting Monty Python and the Holy Grail, and Edward, rather put out, responds with Shakespeare. Hilarity ensues! Cowritten with the awesomely funny LindaRoo!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,198 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 4/13/2008 - Published: 3/31/2008 - Complete
Twilight Obsession List by Vampie The Strange reviews
I don't think I am the only one obsessed about Twilight by the look of all the people writing Twilight Stories. Here are some signs of a Twilight Osession.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,229 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/12/2008
School by One-Headed Boy reviews
Everyone is bored in school. Slight hilarity ensues.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 616 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 11 - Published: 4/8/2008
The Project by L-Ae-D reviews
October, 1974. A few weeks in the lives of Sirius Black, James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Peter Pettigrew. To be told in six parts.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,139 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/7/2008 - Published: 3/3/2008 - Sirius B. - Complete
Surprise by Eowyn77 reviews
Carlisle is taken by surprise by two visitors -- Alice and Jasper.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,885 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 183 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 3/6/2008 - Published: 3/5/2008 - Complete
A Sonnet of Why by Tiuku reviews
yeah,,, it asks why, now can anyone give me any answers, i will gladly read your opinion
Misc. Plays/Musicals - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 130 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/5/2008 - Complete
The Computer Lab by BronzeStorm reviews
Carlisle and Esme are called into the school, but why? Who got in trouble this time and what does it have to do with the computer lab?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 37,712 - Reviews: 473 - Favs: 325 - Follows: 146 - Updated: 1/25/2008 - Published: 9/29/2007 - Complete
Strut Your Stuff by crazy about twilight reviews
Alice decides to enter the Cullen "teenagers", as well as Bella, into guys' and girls' beauty contests. What's the catch? The gender with the most beauty points wins a prize to use over the other gender... fashion disasters, make-up catastrophes, and more
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,757 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 1/23/2008 - Published: 1/13/2008
Tumnus's Adventures In Spare Oom by Minor God reviews
Mr. Tumnus and Lucy find themselves outside the wardrobe. They have fun.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,860 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 3/12/2006 - Published: 2/28/2006
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Harry Potter and the Irresponsible Shippers reviews
Back AGAIN! Still the digitally remastered sumptuous edition director's cut. Sick and tired of reading weird pairings in Harry Potter fics? Me too. From Snape/Lily to Voldemort/McGonagall, I make fun of them all!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 19 - Words: 35,835 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 7/13/2011 - Published: 12/6/2008 - Complete
Vignettes reviews
A series of poems about people or things in the SANDMAN universe. Most are about the Endless.
Sandman - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 860 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 10/13/2009 - Published: 12/14/2008
Crazy Muggle Lullabies reviews
Or: Why Ronald Bilius Weasley should never ever ever drink caffeine. Very brief oneshot. R/HR. Post-DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 302 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 9 - Published: 4/13/2009 - Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
Of Gardenburgers and Spider Monkeys reviews
A parody of the Twilight movie. Need I say more?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Western - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,620 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 3/29/2009 - Published: 11/22/2008 - Athenodora, Chelsea
A Christmas Puzzle reviews
Hugo has a problem. Muggles, Christmas trees, cats galore!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,613 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Published: 12/19/2008 - Hugo W., Ron W. - Complete
The FirstEver Spectacular Stephie Awards! reviews
Reader-interactive awards-show-slash-parody. Categories such as "Worst sudden character turnaround," "Best Verbal Smack-Down By a Twilight Character," and "Skankiest Character." You vote by review, I parody the winners!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,204 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 11/18/2008 - Published: 10/9/2008
The End of Time reviews
There are some things that frighten even Death herself. Things only one other being understands. In the end, all she'll ever need is a Dream. Oneshot.
Sandman - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 567 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/10/2008 - Complete
Harry Potter and the Eclipse of the Crossover reviews
A musical comedy thriller. Because...well...I had to. It's just a parody, please don't shoot me! And , come on...you know you want to. There you go. Just click it. C'mon, click the link...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,866 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 10/17/2008 - Published: 5/10/2008
Matthew's Introduction to the Family reviews
Matthew the raven meets Death for the first time. Oneshot.
Sandman - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 768 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/26/2008 - Complete
Beauty Asleep reviews
Sleeping Beauty told in verse. I like to think it's clever; if nothing else, it's too short not to take a look at.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 1,275 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/20/2008 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Complete
Breaking Down: A Parody of a Parody reviews
Admit it: if you were satisfied by Breaking Dawn, it was only because of the major lulz provided. It was epic fail personified. With my trusty co-captain oO-Alice-Cullen-Oo, I set the record straight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,404 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 8/14/2008 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Alice
Quotes! reviews
Stephenie Meyer called the Breaking Dawn quotes of the day "purposely misleading." I call them "comedy gold." Here is a story based only on the Breaking Dawn qotds.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,113 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/30/2008 - Complete
Lily's Laugh reviews
Could it be that, just this once, James is actually serious? Lily/James, obviously. Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,005 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/16/2008 - Lily Evans P., James P. - Complete
His Shakespearean Tragedy reviews
The mysteries of the Phantom's past are unlocked as he lay dying. As the memories flood in we are acquainted with an ugly young boy, a very unhappy Daae, and a gentle, taciturn apothecary... *NEWLY REFURBISHED!*
Phantom of the Opera - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,246 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/9/2008 - Published: 5/9/2005
The Living Loss of Mary Alice Brandon reviews
Alice's history from the POV of her older sister, Cynthia. Canon. In character. Properly punctuated.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,208 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/6/2008 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Alice
The Eleventh Hour reviews
What if Bella never went to Port Angeles with Jessica in NM? How would the entire series be different? AU, BXE, yadda yadda. In character, promise.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,994 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 7/2/2008 - Published: 3/15/2008
Smells Delicious reviews
No matter how crazy the rest of the world is, Bella knows there's one thing she can count on at the end of the day. Oneshot. Written for a contest. Take with grain of salt to improve sanity.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Western/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,730 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Complete
The Criteria reviews
What exactly does it take to be Indiana Jones? One author is on a mission to find out. Oneshot.
Indiana Jones - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 470 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/2/2008 - Complete
The Only Thing She Ever Feared reviews
Luna and Ginny encounter a Boggart, revealing their greatest fears. Oneshot. HxG. Set in DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,538 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/21/2008 - Ginny W., Luna L. - Complete
Masochist reviews
Meadow scene, Edward's point of view. Set to Ingrid Michealson's "Masochist." I've seen a lot of songfics; I hope this isn't just more of the same.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 706 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Published: 3/23/2008 - Complete
Burning reviews
Bellatrix Lestrange will never forget this night, nor will any present...A look inside Bella's demented mind. Rated T for insinuations and some emo language. Oneshot, no requited pairings.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,293 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/14/2008 - Bellatrix L., Voldemort - Complete
Going Bananas! reviews
Twilight goes topsy turvy when a mysterious force reverses some forces of attraction...forcefully...written for yayme2012's BellaXBanana challenge. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,760 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 4 - Published: 1/31/2008 - Complete
Anakin's battle with the lights reviews
Short poem I wrote about Anakin's internal struggle between good and evil.
Star Wars - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 93 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/14/2005 - Anakin Skywalker
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