Hey all I'm a big fan of anime names Jesse and I love to beta peoples work
Name: Birth name: Jesse.
Age: who wants to know hmmm
Sex: yes plz
Hair color: dirty blonde (its brown nowT_T) hair with red in it
Eye color: my eyes are either the color green or blue with a tint of yellow in them too
Background: I'm Irish and I"ll kick your arse
Current mood: Θα ήθελα να ξεκουραστούν για όλα απόψε αιωνιότητα
You scored 74% Slytherin, 28% Ravenclaw, 15% Gryffindor, and 15% Hufflepuff!
if anyone knows who made the story psychic wizard please let me know i highly enjoyed the story and wish to ask the author as to why they got rid of it Or if they remembered there email or something
Oi!! I like to thank knightblazer for letting me continue his story
Fav Sayings: The four stages of a buliding relationship. Humour. Denial. Consideration. Acceptance
Are sins infect are minds,hearts,and souls and so we are corrupting areselfs and the world
I'm nothing more then a ghost in the shadows slowly fading away in ur hearts and minds
Jack of all trades is now the jack of death
I'll kiss micheal jackson when hell freezes over and the devil makes a snowman thats black!! (lmao dont ask!)
I have taken the chapters down to rewrite them a tiny bit but 2 are now up so feel free to read them
As some of you may know i have taken up the act of betaing with several authors (smiles evily) those poor poor bastards didnt know what they got them selfs into but they have yet to suffer like k9marauder...infact i think i may have broken his mind (tires to look innocent) but i swear it wasnt my fault...he should have known to never ever talk to a slave driving psycho (laughs evily) anyways if you have any questions feel free to ask me i am also willing to beta for anyone who wants me to work with them. O and i am also a Beta for Sealed-Dragon and right now i am working with pwn master padalin ...i think i spelled that right lol
Hey all here some challenges me and a buddy of mine PeinsDisciple came up with hope you like them the only thing I request from those who take it is…you better have some good grammer. Other then that good luck to yea and I hope you drop me a message to let me know if you took one of these up. Also I been tryin to contact blaze to get the rest of the files for this story but so far no luck but I will keep tryin. Anyways see ya all in the later.. p.s. more challenges to come
Justice league/multi : Combination of Lord Dragon Claw's The laughing fox and the dc universe game: What if Brianiac already made his nano bots but instead of using them right away decide to steal powers/skills and knowledge from other realities in order to build himself a Superior body only to have his plan back fire on him (similar to what happens in the game lol) how will the multi realities be changed by this event
Golgo 13/harry potter: Duke togo the world's most dangerous professional assassin ever known has decided to leave a heir and legacy (I\m sure you all know who i'm talking about)
Sword art online: What if during the beta testing of sword art online Kirito/Kazuto hacked into the game and downloaded all his stats and items before the testing finished, how much difference would it make if the black swordsman was strong from the start?
House/Royal pains: What after a life changing moment for house (with wilsions wife? dies after getting in the bus wil house,after house goes to the place after he went insane,after cuddy broke up with him or some of the earlier moments in the show) decides he needed a change and moves to the Hampton's were he meets some interesting people as he tries to sort out his life
my hero/two pints of lager and a packet of crisps (both British shows): what if the main characters lived close to one another what would the world be like?
Mighty morphing power rangers/Harry potter: What if Finster bored with nothing to do since Rita was still sealed decided to take on an apprentice to pass on his skills,knowledge and power to a new generation upon deciding so finds a child powerful in magic left on a door step of a humans household
Gundam wing/harry potter: instead of keeping him the dursley's sold harry to a doctor (the one that got herro) to be expermiented on and turned into the perfect soilder along side heero.(in this story other then the muggleborns and the halfbloods,pretty much all britian and several other europian magic places are iggnorant bout the non magical world)
stargate sg1/harry potter: What if the dursley's went on a trip to the states and had to take harry along,while over there he made a friend in Charlie O'Neill and later saving his life through the use of his *magic* ((while im sick of it you can make harry's people decedents of the ancients and or nox, feel free to have harry adopted by the O'Neill's and change his name,Charlie must however show the same abilities as harry though))
Pokemon/Harry potter: what if harry caught a glimpse of a cartoon movie his cousin was watching and was awed by the power of one of the main characters (mewtwo) and wishing so much to have that kind of power... unknownced? to him his magic decided to grant his wish. Powerful harry,his persona is going to be similar to mewtwo in the first movie and sooner or later will be just as powerful as him (after all mewtwo was born with all that power and just needed to control it harry on the other hand will have to push himself to earn both power and control)
Chuck(tv series): What if Fulcrum got to a young chuck just after his father left him and his sister? what if they trained them in there ways while he perfected his *goofy* persona to the outside world. What would this chuck be like? more so if he got into the CIA in Stanford?
Drew carey show: what if Drew and mimi didn't have a bad first meeting and actually tired to get along? what would the drew carey world be like?
Love hina:A few years after making his promise to his promise girl (cant remember who it was havent seen the show in a long time) Keitaro gets kidnapped and beaten and tortured by a gang (could be bikers,just a street gang anything you want) after being rescued from them becomes scared of the outside world and people in general how will this Keitaro effect his grand mothers manipulations. ((smart but highly agoraphobic and feared being touched?)) (((also known as aphephobia,haphephobia, haphophobia, hapnophobia, haptephobia, haptophobia, thixophobia ) is a rare that involves the fear of touching or of being touched. It is an acute exaggeration of the normal tendencies to protect one's personal space, expressed as a fear of contamination or of the invasion, and extending even to people whom its sufferers know well))
Love hina: A few years after making his promise to his promise girl (cant remember who it was havent seen the show in a long time) Keitaro gets kidnapped and beaten and tortured by a gang (could be bikers,just a street gang anything you want) after being rescued from them decides he wants to be strong and studies everything he can to become strong. How would this Keitaro deal with his grandmothers manipulations?. (smart,cold,and highly trained Keitaro)((training can be in anything you want as long as he atleast gets hand to hand and maybe some type of weapon or two training in whatever you pick))
Love hina: What if before he left the inn after making his promise Keitaro finds him self being called up to the attic finding the hina sword (i think thats what its called) compelled to take it with him how would this Keitaro deal with his grandmothers manipulations for him with the inn.((dark,powerful,slightly demonic sword welding Keitaro))
Love hina: What if shortly after making his promise Keitaro fell down the stairs that lead to the inn,suffering from minor and major injuries as well as amnesia. how will this effect his grandmothers plans for him?.
Love hina: What if kistsune and Keitaro met and became best friends when they were young before the beginning of the series how would the inn run when keitaro has kitsune watching his back? and what would this keitaro be like?
Love hina/Hajime no Ipp: What if Keitaro decided at a young age to join a boxing gym,a gym thats run by very interesting people (make him what ever class of boxer you want as long as his atleast better then average id suggest watching the anime show and maybe some other boxing related things so you know what your actually talking about in the story)how would this keitaro react to his grandmothers schemes
Love hina/initial D: what if keitaro ran away from home and latter became a well known and talented street/drift racer? how would this keitaro effect the hina inn and his grandmothers schemes?
Love hina:What if instead of trying to take the toko u test those two times Keitaro and his two friends (forget the names but im sure there in the anime) decide to get some experience and life skills, be learning a trade or two and few other things that might improve there life one day (smart keitaro ((as well as his two friends)),feel free to give them a max of 3 trade skills each max, 2 languages max each from them and any other useful things you can think of,sports,hand to hand,weapons,ect) how would this keitaro (and his two friends) take on the inn and his grandmothers schemes
Pokemon: Ash's father left just after he was born,leaving his pokemon behind so they could make there own families,his mother upset decided only her son would have her heart,but then a new man arrives in town with a son of his own what will happen when they realize they have feelings for each other? (smarter,mature ash,ash has a older brother ((who sticks around the area training his pokemon and helping ash till its time for him to leave on his journey)),your aloud to pick up to 32 pokemon that belong to ashes old father that have mates and familes and your allowed for them to give there young to the brothers if u wish,)
Pokemon: What if ash grew up with the power of not only aura but psychic as well? how would this ash take on the pokemon world?(smarter and slightly more mature ash)
spiderman/harry potter: What if the dursley's went to the same science center (i think thats what it was correct me if i am wrong) as peter park and dudley in a fit of anger pushes harry into a pit of genetically enhanced creatures,what would the results be and what powers and ability's will he gain?
Pokemon: What if in the world of pokemon there was a scientist that experimented on pokemon (similier to orchy in naruto) but only the out of control ones and by doing so figure out several ways to enhance and upgrade them what if ash at the start of his journey came across him? how would that meeting change the shape of the pokemon world?
Pokemon: What if when ash found out how rich jame's family is suggests he tells his family he is married to his partner jesse in order to get his parents to back off so they could enjoy the high life and if they wanted new pokemon buy eggs from breeders. (smarter ash then in the show,feel free to have him catch more pokemon too)
Marvel/Dc universe: what if the marvel and dc universe were one and the same? What would the world look and be like?
Phineas and Ferb/harry potter: what if Lawrence Fletcher (ferbs dad) found harry one the night he was left on the door steb of the dursley's,what would the future hold for young harry ((feel free to change his name)) if he grew up a fletcher with two genius brothers and one high strung sister?
Bones: A what if idea i had while watching the show, What if bones did go on the trip with solly?(cant remember his name but he was fbi with booth) he showed up in season two eps 13 i think
Life (tv show)/harry potter: What if fudge desprate to shut potter up about you know who being back sentences him to life in azkaban after someone frames him for a murder of a family,twleve years later being released due to his case being reopened and finding a lack of true evidence against him,potter after being tortured for awhile due to the dementors studies up on zen thanks to the human guards
John doe/Naruto: after being beaten to death naruto comes back with the knowledge of everything but the trade off is his name and the ability to see colours
John doe(tv show) /harry potter: what if harry was beaten to death but was brought back with the knowledge of everything but his name and the fact he is color blind
Harry potter/Naruto: (random idea that just popped up) What if a young naruto found a funny looking hour glass and discovered what it could do? (lol if someone takes this up lol get him to learn the shadow clone skill lol combine that with the time turner and you got fun times,and twice the training opt,since 2 can work on physical and the others on everything else lol)
Sherlock Holmes(the movies with Robert downy jr) /Naruto: Naruto grew up learning just about everything he could,by the time he was entered into the academy he was probably one of the most intelligent beings in the village if not the whole nation,(highly intelligent naruto,basically he acts like sherlock from the movie)
Sherlock Holmes(robert downy jr movie)/Harry Potter: Sherlock and watson learned of a way to pass on there knowledge and memories to a future generation,what happens when a sherlock harry meets the magical world? (who ever you get to be Watson has to be a male,i would love to see dudley as him)
Kekkaishi/Harry potter: What if the night tom riddle attacked him he wasn't saved by magic,what if the power he knows not is the power of a Barrier Master?
Kekkaishi/Naruto: What if there was a third demon Tokimori Hazama used to help he destory low level demons and evil spirits? an ancient demon for times long since past(naruto becomes the new kyu or if you want aborsed all 10 demons into himself and became a god to demon kind,and no necklace for naruto to contorl his power he would have had contorl long before hazamas time)
The godfather II/harry potter: what if harry was the adopted son of the main character from the game
Initial D/harry potter: What if the dursley's abandoned harry in japan infront of a tofo shop
Naruto: What if naruto grew up as...gato's son?
Dragonball z/harry potter: A young harry manages to glimpse a show that dudley got into fascinated harry pretends to mimic some of there moves wishing he had the power of ki unknowingly invoking the power of his magic to grant his wish
yo gi oh/harry potter: inspired by the show and the manga a young harry tries to summon the creatures from the cards they are on trying to mimic how the anicents in the show once battled,unknowingly invoking his magic to grant him his wish
medabots/harry potter: With medabots being so popular dudley demanded his parents get him one,agreeing with his demands they get him the most expenseive one and get harry the cheapest thing they could get so dudley could practice on him,angered harry wishes his medabot to be the greatest invoking his magic and bathing his medabot in it to grant his wish
Endgame/harry potter: What if Arkady Balagan and his fiancee, Rosemary find an abandoned child a several years before she was killed?
harry potter/batman: What if harry grew up as mr freeze's son? (smartharry,ice using/power harry,feel free to save mr freezes wife if you wish as long as harry becomes a mini freeze)
Yu gi oh/potter: What if Gozaburo Kaiba adopted another child along with seto and mokuba and child with the eyes of emeralds
yu yu hakusho/harry potter: What if the Dursleys left harry out side of a temple owned by a powerful psychic
Ncis/Harry potter: I dont think i have seen this one yet so here it is. Victoria Mallard (ducky's mother for those who dont know) visiting a friend in England finds a little boy dumpster diving, concerned she takes an interest in him and after finding out he was abandoned decided to adopt him. (smart harry,feel free to have him blood adopted as well max is 5 people though)
Thor (2011 movie)/harry potter: What if Odin adopted another child along with Loki and bestowed upon him power to make him a god along side his brothers
air gear/harry potter: what if harry discovers freedom in a pair of technological roller blades?
Hajime no Ipp/harry potter: What if harry was left on the door step of a famous boxing gym?
Harry potter: This is a time travel fic with a different twist that i dont believe any one has took,in like most of them harry sends his soul and power back in time.. but not into his body instead he takes a body were he can change alot of things...in the body of ...Cornelius fudge (HA bet no1 saw that coming)((since harry as more power and a iron clad will power he fully takes over fudge and absorbs him into himself))
Dragon Drive/harry potter: got 2 vague ideas for this but nothing yet just want to see it happen as a crossover
Hikaru no Go/Harry potter: after finding out there nephew had talent in several strategy games mostly chess and go they decided instead of beating him and neglecting them they would nurture this gift to make some money off of him. (smart harry,and anything else you want to add)
Mentalist/lie to me/harry potter: What if harry was taught by both patrick jane and Cal Lightman in both there skills.
Castle/harry potter: What if harry grew up as the son of Richard castle
Kung fu hustle/Harry potter: what if a very young harry was taught an ancient fighting style that use to be used long ago
Saw/Harry potter: Jigsaw wondering England looking for new places to set up and new sinful people to *redeem* discovers a young child left outside in nothing but a basket(or w.e he was in). (Smart,dark harry, jigsaw father figure)
House/Harry Potter: During his stay at mayfield (i think thats what it was called) house noticed a room that held an unresponsive child curious about his mysterious boy house decides to find out about him and to see if he can get him to react. (fatherish figure house to harry ((cant really see him acting all fathery can u? btw feel free to change harrys name)),smart harry,your able to bash dumbles,wesleys,dursleys and tommy boy,and if you wish harry can be powerful as you want him to be/ or he could heal houses leg after he leaves the place (since he does come back to there several times i feel he needs to deal with the pain for a bit),or something its all up to u
naruto/ buso renkin crossover the 9 buji are powerful Homunculus 4-5 years after the kyu is sealed into naruto, naruto gets caught between a fight between an alchemist warrior and Homunculus naruto getting a hole through his heart by gaining the homunclues attention in order to save him the alchemist warrior gives him a Kakugane, to take the place of his heart makin him the frist hybird alchemist warrior and homuncules. this is gonna be a semi dark ,strong,smart naruto story u can make him evil or just darker if u wish
Mummies alive/Harry potter: havent thought of the plot yet but love the idea of a crossover
Mummies alive/harry potter: What if the Pharaoh had a brother who earned the favor of the gods
Teenage mutant ninja turtles (the early 2000's one since the older one was more for amusement and i refuse to see the newest one)/harry potter What if shredder took in another and taught him not only the ways of the ninja but also the ways of his people (the Utrom are highly intelligent and to have such a high tech building in new york with no one the wiser proves it so i figure if shredder a Utrom himself would be able to teach him things humans could only dream of)
Harry potter/saw: after being tossed in the middle of london by the dursley's baby harry is found by a man who will not only terrorify the world but also stun some with his genius (that spelled right?) (potter grows up and jigsaws son he learns everything from him and then some so this will be a supersmart,dark and if u like evil harry)
Harry potter: What if harry grew up as a gang member? (got this idea from the music video Harry Potter in the Hood w/ H. Piddy)
Harry potter/dragonball Z: (in this one the dursley's could either abandon him or sell him) harry is taken in by dr gero and being subjected to horrible experments in order for him to have the ultmate andriod. not my best thought up ones but it only came to me a min ago
Naruto/Karmen rider: After living in his world for a several hundred years naruto grew tired of his world and its peity and greedy people trying to contorl him he decided to leave the world for another (demon naruto,smart,powerful,ect, one thing he needs to do is meet the master or w.e. they call him that made the karmen riders since he'd be the only one to grant him the abbity to become a rider ((if he wants to)) tho he would be the oni or demon rider since he is a demon and well yea)
Harry potter: What if at a young age lil harry found himself a time turner. one that bonds to its user until the user is dead? (smart harry. feel free to make him dark,grey, or light if u wish tho i do hope u bash the reds,dumbls and snape tho the twins are cool in my book)
Naruto/saw: after being chased by a mob lil naruto finds himself in an abandoned building with many books and interesting rooms how will the elemental countries react to the new and improved jigsaw?(dark,smart,and if u want evil naruto)
Harry potter/nightmare on elm street: lil harry lying in his cupboard one night wishes to have someone who'd protect him,love him and teach him, unknowingly his magic grants his wish.(dark,smart,and evil potter)
naruto/Elemental Gelade: After being pushed off the cliff be the toad sage naruto panics and is unable to summon the kyuubis power causing you to crash into the bottom,which uncovers an ancient artifact who's power is unlike that every seen in the elemental countries. (id prefer naruto to be alil darker,and a hell alot smarter)
Nightmare on elm street/naruto: After being beaten to near death by a mob naruto meets an ancient being known as Freddy krueger and learns the art of dreams and nightmares. dark naruto story
Harry potter/stargate sg-1: at a young age (3-6 years of age your pick) lil harry discovers his heritage. a nox/furling potter!
Naruto summon challenage: After running away from a mob naruto at a young age (5-8) discouvers an ancient summon scroll. (its not as good as the other challenages but i like this one lol and i want people to think of some crazy sh if you take this dont just due dragons or anything that do something different idk white tigers,the disney chars,pokemon,ect think outside the box people)
"Shinigami Challenge: During the sealing naruto's body couldnt take the power of the fox and the "Shinigami forcuing his charka coils to collapse into its self,his body desprate for an energy sorce to help contain the fox started leaching off of the death god,thus giving him power unlike anyother. (ok man people are gonna pick bleach for this and that fine but do other things as well like shaman king,or necro and energy thats even remotly related to death use it people!!...ok i'm done now)
Naruto/Dark knight: What if naruto after years of abuse from the village, took on the personality of two face what would happen then?(dark nartuo!!)
Harry Potter/house: Harry's uncle its extermly sick and gets sent to a hospital that has the best chance of helping/healing him (i only got the basics of this idea but harry has to be young from 2-5 years of age and house adopts him and takes on a bit of his attitude and intelitgence((sry its like 5 am and i can barely see let alone type)) also feel free to have potters magic heal house's leg)
Naruto/Dragonball z: what if the fox's yoku (no idea how to spell it someone message me with the correct spelling) was not compatble with charka so in order to save its life as well as it host it changed it to one not only fitting of its status but also compaitble with its(he's/her's w.e.) yoku.(not one of my best ideas but it would be interesting..oo seimi dark,smart naruto feel free to make him evil tho and gotta figure out a way for him to learn how to use ki and any of ur fav moves/technics)
naruto/matrix: an insane member of Zion hacks the Matrix and inputs a virus that replaces the "real world" with the world Naruto lives in. Then of course the agents and other entities set to put things back into "order", triggering a war between ninja and program. It's not necessary to include Neo and the others, though cameo appearances would be ok.
voodoo/hoodoo:darknaruto/slightly evil naruto. During the Land of Waves arc, Naruto doesn't make it in time to battle Haku. The results are the deaths of both Sakura and Sasuke. Because of this, upon his and Kakashi's return to Konoha, Naruto is blamed for the deaths of his team mates, since he wasn't there to help them out. After that, and the trauma of seeing his team mates dead, Naruto has a breakdown and becomes a psychotic sadist.
naruto/wanted: Kushina possessed the ability, as a contrast to Minato being the one to give Nartuo power. Uzu no Kuni was the location of the weave (or whatever its name was), and was the reason behind the villages destruction. About twenty years later, when Naruto turns seventeen, he is approached by a survivor from Uzu no Kuni who promises him the truth of his origin. Eager to find out about his mother, he joins the person after getting permission to go training for a while. The person then leads Naruto to an organisation of assassins, who begin to teach him their ways in exchange for information about Kushina and Uzu no Kuni.
naruo/get backers: Set during the mission to retrieve the IL from the Limitless Fortress. After confronting MakubeX and stopping the detonation of the warhead, Ban and the others begin to take their leave. However, before they can make any progress, a strange figure appears and stabs Ginji with a strange cable. Instantly, Ginji's power goes berserk and he turns into the Lightning Emperor. But his power is drained, pumped into the Limitless Fortress itself, which then comes alive.
You're a 90's kid if:
You can finish this 'ice ice _"
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through say, "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
The Situation in Hell
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."
1. Accept everything just the way it is.
2. Do not seek pleasure for its own sake.
3. Do not, under any circumstances, depend on a partial feeling.
4. Think lightly of yourself and deeply of the world.
5. Be detached from desire your whole life long.
6. Do not regret what you have done.
7. Never be jealous.
8. Never let yourself be saddened by a separation.
9. Resentment and complaint are appropriate neither for oneself nor others.
10. Do not let yourself be guided by the feeling of lust or love.
11. In all things have no preferences.
12. Be indifferent to where you live.
13. Do not pursue the taste of good food.
14. Do not hold on to possessions you no longer need.
15. Do not act following customary beliefs.
16. Do not collect weapons or practice with weapons beyond what is useful.
17. Do not fear death.
18. Do not seek to possess either goods or fiefs for your old age.
19. Respect Buddha and the gods without counting on their help.
20. You may abandon your own body but you must preserve your honor.
21. Never stray from the Way
The Top 100 Things I'd Do
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.
Unsafe External Link