Author has written 2 stories for House, M.D..
When he said "No" I wished I had remembered to go drop off my dry cleaning. If I'd dropped it off on the way to work I would have left the hospital already instead of standing in the harsh florescent lighting of the hospital hallway and putting everything on the line. Instead of trying to look like I wasn't falling apart while House looked at me gravely from those brilliant eyes.
The gravity bothered me. Why couldn't he let me off the hook? I knew what I was asking, and he knew what I was asking, but just by saying one glib, sarcastic comment he could have diffused the situation. I know it's contridictory, I know I had just told him that it bothered me that people dismissed me, but it has never stopped him before. He loved asking for my opinion just to mock me and tear my theories to pieces.
That isn't fair. He does that with everyone's opinions, and he has always treated me with respect, even if he does make fun of me a little bit. The respect's part of what attracts me to him. But in that hallway, none of that mattered. He didn't want me. I couldn't pretend it didn't hurt, so I just walked away, telling myself to deal with it.
And deal with it I did. By the time I had walked down the hall, I had convinced myself that it was easier to recover this way. If he didn't like me, he probably wouldn't give the incident a second thought. By the time I got home I had convinced myself that he didn't think I meant attraction, he thought it was purely liking. Not a very powerful emotion, liking. Besides, I hadn't even said I liked him, so things could continue on at work the way they were going. No problem. I drank a pitcher of margaritas, reread this quarter's issue of my favorite medical journal, and cried my self to sleep.
The next day things seemed normal until Foreman and Chase had started arguing with him about releasing Joey, or John, or whatever that mobster guys name is. Then he turned to me, right in front of the others and said "Cameron's my girl". Why is he always doing that to me! "I hired you because you're pretty" "Her tests mean more because she's cuter than you are". It's like he's encouraging me to think of him as more than a collegue even though he doesn't want me. It made me so angry that I disagreed with him a little more assertively than I normally would. So he brings up my little scene in front of Foreman and Chase! "You're not saying this because of..." My ability to pretend it didn't happen has been completely shattered.
And he's doing little things, like brushing up against me while I'm trying to pour his coffee, and looming over my shoulder while I'm looking at a patient's charts. I can feel the heat coming off of his body, and Foreman's right, it does make my stomach do flip flops. I'm sure House knows he's doing it to me. The only reason I can think of is to show me what it's like to be manipulated the way I was trying to manipulate others. All I know is I can't take it much longer.
Now either me, Chase, or Foreman has to be fired. The way things are going I should probably just volunteer to go. I wonder what he'd do if I did...
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