Turnip the Scribe
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Joined 05-01-05, id: 805596, Profile Updated: 09-08-10
Author has written 2 stories for Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles.

Yeah. So, out with the sugar high outdated profile. Or something.

A little about myself.


- People say I can be a pretty good writer, when I want to be. Take one good look at my story - yes, it sucks for a reason. It's meant to suck. It's a parody. And I was sugar high at midnight. And it was written many years ago. And it is now...deleted. No one's loss.

And now I've actually started a story I care about, and spend time on. Joyous day! There's also a one-shot. I might make more of those.

- What people don't know about my style of writing, however, is that I have no writing stamina. I'm too impatient to write a nice story. My written art is mostly used up by roleplaying, where I don't need the same sort of stamina. I'm full of stories and ideas of fanplots, even original stories I'd like to write someday. But when I make a story, I usually either draw it or forget about it, because I draw (sort of) decently and I can handle that.

- I'm great at making people mad. Chances are, though, if you react reasonably and address me at a later time, I'll be - believe it or not - sorry. And probably apologize if I was at fault. I tend to not flame, but if you reply to my review in a nasty way, I'll say the things I thought about your story but was too gentle to put them in the first time. I am, admittedly, stubborn, harsh, and quick to temper at times. Also, I do on occasion get PMS. If you are an innocent caught in my crossfire...

I am sorry.

There, see? I'm not so bad once you get to know me. :3


As of...uh, September 2010 I'm friggin' EIGHTEEN. EIGHTEEN. When the hell did I get that old? Damn, I'm in college and everything and I still love all sorts of kiddy stuff and I'm addicted to fanfiction. Hahaaaaaa, I'm a total loser. But I'm a happy loser.

Lessee, I'm taller than the average American woman, but I'm not tall enough to be considered tall. And I'm a bit on the chubby side...blegh. I'm half-Cuban, technically, yet I'm pale as hell thanks to my other parent. Apparently when you mix a Cuban metallurgical engineer with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman of German descent, you get brown-eyed brunettes who are white skinned but tan easily rather than burning. My only saving grace against the sun.

I'm also a vegetarian. Not vegan, mind you. Just no red meat, white meat, poultry, or fish. Or reptiles, I guess, not that I've had the opportunity. Where do they fit in in terms of meat? With pork? Yech...

Um. Oh! I'm pretty devoutly Christian. Always have been, probably always will be. God bless you all. Specifically, I'm of the Lutheran denomination. YEAH! REFORMATION IN YOUR FACE, PUNKS! Uh, and by that I mean love and peace out, dudes.

Now, on to the things. Yeah. The things.

Likes and dislikes:

\\Video games/Computer Games//

- Likes: Legend of Zelda, Mario series, Pokemon, Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles, Yoshi's Island, Children of Mana, Animal Crossing, Metriod Prime, all three Smash brothers, Phoenix Wright, Dragon Age: Origins, Mass Effect. Probably more that I forget. Like Dragon Warrior Monsters. Yeah. I forgot that one. And Donkey Kong, too. Poor little ape. I remember playing Donkey Kong Country with my sisters long ago. Ah, good times, good times...

DDR. Srsly. It's not only an excellent workout (I've been losing weight and building stamina thanks to Konami) but a highly addicting game! VIDEO GAMES THAT ARE HEALTHY, OMB WHAT?


Those songs DRILL INTO YOUR MIND. Especially that sugar-diabetes inducing J-Pop. Love Shine and Candy are perhaps the most wonderfully annoying things ever...and Butterfly isn't even by a Japanese group...I think the group is from Denmark...

KING'S QUEST! SQUEE! Yay for quests of logic, reason and luck! Oh King's Quest, where would I be without you? You helped define my childhood.

Here is my ode to a beautiful game forgotten by many. LOOM. What are words I think of when I remember LOOM? Music, stars, colors and swans. To be more than just a mere Bobbin in the tapestry of time and life, to believe and to PROVE that you, too can help weave the future! May the threads never fade with time.

-Dislikes: Well, obviously if I dislike them, I'm not going to play them, so I really don't have a non-biased video game I dislike.


-Likes: Dragon Riders of Pern collectively, the other ones in the Pern series, especially Moreta, my favorite, the Acorna series, the Xanth series (holy cow, I've never seen a book series this long before. There's like thirty something now. o_o But I've read twenty eight of them, and when I get my mitts on the others...actually, most of the later books suck. Scratch that.), When the Wind Blows, A Wrinkle in Time series, Many Waters, Ella Enchanted (light , easy read, yet very well written and excellent and it makes me feel fuzzy inside so shut up.), The Princess and the Goblin, The Secret Garden, Briar Rose, Heart's Blood series, Hawksong, The Enchanted Forest Chronicles, and Unicorn Chronicles. Not that I like fantasy or science fiction at all, no sir. 8D

Dislikes: Basically, anything by John Steinbeck. The man needed anti-depressants. And a creative writing class. Take any book of his; the summary would be 'They were poor and life sucked. And then it got worse and they died.' And the writing style is drier than a desert.

To heck with it. I hate most of those 'Classics' in general. Who decides what makes a classic classic? They're all on some sort of drug. Or they're paid off. I'm sorry, I don't think "Life sucks, have some symbolism" makes a story great. And 'subtle foreshadowing'? They must be really dull to think that the foreshadowing in some of these is subtle...I mean, "Wang Lung looked up and saw a flock of crows, and they covered the sky and it turned dark" is subtle? Sure, I paraphrased, but I'm not going to dig - heehee, get it? Dig? Oh, shut up, muse. - through The Good Earth to find that passage. You get my point, anyway. If I had my way, it would be writing style and character development that makes a classic, not age or symbolism. Symbolism is great if you're trying to silently overthrow a society's ways, but really, it doesn't make a story any better. Especially when the symbolism punches you in the face, it's so obvious and bold. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH TRYING TO PEACEFULLY REFORM A CORRUPT SYSTEM. I respect that, I really do. But that doesn't make the actual literature any better. The world in general, maybe, if you're lucky.

Uggh, don't get me started on Lord of the Flies. Honestly, Dante's Inferno is a more pleasant read than that book - and it's set in HELL.


-Likes: House (even if it seems that the new season has taken away any of his redeeming qualities...sigh. Oh well.) Psych (It's so funny and lighthearted. Why can't other shows learn to take themselves less seriously? And you have to love the character chemistry, they work so well together. TEH PINEAPPLE IS MY FAVORITE.) Monk...sort of. The older ones were better. Eh.

Hmm. Oh, duh. STAR TREK. Dear readers (assuming that, for whatever reason, there actually IS someone reading this) I am proud to admit that I am a Trekkie. A -insert number here- year old die-hard Trekkie. Got it from my mother, who watched it when it was new. My favorite series (outside of TOS, of course!) would have to be Voyager, for some very good reasons: One, the characters are so interesting and likable. Two, it had a decent percentage of excellent episodes, very important of course. Three, the actors are all wonderful - they have such a great chemistry you easily find yourself believing the characters. Even the extras. Four, they annoyed the space/time police, which made me happy. HOWEVER, I still enjoy the other series!

There's something so wonderfully...classic about the Original Series. You heathen non-Trekkies might take a look at it and see crappy effects (NOT FOR IT'S TIME, BUSTER, NOT FOR IT'S TIME!), crappier alien costumes, and...questionable Captains, but WE SEE A THING OF BEAUTY. Okay, so maybe it can't compare to today's graphics. Bah, that's like saying Super Mario Bros. is outdated, man! You have to accept things for their time period. And maybe the aliens are a little...well, some of them make the original Godzilla look downright CONVINCING. But hey, what are you gonna do without cash? And it's still entertaining, nonetheless. And as for Kirk, well...there's very little excuse for him, but it's all apart of the charm! I want a tribble. I don't care if it'll breed us all to death or insanity. That's still like my favorite episode ever. ANTI-KLINGON DEFENCE SYSTEMS ACTIVATE! PrrrrrrrrrrTrrrrrth Rrrrriiiirrrrr

Ehehe. Cough.

Oh! I like Doctor Who. :D Quite a lot. Yes, I admit that I started with the New!Who. I was born in '92, it's not my fault. Not like I can time travel to watch the old ones or anything. BUT! Old Whovians, don't give me that funny look. Yeah, that one. I HAVE watched a very little Classic who, and liked it. Yup. And since I can't watch a good deal of it, I've done lots and lots of reading, and have a general knowledge of old Who. While I sadly cannot babble hours on end about minor details of particular episodes, I at least can understand such babbling. Of course, doesn't hurt that I'm a scifi nut in general.

I've always wondered what would happen if the Borg met the Daleks. Hmm. Pretty sure I wouldn't like to stick around to find out, though...

Ah. I do like Avatar, the last Airbender. Sadly it's on at such wonky times I almost never see it anymore, AND that blasted Viacom has banned it from Youtube. DARN YOU VIACOM, WHY MUST YOU BUY OUT EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD?!

Heroes is possibly one of the best new series ever, end of story. Can't wait for season two on DVD. THANK YOU NETFLIX!

Firefly/Serenity. Shiny. 8D Although Serenity makes me cry. Oooh...Wash! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH! Whywhywhy? It's not fair. And Book! We never got to learn of your mysterious past! How could they have killed off Book before telling of his mysterious past? Noooooo.

Chuck is great, too.

Ah! I am much in love with Fringe now, too. Walter is probably the funniest character to be invented for a while. 'They're...not going to blow up, are they?' 'Stranger things have happened!'

Can't think of anymore at the moment...probably missed a couple of things, though.

Dislikes: Ahaha, so much to put here, so little space. Almost any one of those vulgar comedic acts, including the blue collar crap (How the heck does saying 'getter dun' make anything funnier? It's not...funny. WTH?) Humor doesn't need sex, alcohol or inbreeding. Honestly, it doesn't. I realize it may shock some of you to hear that.

Hmm, almost anything on the Disney channel. Oh Disney, I have become so disillusioned! Once upon a time they did good stuff. Then they became all self-aware and money focused and they stopped caring. It all went downhill. But once upon a time, oh, once upon a time. If they would quit the sequel crap and think of something original, something that doesn't make me want to vomit until I bleed, they might just pull through.

Oh well, that's what they get for bastardizing Hans Christian Anderson work. And other classic, gory fairy tales. Did you know that in one of the old stories, Sleeping Beauty was raped in her sleep, gave birth to twins (still asleep, mind you) and was finally awoken when her children nursed, which sucked the spell from her body? Yeah. And Lil' Red Riding Hood was forced to eat her grandmother. Raw.

Makes you think twice about wandering off the path into the woods, eh?

Wait, this section at one time had a point. Let's see...ah, yeah. TV media that I dislike. Okay, if I haven't put it in my Likes section, just assume I don't like it. That's not fool lproof, obviously, as I do have some neutral stuff...but it's close enough.

OH YEAH! I almost forgot to mention the thing that will earn me many enemies!

I don't like Star Wars.

What? How blasphemous! How DARE I? Oh, I dare. I dare enough to say that in a fight, any good Starfleet officer could beat a Jedi. It's quite simple logic, really - you see, kids, long ago there was an invention called the gun. It pwned the heck out of swords, and thus the age of gunpowder arrived, giving man had more effective and easier ways to kill each other. Yay. Now, swords made of lazerbeams are cool. They make neat noises and colors and they glow. HOWEVER. Guns made of lazers would, by the same principle, pwn the heck out of lazerswords. THUS PHAZERS BEAT LIGHTSABERS. Long distance, man. It's a good thing. Well...I suppose morally it's killing either way, but that is not the point.

Oh, so you say that the Force would even out the fight? Pshaw. First of all, I thought that the good Jedi weren't supposed to kill with the Force. I dunno, I've never been able to watch any of the movies the whole way through . Not joking, either... Second, PHAZERS STILL HAVE A BETTER RANGE THEN TELEKINESIS. Third, resistance is futile.


...Sniff. I still love you, LOOM. Even if it's hard to get you to run on a modern computer, even with my DOS box. You're still one of the most beautiful computer games ever. I'll always remember to follow the swan, and believe in myself. And remember how to dye important, old tapestries green for fun...

If you would like to get into a long and potentially violent debate over Star Trek vrs. Star Wars, I'd be more than happy to. Really, I'd find it fun. I hope you would, too.


Likes: Cardcaptor Sakura (but not the bastardized English version. Catchy opening or no, there's no excuse for half the episodes being cut or mutilated.) Magic Knight Rayearth, Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles (What? I like CLAMP...), Kamichama Karin, Miracle Girls, and any Miyazaki. Because they're friggin' genius. Oh yeah, Fullmetal Alchemist. Gotta love a series that isn't afraid to maim or kill main characters. Adds a touch of realism you don't get from other stories, and I LIKES.

Dislikes: Shonen-ai/shojo-ai in general, Dragonball Z (Does it contain anything but them charging up and grunting? Yes! THEY GET LONG BLOND HAIR! Amazing. Sorry, no.) DNAngel - Er, sorry. I know that this alienates a lot of fans, but honestly it...isn't that good. The premise, yeah, the idea I can get into. But it's just put into practice really badly. Both the anime and the manga rush right into the plot without pausing for reflection, thought or reasoning. Wait, did I just say plot? Whoops. Deathnote. Why, you may ask? It's pointlessly morbid and sort of boring. I dislike the main character and most of the subcharacters, the plot takes forever to even EXIST (it almost seems like an afterthought, like "Whoops, I suppose this needs something other than a boy killing a bunch of people, huh?") Really, there's nothing worse that something that's dark without a point. I'm not against gory, gruesome or gross. As long as it has REASON. And a PLOT. And characters that react to it, rather than just being "Oh, I just killed a few dozen people. Hmm." It's so...blech, something like that needs a point. It can't be morbid for the sake of being morbid. Same with a bunch of series.

I'm not quite sure where to put Inu Yasha. On the one hand, it's an entertaining series, and I like it all okay. At one time it was sort of original (before it drowned in ripoffs, that is) and the characters are so...memorable. On the other hand, IT WON'T DIE. WHYWHYWHY? Seriously, it's almost worse than DBZ. Fifty plus books! Yech! AND NOTHING HAS HAPPENED! NOTHING! THEY ALWAYS STAY ON SQUARE ONE! Every time one side gets an advantage, the other counters almost instantly, so nothing happens. It makes me want to rip out my hair and teeth and form a necklace from them. Oh the humanity, why won't it end? Or at least have something happen? For real?

Eh, there's a lot more but I really don't feel like mentioning it at the moment. I'm tired and writing this at midnight. On a Lunar Eclipse. Not that that matters, I guess...hmm, or does it? Maybe I draw my strength from the moon, and the eclipse is harming me...bah, now I sound emo. Eeagh.

-Dusts off profile-

Wow. I haven't done anything with this in years. And my, does the past have a way of being rather embarassing. Ah, well. Truth be told, almost all the stuff up there is still...well...brutally honest. It just sounds sillier coming from a seventeen year old than a fifteen year old. Sigh. Ah, well. I stand by my oddities and love them all the same. Not like anyone reads this. If I wrote stuff, maybe. If I had fans, maybe. xD Ah, well. I'll keep this as a record. I will probably never submit anything under this pen name...

-Dusts off profile again-

Updated: The Year 2009


I've decided to maybe give writing fanfiction another go. And since I sort of maybe want people I reviewed to recognize me, I've decided to keep this account, though not the penname. So! Listen up, just in case you're maybe someone who might have a faint recollection of me! If you were reviewed by Happyham, that is me! I am the artist formerly known as Happyham. I decided to change it because, well...it was a really old name and I guess I want to have my efforts put under a more modern version of me.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Got Your Back by KRSONMar reviews
Alyx is always telling Gordon she's "got his back". But what does that mean? And could it be the answer to Gordon's hypothesis? Sometimes, when people say one thing, they really mean another. A fluffy Gordon/Alyx fic.
Half-Life - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,605 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 7 - Published: 1/28/2012 - Gordon F., Alyx V. - Complete
Final Fantasy: Tipa's Crystal Chronicles by Dark Amphithere reviews
A written story of Crystal Chronicles. Join the Tipa caravan's adventures throughout the world, as they battle monsters, meet new people, and gather myrrh for their home. Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles.
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 87 - Words: 265,281 - Reviews: 314 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 12/5/2010 - Published: 4/3/2009 - Complete
Where Angels Fear To Tread by WarlordFil reviews
Death changes things. When Commander Shepard tries to tell her old friend what he means to her, she finds out that her own thoughts about him have changed. Garrus/FemShep. ME 1 and 2 spoilers. T for innuendo and cussing. COMPLETE. Sequel: Closer to Home
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 31,623 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 433 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 6/1/2010 - Published: 3/1/2010 - Garrus V., Shepard (F) - Complete
Soul Catchers by Mudora reviews
Zelda has never known the fighter's life, but when Link's soul is stolen, shattered into eight parts, and is scattered around the land of Hyrule, she must embark on a quest with the sages and a few others to stop evil from envolping the land once again.
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 27,628 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 1/31/2009 - Published: 4/17/2005 - Zelda, Link
My Big Fat Objectionable Wedding by Holly Unending reviews
Phoenix and Maya are finally tying the knot! Edgeworth is helping out- after all, how hard could planning a wedding be? With Larry, Pearls, Franziska, Gumshoe, Adrian, Missile, and more running amuck, he's starting to wish he hadn't asked. Mostly humor.
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,376 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 10/13/2008 - Published: 9/8/2008
Cavern Of A Million Colors by Eeveebeth Fejvu reviews
A novel. A magical cave doesn't seem like such a bad place to get trapped in, especially with your best friend. However, when a frightening occurence happens to Ash and Misty, will Brock, May, and Max be able to get them out... alive? AAML
Pokémon - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 167,318 - Reviews: 643 - Favs: 647 - Follows: 114 - Updated: 7/30/2006 - Published: 4/10/2004 - Ash K./Satoshi, Misty/Kasumi - Complete
Soultouched by Topaz Fox reviews
This is the sequel to my fic Untouchable. Ter Van's life is the life of a caravanner, everchanging and everchallenging. Can he hold on to the love of his life, a Yukish girl, through every trial that awaits him?
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,822 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 4/13/2006 - Published: 2/21/2006
Money Management for SSBM by EvilTomato reviews
Not only are they out of money, but an evil Mary Sue is plotting to take over, poor Marth just can't get a break, and can you say property damage? Chapter 12 up!
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 32,271 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 7/2/2005 - Published: 9/21/2004
My Fake Fiancee by Celestial Night reviews
To save Bijou, Hamtaro and Bijou pretend to be engaged. This next chapter will leave you breathless... Hamijou :-COMPLETE-: Chapter 17 and Epilogue are up!
Hamtaro - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 42,893 - Reviews: 395 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 12/5/2004 - Published: 8/26/2003 - Complete
Squirtle's Trainer by A Grilled Fish reviews
Stephen, an idiot, names a Squirtle 'Goldeen', and a Goldeen 'Bulbasaur.' Together they have "AN POKEMON ADVENTURE."
Pokémon - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 24,782 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/20/2004
Fairy Tales by Brigid reviews
There is a code among certain Voyager fanfiction writers that says "You must write a turbolift story." Here's mine.
StarTrek: Voyager - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,743 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/5/2004 - T. Paris, B. Torres
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Foundations for Hope reviews
A prophetess with a plan to free her world, even if she will never see it completed. A mercenary with nothing better to do. A survivor who knows the harsh lands they must travel. And last but not least, the poet who recorded it all.
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 15 - Words: 31,184 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/1/2013 - Published: 8/2/2009 - Complete
True Face reviews
One shot. He thought it was an innocent enough question.
Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,205 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 9 - Published: 2/15/2010 - Complete
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