Blazing Fool
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Joined 05-23-05, id: 818952
Author has written 15 stories for Fire Emblem, Super Smash Brothers, Dawn of the Dead, Tales of Symphonia, Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy XII, Avatar: Last Airbender, Pokémon, Resident Evil, and Final Fantasy VII.

A list of demands for Capcom in regards to Resident Evil 5 and Umbrella Chronicles.

Couldn't figure out where else to post this, I don't see any RE5/UC forums and I didn't feel like making one. If I could somehow control Capcom and list my demands they would be as follows:

No turntables. Okay, in UC I can see this one happening, but if I’m trudging through some African village in RE5 and I suddenly come upon some bigass turntable, something might be up. No turntables in RE5. For the love of god. There’s something wrong with one in every game.

Don't let Chris be alone. In the game itself, sure, but I’d like to have Jill, Rebecca, Barry, and maybe a few other characters come with him in the beginning only to get separated. Apparently Jill and Rebecca are set to be in RE5, but if they’re only shown in cutscenes or show up out of the blue Ada-style, I’ll kill myself with a warm croissant. You know what image is really sticking in my mind? I keep seeing Chris, Jill, Becca and Barry sitting in a cheap motel talking about some random subject just before Chris sets out on his little walk that we were shown in the trailer. Afterwards he has to fight his way back and find out what happened to them. We never see calm, human moments like that between characters, and when we do they’re always impossibly sappy like that plane scene in Code Veronica. Nothing deep or emotional; just the four of them hanging out and talking. Of course, I wouldn’t mind seeing some canon romance, I don’t even care who. Just… character interaction, please. Because if they were dumb enough to send Chris in alone after what happened to Leon, I’ve lost all respect for S.T.A.R.S.

Explore Leon's role as a government agent. Poor Leon can’t hang out with S.T.A.R.S. thanks to his new job, it’s like he’s being ostracized. Now, think about the conditions of his hiring, for a moment. The guy who tricked Leon into joining the agency in exchange for Sherry was an Umbrella agent himself. In essence, although he doesn’t know it, Leon is working for Umbrella. Is it not possible that, even if Ada hadn’t swiped the Plaga sample away from him, Umbrella could have easily plucked it from his hands? With ten years having passed since his last contact with Claire and the others, he could possibly be persuaded that they’ve since gone bad (his line of reasoning- it happened to Krauser, it could happen to them). PiaZ’s (amazing, godly, epic, take your pick) story “Broken 66” has Leon hunting Claire under orders from his agency. Think that, only instead of Claire it’s the entire group. How freaking awesome would it be to have the protagonists in RE5 be hunted by the hero of RE4?

Tell us what the hell's happened to Sherry and Steve. This one is huge. Until Capcom shows us otherwise, these two have both been under Wesker’s captivity for the past ten years. That’s bound to wreak havoc on their characters. I see them both as sympathetic enemies: Steve as a sort of half-Tyrant boss enemy, Sherry following in her father’s footsteps as a virologist and working behind the scenes. Both of them have been subjected to their own separate torments: Steve’s undergone violent experiments and horrible physical agony, Sherry’s been under mental siege by Wesker for the past decade. Here’s my personal vision of them: Steve’s become a quiet introvert, still managing to hold on to his inner goodness despite the monster he’s become. Physically, he’s got the whole Tyrant claw-arm dealy going on, and although he’s basically human he’s got mutations all over his body. Ugly, but in a cool badass way. Sherry’s the exact opposite: now 22, she’s as beautiful as her mother, but has developed a Stockholm syndrome for Wesker (this is definitely not a plug for my story of the same name) and is helping him develop new viruses. Steve may look like a monster, but she’s the one who’s become evil, deep contrast and symbolism, blah blah blah. Claire would be torn up about meeting both of them, and although Leon wouldn’t give two shits about Steve, picture his reaction to meeting Sherry. The crushing realization that he was duped, that the girl he signed his life away to protect has been twisted against him. Capcom has the opportunity to pull the biggest twist since “Luke, I am your father” and if they miss it I’m going to smash this Coke bottle against my head until I see things.

Pick a goddamn name for "the organizations". Seriously guys, we’ve had like twelve by now. Let's see, we've got Ada's group, Wesker's group, Chris' group, Leon's group, and Umbrella's group. Since it’s apparently going to be a big staple point of RE5, can we please have something to call them?

Let HUNK show up in the main story. This one's mostly UC-centric, though as a mercenary I could easily see him showing up in RE5. The guy’s role so far in the series has always been that of a bonus character. He was a minigame survivor in RE2, a bonus epilogue in RE3, a cameo mention in CV, and a Mercenary in RE4. That last one was sufficiently awesome, but whaddaya say, Capcom? Old HUNKy’s one of the few guys on the inside of Umbrella who isn’t a complete heartless bastard. He’s been through viral outbreak and political intrigue alike, and is probably second only to Wesker in the confidential knowledge factor. It’s high time we finally get a deep look at him, see what he’s been doing. I can see him playing a role similar to Ada’s in RE4; a third party fighting for his own gains. Perhaps he could even join her organization. At the very least, give us an updated version of “The Last Survivor” in UC.

A playable boss battle against Wesker. Okay, come on. Come on. This one is huge. For the first time since the original game, we’re seeing Chris as the main protagonist again. We’ve been dancing around the issue for ten years both in-game and out. It’s time for the two arch-enemies to finally duke it out once and for all, and I don’t mean in a cutscene. Also I obviously don’t mean “once and for all”, since come on, I mean, neither of them can be allowed to die. But I want to fight Wesker so bad. I see him as the insanely hard boss who doesn’t rely on brute strength or firearms but rather on a deadly, impeccable AI. Fighting him is like fighting another human player in an FPS. He’ll come at you with guns, manipulate the terrain (explosive barrels, ducking for cover, etc.), engage you in knife fights, use his viral powers, and basically attack you in ways you’d never expect from any other enemy in the series. Think the RE4 battle against Krauser in the ruins, only times a thousand. This is my dream.

Speaking of Krauser, bring him back! This one isn’t really serious, it’s more like a personal dream. Krauser was almost the badassest villain in the series, second only to Wesker. In a game filled with mindless drones and monsters, he was a disturbingly human enemy. I know there really isn’t a plausible excuse for him to be alive, I mean Ada and Leon both pumped him full of bullets to the point where I think he has more lead in him than muscle mass. But man. He’s just too frikkin awesome to go down.

Saddler/Ashley plz!!!11! What the? How did this one get on here? O SHI-

Show us Spencer.Spencer is quite possibly the most mysterious character in the entire goddamn series. He’s the faceless enemy behind it all; his murdering of Marcus started the entire chain of events that caused the train and mansion incidents, which themselves led to the destruction of Raccoon. He’s the origin of everything that‘s happened in the series so far. The three original founders of Umbrella each left marks that would remain in the games years later: Marcus’ legacy was the main theme of RE0, while the Ashford family dominated Code Veronica. It’s time for the final point of the triangle to have his turn, and Umbrella Chronicles is the perfect opportunity.

For the love of god, no more movie tie-ins. Okay, I’m cool with the Red Queen, that’s fine, but don’t go any further. I don’t give a fuck about Alice, I don’t want to be watching her lop off zombie heads for two hours with her T-virus powerz(!!!11). Given that Chronicles is telling the story of Wesker and Umbrella, the Red Queen is actually a pretty clever move and bound to make for some goddamn good gameplay. But please, nothing else. The movies and games are two separate universes, and a sacred line divides them.

Screen the goddamn voice actors. To quote Barry in LegendaryFrog’s Flash “I Am Resident Evil”: “Acting lessons, bah! Who needs ‘em?” That, that’s the attitude we don’t want. The horrible voice acting was funny and endearing the first time; not so much when I’m playing CV and listening to “Howyadoin’ there, CLLLLEEEEEAYRE?”

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It all started with a DG soldier in the wrong place at the wrong time... Oneshot. WARNING: Destructive Fangirlism.
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Kinoc knows he'll be great someday.
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When Marth is exiled from Altea he finds himself at the SSB Mansion and becomes a Smasher. All he wants to do is lay low and return to normal life, but with such eccentric people around just mantaining his sanity is a chore!
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Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

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Forget what tomorrow is like. Tibarn, Nailah.
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Aiming For The Groin reviews
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We, The Superfluous reviews
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Asininity reviews
In which the 6 God Generals of Lorelei take up sewing, become evangelists, molest Asch, and combat the growing menace that is babies. [ToA] [Sheer crack] [Um, 6 God Generals x 6 God Generals]
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Woodword reviews
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Orgy XIII reviews
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Sherlock Roy reviews
Marth's most prized possesion is stolen, and Roy takes it upon himself to find it. Wreaking havoc along the way.
Super Smash Brothers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 13 - Words: 35,353 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 6/8/2006 - Published: 6/6/2005
Private Thoughts Of A Cantankerous Protazoan reviews
...Not just an excuse to use big words like cantankerous. Noishe reveals his thoughts to a diary, and teaches us all to pay a little more attention to furry animal companions.
Tales of Symphonia - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,825 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/3/2006 - Published: 1/26/2006
The Sick reviews
In the end, there is nothing left but the hunger... and the pain. Bit of disturbing imagery. [Oneshot]
Dawn of the Dead - Rated: T - English - Horror/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,760 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Published: 1/17/2006
Of Saints and Demons reviews
Guy and Karel duel on the plains of Sacae. Will Guy fall before the Sword Demon's blade, or will a new legend be born?
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