Tozette
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Joined 06-19-05, id: 836201, Profile Updated: 08-28-16
Author has written 53 stories for Naruto, Fruits Basket, Twelve Kingdoms, Slayers, Harry Potter, Dragon Age, Sailor Moon, Final Fantasy VII, and Bleach.

Hi, I'm Toz. I'm not very interesting but I write a lot of fanfiction.

I am not very good at sticking to an update schedule, since I write fanfic for fun and therefore kind of just... don't, when I don't feel like it. But I usually finish what I start! Usually.

Stories that fall outside the purview or rating system of fanfiction.net (so, vile smut) can be found over on my AO3 account. It's archiveofourown.org/users/Tozette

My personal blog is tozettewrites.tumblr.com and my fanfic-only blog is tozette-ficstuff.tumblr.com

Note: I didn't realise people were still stumbling upon and reading Chemical Equation. That's a bit embarrassing. More importantly: please be aware that the sequel no longer exists because I didn't like it and took it down.

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The Universe's Newest Puppet by phoenixyfriend reviews
Fate's strings are really more of a garotte at this point. - In which an SI OC ends up as Uchiha Sasuke's twin sister, and commences planning because this is either a seriously entertaining coma or her unfortunately permanent new reality.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 36,883 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 425 - Follows: 575 - Updated: 7/1 - Published: 2/29 - Sasuke U., Neji H., Itachi U., OC
if you make me fight an actual dragon i swear i'm leaving by Lapsed Pacifist reviews
That's a hollow threat. I'm pretty much stuck here. ...Inside a qunari. Sure. Okay. [Trashy self insert; novelisation of DA I, 100% shameless. Rating changed from T to M because of language, of all things.]
Dragon Age - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 36,791 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 2/15 - Published: 11/25/2015 - OC
Taka Noir by phoenixyfriend reviews
In which Team Taka is actually a small group of criminals trying to make their way in the big city. Unfortunately, their way involves a lot of guns, blood, and low-quality booze. Fortunately, they wouldn't have it any other way.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Crime/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,569 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/2/2015 - Sasuke U., Kabuto Y., Karin U., Suigetsu H. - Complete
Detour by Rose Thorne reviews
A chance meeting leaves Xellos with an unexpected responsibility. Eventual X/Z. No spoilers for Revolution or Evolution-R. Chapter 30 up 9.12.2015.
Slayers - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 76,844 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 9/30/2015 - Published: 7/23/2008 - Zelgadiss G., Xelloss M.
A Female Switch by randomlydrabbling reviews
Gai is born a girl, and absolutely nothing changes.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,278 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 842 - Follows: 145 - Published: 3/9/2014 - Gai M., Kakashi H., Team Gai - Complete
Dei-Care by Kryzanna reviews
Itachi Uchiha suddenly finds himself in an unpleasant situation when Deidara; sifting through Orochimaru's old experiments, accidentally transforms himself into a baby, and decides he's 'mommy'. Fortunately, the jutsu will reverse itself...in time. Itachi's 'mom' for now. But it takes a village to raise a child, right? How about a criminal organisation? Kinda crack-y. One-shot
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,027 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 589 - Follows: 110 - Published: 12/27/2013 - Itachi U., Deidara, Kisame H., Hidan - Complete
Five Kingdoms for the Dead by Evil Is A Relative Term reviews
After the Forest of Death, Sakura comes to realize that being weak is no longer an option. However, she finds that change is sometimes painful and that truth doesn't always come easy. Luckily, she'll have some help along the way.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 41 - Words: 220,628 - Reviews: 3261 - Favs: 3,501 - Follows: 1,824 - Updated: 5/31/2013 - Published: 9/18/2008 - Sakura H., Neji H., Itachi U., Sai - Complete
Into Your Gravity by sockyferret reviews
When Luna makes a terrible mistake and ends up in a time she never imagined she'd been in, what will happen before she gets back? And what will she do when she realizes that Tom Riddle is in her year? Rated M for language, some violence, & sexual content.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 32 - Words: 62,544 - Reviews: 1167 - Favs: 1,428 - Follows: 757 - Updated: 10/15/2011 - Published: 8/8/2007 - Luna L., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Understanding sympathy by SnapeSeraphin reviews
What if the Elder Wand hadn't just rebounded the Avada Kedavra curse on Voldemort? What if his death had been more slow and painful? One-shot. AU.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,157 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 23 - Published: 8/8/2011 - Hermione G., Voldemort - Complete
A Safe Place to Hide by Flaignhan reviews
She had asked for a safe place to hide, and she had been given just that.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 14 - Words: 35,876 - Reviews: 573 - Favs: 1,221 - Follows: 317 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 11/4/2010 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Splash by Quillslinger reviews
On a scale of one to ten—ten being the bomb scare at the Reuters Building last May—this was still registering at least a seven in terms of stupidity. AU. Itachi/Shisui.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 14,121 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 9 - Published: 7/8/2010 - Shisui U., Itachi U. - Complete
A Remedy for Lassitude by firefly reviews
Ennui is an unavoidable feature in a summer spent taking care of a rehabilitating brother. Never did it occur to Temari to think that finding a pen pal in an eccentric soldier on the other side of the world might help cure it. AU.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 32,113 - Reviews: 427 - Favs: 839 - Follows: 175 - Updated: 9/18/2009 - Published: 10/7/2008 - Temari, Hidan - Complete
Reason for Absence by firefly reviews
She was already hopelessly late for her court appointment; the last thing she needed was to run down a member of one of the city's most dangerous crime syndicates. Ino. Hidan. Crack AU.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,668 - Reviews: 154 - Favs: 648 - Follows: 89 - Published: 8/25/2009 - Ino Y., Hidan - Complete
Bantam Eden by firefly reviews
Out of all the little shops and stalls lining the streets of Konoha, Hidan finds it is the Yamanaka flower shop that makes his extended visit worthwhile, particularly when the store owner's daughter is tending his requests. Hidan. Ino.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,993 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 329 - Follows: 28 - Published: 6/24/2009 - Hidan, Ino Y. - Complete
Quotidian by firefly reviews
When she accepted the graveyard shift of border patrol, Temari expected to find nothing but snakes and scorpions nestled between the dunes of dark sand. Amongst them, the last thing she expected to find was a missing nin out for a midnight prayer.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 9 - Words: 75,748 - Reviews: 874 - Favs: 1,053 - Follows: 355 - Updated: 5/22/2008 - Published: 1/8/2007 - Temari, Hidan - Complete
Religious Artwork by ckret2 reviews
Hidan's obsessed with Jashin. Deidara's obsessed with explosions. But they can still share a hobby. Of course, that's bad news for anyone around them. [Oneshot, crackfic.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,233 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 768 - Follows: 94 - Published: 4/7/2007 - Hidan, Deidara - Complete
Fixed Idea by firefly reviews
It's odd, how Temari finds herself bonding with Gaara over the strangest of things. Sickfic.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,968 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 302 - Follows: 43 - Published: 9/7/2006 - Temari, Gaara - Complete
Weaponry by desolate butterfly reviews
[A Team Seven crackfic] Kakashi eavesdrops on his adorable little students and overhears something that he really wishes he hadn't.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,103 - Reviews: 323 - Favs: 1,669 - Follows: 270 - Published: 7/22/2006 - Sasuke U., Naruto U. - Complete
Ramifications SSG 2point5 by rabbit and -v-Jinx-v reviews
Actions, even desperately stupid ones, have consequences hence this sequel to Stuck, and Stuck in the Muddle. New and improved with an EPIILOGUE!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 48,658 - Reviews: 295 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 6/10/2005 - Published: 4/7/2002 - Severus S., Lucius M. - Complete
Sannin by gelfling reviews
Various drabbles with Jiraiya and Orochimaru and I LIKE them here- young-Orochimaru is still a Spooky Prodigy instead of older of Full-Fledged Creepy Villian. Sannin team featured all around: shonen ai.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,306 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 25 - Published: 4/15/2005
Threshold by matchynishi reviews
A routine trip to the bank turns crazy as Tala ends up as one of the hostages in a robbery. Needless to say, Tala is Not Pleased. How long will his control last? ON HOLD for the moment. My apologies.
Beyblade - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 17,913 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 2/14/2005 - Published: 6/16/2004 - Tala, Kai H.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

In Which The Akatsuki Become Cats reviews
"Also," added Sakura when she was done, "I found this." She pulled the cat out of her bag and plopped him on Tsunade's desk, ignoring the way his claws reflexively cut into her gloves before he was even properly awake. [Pretty much what it says on the tin. Rating may rise.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 26,773 - Reviews: 258 - Favs: 703 - Follows: 857 - Updated: 8/29 - Published: 7/5/2015 - Akatsuki, Sakura H.
The One Where Ino is Deidara's Recently Orphaned Half-Sibling reviews
Feat. civilian bureaucracy who are completely done with this ninja nonsense, Deidara's misgivings about his ability to care for a genin of his own and Kakuzu's minor temper tantrum.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,422 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 8/25 - Published: 7/31 - Ino Y., Deidara, Sasori - Complete
We'll Huff and We'll Puff and We'll Run All Night reviews
Remus steals Sirius from Azkaban. It's sort of an accident. One shot, complete.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,428 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 13 - Published: 8/25 - Sirius B., Remus L. - Complete
In Which Itachi and Deidara Do Not Have Sex reviews
On paper it was a very simple task: infiltrate, search, destroy. A mission goes belly up in spectacular style. [Written for the prompt "sex pollen itadei" on tumblr. Contains: Crack, drugs, absolutely no sex, awkward boners, naked ninja and violence.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,693 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 12 - Published: 7/31 - Itachi U., Deidara - Complete
Dirt and Ashes, or: The One-and-a-Half Body Problem reviews
The invasion didn't fail. Team seven is long gone. Konoha has burned to the ground. And Sakura finds herself carrying half of Hidan across two countries, leaving a trail of blood, bodies and other people's legs. [Grim, absurd and very violent. No romance.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 95,815 - Reviews: 976 - Favs: 1,023 - Follows: 933 - Updated: 7/13 - Published: 5/25/2015 - Sakura H., Hidan - Complete
A FAST CRASH COURSE IN POSTMODERN LIT reviews
Cloud's squad mates are dicks and Commander Rhapsodos has illegible handwriting. (Canon AU)
Final Fantasy VII - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,376 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 6/21 - Published: 6/2 - Cloud S., Genesis R.
The Natural Habitat of Haruno Sakura reviews
College AU. Sakura moves to a new town to attend university and desperately needs to find a cheap room in a share house. Luckily, the Akatsuki need a new housemate. (Or: the one where Itachi is a starving law student, Kakashi is teaching professional ethics and Pein is a hipster barista. Also there's a really scarring incident involving Hidan and a goat.) Violence, sexual themes.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 32 - Words: 168,401 - Reviews: 973 - Favs: 1,159 - Follows: 1,294 - Updated: 5/30 - Published: 3/24/2014 - Sakura H., Akatsuki
Forty Percent reviews
Peace does not work out well for Tenten. She decides to forge a new life very far away, but to start with she's gonna need some help... Crack. Kakuzu/Tenten. Raised the rating for violence and swearing.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,392 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 118 - Updated: 3/10 - Published: 11/26/2014 - Tenten, Kakuzu
To Teach You (Nothing Like A Zombie Apocalypse) reviews
Hidan's plans for today have changed from 'make it home and take a nap' to 'choose which way to die'. Since he's contemplating it anyway, he's pretty sure he'd prefer the explosion to the fall, but he's still open to alternatives that, you know, don't involve dying. [Prompt fill, modern AU, zombie survival AU. Lots of swearing.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,643 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 18 - Published: 2/27 - Deidara, Hidan, Akatsuki - Complete
Detective R J Lupin and The Case Of The Convoluted Narrative reviews
"We are a detective agency," Remus says. He's checked: legally, he can call two people and a closet-sized office an 'agency'. A starving agency, if they don't get some work soon. Lucius Malfoy looks around their closet as though he very much doubts that. "So I see," he says, in a tone that indicates that he very much does not. [Sirius/Remus, detective AU, prompt fill, two-shot.]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,731 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 32 - Published: 12/29/2015 - Sirius B., Remus L.
The One Where Ino And Hidan Are Soulmates reviews
Ino's just six the first time her soul mark disappears. She wakes everybody in her house up, screaming, when it disappears. It hurts, that's true - a weird, sharp pain right through her chest that makes her heart beat rattle and her breath come short - but that's not really what upsets her. Losing the mark is like losing a limb. [Soulmates AU, one-shot, prompt fill. Ino/Hidan.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,459 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 262 - Follows: 65 - Published: 12/22/2015 - Ino Y., Hidan - Complete
The One Where Hinata Ends Up With the Akatsuki (in Space) reviews
Kakuzu's eyes drifted to Hinata. "Yes. Eldest child of the Hyuuga estate. No problems - except Deidara's complete failure to stick to a schedule," he added in a growl. - "If it was a science," said that cheerful voice again, with what sounded like the least sincere of smiles, "you wouldn't have hired an artist." [One-shot. M rating is for swearing.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,876 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 16 - Published: 12/20/2015 - Hinata H., Akatsuki - Complete
The One Where Kakashi's Not the Only Hatake Around reviews
"Gai... I know that you have strong feelings toward your students," Kakashi was saying patiently, "but you can't just adopt random children." [one-shot, short, tumblr-prompt; gen.]
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,752 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 236 - Follows: 112 - Published: 12/20/2015 - Sakura H., Kakashi H. - Complete
The One With Sasori and Deidara and the Apocalypse reviews
Sasori knows it's the apocalypse because he actually agrees, vehemently, with Hidan. He is unused to strong feelings but Deidara's plan is absurd and it offends him on some level he's not quite familiar with. [Apocalypse AU, for a tumblr prompt, one-shot, short. Could be read as SasoDei or gen.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,345 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/20/2015 - Deidara, Sasori - Complete
The One With Sakura and Sasuke in an Urban Fantasy AU reviews
Sasuke's her responsibility. Hers to take care of, hers to keep. She's never wanted a family of her own, but sometimes Sakura thinks this must be what it feels like: fierce, bubbling, seething. [Urban fantasy AU, prompt fill on tumblr, oneshot, short.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,510 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 17 - Published: 12/20/2015 - Sasuke U., Sakura H.
Creatures reviews
Morrigan learns to shape shift. It does not always go to plan. Flemeth is remarkably unhelpful about ninety eight per cent of the time. [Magical accidents, a little body horror. One-shot. No romance.]
Dragon Age - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,486 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 6 - Published: 12/2/2015 - Morrigan, Flemeth - Complete
Hit Me With Your Best Shot reviews
Sasuke is actually eighteen the first time he looks at Sakura and realises abruptly that he wants her. [In which being close friends with Sakura actually frightens Sasuke a lot less than being physically attracted to her. Not timeline compliant, one-shot.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,922 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 73 - Published: 11/24/2015 - Sasuke U., Sakura H. - Complete
The One That Is Specifically About Deidara's Gender reviews
For an anonymous tumblr prompt requesting a nonbinary Deidara. ['"Surely they won't miss one or two," Deidara murmurs. He knows just how he'll do it, too. He loses himself for a second in imagining the look on that one's face when he realises he's swallowed a bomb. And then - bang']
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,781 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 25 - Published: 5/21/2015 - Deidara - Complete
The One Where Orochimaru Accidentally Adopts A Child reviews
This comes to you via an anonymous prompt from a tumblr askbox meme. Pretty much what it says on the label: Orochimaru with a kid. ['"I'm terrified for her," drawls Tsunade, and tosses back the rest of her drink.']
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,840 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 225 - Follows: 69 - Published: 5/21/2015 - Orochimaru - Complete
The Two Body Problem reviews
Hermione receives the diary. Neither she, nor Tom, is what the other was expecting. [Origin story for a dark Hermione. This is not a romance. Canon AU.]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 26,967 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 517 - Follows: 324 - Updated: 5/1/2015 - Published: 3/2/2015 - Hermione G., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Case File Seventeen reviews
A dystopian future that is decidedly not one where the Death Eaters win.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,424 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 21 - Published: 4/19/2015 - Tom R. Jr. - Complete
Hell To Raise reviews
He found Aunt Petunia sitting pale and distraught on the spotless kitchen tiles, gibbering as that evening's chicken dinner did a rather acrobatic tap-dancing lap of the room, squawked loudly, and then fled. [Harry raises the dead. It's less useful than you'd think. Eventual slash, canon AU, rating very likely to rise.]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 21,028 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 521 - Follows: 670 - Updated: 4/14/2015 - Published: 2/16/2015 - Harry P.
Take This One As A Warning reviews
For a tumblr prompt. In a parallel universe, Uchiha Sasuke has sworn revenge on Haruno Sakura. Itachi just wants her to come home. [AU, a very little ItaSaku, ignores timeline.]
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,681 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 46 - Published: 3/28/2015 - Sakura H., Itachi U. - Complete
That Oldest Profession reviews
In which Deidara is a virgin, Kakuzu experiments with being a procurer, and apparently Hidan's the only one with any sense at all. [Silliness, some gore, quite dubcon, non-explicit adult stuff. Please heed the rating and read at your own comfort level.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,698 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 9 - Published: 3/16/2015 - Deidara, Hidan, Kakuzu - Complete
That Boy is a Monster reviews
Harry, during one of his semi-regular tussles with the Dark Lord, is bitten by a vampire. He …does not adjust that well.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,029 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 239 - Follows: 79 - Published: 2/11/2015 - Harry P., Ron W., Hermione G. - Complete
The World is Over reviews
Tsunade, fed up with her enormous losing streak, makes a bet that "the world won't end before tomorrow." That night Orochimaru has a teeny, tiny, almost unnoticeable, really, laboratory mishap. [Post-apocalyptic AU, one-shot, gen, short.]
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 601 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 50 - Published: 2/10/2015 - Sakura H., Orochimaru - Complete
To Towered Camelot reviews
When Pansy and Hermione get sent back in time, it's definitely Pansy's fault. If she hadn't been mucking about in potions class — Hermione tells her this, at length. [Time travel, short, one-shot.]
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,460 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 40 - Published: 2/10/2015 - Hermione G., Pansy P. - Complete
Orochimaru, Death God reviews
Orochimaru wakes up and finds that he is in a new body. This isn't that unusual for him, but he's never seen this one before. Bleach/Naruto crossover. Short.
Crossover - Naruto & Bleach - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,289 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 48 - Published: 2/10/2015 - Orochimaru, Ichigo K., K. Urahara - Complete
on the ownership of trousers reviews
"There's a recessive gene in our clan, which allows men to carry a child to term. It is... not as easy as the pregnancies of most women, but it is possible." Sasuke and Itachi talk. It is simultaneously better and worse than Sasuke anticipated. [MPREG is a thing. Implied relationship. No incest. Mild violent imagery. Uchiha family feels. Those Uchiha kids are messed up.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,152 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 16 - Published: 1/16/2015 - Sasuke U., Itachi U. - Complete
That Boy Builds Bonfires reviews
Maybe they're all terrorists and criminals, but not a one of them is so broken that he cannot yet form bonds. [Experimental. One-shot. Pairing is Hidan/Deidara. Some references to self harm, etc.,]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,760 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 9 - Published: 12/22/2014 - Deidara, Hidan
Hit The Ground Running reviews
The Horcrux in Harry's head wakes up and begins talking to Harry long before he's ever heard the name Voldemort. Philosopher's Stone AU. Warnings for some instances of child abuse. No pairings. COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 25 - Words: 120,846 - Reviews: 1675 - Favs: 3,991 - Follows: 3,327 - Updated: 12/9/2014 - Published: 6/20/2013 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
What's Right Is A Fallacy (it only matters who's left) reviews
Who knows what potential remains in Kakuzu's corpse? You could hardly call him human, after all.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 389 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 15 - Published: 11/9/2014 - Kakuzu
Teamwork: A Teacher's Guide reviews
Kakashi. Time-travel. He's gonna fix Team Seven if it kills them all. [Contains: Team 7 feels, Kakashi is the most socially stunted, Kakashi believes in the team bonds created through the magical power of shared trauma!, future paranoid, codependent Team 7 OT3.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,476 - Reviews: 461 - Favs: 2,065 - Follows: 2,387 - Updated: 10/22/2014 - Published: 8/4/2014 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Kakashi H.
The Fair Maiden reviews
Princess Ino has been kidnapped by the terrible dragon Sakura! Brave knights Chouji and Shikamaru must rescue her from the fearsome beast. It... does not go entirely as expected. Medieval AU. Sakura/Ino. (Tumblr prompt!)
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,110 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 27 - Published: 9/15/2014 - Sakura H., Ino Y., Shikamaru N., Chōji A. - Complete
Blame it on the Moon reviews
Itachi likes cats and, in hindsight, that's probably his first mistake. Crack.
Crossover - Sailor Moon & Naruto - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,881 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 209 - Follows: 60 - Published: 9/9/2014 - Itachi U. - Complete
Theory and Practice reviews
Ino and Sakura have a sleep over in the aftermath of the disastrous chuunin exams. Even when it's always about Sasuke, it's not, necessarily, about Sasuke. [InoSaku, femslash.]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,683 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 15 - Published: 8/16/2014 - Sakura H., Ino Y. - Complete
Cake and Custom reviews
In which Bethany has a crush, Merrill receives a cake and Isabela gives terrible (and excellent) advice. [Bethany Hawke/Merrill. Femslash. Written for a tumblr prompt.]
Dragon Age - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,931 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/9/2014 - Merrill, Bethany H.
Pull Your Weight reviews
One-shot, set in a high school AU. Students of Konoha High are required to lift weights during PE. Sakura is... er, stronger than expected. Silly.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,172 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 226 - Follows: 48 - Published: 7/30/2014 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Shikamaru N. - Complete
The Natural Habitat - Side Story: The Mysterious Missing Panties reviews
This is a side-story to my current monstrous college AU "The Natural Habitat of Haruno Sakura". Sakura's underpants are missing and she's forced to put the remaining shreds of her dignity on the line to locate them. It's not really looking good for our hero.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,348 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 25 - Published: 7/16/2014
Alive and Kicking reviews
Xellos and Zelgadis. The inevitable Morning After, followed by an uncomfortable week. Combine with Lina Inverse and mazoku shenanigans to slowly drive Zelgadis crazy. Liberally sprinkle with black magic and eggplant. Serve alive and twitching. Yaoi. FINALLY COMPLETE.
Slayers - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 51,054 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 6/30/2014 - Published: 7/6/2007 - Zelgadiss G., Xelloss M. - Complete
But Every Map Begins Blank reviews
At age ten, an unexpected encounter changes Ino's perspective (and sets her on the path to growing up way more badass).
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,498 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 5/25/2014 - Published: 5/23/2014 - Ino Y., Anko M. - Complete
In Which Diplomacy Is Very Important reviews
In which Tsunade suspects she might be a little too drunk. Experience tells her that she'll probably be embarrassed about that at some point - getting wasted at important diplomatic events is kind of a faux pas for the Hokage. Either way, she has no idea how she ends up crowding Konan back against a giant polished marble credenza. [Femslash, yuri. This is a plot-free zone.]
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,104 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 10 - Published: 4/22/2014 - Tsunade S., Konan - Complete
Renegade Fireman Superhero Kisame reviews
In which Kisame refuses Obito's recruitment speech and leaves Mist to find his real calling. Crack. No pairings.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,759 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 202 - Follows: 52 - Published: 4/19/2014 - Complete
Several Things You're Not Looking For reviews
In which there are almost-certainly-forbidden jutsu, Itachi is trying to have a peaceful afterlife, Sasuke loses his mind (probably), Tsunade is out of sake and being Hokage is the worst job ever. (Occasional horror themes. Silliness now continues with a second chapter about Sasuke learning to... adjust.)
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,882 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 4/17/2014 - Published: 3/10/2014 - Itachi U., Tsunade S., Team Seven - Complete
Incendiary Ventures reviews
In which Zelgadis explores a temple looking for clues to a cure. Xellos decides to come with him, which in hindsight should probably be his first clue that it's all going to go pear shaped. Lina's hungry. There are monsters. Things explode. No pairings. Horror elements, comedy elements.
Slayers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,587 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/16/2014 - Zelgadiss G., Xelloss M. - Complete
Sleeping Dragons reviews
Tai drabble in which Taiki cannot sleep, and Gyousou indulges him. Yaoi, shota.
Twelve Kingdoms - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 646 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 4 - Published: 9/9/2007 - Complete
Still a Beast of Burden reviews
Short sequel to A Beast of Burden. Shoryuu tries to ride Enki. Hijinks ensue.
Twelve Kingdoms - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,335 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/6/2007 - Complete
Entropy reviews
Low profile assignments, nail polish and seafood. Orochimaru and Itachi socialize. Shounenai subtext and UST.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,766 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Published: 4/22/2007 - Itachi U., Orochimaru - Complete
Chemical Equation From An Objective Point Of View reviews
The cliche. Rewritten for your dubious reading pleasure. Tenten has one week to find a boyfriend who matches her mother's criteria or she'll have to give up being a kunoichi and marry some country bumpkin.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 46,802 - Reviews: 215 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 6/4/2006 - Published: 7/14/2005 - Neji H., Tenten - Complete
Horoscopes reviews
Zodiac personality types are read. Expect OOC, but also expect correct apostrophe use.
Fruits Basket - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,215 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/28/2006 - Ayame S., Shigure S. - Complete
A Furuba Mary Sue reviews
“Hi,” the beautiful girl chirped merrily, flipping her beautiful rose colored hair over her shoulder. “I’m Meredith Rose Pearl Suede. A lot of people have trouble with it, so you can call me Merry Sue.” This was going to be trouble.
Fruits Basket - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 17,989 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 1/19/2006 - Published: 9/29/2005 - Kyo S., Yuki S. - Complete
A Beast of Burden reviews
There was commotion in the stables, for the word had passed around: the Suugu of the King had got the flu... Shounen ai.
Twelve Kingdoms - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,418 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10/4/2005 - Complete
Rapunzel, Rapunzel reviews
The cast of Twelve Kingdoms performs a play from Hourai. Complete crack.
Twelve Kingdoms - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,387 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/1/2005 - Complete