Author has written 35 stories for House, M.D., Criminal Minds, Law and Order: CI, and Closer.
Those that laugh last think slowest.
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
One day, your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
Tell your voices to SHUT UP...I can't hear mine...
I didn't fall from heaven, I rose from hell.
We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass.
Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run - he hates that.
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash, honey: I don't live to please you.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Dear Heart, i met a boy today, prepare to shatter.
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Evening news is where they begin with " Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap itself around Rock, leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to Scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class?I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!
"Stress: the condition brought on by overriding the body's desire to kick someone's ass."
Sarcasm is your body's natural defense against stupidity.
"god made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman
I can't die because I'm the main character of my own life
People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual.
I reject your reality and substitute my own
I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened...yesterday.
They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.
I am a bomb technician. If you see me running, try to keep up.
If everything seems to be going well...you have OBVIOUSLY overlooked something.
Whenever you feel pissed off at someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them...AND YOU HAVE THEIR SHOES! BWHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
"if at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that your tried.
People used to call me names, but that's okay, they're dead now.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
Once you go fangirl, you never go back!
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
Therapist = The/rapist...scary thought.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 40 and I'm 39, who will be laughing then?
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.
You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on
boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.
"It's always in the last place you look" Well, DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!
Tell the truth and run.
MENstrual pain, MENstrual cramps, MENtal anxiety, MENopause...god dammit, all of our problems start with MEN!
Some people are alive because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to be normal, until I met the fraks that I call my friend.
Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Amateurs built the ark, Professionals built the Titanic...
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love
When angry count to ten, when very angry, swear.
When life gives you lemons...squirt the juice in your enemy's eyes.
"Love at first sight" is just another way to say "I'm stupid and desperate"
I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?
"Don't piss me off, I am running out of places to hide the bodies.
A good friend will comfort you when he breaks up with you. A BEST friend will call him, whispering "Seven Days..."
I met some crazy people. They made me their leader!
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