Please be advised these stories are being edited and moved to ao3, under the pseud coffup.

Thank you.

This account is owned by two beautiful, young, and cool (not to mention delusional, conceited, and vaguely narcissistic) females who are making the world a better place by giving it its irregular dose of crackfics.

They believe in smut, crackfics, OOC-ism, and messed up pairings. They also swear profusely, wear brightly coloured tops, and can hold their liquor better than your third cousin twice removed. One can spot a kitten from a mile away and the other can turn blackberries into a delightful drink with the help of a bottle of vodka, a blender, and a coffee timer. (Yes, a coffee timer.)

They shoplift, do drugs, and smoke. It has been said that late at night, when the moon is full, if you go to the seventh largest lake in Uzbekistan and throw nine dead flowers into it, you will see their reflections smiling up at you. Those who have performed this sacred ritual have complained of nausea induced by their sheer conceitedness.

(But, naturally, they still want to be them.)

Your mommy wouldn't let you play with them on the playground. Your daddy made you promise that you would never ride in the same car with them. Other notable family members swear that they're up to no good. Plus, your friends say the crackficwhores stole their lunch money. But really, who are you going to believe? Your friends, or the crackficwhores?

But regardless of how you feel, the world needs the crackficwhores. If they don't give the world crack fiction... who will?

Agent: Two Hundred Seventy-Three Trillion (and a half)

Name: Annette

Age: 21

Location: Underground lair full of dirt.

Likes: Music, crackfics, smut, irrational pairings, acting out in public, and non-parallelism in lists.

Dislikes: Babies, apples, and having to pee when the bathroom is occupied.

Quote: "That's totally giggly-making."

Agent: 96.5 FM

Name: Bertha (... which is actually a clever anagram for Erbhat.)

Age: Underage

Location: Beneath the floorboards.

Likes: A great multitude of things.

Dislikes: An even greater multitude of things.

Quote: "I guess I'm just talented like that."