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Joined 01-07-17, id: 8644210, Profile Updated: 05-26-17
Author has written 11 stories for Harry Potter, Ranger's Apprentice, Good Wife, and Big Bang Theory.

I own nothing but a weird, warped imagination and a laptop. I love the Lord of the Rings (go Gandalf the know-it-all), Percy Jackson and the Hunger Games and hate Twilight and vampires with a passion. I am a know-it-all. That is all you need to know about me. Oh, and I love cats, fifteens (the tray-bake) and fizzy drinks, in that order.

Things I am not to do at Hogwarts

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show you the pointy hat trick

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after my lucky charms"

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month"

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand

11) I am not allowed to give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force"

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it

16) I will not lock the Slytherin's and Gryffindor's in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day"

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate

27) I will not steal Gryffindor sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways

28) I will not poke Hufflepuff's with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bee's"

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends"

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends"

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice

50) I will not attack my fellow classmates

51) I will not make an impossible riddle for people to give an answer to enter the Ravenclaw area

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Ranger's Apprentice Cast Reacts! by Dorano1 reviews
Will and friends read and react to the Ranger's Apprentice series (but not book 12). Takes place shortly after Lost Stories. Disclaimer - all I own is the reactions. Not the characters, not the books, not nothin' but the unbolded words.
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 152,798 - Reviews: 871 - Favs: 335 - Follows: 415 - Updated: 7/10 - Published: 1/27/2015 - Will, Horace, Halt - Complete
That familiar feeling by mikisto26 reviews
This is my take on exploring Diane and Kurt's thoughts and feelings during their first night together after their separation. (The Good Fight, 01x05).
Good Wife - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,653 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/15/2017 - Diane L., Kurt M.
The Idiot by thegoodmarble reviews
Kurt is drunk. Diane isn't.
Good Wife - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,033 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 13 - Published: 11/2/2013 - Diane L., Kurt M. - Complete
Hogwarts Love Triangle? by Bil reviews
Rita Skeeter never did allow facts to get in the way of a good story. Albus is amused. Set during PS. AD, MM, SS. Oneshot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,054 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 154 - Follows: 13 - Published: 9/19/2008 - Albus D., Minerva M. - Complete
Lamentations of a Starry Eyed Twit by She's a Star reviews
Auriga Sinistra's not so eventful diary filled with sarcasm, self pity, and assorted proclamations of loathing for a certain Potions professor . . .
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 106,501 - Reviews: 2316 - Favs: 1,409 - Follows: 668 - Updated: 8/4/2007 - Published: 2/2/2003 - A. Sinistra, Severus S.
Just a Random Tuesday… by Twisted Biscuit reviews
A VERY long Tuesday in the life of Minerva McGonagall. With rampant Umbridgeitis, uncooperative Slytherins, Ministry interventions, an absent Dumbledore and a schoolwide shortage of Hot Cocoa, it’s a wonder she’s as nice as she is.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 58,525 - Reviews: 478 - Favs: 2,044 - Follows: 343 - Updated: 10/1/2006 - Published: 8/26/2006 - Minerva M., Dolores U. - Complete
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Headmaster, I'm Pregnant reviews
Hogwarts is a high school just like any other. Accidents happen. How will the various headmaster (and headmistresses) take up the challenge? Follow Dippet, Dumbledore, Umbridge, Snape and McGonagall as they each have to deal with the same problem. Mostly humour with maybe the tiniest bit of romance. Summaries are not my strong point. *drops mic*
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,400 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 8/8/2017 - Published: 7/29/2017 - Severus S., Albus D., Minerva M., Dolores U.
The Snapes reviews
A brief snapshot of Severus' life after the war with his family when the time comes for his youngest daughter to be Sorted at Hogwarts. Will she be a Gryffindor worthy Slytherin like her father? Or an unconventional Ravenclaw like her mother? Or (Merlin forbid!) a Hufflepuff? A short sequel to 'Severus Snape's Secret Lover'. Quite a few OCs and a load of people alive who shouldn't.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,702 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 7/26/2017 - Published: 4/1/2017
Fire Alarm reviews
Ron and Harry are on a mission - trying to make sure that one of his brothers doesn't land himself in a soapy bubble. But the solution may leave them more scarred than the problem. As my dad used to say, "Fire alarms are to see who is in beds they shouldn't be."
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,382 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 5/27/2017 - Published: 5/8/2017 - Harry P., Ron W., Severus S., OC
Delivery For Diane Lockhart reviews
Diane Lockhart has lost her glasses. But where are they? Will takes on the responsibilities story-reader and members of Lockhart/Gardner look on in awe. Then Kurt turns up ... see where this is going? My point is that I suck at summaries and love Diane's glasses.
Good Wife - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,090 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/13/2017 - [Diane L., Kurt M.] Will G.
In Vino Veritas (In Wine Is Truth) reviews
Crowley dumps a very drunk Halt on Pauline's doorstep. What is she going to do? Set before the Ruins of Gorlan. Mainly drunken songs, sarcastic one-liners and Crowley's inability to just 'let it happen naturally' which will no doubt lead to it happening most unnaturally.
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,022 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Published: 4/26/2017
Mother? reviews
Apparently Beverly Hofstadter is in possession of a piece of clothing that is not black ... and has changed her glasses colour ... and has a boyfriend ... hang on - did I just say that? Something's gotta be wrong here ... Leonard and his friends investigate!
Crossover - Big Bang Theory & Good Wife - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,973 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/22/2017 - Leonard H., Sheldon C., Penny, Diane L.
Words of a Child reviews
Diane meets a young girl on a train who gives her something to think about concerning her relationship with her husband. Just a one-shot that my tired mind came up with early in the morning.
Good Wife - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,559 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/12/2017 - [Diane L., Kurt M.] OC - Complete
The Talk reviews
Halt overhears a conversation between Will and Horace and is horrified to realise that his apprentice knows nothing about (cover your ears, Halt!) the 'facts of life'. What is he going to do? Pauline isn't exactly helpful. Takes place sometime in the Ruins of Gorlan and is not meant to be taken seriously. :) (Put Pauline on the character list already!)
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,670 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/12/2017 - Will, Horace, Halt
The Stages of Love reviews
A series of random drabbles about Halt and Lady Pauline (why in Gorlog's name is she not on the character list? Halt would be furious!). Not in chronological order at all so if you can't stand jumping about in time, don't read. Or get a grip on yourself. Lots of love and emotions. Just the sort of thing my grandmother would like. (Gorlog's teeth, I hate summaries!)
Ranger's Apprentice - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,340 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/5/2017 - Published: 2/8/2017 - Halt
Severus Snape's Secret Lover reviews
It's what it sounds like, people! Rated T to be on the safe side because I get a sense of pleasure out of embarrassing people. If I owned Harry Potter (which I don't) Harry would be a girl, Dumbledore, Tonks and Remus would never have died and McGonagall would have an army of cats. But Eowyn Gondolin is mine! ALL MINE! *cackles maliciously*
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 43 - Words: 72,099 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 3/11/2017 - Published: 1/31/2017 - [Severus S., OC] - Complete
Experienced Advice reviews
Severus seeks Albus' help about a lady he's interested in. Eowyn (my OC) needs Minerva's advice concerning a man. You know what - just read it! Basically SSxOC with a little MMAD mixed in if you're in an awake frame of mind.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,133 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/17/2017 - [Severus S., OC] [Albus D., Minerva M.] - Complete