Stephen King Reincarnated
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Joined 09-02-05, id: 890010, Profile Updated: 11-17-16
Author has written 5 stories for Twilight.

The name's Stephen King Reincarnated (King for short)

Here are some things about me:

Stage Name: Kay Dollar

Birthday: December 26, 1991 (I kept my mom in the hospital on Christmas, I was rotten before I was born!)

I'm the hot one in my avatar picture. The dashing lady beside me is my Mom.

I have a few hobbies, but I'm pretty boring overall. I love to read and write and spend most of my time doing those things. For exercise: I like swimming and running and biking.

Favorite Shows: Supernatural, House, Teen Titans, That 70's Show, Malcolm in the Middle. There are a few new ones, like Vampire Diaries, Mock The Week (a British comedy show), and Criminal Minds. Recently I've gotten really into Doctor Who and Sherlock. I've already started using British slang. I can't help it; even their swear words sound classy! I don't watch Malcolm much since the series ended, and I've gotten a little too old to watch Teen Titans. My favourite episodes are The Apprentice Part One and Two because of the serious tone. Most of the others are too immature for me in my old age. Supernatural and House will forever be awesome despite the fact that I'm very behind when it comes to the former. And That 70's Show is just too funny not to love.

I used to watch Dragon Ball Z when I was a kid, and lately I've been watching the new Dragon Ball Kai. Aside from the fact that they took out a lot of things I enjoyed, like the entire Garlic Junior Saga, in which Gohan is the pinnacle of awesome, and of course the music could not hold a candle to Bruce Faulconer, I actually don't mind the remake. It was a little jarring to hear Goku call Freeza a "ruthless, heartless bastard," and Gohan's new voice took some getting used to, but I really liked what they did with it. The original Dragon Ball Z will always be my favourite though.

My ultimate favourite show, probably forever, has got to be Hannibal. It's been cancelled, but I still love it. I've got all the DVDs and I can't wait to get some posters for my room.

Favorite Quotes:


Dean "House rules Sammy; driver picks the music, shot-gun shuts his cake-hole."

Missouri "Boy you put your foot on my coffee table and I'm gonna whack you with a spoon!"

Sam "I wanna know why! Why'd you do it?"

Demon "You mean why'd I kill mommy and pretty little Jess?"

Sam "Yeah."

Demon to Dean "You know he never told you this, but Sam was gonna ask her to marry em. Been shoppin for rings and everythin."

Demon to Sam "You wanna know why, because they got in the way."

Sam "In the way of what?"

Demon "My plans for you Sammy. You, and all the children like you."

Andy going all Obi-Wan "Why are you following me?"

Sam "Well we're lawyers. See a relative of yours has passed-"

Andy "Tell the truth."

Sam "That's what I-"

Dean (Hypnotized) "We hunt demons."

Andy "What?"

Sam "Dean?"

Dean "Demons, spirits, things your worst nightmare wouldn't even touch. Sam here is my brother."

Sam "Dean shut up!"

Dean "I'm trying. He's psychic. Kinda like you. Well not really like you, but see he thinks you're a murderer and he's afraid he's gonna become one himself because you're all part of something that's terrible and I hope to hell that he's wrong but I'm starting to get a little scared that he might be right."

Dean "Now then, I know what we need to do about your premonitions. I know where we need to go."

Sam "Where?"

Dean "Vegas."

Sam "When I told dad I was scared of the thing in my closet he gave me a .45!"

Dean "Well what was he supposed to do?"

Sam "I was nine-years-old! He was suppose to say 'don't be afraid of the dark!'"

Dean "Don't be afraid of the dark? What are you kidding me? Of course you should be afraid of the dark! You know what's out there!"

Dean to demon possessed dad "Let him go, or I swear to God-"

Demon "What? What are you and God gonna do?"

Sam "I'm gonna kill you!"

Demon "Oh. That'd be a neat trick. In fact, here. Make the gun float to ya there, psychic boy."

Bloody Mary "Those nightmares you've been having, about Jessica dying, screaming, BURNING! You had them for days before she died. DIDN'T YOU?"

Mary "You get out of my house. And let go of my son."

Bella "You know when this is over we should really have angry sex."

Dean (after long pause) "Don't objectify me."


Raven "Remember me?"

Doctor Light "Umm, I'd like to go to jail now please."

Robin "It's the end of the world, but so what?"

Cyborg "Alright, four eyes is history, his ghoulies are gone, and we just saved the whole dang universe! Now who wants French toast?"

Robin to BB after he talks to some dinosaurs "So, what did they say?"

BB "They want to eat us."

Kole "So what brings you down here?"

BB "Gravity."

Red X to Robin "Kid, you are taking life way too seriously."


Fes "Eric, say I have two boards and I need them to stick together, how do I do this?"

Eric "Well Fes, you have to nail them, kinda like how Kelso nailed Hyde's sister."

Hyde "You guys been working on this a while?"

Eric "About as long as Kelso's been working on your sister."

Eric "Hey Hyde, remember how you kept bringing it up when Kelso nailed my sister? I never understood why. But now I get it. It's fun! So guess what? Kelso nailed your sister, oh, uh, and another thing, Kelso nailed your sister."

Hyde "Shut up you little twizzler!"

Eric "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Kelso nailed your sister."

Fes "Hey everyone, we have something to say!"

Kitty "Smile!"

Laurie "I married Fes so he could stay in the country!" Everyone turns to them except for Kitty who laughs and snaps their picture. (Doctor put her on drugs).

Red "You what!"

Laurie "Oh, don't worry daddy. I don't love him. I was just bored."

Fes "But we will be sleeping together."

Red "Ohh no, oww!" Grabs arm.

Eric "Dad, are you okay?"

Kitty "Oh Red! I think you're having a heart attack. Stephen get him a chair. Laurie call an ambulance."

Kelso "He's not having a heart attack. He's having an arm attack."

Fes "Don't worry, dad. You'll be alright."

Red "Kitty, if I don't make it. Kill the foreigner. (Ha I Love Red)

Donna "I think we shouldn't have sex until we're married."

Eric "What? No! You can't do this! I'm addicted now!"

Donna "Com'on Eric. You know in some ways it's just like Star Wars. You know, being pure just like a Jedi."

Eric "There's no such thing as Jedi! That's just a stupid movie!" (Eric loves Star wars. He's been telling Donna facts all day.)

Hyde "Backed off! You constantly hit on her, you bought her presents, you shot me with a BB gun!"

Kelso "Yeah, that's me backing off."

Hyde "You know Foreman, you should write a book. "Things my father threatened to put up my ass" Chapter one, his foot. I'd buy that."

Hyde "You hired Kelso! Do you know how many fires this guy has started?"

Kelso "Three electrical, two chemical, and one that even surprised me."

Eric "Look Jackie, Kelso was going to straighten up and start acting mature so you'd be happy...and then he set your house on fire."

(After Donna accuses Eric of cheating on her) "Tell me whose panties these are!"

(Midge runs in) "Donna, those panties are mine!"

(Kelso and Fes start bowing to Eric) "Eric! You are a GOD! A God I say!"

Red "Well I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to."

Red "You're having a party? Why didn't you tell me?"

Eric "Because every time mom has a party, you go through five stages; anger, fury, rage, super rage, and cursing God for putting you on this planet."

Kelso "Round here, we have a saying."

Eric "Is it, "everyone down, Kelso's got a gun?"

Policeman "Maybe a few hours in a jail cell will make you appreciate the law!"

Kelso "That's the thing, it won't!"

Red to Eric "You're coming home in your underwear again?"

Red "Midge has locked herself in the bathroom."

Kitty "I'll handle it. Midge, the lock is on the doorknob."

Midge "I'm not coming out. But thank you, I see it now."

Donna "What's wrong?"

Kitty "Your mother's locked herself in the bathroom."

Donna "I'll handle it. Mom, the lock is on the doorknob."

Eric "Dad, this was just a prank that went, horribly, horribly wrong!"

Red (Covered in oatmeal) “Oh yeah! Well I’ve got a prank where my foot doesn’t go up your ass! Let’s hope it doesn’t go horribly, horribly wrong!

Eric “Oh no, look at the symptoms; temperamental behavior, mood swings, facial hair...Oh, Dad, I think you have menopause.”

Donna “And when Kelso saw you guys kissing, he just fell apart. I mean, it was awful…and then he ran into the screen door.”

Jackie “Oh! He's just so bad at doors.”

Kitty "What is wrong with you? Were you dropped on your head?!"

Kelso "Yes I was! And up until now, everyone has had the good grace not to mention it!!"

Kelso "What's the point of being a girlfriend if you don't have your own boobs to play with?"

Eric "I forgot my mom's birthday."

Hyde "Really, cause I remembered."

Eric "Why didn't you tell me?!"

Hyde "How would that be funny?"

Kelso "One time back when I was dating Jackie, Pam was trying to wash her car, alright and she leaned over and like squeezed out the sponge. That's all I remember cause I rode my bike straight into a tree."

Hyde "They should have X-rayed your head at the hospital!"

Kelso "They did! And for your information, they found nothing!"

Kelso "Fes, I'm riding an open canoe down a rocky mountainside! What could possibly go wrong?"

Kelso "I've been with a lot of chicks...a lot...a lot...A LOT"

Kelso "Excuse me...BURN...BURN, BURN, BURN!" (Runs upstairs) "BURN, BURN!"

Kelso "We totally did it!"

Brooke "Michael, I just found out I'm pregnant."

Kelso "I never touched her!"

Hyde (trying to pull a vase off of Kelso's hand) "The vase smells like chocolate!"

Kelso "Really?" (Lifts vase up and Hyde smacks it into his face)

Hyde "Hey what do the letters on the bottom say?"

Kelso "What letters?" (Lifts vase up again and Hyde smacks it into his face again) "Stop doing that!"

Hyde "Get smarter!"

Eric "Stacey doesn't like me...she likes Red."

Kelso "'re gonna have to leave town!"

Eric "Why?"

Kelso "Cause we're gonna tell everyone!"

Red (the gang imagining Red getting high. He pours whipped-cream over his head) "Look at me. I'm Whipped-Cream Head. Fear me! All fear Whipped-Cream Head!"

Kelso (Lighting a fire-cracker. It doesn't go off) "Oh. Must be a dud. Go find out."

Eric "Why me?"

Kelso "Cause you're super skinny. If it blows up, you got the best chance of havin' stuff not hit you!"

Eric "True. But on the other hand no one would be surprised if you blew yourself up."

Kelso "That's a good point."

Fes (After Kelso has just fallen off the water tower) "Kelso, are you okay?"

Kelso "I think I fell!"

Donna (After she's just pushed Hyde off the water tower...accidentally) "Oh my God! Hyde are you okay?"

Hyde "I'm too old for this crap!"

Kitty "I think we should get in the car, pick up Stephen, and move him back in with us, and feed him...and clothe him...and love him."

Red "No. I'm not loving anybody that I'm not legally required to."

Eric (after drinking) "Mommy, my head hurts."

Red "That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity."

Eric "Mr. Hyde, you are the greatest dad ever! Will you be my daddy? (they both laugh) I’m not kidding. (they both laugh again) Seriously."

Kitty "You give me one good reason why you don't want to go to church."

Eric "It's hot."

Laurie "It's boring."

Eric "The music sucks."

Laurie "The pastor's ugly."

Eric "I have to wear a tie."

Laurie "I have to wear a bra!"

Kitty "Enough!"

Laurie "What about Hyde? I mean, he doesn't have to go!"

Hyde "While I respect the Judaeo-Christian ethic, as well as the eastern philosophies, and of course the teachings Mohamed, I find that organized religion has corrupted those beliefs to justify countless atrocities throughout history. Were I to attend church, I'd be a hypocrite."

Kitty "Eric, we have to keep your father calm, so no shenanigans."

Eric "Oh mom, I haven't shenaniganned in six years. I've hooliganned, I've no-good-nicked, I've ne'er-do-welled, I've rabble-roused..."

Red "Will you shut up!"

Red "Let's hurry up and get out of this place. I think some of these nurses are stealing drugs."

Kitty "Red, I am a nurse."

Red "I stand by my statement."

Fes "Look! A robot!" (Kelso turns around and Fes runs away)

Eric "Man, you fall for that every time!"

Kelso "Yeah? Well one day, there's gonna be a robot. And all you suckers are gonna miss it!"

Red (to Kitty) "All jobs have the same problem; a dumb ass boss. You know, one guy actually thought that duct tape was called "duck tape." A security guard had to pull us apart."

Bob "Hey ya Red! Eric told me you and Kitty are having a little trouble in the old hee-hoo department."

Red (to Eric) "You told Bob? Are you out of your puny mind?

Eric "Look, you have to work this stuff out with mom. She hasn't fed us in three days. Dad, I can't afford not to eat. Yesterday I ate a raisin off the floor. I'm not even sure if it was really a raisin."

Red "Eric, go talk to your mother!"

Eric "What? Why me?"

Red "Because without food, you'll die first."

Eric "Wow, this is, like, the slowest burn ever."

Hyde "This is how burns were in the 18th century, before electricity."

Kelso "Say I had to catch my own food, right? But, I only ate really fast feet would eventually evolve into rockets."

Hyde "Man, it's amazing your brain doesn't evolve into pudding."

Hyde (at age thirteen) "Man, if you don't get caught, everything's legal."

Eric "I am man, I am zitless, hear me roar!"

Fes "My name is (the school bell rings for a couple of seconds and keeps viewers from hearing his name.)"

Hyde "Okay, I'm not gonna remember that."

Kelso "I know! Let's call him Captain Poo Face!" (Hyde throws a basketball at him and they wrestle each other to the ground)

Eric "I had a really nice discussion with Red and Kitty about foreplay."

Donna "I'm really sorry Eric."

Eric "Yeah, me too."

Kitty (to Eric) "Foreplay is very important."

Red "Oh, no it's not."

Kitty (to Red) "Yes, it is."

Red "You drilled a hole in my floor! My foot is about to drill a hole in your ass!"

Kelso "Aren't we all just driving the same car; this car called life."

Red "How 'bout I drive my foot into this thing called your ass?!"

Kelso "A simple no would suffice."

Red "You morons just hung vacancy signs on your ass, and my foot's looking for a room!"

Red "You know I oughta vandalize your ass with my foot!"

Red "Sleep tight, and don't let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass."

Red "How'd you like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?"

Eric "What took you guys so long at the heart doctor's? Oh, let me guess. You had to call in a specialist just to find dad's tiny heart."

Red "You know, we could call in a specialist to find my foot in your ass."

Hyde "We're gonna need an ass-footologist STAT!"

Red "You are about to read a book that my foot wrote. It's called on the road to in your ass."

Red "I wish I had two-thousand feet, so I could put five-hundred of them in each of your ass!"

Hyde (While seriously toked) "(Laughing so hard that he's crying while watching the weather report) Weather kicks ass."

Red (Red opens the bathroom door and Kitty walks out, pot smoke can be seen in the bathroom) "Kitty, what happened?"

Kitty "Oh, I am starving!"

Red (Spotting Jackie sitting at the dinner table, eating off of Red's plate) "Why is the loud one eating my dinner?"

Kelso (Singing to the tune of American Pie) "Something touched me deep inside, the day...that Hyde...lied. So bye bye, Mr. Stephen Hyde. I'm a hottie and you're nottie, Jackie's gonna be mine! She likes my brunette locks not your curly ass twine. Oh Jackie Burkhart, you are"

Red (After finding a stolen police car in his garage) "Why? Why?! WHY IS IT ALWAYS MY HOUSE?!"

Hyde "You really wanna know, or do you just wanna keep yelling?"

Red "I wanna keep yelling!"

Red (Pretending to be Eric) "Well, I'm just a skinny, smart mouth kid who always has something to say about everything!"

Eric (Pretending to be Red) "Well, I wish I was an I could stick eight different feet up eight different ass! HAHAHAHAHA!"

Red "Star Wars! Star Wars! Star Wars!"

Eric "Dead Commies! Dead Commies! Dead Commies!"

Eric "Pregnancy is the scariest thing in the English language; right after monsters and broccoli."

Kitty "I realize that, uh, I may have been a little irrational today."

Kelso "A little?"

Kitty "SHUT UP!"

Red (after Kitty finds out that Red keeps a stash of presents in the basement in case he forgets to buy something for her) "It's more of a vast inventory of love."

Kitty "Well, you're about to get a vast inventory of my foot in your ass! Yeah! I can do that too!"

Kitty "Washer and dryer, Red, they are going to have a washer and dryer. That red-headed harlot is going to be Shouting out my baby's grass stains! What about my last summer with my youngest child? I bet you weren't thinking about that when you went fishing! I bought sparklers for the fourth of July! He loves sparklers and now he's leaving and what are we going to do for the fourth of July?"

Red "Uhhh, there's a car show in Kenosha."

Kitty "A car show? I don't wanna go to a g--n car show in f--g Kenosha! I want three more f--g months with my baby boy! And now they're gone because of your bulls--t! Way to go dumbass!"

Hyde (after his first day at his new job) "I don't know if I can hack it, working in an office. My tolerance for following directions is really low."

Eric "Which is ironic because your tolerance for other things is really high."

Red "Stephen, everybody goes through the same thing, but the misery that you feel now will eventually be broken up by stretches of time where you will feel that you're happy." (gives a short laugh) "Course you're not happy. You're just too numb from your hellish life to feel the pain."

Kitty (looking very uncomfortable) "How was your day Red?"

Red "Pretty good actually."

Donna "So what do you guys want to do after graduation?"

Eric (very quickly) "Not touch dead people, ever!"

Doctor Douchebag "Alright, let's start Mr. Harris on a full course of penicillin."

Kitty "Oh, um, Doctor, you might wanna consider erythromycin."

Doctor Douchebag "And why would I want to do that...Nurse?"

Kitty "It's just that Mr. Harris is allergic to penicillin and I thought erythromycin might make him a touch less dead."

Eric "I know that when I go to the hospital, I like to not die."

Red "Hold that flashlight, will you?"

Jackie "Like this?" (The car is illuminated in an angelic glow and heavenly music plays in the background)

Red "Well what do you know? One of you's not useless!"

Red "You and your mom have a bad history. Neither of you can nurture the others self-esteem because you've both been damaged by past criticism and shame.

Hyde "Are you okay?"

Red "I'm working half-days, so I watch a lot of Donahue."

Bob "Midge, I left my wallet in the car."

Midge "I left with Bob in the car."

Red "Cheque please."

Jackie "I'm gonna make Eric pay for this. I'm not strong, but I know plenty of ways to destroy a man emotionally."

Hyde "I'll vouch for that."

Donna "Being alone isn't that bad. It's a great opportunity to get to know yourself and be comfortable with who you are."

Jackie "Oh, Donna, I already love myself; I just want to french someone."

Eric "Kelso, it's fine! I'm not that drunk...I just can't walk...or see...Man, that was a great party!"

Red "Kitty, it's probably not as bad as you think. Maybe you're just having a hotflash.

(Kitty proceeds to stare at him angrily)

Eric (scared) ""

Red (Out of the corner of his mouth) "Eric, I need you to get to the wine."

Little Girl "I want a pony."

Red (as Santa) "Ponies die."

Red "Charlie, if Eric and his friends start to bother you, just hold up a book. It's like Kryptonite to them."

Charlie "Who's she?"

Kelso "Don't even think about it. Donna is with Eric, and then she's mine."

Fes "And then she is mine."

Kelso "And then, right back to me for another go around."

Red "There's nothing any of us can do. We're all screwed. You think I like being stuck here, nursing my lunatic wife back from the brink? Hell no. But we can't control what happens to us. Even if, by some stroke of luck, you actually hang on to Donna, eventually she's gonna turn into that. And then a few years later, you'll die."

Eric "Okay. Thanks for the bedtime story."

Caroline "You know the old me would have ripped out your eyeballs and hung them over my rear view mirror like a pair of dice, but the new me just slaps the anger away." (Proceeds to slap herself)

Caroline "You have a sharp tongue, it would taste great in a salad."


Malcolm "The car's shadow's going the wrong way, the steering wheel's on the wrong side, there's no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be back wards, the guy's watch wouldn't say 12 o'clock if he was looking at a sunset and I have red paint on my ass, that's right, red paint all over my ass!"

Hal "You boys are on notice. If you ever drive a golf-cart over a catered dinner and into a swimming pool again, there will be...consequences. Dire consequences!"

Hal "Working for that company was like...well have you ever seen one of those nature shows where a wasp paralyzes a caterpillar and injects it with larvae? It stays alive for weeks, completely aware of every nibble it gets as the larvae slowly devour it from the inside out. I sat in my office envying that caterpillar, 'cause at least it got to be on TV."

Sergeant to brainwashed Reese "Now let's go make some bets and march you into the electric fence."

Lois "Honey, do you think I just took Domingo away because I'm mean?"

Dewey "Absolutely."

Lois "Dewey, the reason I had to take your teddy bear away is because he's very dirty. He's covered with germs and he could make you very sick."

Dewey "He wouldn't do that! He loves me!"

Lois "It's the germs sweetie. They're tiny bugs carrying disease and Domingo is covered with them. Now when you touch him, they get on your hands and what do you suppose happens if you touch your eyes? Well I'll tell you what happens. The germs get in there and infect them and you get very sick and eventually your optic nerve rots and your eyes fall out. Now if you want to keep Domingo, you can, but if you want to keep your eyes, you'll give Domingo to me." (Dewey pulls out Domingo from under the covers) "You made the smart choice, sweetie."

Malcolm "Wow! Interesting dinner. Stevie beat the crap out of Reese, his dad got drunk, and his mom's gone totally psycho. Oh my God! We're contagious!"

Lois (When they find out that Craig and Abe are both dating the babysitter, Polly) "They're both our friends."

Hal "You're right. One of them will screw up eventually."

Lois "Exactly."

Hal "I just wish I could stop picturing the sex." Both of them start cringing.

Well! Have a nice day.

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