Carcaohtar
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Joined 09-27-05, id: 904430, Profile Updated: 10-05-09
Author has written 9 stories for Samurai Champloo, Psychonauts, and Jhonen Vasquez.

Hi-diddly-ho, readeroonies! (Ahh... the sound of crickets chirping!)

If you've stumbled upon my writing... first and foremost... I pity you greatly. Perhaps you might say, "But Dylan! I love your cynical, stylistic approach, rich with suspense and sprinkled with satire!" To that, I say: "How do you know my real name?"

In any case, most of the fics I'll be posting will be random. I post blocks of stories for a single category, before I move on to a new obsession and forget my old one. For example, I've passed my Samurai Champloo stage, passed my Psychonauts stage, and am currently juggling The Goon and Dog the Bounty Hunter, a show I could really get into if I could figure out how to program the VCR. (Yeah, that's right, I still have a VCR. And I can even play movies on it. Which is, for me, pretty impressive, considering I don't even know how to work the toaster and when I want toast I build a fire in the backyard and put bread on a stick.)

So now that you know what a pathetically un-technical person I am, I bet you're wondering what kind of person I am. Well, a picture is worth a thousand words and I don't really feel like writing a thousand words, so here's seven thousand words worth of pictures:

If you wonder what I look like, click here. (Keep in mind this is my senior yearbook picture, hence the reason why I look stoned and why it's all grainy and blurry.) And yes, I'm really and truly 21 now, although I'm aware I look much younger, and female. (Yeah, that's right! I'm a GUY. Shocking, no?)

If you wonder what the Queen of England would look like in 3-D, click here. If you'd prefer a weird little .GIF animation involving Lord of the Rings, click here, here, or here.

As for my writing style... let me describe it using a convoluted similie. Have you ever read something that's really deep and a little angsty, and then, suddenly, out of left field, started laughing because the author wrote something crazy? Like, in the middle of Macbeth, you notice that Shakespeare had a serious typo problem and changed Macbeth's name to "Macbath" for six pages? (I wonder how many people will actually go and read Macbeth looking for typos now.) Well, that's like me. I like humor a lot, and even in my "serious" stories there will probably be a lot of sarcastic little bits out of nowhere. I can't guarantee you'll like it, any more than I can guarantee you'll like pudding. But you probably don't like being told what you like anyway, do you? So go read my stuff and leave loads of reviews telling me all about what you think! Try to be kind; this is the first time I've published anything online. (Remember, I'm bread-on-a-stick man. I'm not good with technology.)

In conclusion, never start anything you don't intend to fi

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

My Immortal: The Horror Finally Ends by taro-sama reviews
My Immortal. The WORST fanfic known to man. Watch as we destory it! WARNING: FEATURES 200KG OF STEAK AND CHARACTER DEATH...But since it's only "Enoby", no one cares.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,061 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/3/2008 - Complete
Up Against the World by Lyre-19 reviews
7 years after Raz is declared dead, a boy named Demetri finds himself dreaming Raz’s memories. The mystery of Raz’s disappearance may not be what it seems. Regardless, Raz is needed to overthrow the corrupt new Grand Head. Light slash. More inside. CH13UP
Psychonauts - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 89,628 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 4/12/2008 - Published: 7/31/2007
Twenty Four Hours of Terror by FluffleNeCharka reviews
[FINAL CHAPTER UP!] A ghost is picking off the campers one by one. One problem: Sasha doesn't believe in ghosts, and he may not until it's too late.
Psychonauts - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 10 - Words: 6,388 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/18/2007 - Published: 1/1/2007 - Complete
Psychonaut Inspection by Lady Myotismon reviews
An inspector going through the minds of Agent Raz and Agent Oleander during a routine inspection notices something odd.
Psychonauts - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 916 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/5/2007 - Complete
Twenty Five Days by Digitaldreamer reviews
Lili says she hates Christmas, so Raz is gonna do everything in his power to change that! But between a psychotic decorator bent on spreading Christmas Cheer, the campers all showing up, and Evil Mall Santa's it's not going to be easy. Can Raz do it?
Psychonauts - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 39,472 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 12/25/2006 - Published: 12/1/2006 - Complete
An Essay on Sasha Nein by Jameson reviews
An analysis of Sasha Nein, the character from Psychonauts. This is my personal study of the man drawing from what we learn about him through the game. My conclusions are all objective of course, but still helpful I hope.
Psychonauts - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,514 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/11/2006 - Complete
Is He My Father? by marietsy2 reviews
A oneshot parody. It makes fun of all those Severitus stories out there. I took canon behavior and threw it out of the window.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,428 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 20 - Published: 1/9/2006 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
She Does this Little Thing by Narcotic Dollie reviews
Summery: Milla drags Sasha to have dinner with Ford, Morry, Raz, and Lili. Sasha has one too many and says something that surprises everyone.
Psychonauts - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,118 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Published: 1/3/2006
The Night Before by The Lidless Eye reviews
Oneshot. Takes place just before the very ending of Ep 26, and answers a pesky lil' question that's been bugging me. Contains spoilers and some mild lang. Short, sweet and cute, I hope you like it!
Samurai Champloo - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,321 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 13 - Published: 10/18/2005 - Complete
Cry Me a River by silvrethorn reviews
Jin's been missing for three days, and a body in blue has just been fished out of the Yodo River. Is there an innocent explanation, or has the Weeping Warrior won his five hundredth duel...over Jin? M for language and gore. One shot.
Samurai Champloo - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,156 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/12/2005 - Complete
The Eye of the Typhoon by Ariel the Tempest reviews
Why was Yukimaru so angry at Jin? One possible explanation involves what was said the night before his…sudden departure. (Jin X Yukimaru)
Samurai Champloo - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,725 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/3/2005
Ordinary by Sopran reviews
[Squeecentric] He was an ordinary little boy, and he still looked at the world with a kind of childlike wonder, wishing to make a difference.
Jhonen Vasquez - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 681 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/3/2005 - Squee, Johnny C. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Eyes of the Beholder reviews
SEQUEL TO SHOEMAKER'S SON. Milla has never seen beyond Sasha's glasses. Frustrated with his cold and mysterious demeanor, she embarks on a mission to uncover his past despite warnings that she may not like what she finds.
Psychonauts - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,054 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 3/13/2007 - Published: 2/21/2007
The Only Relief reviews
What was the final straw that made Johnny nail his bunny to the wall? What pushed him to create Nailbunny?
Jhonen Vasquez - Rated: M - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,124 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/17/2006 - Johnny C., Nail Bunny - Complete
Situation: Critical reviews
When one of Sasha's experiments goes wrong, Jasper escapes Gloria's head and terrorizes Whispering Rock with his rampant criticism. Will they ever get him under control or be doomed to be insulted forever? ON HIATUS
Psychonauts - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,868 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/15/2006
The Shoemaker's Son reviews
What if Milla decided to go into Sasha's mind to find out why he's so closed up? But what if she didn't like what she found? What if everything she found pointed to... madness?
Psychonauts - Rated: K - English - Suspense - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,442 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/13/2006 - Complete
Beneath the Water of the River reviews
One shot, originally part of a sequel to Grains of Sand. Beneath Mugen's cool exterior is a more poetic side that sees the beauty in simple things.
Samurai Champloo - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 485 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Published: 7/12/2006 - Complete
His Mother's Son reviews
After Fuu's quest ends, Mugen decides to go on a quest of his own. But is the woman he finds really his mother? Jin has his suspicions... COMPLETED.
Samurai Champloo - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 19,696 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/12/2006 - Published: 2/12/2006 - Complete
No More Clowning Around reviews
Sequel to Cure for the Hiccups. Before Mugen, Jin, and Fuu can pass the next checkpoint on their way to Nagasaki, Mugen must face some old fears, including clowns and Jin's herbal tea.
Samurai Champloo - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,124 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 1/9/2006 - Published: 11/24/2005 - Complete
Grains of Sand reviews
Orphaned, homeless, and starving before the age of 20, Jin is on a quest to find and kill his greatest enemy, a mysterious samurai in glasses, to avenge his honor. But when the dojo gets involved, things take a turn for the worst...
Samurai Champloo - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 31 - Words: 95,667 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/7/2005 - Published: 10/1/2005 - Complete
Cure for the Hiccups reviews
On the quest for the Sunflower Samurai, Mugen must face his worst enemy ever... hiccups. Will he ever be cured, or will Jin's home remedies kill him first? Some minor swearing.
Samurai Champloo - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,991 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 10/15/2005 - Published: 10/2/2005 - Complete