Lumped under Misc stories posted (at least they didn't have a category when I posted them): (Movies) The Blob, Wargames, Local Hero, The Fountain, When Worlds Collide, Coming To America, Yellow Submarine, Rustler's Rhapsody, ¡Three Amigos!, Tender Mercies, Driving Miss Daisy, Capricorn One, Outland, My Favorite Year, About Time, Volunteers, The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie, The Great Waldo Pepper, The Amazing Colossal Man, Support Your Local Sheriff, About Schmidt, D.O.A. 1988, Being There, Duel, The President's Analyst, Lars and the Real Girl, Puff the Magic Dragon, Witness, Paulie, Muriel's Wedding, Mystery Men, Rollerball 1975, Looking for Mr. Goodbar, The Court Jester, Brainstorm, Defending Your Life, The Bridge on the River Kwai, Runaway, Overboard 1987, Strange Brew, Baffled!, Dave, Stalag 17, Crazy People, This Is Spinal Tap, The Legend of Bagger Vance, An American Werewolf in London, Rocket Gibraltar, Dirty Work, Kentucky Fried Movie, The Railway Children 2000, The Lathe of Heaven 1980, Home for the Holidays, Dragonslayer, Silver Streak, Ghost Town, The Secret Life of Walter Mitty 2013, Sand Pirates of the Desert/The Majestic, The Gods Must be Crazy, The Great Race, Avanti!, I-Man, It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World, Space Cowboys, The Great Escape, The African Queen, Delirious, A Bird of the Air, Nowhere Girl 2014, The Saint, Educating Rita, Black Sunday 1977, The Man Who Would be King, Grand Prix, The Point, Never Cry Wolf, King Ralph, Eddie and the Cruisers, Those Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines, Blind Fury, Green Card, Electric Dreams, The In-Laws 1979, Crocodile Dundee, Robinson Crusoe 1954, 633 Squadron, Bull Durham, We're No Angels 1955, The Ladykillers 1955, Best Seller, The Bed Sitting Room, North, Wings, Marooned, Look Again, White Lightning 1973, Hang 'Em High, Short Time, Ode to Billy Joe, Another Version of You, One Two Three, Christopher Robin, The Searchers 1956, Corvette Summer, See You Next Wednesday, Ushpizin, A Lobster Tale, Red Heat, Bedazzled 1967, The Ice Pirates, Proxima, A Boy and His Dog, Deathrace 2000, Red Planet Mars, Two Mules for Sister Sara, No Highway in the Sky, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Heaven Can Wait 1943, Broken Arrow 1950, For All Time, Caveman, Cloak and Dagger 1946, Strangers on a Train, In the Heat of the Night, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Harry and the Hendersons, Shoot to Kill 1988, Hobson's Choice, Meteor, Skyscraper 1996, The Big Country, Battle Beyond the Stars, I Love A Mystery 1973, UHF, Howard the Duck, Six Pack, The Holcroft Covenant (Books/Authors) Shirley Jackson, James Thurber, Harlan Ellison, Ray Bradbury, Kurt Vonnegut, Shel Silverstein, Lensman series, Berserker series, The Compleat Enchanter, The Cold Equations (TV) Evening Shade, The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, Saturday Night Live - Mr. Bill, The War Next Door, Herman's Head, The Great Indoors, Super Dave, SCTV (Games) Monopoly, The Seven Cities of Gold, No One Lives Forever (Musical/Plays) Paint Your Wagon, Witness for the Prosecution, Tommy, Can't Stop the Music, Lineman for the County (Anime) Millennium Actress (Radio Drama) Dimension X.

Like most writers on here, I have no more need for commissioned artwork than you artists have need of commissioned story writing. My writing earns nothing, creating a budget of zero for paid art. If you want to TALK about art and the creative process, then by all means throw some fake flattery my way as a preface to an honest conversation.

In case of the PM system going down, I can be reached at randomguise [at] mail [dot] com. NOT gmail. You can't contact me on other social media because *drum roll* I don't have any!

As a hedge against this site going down, I also signed up for AO3 where I can be found as Random_guise. My work goes here first, but I'll skim a few to put over there as well. Think of it as a "Greatest Hits" even if they are only great in MY mind...

This site has had periodic problems with stats and notifications; you never know when they're going to go down. And like a champion prizefighter, they're up again! Oh wait, they're down again...but if I get the app for my phone at least IT seems to show notifications for some reason. Well, not PMs. Or story postings. Or chapter additions. But wait, the email notifications are working again! Good. I changed positions at work and my writing time is limited so I won't be as prolific as I used to be, grabbing precious minutes here and there for a paragraph as I string (somewhat) cohesive thoughts together.

Disclaimer: I know a little bit about a lot of things, but there's only a little bit I know a lot about.

Latest milestone - I've passed the one million word count on published stories here. Whereas some might be able to reach this plateau in a time frame measured in months, I took a bit over six years. But like climbing a mountain, it only provides a view to the next higher one. *sigh* But I can pull out my dusty trumpet (wherever it may be in the world) and toot my own horn for a moment. There, I'm done.

And now the general background section...the updates section with last posted story and ready-to-post list is in bold print and at the bottom. (Why do they call it BOLD print anyway? Does that make what I'm using now timid print?)

If you've never heard of some of the movies that I've written for (particularly in the Misc Movie area), don't worry; there are times I seek out the occasional oddball movie just to have a look at something that might be underappreciated, or I'll go back to a film I saw many years ago (assuming I can find the name of it) to revisit it and write something. (As of 12/26/24, 22 of my stories are the only entry in that movie fandom.)

I'm a chemist by association, business administrator by education, scientist by inclination, carpenter by exasperation, fanfiction writer by inspiration, gardener by dereliction and anything else by perspiration. But I love being entertained, and yes it can be a challenging crossword puzzle or mindless viewing of some TV episode I've seen a dozen times already. That being said, it doesn't stop me from sometimes wondering how a movie or TV show would have gone if something was changed in the plot or you extended the story a few more minutes. And of course there is the old "How did they get to where they are in the first place?" question that offers story possibilities via a prequel.

It doesn't mean I'm an expert at writing, as any view of my stories will prove. I'm a fan of entertainment who doesn't know much about what he writes about, even less about spelling and grammar, and nothing about what 'real' people enjoy - an idea heartily endorsed by my wife. All I know is what I enjoy, and it doesn't necessarily match up with the mainstream or popular trends. I'm hardly a target demographic for Hollywood these days but to be fair even though I haven't seen a single Twilight movie or read any Harry Potter books, I haven't seen an Elvis movie either (unless you count Bubba Ho-Tep or Heartbreak Hotel).

I grew up a fan of science fiction, and could usually be seen carrying a book around reading between classes or on breaks at work. It was my favorite genre but it's usually the character interactions that drew me in or challenges of societal adoption and adaption, not the flash/bang/zap of special effects. Computer generated effects are great to depict what practicals cannot; but they can't take the place of character depth or a story that speaks to you on some level. All the epic space battles in the E.E. "Doc" Smith's Lensman series took place in my head, but they were fought by characters; the technology was secondary. And yes, I realize that some characters are a product of their time - for better or worse, societal values and viewpoints change over generations.

As far as older influences, my classical reading list is mighty thin as a result, and I've only picked up a few titles here and there almost as much by accident as a purposeful choice. This is no reflection on my valuation of older works, but rather just a result of so many books and so little time.

I may have an appalling lack of favorite stories on this site, but in my defense let me say that I just don't read that much; most of my site time is taken up with writing. (Yes, I use the online editor to write most of my stories before importing it into a complaining word processor, unless I'm transcribing from paper and pen scratchings while I was away from a keyboard.)

But what about these stories that I've written?

Firstly, let me state for the record I try really hard not to read any fics for a category until either I've already written for it or ruled it out as a future area where I want to post. I'm not much of a reader anyway, but this way I don't get influenced by someone else's work either on a conscious or subconscious level. The exception is if I am intentionally continuing a story with permission or one that has been long abandoned.

Drabbles are the most difficult form I've come across - 100 words to tell a story? My author notes usually take up more space than that. I've tried a couple for the writing exercise, but likely will pale at the thought of doing one.

All stories on this account are solo efforts by me unless otherwise noted in the author notes. You'll also notice that I tend towards the short one-shot variety of stories as I take an idea and explore it within a particular movie, TV show etc. Even my few longer stories are broken up into short chapters; I like to compartmentalize the writing into (hopefully) logical sections with a break that may or may not tease the next part.

Any movie-based sequels are probably from standalone films; they rather beg for continuation (in many cases, anyway) more than trying to redo an actual sequel. Of course this doesn't apply to one-shots that can fit in just about anywhere. And on rare occasions I might ignore sequels completely in a "What if" scenario - in more than a few instances I haven't even SEEN the sequel.

On the topic of sequels - I try to write my stories in such a manner that they provide enough background for those that might be unfamiliar with the material, but at the same time try not to go overboard and thus bore someone who is well-versed in the fandom; a fine line that is too easy to trip over. But this also means that any sequels are going to provide major spoilers...you have been warned.

If I see a category that has been set up but not written for yet (or only has stories posted that don't fit the fandom) I will consider it an unofficial challenge to come up with something to post provided I've seen the source material.

I tend to write from a humorous point of view more often than not. (To quote Mark Twain: “Laughter without a tinge of philosophy is but a sneeze of humor. Genuine humor is replete with wisdom.”) That's why my (hopefully) humorous stories might have a grain of philosophic truth, and serious stories might have a few touches of humor. If life is a cafeteria tray, some of the food in the different compartments tends to slop over the partitions and mix with its neighbors. As a result, careful (or careless I suppose) scrutiny WILL find a few of my stories deal with heartbreak. Any life lessons or great insights gained from reading my material is unintentional and probably best left forgotten by the time you close your browser - or at least cross-checked with a reputable source. I don't write self-help books, run an advice booth or sit atop a mountain waiting for pilgrims seeking enlightenment.

I detest stories that have been abandoned. Well, that's not entirely true - I detest that they've been abandoned, not the stories themselves. But then again, detest is a strong word; let's just say I'm disappointed in the circumstances. I know that sometimes life takes over and pulls you away from writing and posting, *but* rest assured that if I start posting a rare multi-chapter story I've already written the ending. The editing may not have been completed for the last parts, but it HAS been written - and will be posted providing I still have a sufficient number of synapses firing in the ol' noggin. (The minimal amount needed is still to be determined.) If I find my life ebbing, I'll try to scrawl a last instruction for whoever finds me to post any remaining chapters.

You won't find much in the way of coarse language; my philosophy is rather old-fashioned in that profanity can be anything from potentially offensive to downright blasphemous. I prefer the more genteel way of speaking and will only use stronger language when the character would say it no other way. Likewise, any explicit sexual activities between characters is going to happen offscreen behind that closed door/drawn curtain/thick copse of trees. Or written in such a vague way that it will be the literary equivalent of witnessing something looking through a pair of binoculars backwards. If these guidelines make my stories less "realistic", so be it.

I like to come up with appropriate titles for my stories; sometimes I think they're better than the story to which they are attached! Pun-filled or not, you have to walk a line between giving something away at the onset and still managing the "oh, that's what that means" moment later while reading.

I'm as interested in the idea process as the stories themselves, so you will find SOMETHING in the Author Notes at the end of my stories that gives an insight into this aspect of my writing; my later stories more so than my older ones. You see some authors and cartoonists do this with anthologies or collections and I like the asides and background, so I've emulated the style somewhat with my own remarks. It also makes a great place to apologize for bad puns or character fates!

I want my readers to laugh so hard they have to change their underwear, mist up and need to reach for the tissue to be able to read the screen, and cheer so strongly they knock over their drink. Okay, maybe an unreachable ideal but there it is. Ask me again when I've posted 100 stories and maybe I'll be more realistic. But I doubt it. (Note: Now that I've hit 100 I still want these things, but if necessary I'll settle for the readers to chuckle, sniff and give a little "yes!" instead to the appropriate passages.) (Okay, I'm at 200 and I'm holding steady at my reduced expectations. I do hope I get at least *something* on each story eventually.)(At 300 now, at least all of my stories have been viewed once or more!)(400? And then a great pause due to life. I have hopes it is only an intermission. The pause that is, not life. Although when you think about it re: eternity...)

Because I am writing fan fiction, for obvious reasons I don't own the characters and settings created by the people of the original movie/show/play/book/game. Sometimes I'll create my own settings or characters to add minor or major roles to the original works, but they would not exist without those original creations of the entertainment industry. Thank you respective authors and artists for creating the playground that gives us an opportunity to bring in our toys and play.

If you're still reading this then thanks for making it this far! You're certainly made of sterner stuff than me. Hey, time for some music references to the power of writing and words:

Simple words can be come clever phrases
And chapters could turn into books
Yes if I could just get it on paper
But it's harder than it ever looks. - Jimmy Buffett

I could be a novelist
Tell secrets never heard
Pour my soul into each and every sentence
But I just can't find the words - Styx

And we were oh oh, so you know
Not the kind to dawdle
Will the things we wrote today
Sound as good tomorrow? - Elton John

The way you walk
The way you talk, and try to kiss me, and laugh
In four or five paragraphs
All your compliments and your cutting remarks
Are captured here in my quotation marks - Elvis Costello

It's a thousand pages, give or take a few
I'll be writing more in a week or two
I could make it longer if you like the style
I can change it 'round
And I wanna be a paperback writer - The Beatles

What a tale your thoughts could tell
Just like a paperback novel
The kind the drugstore sells
When you reach the part where the heartaches
Come the hero would be me
But heroes often fail - Gordon Lightfoot

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth - Dan Hill
(well okay, maybe not the 'youth' part)
(unless you count our mortal lives as youth, then everyone is young)

You think that I don't even mean
A single word I say
It's only words and words are all I have
To take your heart away - Bee Gees

Not a song, but I saw a T-shirt with "God is still writing your story - stop trying to steal the pen".

I'd also like to thank in perpetuity those that write reviews or click favorite but have their messaging feature turned off or unavailable due to being a guest - since I try to thank everyone who takes the trouble individually, I shall have to address the rest here: *THANKS*

Thank you for reading!

Walt and (on five stories so far) Craig

Series: I've got four five six seven eight at the moment in various forms of abandonment.

Coffee Time Films is the 1st, and is simply a title pun based on a movie, tying it in with coffee. I make a poster for the pun, then follow it with a really short one-shot of the fake movie (unless I expand the story later). Each one is independent of the others. Stories are (in no particular order) "Logan's Coffee Run", "Romancing the Scone", "A Few Good Menus", "Brewed in 60 Seconds", "Fahrenheit 190", "Lawrence of Arabica", "It's a Wonderful Latte" and "Karafe Kid".

Story with a Hole is the 2nd, a mystery story based on the game of the same name, where characters ask questions that can be answered yes or no until the mystery is solved. These are spread among different fandoms with those particular characters taking part, and no two stories are related in the series. These stories are "Operations Grounded", "Elementary My Dear Sheldon", "Key to Detecting", "Going Nowhere", "Homeward Bound", "Mr. Monk and the Story with a Hole" and "Yes or No Please".

The 3rd is by accident. I didn't intend on writing a series of stories based on the 1971 film Willy Wonka, it just sort of worked out that way. The current chronological order is "How Many Shades of Gray", "My Summer With Willy", "Let Them Eat Cake", "Chocolate Now That's An Idea", "Labor Pains", "Ma(ca)rooned", the movie (1971), "What Goes Up", "Echoes of a Remembered Tune", "Introduction" and "Straight Scoop". If any stories come along later they will be inserted where necessary.

The 4th is a short series based on the Riverworld novels by Philip Jose Farmer (which also spawned two films). I wanted to cover what it might have been like for some other people to wake up from being dead along with the rest of humanity, along the banks of a river that winds around a world. This story series is the shortest and you'll find them all under the Riverworld movie category; be sure to check for any crossovers.

I wasn't planning on the 5th, but I wrote a story as a retelling of a movie in the form of a child's bedtime story and had fun with it so I may throw a few in here and have no idea how many I'll end up with. So far I have "Searching for the Scarlet Boat" (Hunt for Red October), "Make Money Not War" (Kelly's Heroes), "Man With the Golden Touché" (Goldfinger), "The Adventures of Buck or Two Bonsai After He Goes to a Different Dimension" (Buckaroo Bonzai), "Greets, Eats Meats and Beats" (Conan the Barbarian), "Times of Loudness" (Days of Thunder), "Wing and a Prayer" (Wings, 1927) and "Easy to Explain" (Skyscraper, 1996). Any similarity between the father/daughter of Loftus and Survey Sparrow in my stories and Atticus and Scout Finch from "To Kill A Mockingbird" is purely intentional.

The 6th is simply a scattered collection of pilot episodes for TV shows that never got picked up for series. Pilot Error takes a look at various pilot movies that I've stumbled across that inspired an idea for a short (what do you want me to do, write a whole season?) story. This includes "Baffled Indeed", "Cellular Coverage" and "I Love Something". Yes, after naming the series I found out someone has a video series called the same thing that covers old pilot shows. Oh well.

The 7th - if you want to call it a series - is that for Christmas I occasionally post a story that parodies a musical by being full of a lack of music. The Non-musical Musical series consists of "Side Hustle" (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer/6 Million Dollar Man), "My Unfair Gentleman" (My Fair Lady), "Southern Cross-Up" (All Dogs Go to Heaven). "Small Matter" (Santa Claus Conquers the Martians) and most recently, "Cedar Waxwing I Ain't" (Howard the Duck).

I'm adding a new series for my 8th, based on movies/shows that I really didn't enjoy/appreciate or that have a reputation for being on other people's terrible entertainment lists. Is it That Bad? takes a look at "Maybe I Was Wrong" (Can't Stop the Music), "Jewel of the Family" (North), Yo Ho Yo Ho the Pay Rate Life for Me (The Ice Pirates), Orpheus in the Overworld (Meteor) and will grow as I summon enough courage to view others. If I enjoy a movie due to how bad it is (hello "The Room" and "Plan 9 from Outer Space") or it is intentionally bad ("Sharknado") it will be excluded from the series, particularly if it has an existing category for the fandom.

It's not really a series, but every hundred or so stories I take some suggestions from my friend Craig who helped in the creation of my first true fanfic and create a story - usually a crossover - often with random object seeds for each chapter. These are A Hobbit in Narnia (Hobbit/Narnia 100), Inn Sanity (Munsters/Addams Family 200), Forget Me Knott (Austin Powers/Get Smart 300) and Love Scooby Boat Doo (Scooby Doo/Love Boat 400). He usually provides crossover ideas that go well together that I wouldn't have thought of on my own and he'll also suggest OCs, an area I struggle at.

I am considering a series where I watch a movie for the first time, stop at exactly the halfway point, then write a story that "finishes" up the plot of the film. I expect that when I then finish the film I'll find that the ending will differ *just* a bit from mine! If I do start the series, maybe I'll call it "Point of Know Return".

Reviewing: When I read a story of my own choosing, I like to point out a few things I like about it. I won't be critical because I don't want to discourage writers, and I'm in no position to know what constitutes good writing. However, if you ASK me for a critique then I will point out things that I would have done differently if I had written it and why, assuming I have time to read the suggested story. I'm not saying it's necessarily better, just my opinion that I'm expressing. And I ALWAYS sign any review I write. (Unless I forget to log in before I write it. Dumb dumb DUMB!)

If you've read something of mine and like it, feel free to give a little feedback. I can tell from the stats (assuming they are working) that they have been looked at, but there's no way to tell if anyone likes it unless you give a short shout out like a review; I'll gladly take a favorite if you don't want to write anything - don't freak out if I acknowledge one, I like to thank everyone I can. Even a micro "I enjoyed it" is great; I appreciate that as much (or maybe even more) than a 14 page breakdown of the story itself. If I get something wrong like the spelling of a character or the name of a town then please let me know so I can fix it. More than once I've managed to get an existing character's name wrong or use the wrong terminology.

Requests: I never even considered this possibility until I got my first request about 20 stories into my postings. I might consider a request if it is for a relatively short story, provided I've seen the movie or TV show or read the book and an idea comes to mind OR your idea is something that fits into my 'style'. (For instance, I'm not going to do a horror story or something particularly lemony.) Don't get your hopes up unrealistically - if it's for something fairly recent I'm far less likely to have seen it. But if a request is made, I will at least consider it instead of dismissing the idea outright. I occasionally do more than one story per category, but I'm more likely to move on to something I haven't covered yet. I've written four requests so far. Requested stories are: A Life Once Lived (The Fountain), Grandmas Always Know (Twilight Zone), The Thing's the Play (Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure), Shanti-ly Lace (Jungle Book), Price Beyond Compare (Air Force One). And, as of the start of 2022, my work schedule has changed to the point where I have even less time for requests - I don't even have enough time to write as many of my own stories as I would like. Sorry, I really like when I can fulfill a request - particularly when it's an idea I'd never come up with on my own. You folks are some clever people out there, remind me not to play Trivia with you...

Self Inserts: When I'm writing, I'm not much of an enthusiast of using the technique. I know we put a little (or a lot) of ourselves in all that we write, but since I prefer to stick with canon characters for the most part perhaps it isn't surprising that I don't have an OC that functions as my avatar. I may have the main character spout an idea of mine, but I do it through their words and mannerisms whenever possible. There is one exception to this where I slipped into the skin of a character and was myself. Sorry to hijack you there for a story Bob, you can have yourself back now. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Awards: The following is a list of all my writing awards. In chronological order:

(Oh that's right, I don't have any. I guess it makes it easier to dust the imaginary mantle...)

Posting: I used to post something every Saturday and throw some in on Wednesdays too and maybe the odd holiday here and there, dropping back to once a week when my "stock" ran low. Now however, time constraints have me posting much less frequently - I think I can keep up with a putting out a story every two weeks or so. If I haven't posted anything for several months, it means 1) I'm dead 2) I've got no internet (about the same as #1) 3) It's the hermit life for me 4) My ideas have been wrung out like a sponge 5) I'm working on a reeeaaallly long story or 6) I simply don't have time to write what I want. In the case of #4 I'll probably finally take the time to read other's stories on here instead of just writing my own. In any case, if it's a planned sabbatical from writing I'll put it in the update section. Speaking of the update section...

UPDATES

Trivia of no consequence (which is probably redundant): Last "new for me" movies seen - Hopscotch (1980), Knowing (2009).

For the time being, my writing is going on hiatus. Issuing an Amber Alert for my muse.

01/23/2025

Previous posting: Painted Smile from Lost in Translation (2003).

Current posting: Triple posting as I clear out all my unpublished stories:

Money Can't Buy Happiness from The Holcroft Covenant (1985).

Windfall from All in the Family (1973-ish).

Unidentified Familiar Object from The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951).

Hacking away (as infrequent as it may be):

Coming up when I have the drive to write again, a centennial story to kick off 500 plus

untitled long-term collaborative WIP from Spy Hard.

Occasional added drabbles to the Pong Lessons series.

Idea stage whatever: I always have a list of some vague ideas written down for consideration, but nothing beyond a brief sentence description at most. Sometimes I just have the name of the show written down because I want to write a story, but an idea hasn't popped up yet. Often, I won't even HAVE an idea before I watch a film, waiting for inspiration as I see it. If you see a story listed above as "untitled", that means I'm still working on it - either (re)watching the film or writing.