Author has written 5 stories for Naruto, Shakespeare, Young Justice, and Teen Titans.
Things to Think About
“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us."
“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”
"Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more."
"Education is important; school however, is another matter."
"If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?"
"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over."
"Sorry I missed church. I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian."
'"Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.
Donkey: Oh, Shrek. Don't worry. Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak."
"It's only in the Legend of Zelda world that we open a treasure chest and go, "Oh boy! It's an empty bottle!" Everywhere else we would go, "WTF? An empty bottle? DAMMIT! Who put trash here?""
"If there were no schools to take the children away from home part of the time, the insane asylums would be filled with mothers."
"The psychology exam was a piece of cake, which surprised me. I thought it would be questions on a sheet of paper."
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark and professionals built the Titanic."
"... It's like searching for a needle in a stack of needles."
"We could summon Death, point to Voldemort and say 'that one'."
"What are you even going to do with six kids for a month?" Sam said.
"I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.'"
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
"Always plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark."
"Words can't hurt you unless the person saying them writes them on an anvil and drops it on your head."
"Once I had a handle on life; then it broke."
"Love is like pi: natural, irrational, and very, very important"
"It is true that you may fool all of the people some of the time; you can even fool some of the people all of the time; but you can't fool all the people all the time."
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different dummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away."
"To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice."
"Our society accepts the book as a given, but the act of reading -- once considered useful and important, as well as potentially dangerous and subversive -- is now condescendingly accepted as a pastime, a slow pastime that lacks efficiency and does not contribute to the common good."
"Holding onto anger is like grasping onto a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else. You are the one who gets burned."
"If you want to build a ship, don’t herd people together to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea."
"But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown."
"If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur."
"It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to."
"We came here in peace, and we expect to go in one...piece."
"Oh yeah, without inertial dampening we'd be hit by so many Gs our eyes would pop, the skin would pull away from our faces, our brains would squish up to the back of our skulls and our internal organs would be crushed into these chairs." (looks at Lt. Ford) "What about that sandwich?"
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad."
"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterward."
Daniel: No, I realize that the Asgards returned you to normal, which is… fortunate, I suppose.
"One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing."
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I cannot accept, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had to kill today because they pissed me off.
"Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one.""
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
"Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd,
"The feeling that your heart is going to beat out of your chest? That's love. The feeling that makes you want to squish the guy flirting with her? That's jealousy. The feeling of your stomach doing flip-flops? That's indigestion. I'd cut down on the ramen if I were you."
"The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished."
"I sometimes think that shoes have a life of their own. The ones that squeak don't like to leave the shop, and the ones that hurt don't like the person that's wearing them."
"It's a dangerous business Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there is no telling where you might be swept off to."
"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target."
"Please don't ask me what the score is. I'm not even sure what the game is!"
"You know, there are many people in the country today who, through no fault of their own, are sane . Some of them were born sane. Some of them became sane later in their lives. It is up to people like you and me who are out of our tiny little minds to try and help these people overcome their sanity."
"We prove what we want to prove, and the real difficulty is to know what we want to prove."
"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
"Being undead isn't being alive."
"Learning is not compulsory... neither is survival."
"God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages."
"But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."
"Results! Why man, I have gotten a lot of results! I know several thousand things that won't work!"
"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
"Let every man judge according to his own standards, by what he has himself read, not by what others tell him."
"Millions long for immortality, but do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon."
"You look like you've seen a ghost. Or something incredibly scary we don't see on a daily basis"
"Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably why so few engage in it."
"Failure is the opportunity to begin again... more intelligently."
"A bank is a place that loans you an umbrella in fair weather, then ask for it back when it begins to rain."
"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office."
"The world is full of willing people. Some of them willing to work, the rest willing to let them."
"Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there."
"The value of identity of course is that so often with it comes purpose."
"Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there is a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see."
"The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools."
"What you need is sustained outrage… there's too much unthinking respect given to authority."
"Writers should be read, but neither seen nor heard."
"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society."
"Don't let school interfere with your education."
"Get your facts first. And then you can distort them as much as you please."
"I did not attend his funeral. But I did write a nice letter saying I approved of it."
"If pro is the opposite of con, then is Congress the opposite of progress?"
"It is best to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt."
"Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them, the rest of us could not succeed."
"Reader, suppose you're an idiot. Now suppose you're a member of Congress. But, I repeat myself."
"The difference between the right word and the almost right word, is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."
"The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated."
"There is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress."
"To succeed in life, you need two things. Ignorance and confidence."
"If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends."
"The purpose of life is to fight maturity. "
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
"We're fools whether we dance or not,
"A bird in the hand will probably shit on your wrist"
"A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer."
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
"A man gazing on the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles on the road."
"A man who is a master of patience is master of everything else."
"A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight."
"A procrastinator's work is never done."
"A university professor set an examination question in which he asked the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A to the student who answered: "I don't know and I don't care.""
"Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue."
"After eating do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water?"
"Always read books that will make you look good if you die in the middle of them."
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.”
"And on the day you were born, a thunderous, glorious voice sounded from the heavens and proclaimed to the Earth below: 'Oops.'"
"And on the eight day, God said, "Okay Murphey, you take over."
"Anything not nailed down is a cat toy."
"As I lay in bed last night, looking up at the stars and the moon, I thought to myself, Where the hell is my ceiling?"
"Atheism is a non-prophet organization."
"Backup my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?"
"Birthdays are good for you; the more you have the longer you live."
“Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.”
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Committee - a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done."
"Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?"
"Did I do anything wrong today, or has the world always been like this and I've been too wrapped up in myself to notice?"
"Diplomacy is saying, 'Nice doggy,' until you can find a rock."
“Believe me, every heart has its secret sorrow which the world knows not, and oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad."
"Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong."
"Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means."
"Don't think of it as being outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection."
"Don't you look at me in that tone of voice!"
"East to the sea, West to the land, Death to the Bitch that touches my man."
"Ever notice that the people who are late are often much happier than the people who have to wait for them?"
"Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die."
"Fools rush in where fools have been before"
"For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain."
“Friends are there to hear the song in my heart and clue me into it when my memory fails.”
"God has a cruel sense of humor."
"He's always late! His ancestors arrived on the Juneflower!"
"He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest."
"He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame."
"How come you never hear of gruntled employees? And who's been dissing them anyway?"
"I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault."
"I feel that there is an angel inside me whom I am constantly shocking!"
"I hate the three minute wait for ramen after you pour in the boiling water."
"I hear high school’s easier the second time around."
"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."
“I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious."
"I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one."
"I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and look at it forever."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"I may not be very smart, but I can lift heavy things."
"I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn't explain away afterwards."
"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."
"I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO."
"I wonder, how much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?"
"If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?"
"If anime guys were real the world would be a better place, more violent and destructive, but better."
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!"
"If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished."
"If everything's under control, you're moving too slow."
"If ignorance is bliss than why aren't more people happy?"
"If the entire world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?"
"If the whole world depends on today's youth, I can't see the world lasting another 100 years.”
"If we're going to die, we might as well go laughing insanely."
"If you eat a toad in the morning, nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day."
"If you loan someone 20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it."
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
"If you want love, buy a Hallmark card."
"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to."
"I'll be there to hold you when the sky falls down."
"I'm not crazy I’m just ... well, I’m not crazy!"
"I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert."
"I'm the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to whom it may concern."
"It is as bad as you think and they are out to get you."
"It may be that your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others."
"It's not that I can't live without you, it's that I don't even want to try."
"Style is when they're running you out of town and you make it look like you're leading a parade."
Monday’s child is fair of face.
"Sometimes the one thing you're looking for is the one thing you cannot see."
"Of all the things I've lost, it's my mind I miss the most."
"My mind is like a steel trap; anything that goes in gets crushed and mangled."
"This life is a test. If it were an actual life, you would have received further instructions on what to do. You may or may not be issued an actual life later."
"Never buy a car you can't push."
"Never put both feet in your mouth because then you don't have a leg to stand on."
"The early worm gets eaten by the bird so sleep late."
"When everything's coming your way you're in the wrong lane."
"Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once."
"Weather forecast for tonight: dark."
"Weather likely to become different before changing."
"Sure you can trust the government, just ask an Indian."
"Save the whales! Collect the whole set."
"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."
"Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't."
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you."
"Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool."
"Nobody goes to that restaurant anymore, it's too crowded."
"Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts."
"Why don't they just make mouse flavored cat food?"
"Never argue with an idiot. They bring you down to their level, then beat you with experience."
"Take my advice; I don't use it anyway."
"Next time you wave, use all your fingers."
"The only perfect science is hindsight."
"My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician."
"Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights."
"We're still friends. Just now, we can make-out."
"Some of the worst sinners are the world's happiest people."
"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups." -lynch mobs are very scary
"One day we'll look back at this moment, laugh nervously, then change the subject."
"Randomness is the base of conversation."
"You couldn't find water even if you fell out of a boat."
"Why does everyone think I’m watching hentai? Do I put off those creepy, I watch porn vibes!"
"Never mess with a guy wearing make-up. They mean business."
"Warning: Trespassers will be shot
"I'm as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"Suicide is a way of telling God: You can't fire me, I QUIT!"
"This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence."
"You say you dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me."
"Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, as said by those incapable of its proper application and as such suffer from it a lot."
"This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force."
"My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems."
"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense."
"They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking in circles!"
"Nobody makes a greater mistake than he who does nothing because he can only do little."
“Some say the world will end in fire,
"The object of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his."
"Practical politics consists in ignoring facts."
"Oderint, dum metuant. -- Let them hate, so long as they fear."
"The willing, Destiny guides them; the unwilling, Destiny drags them."
"Question: Why does God allow evil in the world?
"The worst way to miss someone is having them right beside you and knowing you can’t have them."
"Roses are red, violets are blue, if you touch me, I'll kill you."
"When I fall in love, the Sun will collide with the Earth and our planet will explode."
"Love your enemies, it really pisses them off."
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
"She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven."
"So my choice is Or Death?"
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it."
"When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, How would the Lone Ranger have handled this?"
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money."
"To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can have."
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.”
“You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.”
“Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.”
“The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.”
“Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.”
“On the other hand, you have different fingers.”
“I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, Got any shoes you're not using?"
“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”
“Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, Wish you were here."
“I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.”
“I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
“When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.”
“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”
“The sun never sets on the British Empire. But it rises every morning. The sky must get awfully crowded.”
“You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time.”
“Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, what for?"
“There aren't enough days in the weekend.”
“The sky is falling...no, I'm tipping over backwards.”
"I'm the kind of person who lauqhs at a joke 3 times
"Who ever said nothing was impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door."
"Mirrors don’t talk, and luckily for you they don’t laugh."
"When I was younger I hated going to weddings... it seemed that all of my aunts and the grandmotherly types used to come up to me, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.' They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals."
"It's not when animals attack its when stupid people get bit."
"The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?"
"Life is like writing with pen, you can cross out your past but you can never erase it"
"Those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
"War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left."
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious."
"Knowledge is power and all power corrupts. Study hard – be evil."
"Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends."
“Look, we haven’t spoken Latin since the pigs left.”
"We’ve just witnessed a classic case of something called ‘misdirected rage.’ I believe the technical term is ‘being an ass.’"
"That's pointless, dangerous and stupid... We jump on three right?"
"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened."
"If you're gonna be two-faced, you could at least make one of them pretty"
"Life is like a box of colored condoms. No matter which color you pick, you're still gonna get screwed"
"You can’t cheat Death forever, but you can make the bastard work for it."
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper,
"There are only two forces that can carry light to all the corners of the globe... the sun in the heavens and the Associated Press down here."
"Nations do not think, they only feel. They get their feelings at second hand through their temperaments, not their brains. A nation can be brought -- by force of circumstances, not argument -- to reconcile itself to any kind of government or religion that can be devised; in time it will fit itself to the required conditions; later it will prefer them and will fiercely fight for them."
"Public opinion is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.”
I finally have a grasp on reality. Now I can choke it.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME.
So you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling, like the passengers in his car.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
Always remember you're unique just like everyone else.
Next mood swing, ten minutes.
Jesus loves you ... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Impotence: Nature's way of saying No hard feelings
The proctologist called, they found your head.
Hang up and drive.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself.
Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.
Behind every successful woman is herself.
A woman is like a teabag...you don't know how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Coffee, chocolate, men. Some things are just better rich.
Don‘t treat me any differently than you would the queen.
WARNING: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
OF course I don‘t look busy. I did it right the first time.
All stressed out and no one to choke.
I can be one of those bad things that happen to bad people.
How can I miss you if you don‘t go away?
Don‘t upset me! I‘m running out of places to hide the bodies.
If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.
LABELS ON STORE PRODUCTS:
On a Sear's hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping."
On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how ...?)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating."
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use."
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Was there a lot of this happening somewhere? My God! Are Swedes that much tougher than we are?)