Author has written 4 stories for Gundam Seed, and Yami no Matsuei.
Fanfiction.net name: Chrono21
Gender: Female. Always has been, always will be.
Job: Don't have one, but I am planning on becoming an editor, so if anyone needs someone to edit their fanfics, come and see me! I do work on original novels in my free time, but I haven't finished one yet. I am trying, and I will be publishing under my pen name, so those who know me as Chrono and wish to read any of my future stories should look for Chrono Flyheart. No promises on when those books shall be, but you can bet when they do get published I'll be so hyper that I'll post it here, tell it to random people, and then run off screaming into the night.
Real name: No one will ever find out, so don't ask, please.
Personal Slogan: Join the Penguin Revolution! We will waddle over all who oppose us!!
Loves: Anime, video games, manga, and ramen! Whoo hoo! And the way books and clean socks smell. Yes, you read that right.
Hates: People that annoy. (But I love to annoy people myself), Anything having to do with Algebra -shudders-, Carnies, roaches. People with cell phones. Most loudmouthes. Having to interact with people in real life, generally. People who don't appreciate my writing (i.e. my father and multiple teachers over the years).
Favorite Writing Quote: "Most people find my genre of writing disturbing, but I prefer to write about the darker side of humanity, because if we refuse to acknowledge it, anything that passes from our lips or from our pens is a bunch of hypocritical bullshit." -Self
Favorite anime: Beyblade (childhood obsession), Descendants of Darkness (Yami no Matsuei! Damn English translations, I hate them... Hisoka rules!), Gundam SEED (YAY!), Record of Lodoss War, Fullmetal Alchemist, Wolf's Rain, Gungrave, SCRYED, Rahxephon, the works of Hayao Miyazaki, Slayers, Burst Angel, and Inuyasha.
Favorite Manga: Chrono Crusade, Descendants of Darkness, Devil May Cry 3, In Dream World, Gundam SEED (naturally), Fullmetal Alchemist, D. Gray Man, Diabolo, Loveless, Burst Angel, Pandora Hearts, Berserk, Aoi House, and Saiyuki.
Favorite Games: Kingdom Hearts, Devil May Cry, Golden Sun 1&2, Fire Emblem, Legend of Zelda series, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Tales of Symphonia, Final Fantasy 7, God of War, Castlevania, Baten Kaitos, American McGee's Alice, Resident Evil, and I think that covers it.
Favorite Books: Crime and Punishment, Alice and Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass (favorite two books, right there), The Immortals series, Women of the Otherworld series, The Looking Glass Wars, Resident Evil novelizations (best novelizations ever), The Count of Monte Cristo, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, the Green Rider series, Let the Right One In, and The Death Gate Cycle.
Currently Has an Obsession with: Kurosaki Hisoka from Yami no Matsuei. Face it, Hisoka rocks. His life was horrible, he was abused by his parents, locked in a basement, raped at age thirteen, died a horribly agonizing death over a three year period, yet he has managed to come out of it all relatively sane and hell-bent on making his screwed up life better.
He has an awesome personality just with that, plus he can feel other peoples emotions, which leads to ANGST. And although he mostly is stubborn and determined, he also had plenty of room for character development (spending your early life in a basement means you miss out on a LOT of experiences) which in turn leads to AWESOME fanfictions. However, if they are dark/too-screwy-in-the-head, I refuse to read them.
My one pet peeve: Hisoka X Muraki. Do you know how sick that is? Not only did the guy rape him, he killed him. And you're telling me that there is a possible way for these two to have a relationship? I don't think so.
I think most of the time, either the author is a Muraki fan, or they are just trying to pair Tsuzuki (Hisoka's obvious romantic choice) off with someone else. That is really the only reason that people give Hisoka a sucky fanfiction personality or pair him with Muraki is so that they can get him out of the way. And if you are a Muraki fan, why not pair him with his two obvious pairing choices Oriya and Ukyou? Why torture the empath? Oh yeah, cuz' Hisoka torture is fun.
On a similar note: who the hell gave birth to fanfics in which Tsuzuki actually willingly pairs with Muraki? I have a list of why the hell this will never happen.
1. Muraki enjoys screwing with Tsuzuki's head by killing people.
2. Muraki killed Hisoka and continues to torture him to this day.
3. Muraki is a psychopathic lech with a habit of sticking knives and other sharp objects in people, and manipulating innocent lives for his own gains.
4. Muraki only wants to use Tsuzuki to revive his half-brother so that he can kill him. And that would involve cutting Tsuzuki's head off.
5. Tsuzuki is a little too kindhearted to pair up with such a freak. Face it, he's gonna end up with Hisoka. Just watch.
Secondary pet peeve: unorthodox pairings. Seriously, TatsumixHisoka?! WatarixHisoka?! Hell, let's throw in the OriyaxHisoka and TsuzukixHakushaku pairings just to round things off. These pairings are just plain weird and have hardly any basis in reality. Tsuzuki avoids Hakushaku like the plague and Tsuzuki is the only one Hisoka can connect with enough to even have the possibility of a romance. I swear, someday these pairings are going to make me put a bullet in my head.
Anyways, there are several complaints I can make with the manga and very few with the anime.
Manga: Mainly Hisoka's growth pattern. It's extremely sporadic. I mean, first he acts like a total ass to Tsuzuki at the end of volume six, and then suddenly decides he can't live without him in Volume 8. Then in the Gensoukai arc, he's right back to being an unapologetic, insulting asshole! That's just plain sloppy, in my opinion.
Plus, about fifty thousand damn fangirls (myself included) are getting sick of Matsushita's "They love each other, but they don't" game. It's turning into a case like Inuyasha. Seriously, they have 50 volumes over in Japan but Inuyasha and Kagome won't admit they love each other. Cut to the chase already! And it's a little obvious Hisoka and Tsuzuki love each other, if it weren't for three little complications: Hijiri, Tsubaki, and Hisae.
Hijiri: spawning the whole thing that he and Tsuzuki had the hots for each other. Oh come on! He is a fugly Hisoka carbon copy! Even Matsushita admitted that he is based off of her Hisoka prototype! It's in plain ink in the author's note on page 99 of volume 2! He is a shallow shell of Hisoka and will never be able to work with Tsuzuki like Hisoka can.
Tsubaki: I will admit, Tsubaki is a lot less annoying in the manga than she is in the anime. But I hate her even more than the anime version for one reason: she kissed Hisoka. Seriously, how wrong is that?! This is another brilliant example of Matsushita's "They love each other but they don't" thing.
Hisae: To be fair, I like Hisae. I like her a lot. She's less of a flake than any other girl in the damn manga. But the reason she is here is similiar to Tsubaki, only this time it was Tsuzuki in the romance chair instead of Hisoka. Though, being fair, this was at the beginning of the partnership, and it's not like Hisoka and Tsuzuki had a whole ton of bonding time in between then. But between her and Hijiri, this is the reason why I hate volume 2. At least #3 had Tsusoka at the end.
Anime: To be honest, there are very few bad things I can say about the anime. The pacing was wonderful, it really captured the characters at their best instead of their worst, and the climax was incredibly intense and the resulting ending was the best out of any anime series I have ever seen. Mainly because unlike most anime, this one didn't kill off the main characters.
Now we come to the few complaints I have. The series did kind of start off slow in the first episode, but it was introducing the characters and what they did, so that can kind of be expected.
Though it does seem kind of odd as far as choice of villians. I mean, the first arc has Muraki as the primary villain, and so do the 3rd and 4rth arcs of the anime, but the second one has Saagatanasu, the dog demon who looks like a doberman and really just doesn't seem to fit in with the rest of the storyline. If they had included more stories from the manga, this probably wouldn't have felt so strange.
And finally, as stated above, the story was incredibly emotional and true-to-life, while still managing to capture the supernatural fun of the manga, but compared to the awesome personailties of the shinigami, the human characters pale in comparison. I mean, who actually remembers that slug Satomi or that slut Hojo? And when people think of the Kyoto file, they tend to think of the face off between Tsuzuki, Hisoka, and Muraki, instead of the lame humans whose only true purpose seemed to be dragging the story along.
An Introduction to my Muse
And this is my muse, who shows up for the Yami no Matsuei fanfics I am working on in my free time and not much else.
Muse: -sipping coffee- Yo.
Me: He also looks like Hisoka because he has the same cynical attitude and doesn't sugarcoat anything.
Muse: You need to update, brush your hair, and get a sense of fashion, you lazy baka.
Me: See? And I hope to get said Yami no Matsuei fanfics up soon, so you'll probably see much more of my muse.
Muse: 'Cuz now that I'm here, there's nothing this b4k4 can do to make me leave.
Me: He also has an annoying habit of speaking in "L33T SP34K."
Muse: -shrugs- Hey, anything to torture you into working.
Favorite anime Characters:
Beyblade: Ray Kon
Desendants of Darkness: Hisoka Kurosaki
Gundam Seed: Cagalli Yula Attha
Record of Lodoss War: Lady Neece (no idea how to spell her name...)
Fullmetal Alchemist: Tie between Edward Elric, Riza Hawkeye, and Wrath
Wolf's Rain: Kiba
Gungrave: Beyond the Grave/ Brandon Heat
SCRYED: Tie between Kazuma and Kaname (Yes, Kaname.)
Inuyasha: Tie between Inuyasha and Bankotsu
D.Gray Man: Allen Walker (I'm a sucker for angsty teens with sappy hearts)
Favorite Manga Characters:
Descendants of Darkness: Hisoka!!
Chrono Chrusade: Chrono/ Rosette tie (they both rock! I can't choose, damnit!)
Devil May Cry 3: Dante of course! Who else would I choose other than the badass of all badasses?
Kingdom Hearts: Riku
In Dream World: Drake
Gundam SEED: Cagalli
Fullmetal Alchemist: Once again, Edward Elric, Riza Hawkeye, and Wrath tie
Saiyuki: Son Goku and Lyrin.
D. Gray Man: Allen Walker. Let's face it, I have a serious thing for angsty main characters.
Diabolo: Ren. He's the typical tortured teen. (God, this series has been done for so long it's not funny.)
Loveless: This is a tough one. Everyone loves Ritsuka, so he's a given, but in my eyes whenever they are on, Yoji and Natsuo steal the show. Seriously, they are psychotic little freaks, but while they act weird and freak people out, they do have very good observations about what goes on around them. I think these two honestly have more sense than anyone else in the entire series. Sure, they are a little psycho, but when Soubi's a masochist, Seimei's a sadist, and Ritsuka's just a glutton for punishment, no one's perfect.
Burst Angel: Jo rocks the house.
Berserk: Definately Guts. He's just too cool, though Casca comes in a close second.
Aoi House: Nina.
Pandora Hearts: Have I gotten across my Alice obsession yet? Cuz that should be all you need to know.
Favorite Game Characters:
Kingdom Hearts: Riku
Devil May Cry: Dante
Golden Sun 1&2: Felix/ Jenna tie. Oh the love! (as siblings of course. I do NOT like any fanfictions that involve incest )
Fire Emblem: Lyn (She rocks!)
Legend of Zelda: Link (or whatever you decide to name him.)
Super Smash Bros. Melee: Roy (Computer player version sucks, but in my hands he's freakin' invincible!)
Gundam SEED: Cagalli
Tales of Symphonia: Kratos (-sniffles- He betrayed me...)
Final Fantasy 7: Vincent Valentine. (Whoo- Hoo! As Dante proved, guys in red coats with guns can kick some serious ass!)
God of War: Kratos kicks ass harder than any other character in the history of gaming!!
Baten Kaitos: Kalas. Seriously, his attitude matches his name, but he is kinda sweet deep down.
Castlevania: Soma Cruz is my Castlevania hero for all time. I love him.
American McGee's Alice: The new and improved Alice, of course, though the Cheshire cat runs a close second.
Resident Evil: Leon S. Kennedy, for "Duh" reasons.
Favorite Book Characters:
Crime and Punishment: Raskonikov, for showing the most humanity of any character outside of a manga.
Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass: I have plenty of favorites, but the Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat are at the top.
The Immortals: Daine, for obvious reasons to anyone who's read the series.
Women of the Otherworld: Elena, Clayton, Eve, and randomly enough, Dantalion.
The Looking Glass Wars: Alice and Dodge. Dodge is awesome, and Alice is badder and cooler than her literary counterpart ever was.
Resident Evil: Once again, Leon S. Kennedy, but Claire shouldered her way into my favorites here.
Count of Monte Cristo: Edmond Dantes a.k.a The Count (plus innumerable other aliases).
Hunchback of Notre Dame: Quasimodo. He's definately the least self-absorbed of all of them.
Green Rider: Karigan G'ladheon and Cpt. Mapstone. The first book had the most dramatic ending ever. Honestly.
Let the Right One In: Eli all the way.
The Death Gate Cycle: Hugh the Hand and Haplo. I used to like Bane, until he proved what an evil little bastard he was.
Anime, Game, and Manga pairings I approve of. (in my own opinion)
Beyblade: Ray X Mariah, Tyson X Hillary
Descendants of Darkness: Tsuzuki X Hisoka. (Face it, this pair belongs together. And I accept the yaoi thing because most fanfics with them actually work... unlike some creepy pairings I could mention. -glares at Hisoka X Muraki fans- That's just sick, you bastards!)
Gundam SEED: Cagalli X Athrun, Kira X Lacus, and Murrue X Mwu
Record of Lodoss War: Parn X Deedlit, Spark X Neece (in my opinion, they were made for each other.), Shiris X Orson (Orson died! Dangit!)
Fullmetal Alchemist: Ed X Winry, Hawkeye X Mustang
Wolf's Rain: Hige X Blue
Gungrave: Brandon X Maria (Oh, the angst bunnies are coming...)
SCRYED: Kazuma X Kaname (they're not really a couple, but who knows?), Mimori X Ryuho, Scheris X Ryuho (either way, I'm not picky. I generally hate Ryuho.)
Inuyasha: Inuyasha X Kagome, Sango X Miroku
Burst Angel: Jo x Meg. There's pretty much no other canon coupling in this one.
Descendants of Darkness: Do I have to repeat this?
Chrono Chrusade: Rosette X Chrono (Crap, they died... WHY?!)
Devil May Cry 3: Dante X Trish
In Dream World: Drake X Hanee (Would work if Drake wasn't so damned antisocial...)
Gundam SEED: Cagalli X Athrun (Whee! Favorite character love!), Kira X Lacus, and Murrue X Mwu
Fullmetal Alchemist: Ed X Winry, Hawkeye X Mustang
Saiyuki: Kougaiji X Yaone
D. Gray Man: Allen x Lenallee. They're totally digging on each other.
Loveless: Ritsuka x Soubi, of course, but Yoji x Natsuo is definately on even ground with them. Wish they would give us more background on Yoji and Natsuo, such as how they met, etc. Seriously.
Burst Angel: Jo x Meg.
Berserk: Guts x Casca. I love yaoi, but Guts is too damn manly.
Pandora Hearts: Oh gee, this is a tough one. I'd definately go Alice x Oz since they're basically the canon coupling, but this manga has so many juicy possibilities.
Kingdom Hearts: Sora X Kairi (Duh)
Devil May Cry: Dante X Trish (I don't know if she appears in the manga yet.)
Golden Sun 1&2: Jenna X Isaac
Fire Emblem: Eliwood X Ninian, Lyn X Rath (They can relate. Plus Rath needs someone to stop his perpetual scowl.)
Legend of Zelda: Link X Tetra/ Zelda (They're the same person, but I like Tetra better._
Gundam SEED: Cagalli X Athrun, Kira X Lacus, and Murrue X Mwu
Tales of Symphonia: Lloyd X Colette, Sheena X Zelos, Kratos X Anna, Genis X Presea (I haven't finished the game yet, so I'll post anymore pairings that come along.)
Final Fantasy 7: Cloud X Aerith or Tifa, Vincent X Yuffie (The S.S. Yuffentine has landed!)
God of War: Foolish mortals! Kratos has no time for relationships with any one other than cheap floozies!
A Quick Guide to me and my friends
When reading the following stories, here's a quick summary.
Me: Your's truly, usually referred to as Chrno in these recordings by my other friends. By the way, any political jokes or anything against democrats I put on here are strictly for my own twisted humour, and I can assure you I do not intend any liberals or democrats harm. That would involve actual physical contact with them, which I try to avoid as much as possible.
Twerpy: My best friend, who live long-distance so we usually chat over the phone. My equal in insanity in every way. Loves to read, has an obsession with almost every manga I do.(Except ones I got into when I moved) and always tries to blackmail me into submission.
Skittles: A friend from school. Loves drawing comics and making fun of me and Bones since we all ride the same bus. Or used to. I'll never forget him for transferring to another bus. Refers to Gem as "Sissy".
Gem: Skittles's would-be sister. Refers to him as "Bro Bro". My best friend next to Twerpy. Also known as "Evil Empress Necron" and refers to me as "Chrno21 the Angel Slayer". I am now her henchman, which means that when she shares food with her friends I get extra! Yay Henchmanship! It's like internship, only you get to abuse noobs!
Bones: Another friend. Is insane, obsessed with Korn and heavy metal, and is so loud that you can hear her over the phone from three feet away. Surprisingly, reads more than I do (I read up to 350 pages a day) has taken martial arts for who knows how long, and is able to kick my ass any day of the week. Also known as the anorexic nazi vampire.
Frenchie: Yet another friend. Is obsessed over her french heritage, is a bit of a liberal (which leads to fierce arguments.) Hates Skittles's two best guy friends Veny and Starbucks but tolerates Skittles because of Gem. Loves guinea pigs (Skittles is always wondering just how deep that love goes... Eew.) and tigers and cute pictures of puppies. Likes to draw (and does really well).
Veny: Skittles's friend. Bane of my academic existence. Often tricks us (Gem, Frenchie, and I) into ridiculous things and is on the Runescape hall of Fame.
Starbucks: Skittles's other friend. My acquaitance. Loves to draw.
My Muse: Yes, I do occasionally have conversations with my own muse. This is usually when I'm stumped on writing or just plain bored and in need of humour.
-talking to best friend on phone-
Me: So, what's happening?
Twerpy: Oh, not much. I-
Holy crap, there's this huge spider the size of my head above my door! I'm gonna go get my sword and kill it!
Me: You have a sword?
Twerpy: No it's more along the lines of a... curtain rod thingy...
Me: ...You have a curtain rod, but you call it a sword?
Twerpy: Hey, it bends just as well as a katana!
Me: ...So, did you kill it?
Twerpy: No, it dissapeared.
Me: How could you lose track of a spider the size of your head?
Twerpy: -ignores previous comment- Hey, if it went in my room, where to you think it would go?
Me: It's probably skittering around your room as we speak. Skittering around...
Twerpy: Where would it be?
Me: Probably under your bed.
Twerpy: Ok, then I'm not worried. It'll never find it's way out of there.
Me: -died laughing-
A few days after the spider incident...
Me: So what are you doing now? (seems to me that all of our conversations start out this way)
Twerpy: Playing on the computer.
Me: Even though you're grounded?
Twerpy: Hey, that was your fault, so don't rat out on me!
Me: Ok, ok...
Twerpy: Holy crap -inserts my name here-, there's a huge lizard on my door! It's like the size of an iguana!
Me: Then it's probably an iguana, dork.
Twerpy: It's colorful!
Me: Ok, ok, whatever.
Twerpy: I'm gonna go poke it with a stick.
Me: Are you sure that's-
Twerpy: -cuts me off- HOLY CRAP! IT MOVED!
Twerpy: It moved! And I didn't even touch it!
Me: Well, duh Dork, it's an animal.
Twerpy: It's going into my yard.
Twerpy: I'm gonna go see it. -noises of him going outside- It moved again! -slamming door- Ok, I'm back inside.
Twerpy: Ok, I'm gonna run out there, poke it with a stick, and then run back inside before it moves again.
Me: And we are doing this wh-
Twerpy: Holy crap! It's heading for the door and going in my house!
-random noises of stuff breaking-
Twerpy: Ok, I killed it.
Me: How the hell did you kill it?
Twerpy: I whacked it three times with the curtain rod!
Me: -laughs until I pass out-
Good Will Souls
Twerpy: -in a bad humor- I hate you, Chrno. I'm going to steal your soul.
Me: Twerpy, I don't have a soul. I sold it on e-bay.
Twerpy: You can get anything on e-bay, can't you?
Me: Yup. -relays conversation to Mom for humor-
Mom: I would feel a lot better if you two didn't talk about selling your souls.
Me: -relays info to Twerpy-
Twerpy: Don't worry, I can get a new one from Good Will.
Me: -relays info to mom-
Twerpy: -heard previous comment over phone- What, you can get anything from Good Will! In New Amsterdam you can even get prostitutes!
Me: -dies laughing while relaying info to Mom-
The Angst Bunnies are raping the Insanity Bunnies
Me: Hey Skittles.
Skittles: (another friend) Yo.
Me: -screams randomly- The angst bunnies are raping the insanity bunnies!
Skittles: Whoa, what?
Me: -reapeats previous comment more slowly-
Skittles: I should totally draw a comic with that.
Me: Seriously? (This will be a joke for later to come.)
Angst Bunny Comics
-Me and Skittles the next day-
Skittles: Hey, so I made that comic.
Skittles: Yeah. I said I would, didn't I?
Me: Yeah... but I didn't believe you would actually do it...
Skittles: Here. -hands me comic-
Me: Oh my gaw! We gotta show this to the others!
Skittles: Ya think it'll warp their tiny little minds?
-at lunch with the entire group, excluding Bones-
Me: Hey Skittles, you got a timer on you?
Frenchie: Why are you asking him that?
Skittles: My PDA goes off after a set number of minutes. Why?
Me: Good. Can I have your attention?
-everyone looks at me-
Me: I am going to look at the Angst Bunny comment for six straight minutes!
Frenchie: Don't do it, Chrno! IT'LL STEAL YOUR SOUL!
Me: I'm going to do it. Skittles, start the timer!
-six minutes later-
Frenchie: Is she all right?
Gem: She's drooling...
Me: -snaps back and stands up and speaks in a happy voice- The sun is shining, the birds are singing, there's happiness everywhere! -darkens- Everyone must die.
Skittles: Yup, she's fine.
-sitting in the morning with Bones-
Bones: Chrno, I'm not happy with the way I look.
Me: -nearly chokes- Bones, how can you not be? You are skinny as a scarecrow, and you look awesome!
Bones: But I don't like it. As skinny as I am, the guy I like ((A.K.A guy I hate!)) still doesn't notice me. And stop saying the scarecrow thing. I just have my Dad's genes.
Me: You could probably wear your dad's jeans. And as for you crush, don't worry. He's a boy. Unless you take the direct approach, of course he won't notice you. Hell, he probably wouldn't even notice if you strapped Skittles shirtless to a cart and then whipped him up the street while wearing a bikini! And you look awesome!
Bones: You think it might work? And yeah, I know that most people would die for the body I have.
Me: You're kidding, right? Most people would die trying to get the body you have!
Bones: -slugs me-
Me: -freaked- Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!
Gem: Happy place, happy place!
Skittles: Happy pills, HAPPY PILLS!
-playing soccer in gym on a really cloudy day-
Me: -squints up at sky- Holy crap, Bones! Don't look up!
Me: The sun is coming out. It'll make you burst into flame.
Me: Because you're a vampire.
Bones: I'm not a vampire! Vampires are all skinny little anorexics!
Me: -just looks at her-
Bones: -realizes what she just said- GAHH! -tries to slap me-
Note: I only recieved this second hand from Skittles. He and his mom appear in it.
Skittles: Can you believe democrats are taking over the House?
Me: -pissy mood- No. Wanna go Democrat hunting?
Skittles: You know, that takes me back...
Skittles: -walks into room- Hey mom, I wanna go hunting for Democrats. Are they small or large game?
Skittles's Mom: Large game. Use a rifle.
-End flashback. Ahh...-
Me: I can get one of those awesome assault rifles!
Skittles: I thought your mom banned you from dangerous weaponry.
Me: -shrugs with shifty eyes- What she doesn't know won't hurt her.
Me: -singing- I hate you.
Gem: -also singing- You hate me.
Together: Let's get together and kill Barney!
With a smile, an axe and maybe a chainsaw,
we'll kill Barney then kill you all!
Skittles: Can you please stop making song parodies... it disturbs me.
Me: You're just jealous cuz' there are things that are scary in this world that you didn't come up with.
We, the People
Veny: We, the Venezualeans, salute you!
Me: We, the Americans, flip you off.
Frenchie: We, the French... agree with Chrno.
Of Snakes and Prison Love
Me: -happily reading Kurikara centric fic on mediaminer in the computer lab-
Veny: -reading over my shoulder- Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up. Why did the author say that this Nagare guy has sex with a snake?!
Me: What?! Dude, he didn't have sex with the snake, the snake raped him!
-every head in the computer lab turns my way-
Me: -head down- Of course that's not much better...
Veny: No duh.