Author has written 8 stories for Harry Potter, and Battlestar Galactica: 2003.
11/17/2012 - Alright, I'm finally putting up some new fanfics. I'm starting with a Harry Potter/New Battlestar Galactica crossover. The Harry/Tonks fic has been tabled for the moment since I wanted to try my hand at a crossover and do something I hadn't done before. My sci-fi novel, Prime Suspects: A Clone Detective Mystery is up on Amazon and Barnes and Noble's websites. Soon it will join my others as an audiobook as well. I wholeheartedly encourage you to check it out.
08/03/2012 - Wow! Over a year since I last updated. Sorry about that. Real life kind of intruded on me. I actually do have some new fanfiction lined up. It's not the sequel to The Lie I've Lived yet and the reason is I don't want to rush something like that and do it half-baked. Reader expectations will be high for that, so it will take some time. In the meantime, I've got at least one or two one shots and a Harry/Tonks fic in the pipeline as a thank you to all of those who helped me get started as a writer. On the original front at my www.jimbernheimer.com site, I have a sci-fi murder mystery set to debut later this month and several other projects in the works. It's a busy time for me, but I will do my level best to make time for you fanfic readers.
--Much Older News--
06/25/2011 - Haven't updated in awhile, but that will be changing in the near future. I still plan to do the last chapter or chapters of Inner Eye. I also have the rough start to the sequel to The Lie I've Lived running around in my head as well as a few one shots and short pieces.
Then there's my original writing career. My most recent release is the full length novel version of Confessions of a D-List Supervillain. You can see more information at www.jimbernheimer.com as always. If you'd like to help me in my quest to become an established writer, you can visit my Amazon author page at and check out what I have to offer. Feel free to click the like button there and on any of my novels.
11/13/2010 - It's nice to put the final touches on Bungle/Turn Me Loose. I hope you've had as much fun as I did. The anthology I mentioned below is coming along nicely and I expect it to be available in December.
10/30/2010 - Hello again. I've been very busy since posting my last chapter of fanfic. If you visit www.jimbernheimer.com, you can get your hands on a free ebook from Gryphonwood Press. (It's free with a coupon on Smashwords until midnight on Halloween.) You can also see the cover to Horror, Humor, and Heroes Volume 2 - New Faces of Fantasy. Instead of a short story collection, this one is an anthology I am publishing/editing. Who are the New Faces of Fantasy? Well, you've probably read their fanfics. Writers such as Blot, Clell, Shezza88, WhyDoYouEvenNeedtoKnow, and others. Now you get to see what some of the best and brightest can do with their own original ideas! It'll be ready by the end of November or beginning of December as both a paperback and kindle on Amazon and at other ebook retailers.
In other news Spirals Book One is a finalist for the 2011 Epic Awards. The winner will be announced in March.
Many have asked about the sequel to The Lie I've Lived. It's still going to be written. I always finish what I start. Sadly, I am very backlogged right now. I still have to finish The Inner Eye of Harry Potter before I sit down and start laying the story out.
05/20/2010 - I've been on hiatus finishing up Spirals of Destiny Book One: Rider. It went on sale last friday. You can visit www.jimbernheimer.com to read the first two chapters to see if you like it. You can also watch a You Tube promo at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hyFaOwRC8I or in the reviews section on Amazon if you ever wondered what I sound like in real life. There's also details for a signed book giveaway for HHH and Dead Eye on my website, but hurry the drawing is on the 24th. Lastly, I had a short story in Bryce Beattie's Microflash Magazine ( ).
On the fanfiction front, I've got a one shot written from Ron's POV that will be out within the next 24 hours. Then, I've got the final 2 chapters of Inner Eye and the final 2-3 chapters of Turn Me Loose to do before I start on the sequel to The Lie I've Lived. Honestly, I'm only going to have 1 HP fanfic project going at a time. I still enjoy writing it, its just that I enjoy my original stuff more these days, but I still enjoy writing it.
01/06/2010 - Happy 2010. Okay folks, I'll skip the usual mention of my original novel and collection. By now you know I've got them. If you want them, go get 'em. Read 'em and drop me a review on Amazon or wherever you picked it up.
What I will ask is that you nice people who have read Dead Eye and enjoyed it swing by and vote for me in the Predators and Editors reader poll. Dead Eye is in the Thriller category (twice unfortunately - vote for the one that says Gryphonwood and not the one that says Gryphonwood Press) and I'm in the author category also. If you're feeling froggy, you could also vote for the Gryphonwood Anthology - You Don't Know What You Got.
It only takes a few minutes and you'd be helping me out. Thanks.
10/30/2009 - There's still the autographed book giveaway competition at www.booksandchat.net until tomorrow night. Anyone who would like a free e-book can go to and get the promo code. Then go sign up at www.smashwords.com, buy the book, and use the code to make the purchase free. The code is good through tomorrow night. Don't forget to give me a review on Smashwords or Amazon.com!
9/30/2009 - I've got a couple of nice reviews for Dead Eye on www.booksandchat.net along with an author interview with me there. Anyone in the Continental US can enter the contest there for a signed copy of Dead Eye.
I'm almost done with the first draft of my second novel. That's where I've been for the last few months. I expect to have it done within the next 2 weeks. After that, I'm coming back to finish the last chapters of Inner Eye and Turn Me Loose. The sequel to Lie is swirling around in the back of my head, though it probably won't be until the beginning of next year before I launch it.
7/26/2009 - My original short story "Fate's Heavy Hand" appears alongside 39 other winners in the Editor Unleashed Flash 40 contest. You can read them all for FREE at . There are several other stories in there that are worth your time. I particularly enjoyed "Being a Cop" and "10 One Hundreths of a Second." Drop me a PM and let me know if you liked it, or review it on Smashwords. Thanks to all those that have picked up Dead Eye and HHH to date. If you haven't left a review for them on Amazon, please do so. Being the hip and up to date kind of guy that I am, I finally got a facebook account, so if you haven't gotten enough of my shameless self promotion, send me a friend request and you'll get even more!
7/7/2009 - Dead Eye is available on all the Amazon subsites (Amazon.FR, Amazon.UK, and all the rest). One of my flash fiction stories (Fate's Heavy Hand) was a runner up in the Editor Unleashed Flash 40 contest. It will be appearing alongside the winner and 38 other runner ups in a free for download book from Smashwords. I'll give more details when I have them. I have my first bookstore signing scheduled for September 12th between 1-3 at the Barnes and Nobles on Virginia Beach Blvd in Virginia Beach, Virginia and am working to line up additional places probably up into the Richmond, VA and Northern Virginia/Metro DC area.
6/17/2009 - Dead Eye is now available at Amazon Canada's website, just search for Jim Bernheimer and you'll find it. There's a page up for it on Amazon UK, but it looks like only 3rd party resellers at the moment. That site should be up and running sometime in the near future.
5/29/2009 - Dead Eye is on sale now at Amazon.com. You'll find the link at www.jimbernheimer.com. It will be available in electronic format on www.smashwords.com shortly and perhaps Paypal's Payloadz website www.payloadz.com ,if the publisher decides to use that venue. It will also be available on places like Amazon UK as soon as they build the pages so you folks overseas won't have to pay for the international shipping. Those should be up in the next week or two. (It's really out of my hands.) If anyone is in Charlotte, NC this weekend and is looking to pick up a signed copy of Dead Eye and HHH, I'll be at the Gryphonwood Press table at ConCarolinas.
5/22/2009 - Dead Eye goes on sale next week! For a preview go to www.jimbernheimer.com and read the first episode. To celebrate the launch next week, I'll be cutting the price on Horror, Humor, and Heroes and will be at ConCarolinas in Charlotte, NC with my publisher.
4/15/2009 - Dead Eye: Pennies for the Ferryman should be available from Gryphonwood Press the last week of May. I will be at ConCarolinas in Charlotte, North Carolina that weekend to celebrate the launch and sign some books. On the fanfic front, Lie will run to either chapter 25 or 26. After Lie ends, I'll release each chapter of The Inner Eye of Harry Potter on a bi-weekly basis while I write the conclusion of Turn Me Loose. After that, I'll either start up a new project or look to begin the sequel to The Lie I've Lived. The working title is currently - The Truth I'd Die For. It has a nice symetry to it.
4/3/2009 - HHH is now in ebook format and available for download via Paypal's Payloadz service and Smashwords. For links to these two sites, go to my personal website at www.jimbernheimer.com. I'm also releasing the 1st chapter of The Inner Eye of Harry Potter. It's a 7 chapter approximately 40000 word humor story that I think everyone will get a chuckle out of. Chapters 2-7 will be released after The Lie I've Lived is complete. (The translation there is that I'm only half done writing those!)
3/17/09 - The e-book version of the Gryphonwood Press anthology is now available in various formats. The e-book version of Horror, Humor, and Heroes will be releases (also on smashwords) when I release chapter 22 of Lie.
3/2/09 - Gryphonwood Press has released their anthology with my short story Existence as the first one in it. Fans of Bungle and TML will enjoy the 2nd person action. The Amazon link is . It will also be available shortly for Kindle and as an e-book via smashwords.com. I've read and enjoyed 2 of the other stories in the anthology already and can vouch for them. (Matthew and Bobbie's if you care.)
2/19/09 - HHH is now on sale! If you are interested in obtaining a copy go to Horror, Humor, and Heroes and have at it. It will be available shortly in Amazon's Kindle format and in 6 weeks via an ebook.
2/14/09 - HHH is on proof #3 (but every error taken care of before it goes on sale makes me look less like an idiot). I'm hopeful that this is the last and I will be able to make it available soon. The Createspace e-store becomes active immediately, but it takes 1-2 weeks for an Amazon link to start working. The nice people at Gryphonwood Press are about to put their anthology on sale by the end of the month and my 2nd person pov swamp creature horror story is batting lead off. Furthermore, the editor at Gryphonwood has said some very nice things about the Dead Eye manuscript. The nice thing specifically is that he'd like to buy it and publish it. I'm reviewing that contract now.
1/24/2009 - The proof copy of Horror, Humor, and Heroes has been ordered and the book will soon be for sale via Amazon.com or Createspace.com. I'll post the links here when it becomes available. I went with Createspace over Lulu to keep the price down. The list price on the paperback will be 9.95. I will still use Lulu for the ebook issue which will occur 6-8 weeks after the paperback goes on sale. Those interested in viewing the cover can take a trip over to my personal website www.jimbernheimer.com and see what it looks like. The final size ended up being 198 pages. So, spread the word and help me break through to the next level. HHH contains a mixture of Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror/Dark Humor in12 short stories, 1 superhero novella, and a preview of the fantasy novel I am working on this year - all original writing. Dead Eye is currently submitted to a trio of publishers and I'm hoping sales of HHH will help "grease the wheels," so to speak for the sale of that manuscript.
12/05/2008 - The Gryphonwood Anthology has been pushed back to January, I'll post a link when it becomes available. There is a good chance that I will be self-publishing a selection of my short stories and a novella I have just completed in one single volume. I'm still finalizing the details such as cover art, but it will likely be through Lulu and be available in papperback and ebook format. So, if you've ever wondered what I can do with my own ideas, keep an ear out for the details later this month.
11/01/2008 - One of my stories, Existence, is slated to appear in an upcoming anthology from Gryphonwood Press. It should be available on Amazon in print and kindle format soon. Drabblecast (www.drabblecast.org) has my story Cookie? in Episode 85 of their audiocast along with 2 other author's orginal stories.
8/23/2008 - I made my second professional sale. My short story A Sharp Mind will appear in the April 2009 issue of Necrotic Tissue. Visit www.jimbernheimer.com for updates on my original stories.
8/3/2008 - Visit my new website www.jimbernheimer.com for news related to Dead Eye and to view the cover art. It looks like it is going to be closer to Christmas for the release of the story. I'm not happy about it either.
Visit www.drabblecast.org and listen to Episode 70. It is my first sale and hopefully the beginning of a long string of original stories that I put out. It's free and should provide you with about 20 minutes of audio entertaiment. Drop a mention of if you liked it in your review of TML 7.
Well, haven't updated my profile in awhile, so here goes. As readers of my story will note, I have an original novel that is tenatively scheduled for release in late summer. The series is going to be called Dead Eye with the first book being called Pennies for the Dead or Two Pennies for the Dead. My coauthor is John Cornell, who you may know better by his fanfic writer name of Kokopelli.
Dead Eye is paranormal adventure much closer to Buffy the Vampire Slayer than anything Harry Potterish. For my first time out the gate, I didn't want to do magic and wizardry. It is the story of Mike Ross, a wounded US Army vet trying to patch his life back together. Because of his injuries, his right eye was repaired using a cornea donated from a deceased psychic. That repaired eye triggers a latent talent and thrusts him into a world that he is ill prepared for.
Just to head off any criticism, this novel had about 30 thousand words done when the first advertisements for that horror movie "The Eye" showed up. This project was conceived in June of last year. I've never scene "The Eye", don't want to see it, and heard it wasn't very good to begin with. I also do not watch the Ghost Whisperer series on CBS because I don't want to draw any unfavorable comparisons.
Dead Eye is written in 1st person and currently just shy of 95 thousand words which is a good length for a first time novel. The publisher will be Whimsy Hill. By early July, I expect www.deadeyemike.com to be up and running. Don't bother going there until then, all that will be there is a place holder page. I'm hoping for forums, news bits, and some type of wiki reference area. Basically, I'd like to capture some of the best attributes of the online communities I frequent and bring them into a web site to help drive the popularity of this book.
In other news my first piece of original short fiction "Reality Bites" will be featured in the next 4-6 weeks on the audiocasting site, Drabblecast which can be found at . They feature free original fiction on a weekly basis. My short story is a humor piece about a recently turned vampire trying to get his life insurance company to honor his policy and the frustrations he experiences. As soon as the 14.86 shows up in my account, I'm officially a paid author with a credit to his name. Yay me and I know, don't spend it all in one place. Hopefully this is the first of many successes, but the short fiction market is a dog eat dog world and most of us are just little puppies.
On the fanfiction front, I'm roughly halfway through The Lie I've Lived and one third of the way through Turn Me Loose. Lie may end up with a sequel, we'll see. Turn Me Loose will tie up Bungle in the Jungle and finish those two stories off. I'm working on several different pieces which should be released over the summer in the run up to my original novel. After all, I need to keep you folks well fed on fanfic if you're even going to consider trying some of my original works.
The one you will definitely see is The Inner Eye of Harry Potter. It's going to be a 7 chapter humor piece about Harry being raised and mentored by Sybil T. He arrives at Hogwarts with an appreciation for the real magics of Divination, Astrology, Arithmancy, and Runes. He takes them very seriously and most of the other lesser magics are just rubbish.
I also have a Buffy/Harry Potter crossover in the works pairings to be determined and if I really push myself there's a HP/New Battlestar Galactica one I've been dying to write.
That's all for now.
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Feel free to visit all the other amusing topics a Darklordpotter.net. There a strange bunch there, but you may enjoy.
8/28/06 - I will post the rules for Dodgespell here as soon as I have a chance to jot them down. In the meantime feel free to use the concept in your fics. The only thing I ask is a simple credit in your acknowledgements. Thanks, Jim
Rules for Dodgespell (send me a PM if you have questions or comments)
Teams – Five players on each side plus one alternate. One player designated as Captain. The alternate may be substituted between, but not during games.
Court – The size of the court is variable but usually similar to a tennis court (120 foot long and 60 foot wide 36.6 meters long and 18.3 meters wide for those metrically inclined). It can be played on any surface, but typically is seen as a beach sport played in the sand.
Equipment – Players may use their wand and a suitable animal hide glove (due to the resistance of most dragon hides, it is not recommended for use in this sport). No performance enhancing spells, potions or equipment is allowed. Players will be checked by the referees prior to play.
Play of Game – At the start of the game, each team shall identify their captains. Each captain will start the game in possession of one of the two spells. In ‘friendly’ or pickup games where there are no dueling wards in place, the spell is typically a stunner or other noticeable disabling spell (leg locker, jelly legs or others). In tournament play the spells are typically banishers. The players in the field of play will attempt to score points by either catching the spell with their shielded glove or hitting the opponents with their spell. In the ‘friendly’ game, possession of a spell is gained either by catching the spell, or a successful dodge. In the event of a hit, the team that scored the hit on the opposing player retains possession of that spell and is allowed to cast again. In a tournament game with reflective dueling wards, the spell is in play until it either strikes the playing surface and is cancelled out, the spell exits the playing area either above the wards or through the exit hole in the wards for eliminated players, or is caught by a player who gains possession. In the event of a hit the opposing side gains possession of the spell, as it is entirely possible that a member of the team that cast the spell may actually be hit by the rebounding spell.
The first player to be eliminated from each side is allowed to mount the harasser platform or perch. This player is allowed to cast whatever harassing spell is outlined by the tournament rules or defined by the referees prior to the start of the game. Typically, the tripping, jelly legs, or leg locker jinx/hex is used as the harassing spell. In more advanced games, stinging hexes or other pain inducing hexes can be used. These will be predefined. If the slug-vomiting curse is used, it is recommended that the referees or tournament organizers scourgify the playing surface between games. The harassing spell may not be shielded against, but any effects may be cancelled by any player on the side that has been struck. The harassing spell may only be cast when the side makes a catch. Previously accumulated points do to catches will not count. It is only catches made after the harasser has taken his or her platform.
Eliminated players must leave under their own power from tournament games, if possible. Referees may impose a penalty if a player does not leave the court in a timely fashion. Deliberate targeting of an already eliminated player may also warrant a deduction in points. In games where an incapacitation spell is used, the referees are responsible for moving stunned/incapacitated players off the game surface.
Game play continues until all five players on one side have been eliminated. In some tournaments there is a five minute countdown when a team is reduced to one player. If that player can last five minutes with out being eliminated, the previously eliminated players excluding the player who is on the harasser platform are allowed to return to play.
Scoring – Each successful catch is worth 1 point and allows the harasser for that side to cast the harassing spell. The captain of each team is worth 15 points, unless he or she is the last player remaining on their side. In this case the captain is worth only 5 points when eliminated. Each other player is worth 10 points the first time they are eliminated from a game. In the event that the five minute rule described above is being used, returning players who are eliminated are worth only 5 points for any elimination other than the initial elimination. The final score determines the winner of the game, so it is possible for a team to be completely eliminated, but have more points then the team with player(s) still on the court.
Penalties – A speed of play penalty of 1 point is enforced if a player has had possession of a spell, but fails to cast the spell within 10 seconds. The player also forfeits possession of the spell to the other side. In the event that the referees determine that players are deliberately targeting an already eliminated player, they may impose a 5 point penalty and forfeiture of possession for each offense. Flagrant violation of this rule will be grounds for a disqualification either of the player or if warranted the entire team.