sordid humor
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Joined 12-03-05, id: 942580, Profile Updated: 07-02-12
Author has written 5 stories for Harry Potter.



Five Years & Most Likely Abandoned: “The Gunman” is the fulfillment of a promise I never should have gotten myself into. It's Harry-centric—which I try to avoid (doing). Swearing, alcohol, violence, sex ... because I'm obligated to say that. It's a take on the final episode of everything—you know, the big one where Riddle gets it and Harry's the hero. Oh, yeah, right, that one. “Gunman” is my take on the thing in its entirety—what Rowling leaves out. There are numerous thematic and life elements that Rowling can't exactly put in a children's novel. Yes, she can kill people, but whose ever heard of a famous 16 year old who hasn't gotten any? This is one of numerous examples that I intend to address. If you don't like it, that's cool. But I'll go down on the books right now in telling you the following: Harry Potter is about to change. Maybe he's growing up, or perhaps he's just growing into the man he's meant to be and become. But no matter how you look at it, he is about to take the giant leap. (This project is in a deep state of hibernation, bordering on cryogenic freeze. I don't know when or if it will resurface.)

A Work In Progress: "Conscience"/"Beretta" is a slashy whim, born of the "plot bunnies" thread on the forums at FictionAlley. It's slash (meaning two male characters in a romantic relationship), in this case Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. The story is about how we internalize good and evil, self-creating the boundaries of the world we choose to live in. It's a very psychological piece with some heavy, graphic themes: torture, sexual identity, coming of age, sadomasochism, Dominance and submission, violence, rebellion and taboo to name just the front runners. Genre-wise, this is a Comedy/Romance that slowly turns Drama/Angst/Porn. After chapter 15 it is nothing but sap, drivel and copious gay sex. The NC-17 version can be found on LiveJournal. You must join the community in order to read the story. It is also available on Archive of Our Own. Again, you must be 18 or older. I will continue talking about this until minors stop trying to access the shit.

One-Shot: "Dolts" was written for a festival over at LiveJournal. It is an established relationship fic with Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. Draco struggles to reconcile his feelings for Harry with their choice to conduct an affair while remaining married to their wives. They sit down to dinner on the one-year anniversary of their first act of adultery. Harry, ever the hero, finds a way to keep Draco and his emotions in check, keeping the balance. There is implied sexual contact and a good deal of adult language.

One-Shot: "Mi Confesión" is yet another slash-baby. The story focuses on a 34-year old Harry Potter, recently separated from his wife and estranged from his children. He tries to drown himself in his favorite hobby, Argentine tango, only to run into an unexpected ghost from his past--Draco Malfoy. The blond wizard stirs up more than just old memories. This fic is undoubtedly one of the tamest I've written, as well as the most romantic. Done as a gift for fellow writer and dear friend, writtenmatrix.

One-Shot: "The Firing Squad" is the result of sleep deprivation and an overactive mind. Malfoy and Zabini are waiting in line to be executed following the fall of Lord Voldemort. This is the type of conversation they would have.


For many reasons (most in some way related to nostalgia, death, or my beloved home of Brooklyn, NY) I am not reading Deathly Hallows any time in the near or distant future. Anything I write is PostHBP and will not reference the seventh novel. I would ask that my readers refrain from mentioning any information or plot points from the seventh novel in posts, comments, etc aimed in my direction. Much appreciated.

Enjoy the written word. For some people, it's all they've got.

If you are a writer, read THIS


If you wish to contact me, I check e-mail often, providing that it's a good week in which I sleep regularly, avoiding bad television and the so-called literature of one Margaret Atwood. yes, that's sordid humor, like the band.

Beth, Kyle & the lot of you: keep the demands coming. I live to spite you.

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Switchblade Glances by Cola Karmon reviews
Draco is the successor to his Family's Mafia. Harry is the leader of the most powerful street gang in the city. More than bullets are going to fly. AU. Warnings for language, violence, sexual content and character deaths.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 19,801 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 77 - Updated: 1/24/2012 - Published: 12/18/2011 - Harry P., Draco M.
Drarry Angst Inserts by LynstHolin reviews
I've been writing crack again.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 223 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/24/2011 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Catch 22 by Jad fic reviews
As if NEWTS weren't enough, Dumbledore's gone and had another one of his bright ideas. If all ends well, the Houses will be getting along in no time. Or according to Harry's correspondent, hailing the Apocalypse. OotP/HBP/DH disregaded.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 50,431 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 590 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 12/7/2010 - Published: 11/24/2010 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Sparkle Sparkle Princesses by Cheryl Dyson reviews
One of Draco's random pranks gets out of hand and creates a roomful of pretty princesses. Crackfic FTW! OMG it's only PG13! *gasp*
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,726 - Reviews: 134 - Favs: 454 - Follows: 42 - Published: 4/17/2010 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Killing Moon by NeverNever reviews
Harry Potter's saving-people-thing is set to become the bane of Draco Malfoy's life - alongside Dark Lords, werewolves, ex-teachers, Horcruxes and not-dead-enough ancestors. HP/DM slash. Set post-HBP.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 156,048 - Reviews: 320 - Favs: 292 - Follows: 368 - Updated: 1/8/2010 - Published: 1/18/2008 - Draco M., Harry P.
Bond by Anna Fugazzi reviews
Yet another one of those Harry And Draco Are Forced To Be Together By Something Beyond Their Control And Then Stuff Happens Leading To Twoo Wuv stories. Because every HD writer has to write at least one. [Finished]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 204,036 - Reviews: 3516 - Favs: 8,142 - Follows: 1,725 - Updated: 3/30/2006 - Published: 7/20/2005 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Early Morning Revelations by KamquatBanana reviews
Draco’s world comes to a screeching halt after a teensy tiny mistake winds up in one of the most wonderful nights of his life… One he finds he isn’t able to forget easily. DMHP SLASH you have been warned. AU and such.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 931 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/24/2006 - Draco M., Harry P.
Made With Our Love by Marauder reviews
Harry knows what he has to do tell Draco that he's pregnant with their child.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 545 - Reviews: 470 - Favs: 939 - Follows: 114 - Published: 2/7/2005 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Conscience reviews
There's a very fine line between being zealously good and undeniably evil. Unfortunately for man that line lives in our heads. For some it's called conscience, for others greed or self preservation. But what happens when those lines are tested? DM/HP
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 56 - Words: 437,846 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 161 - Follows: 174 - Updated: 12/27/2012 - Published: 1/15/2007 - Draco M., Harry P.
Dolts reviews
Because strength isn't about pitching or catching, giving or receiving, but having the courage to take life by the balls and say, without fear, "this is mine." HP/DM, established relationship fic
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,018 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/4/2011 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Mi Confesión reviews
When you're a thirty-something wizard, divorced, gay and a tango enthusiast, your dating pool can be counted on one hand: Draco Malfoy, J.D., and Harry Potter. SLASH & Argentine Tango, a gift fic for writtenmatrix
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 18,617 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/4/2011 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
The Gunman reviews
IN HIBERNATION. A power the Dark Lord knows not: Harry Potter is an idiot who is terrible at Potions. A 'Macbeth' story thinly disguised as Harry Potter... if 'Macbeth' were tongue-in-cheek and striving for comedy. An alternate DH.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 9 - Words: 53,640 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 6/19/2008 - Published: 2/27/2006 - Harry P.
The Firing Squad reviews
A conversation that blipped through my mind. Draco and Blaise waiting in line to be executed shortly following the fall of Lord Voldemort.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 553 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/10/2007 - Draco M., Blaise Z. - Complete