Clar the Pirate
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Joined 01-25-06, id: 978101, Profile Updated: 01-21-14
Author has written 31 stories for Fairy Tales.

Author has written 69 stories and 8 poems for Fairy Tales, actually. If one wanted to be precise.

About Me:

Hello, I'm Clare. I live in New Zealand ("we spell differently from you, some might say more correctly..."). I have an honours degree in English and Theatre and sometimes am too tired to switch my brain over to normal people speech so forgive me for obscure terms and quotes that might creep in. The origins of my nom de plume is a long and convoluted tale involving French exams, a notorious ostrich smuggler, two aviary-related periodicals, the Thomson and Knowles Collective Novella, and the third equal greatest teacher of mathematics ever.
My profile is very long, I'm aware of that, but it has important information for the mildly curious, about my stories and other stuff. I promise you there is not a single 'If you ... copy and paste this in your profile', so venture forth without fear.

Oh yeah, and I have an inspiration blog because Elfine had one and it was pretty, so.

My Interests:

Reading, sleeping, Theatre (on stage, backstage or in front of a stage, I'm not picky), going to Disneyland (I've done LA, Paris, and Tokyo, only 2 more to go!). Fairy Tales are my genre of choice and I take the idea of fanfiction quite literally so you'll never find me writing a wholly original fairy tale (at least, I hope not, or I'm going to be looking pretty silly right about now). And it's f-a-i-r-y, I have an intense and inexplicable dislike for the word ... no, I don't want it on my profile, even in protest. I do not like the alternate spelling of fairy; just, no.

A Few of my Favourite Things:

Punctuation: I take it seriously and have been known to compliment people on their artistic use of.
Shakespeare, with a passion that leads me to quote him far too often. The Neverending Story by Micheal Ende (not to be confused with the movie). Georgette Heyer, Jostein Gaardner, Terry Pratchett, Guy Gavriel Kay, Tenessee Williams, Caryl Churchill, Tom Stoppard, Samuel Beckett. Ophelia Thinks Harder by Jean Betts (Hamlet had it coming).
Beethoven's 5th, Carmina Burana, Nina Simone, Anais Mitchell, Elemeno P, Bic Runga, the Andrew and Steve Experience, Jamie Cullen and the Flight of the Conchords.
I would like to recommend to you the webcomic No Rest for the Wicked - it's all I can do to stop myself from shoving Perrault in a story and pretending I made him up.
My Favourites, sitting down there as they are, if you click the links - some I adore, some vastly amuse me.

Okay, I'm going to add just one of my not favourite things. It takes me an age and a half to write anything, particularly reviews (yeah, those three paltry lines took about half an hour to come into being), so I do not like being ignored. Even two words 'Thank you' so I know I'm not just talking to the vast vacuumous space that is the intraweb would be appreciated.

The Story So Far:

Han Solo: A retelling of Hansel and Gretel, a fifth form writing assignment (that's 2004 - it shows its age). Modern(ish), dark, and with a supporting cast of alcoholism, police brutality, prostitution and paedophilia - but don't let that put you off. It's actually quite impressive I managed to squish so much repungency, as well as a healthy dollop of angst and self-pity, into only 932 words.

The Princess and the: My little sister refused to let me continue reading until I explained why the princess didn't fall off. At the time, the princess was just strapped down by the helpful ladies-in-waiting, but that's where the idea sprouted form. I added in the original draft, just in case someone was interested (they could be, you don't know!). Yeah, well that's what I say, really it was just so that it moved back to the front pages so more people would read it and give me reviews :sigh: I'm the most despicable review hussy, but they give me such lovely warm fuzzies and really brighten my day (hint hint).

The Prince Who Spoke Gibberish: The title popped into my head, and then it was just a case of fitting it to a fairy tale and then writing the thing. The first of my Sleeping Beauties; so far with references to one sonnet and 3 plays Shakespearean, but there are more coming when I finally overhaul the thing. Somehow I actually considered writing another chapter but was wary to as it would mean mixing Regency-esque with modern and then I'd have had to go into the whole "Carriages without horses? O my! Hold me, Tom; I'm feeling woozy!" which I detest and refuse to write, but if I didn't it would be weird, therefore I could not write it (see how smoothly I talked myself out of that?). Currently (for the last, what? year or so?) the second chapter is being rewritten and vastly improved.

The Contrarian Tales: This sort of jumped out and whacked me over the head, shouting, 'Look at me! Aren't I pretty?' while I was reading Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett (disclaimerdisclaimerdisclaimer). It then proceeded to dance the can-can while humming the Star Wars Theme in two-part harmony. Anyway ... Title is homaging Chaucer, whom I adore (I also adore my brother who taught me the correct usage of 'who' and 'whom'). Sterling renditions of Rapunzel, The Emperor's New Clothes, Hansel and Gretel, Rapunzel again, Sleeping Beauty, Jack and the Beanstalk, The Valiant Tailor (as it happens, my favourite fairytale as a child), The Princess and the Pea, Cinderella, the Twelve Dancing Princesses, and Princess and the Pea again. I updated - I'm as shocked as you.

Ten Kinds of Fool: Sleeping Beauty has so many different and interesting elements, don't you think? This one's concentrating on those princes who didn't make it to the castle. I cannot write songs and am aware of this so for Richard I stole and adapted from the English folk song tradition and Shakespeare respectively - as a point of no particular importance, the The rain it raineth every day I was changing was from Twelfth Night but it also appears in King Lear slightly altered, amended, revised, or what you will. (See what I did there?) It is possible that one day there may be a further two parts sequelling and prequelling this story, if I ever get 'round to finishing them.

Heart of Gold: This is a strange story (and it ends where it ended). In fact it's not a story: it's a feminist statement hidden in a list disguised in the trappings of a story which is mostly sort of the Twelve Dancing Princesses. It's also told in extreme 1st person. But people don't seem to have been confused, I'm so happy. A few vaguely interesting things: Just-be-yourself-true-beauty's-on-the-inside is a relatively modern idea and it's Briony, who has the most modern affliction, who's closest to the little princess; I didn't plan it that way, happy accident. Beth uses lead based makeup, like Queen Elizabeth 1 (that was definitely planned). And Beatrix wears specifically an s-bend corset from the Edwardian period, which is why she throws herself about misquoting George Bernard Shaw.

I’d like to thank Ellen Jacee, slipshod, Die Schildkroten, Bingo7, Rachel, vanderspektacular, InChrist-Billios, Reader in the Corner, Lightzing, and Haven Linn (and my parents, and the Academy) who inadvertently and through no fault of their own made me think perhaps I could send it to a competition, and now it's in an honest-to-goodness actual book; crazy, ne c’est pas? So mysterious visitor to my profile - if you're wondering which story to read, it's this one, this is the actual good one.

The Truth About Sisters: This is a different story – different narrator, different tone, different genre – however, it will barely even make literal sense if you don’t read Heart of Gold first. This story also has a different approach to the main theme. I have a big sister; when she got a red polar fleece I had to get one just like it, and when she got a charcoal winter coat you better believe we were a matched pair before the year was out. Fashion and beauty are often confused, but one is transient and the other is transcendental. The ideas of beauty in HoG were learnt mainly from other women, mothers passing it down to their daughters, sisters to sisters, but they weren’t trying to hurt, disfigure, deform each other: none of them thought they were lying. Well, that’s the enormous subtext one can read into it, if one wants to. The truth about sisters is that they love each other (in my experience, which I sincerely hope isn’t unusual); the original title was simply Sisters and Bedtime.

The Ballad of the Golden Goose: Me and poetry. Huh. As may be obvious from other writings, I like making characters and love messing around with structure and form. And what is poetry if not pure structure and form? Plus I've found a way to fit character in as well. Poets among you will never speak to me again, but other than that: all is happy.

To my Son: How well do you know your fairy tales? I'll admit to having a ridiculous amount of fun writing this and fitting them in every which way. My final count was 3 myths, 2 folklores and 10 fairy tales, though references to them range from the glancing to the cryptic to the wet-salmon-to-the-side-of-the-head. I wanted to write a story about "and he went to seek his fortune" because it's one of those things that fairy tales seem to say because it's as good a starter as any, like "Once upon a time", and also because girls don't. Ever. Girls do something stupid and then have to go to seek their lovers.

Time Within Mind: A friend and I were watching the BBC Pride and Prejudice, Lizzie and Darcy kissed having just been married, we sighed, and my friend said, "And they all lived happily ever after. Until ten months later she dies at childbirth and he gets typhoid." I don't watch happy movies with her anymore. But that's where this story came from, and obliquely Sirenic Griffin's Barefoot. Halfway through I realised it had contracted a minor theme of Communication; keep that in mind while you read and it might make it more interesting.

Her Toes: Cinderella had staged a coup of my mental faculties and this and Time Within Mind were the result. It's a funny little thing about glass slippers just because I can so I did (in three hours, hours! it usually takes me months).

Sweet Rose and Wilde: I hope someone has noticed that until now all my titles had begun with either 'T' or 'H'; I have to keep myself amused somehow. There was a jacket in the shop where I work and according to the label its colour was 'Sweet Rose/Wild'. In December 2006 I was like, 'huh, that would make a cool title' and here we have the product, just two years later. I'm quietly going to put here, hidden away in the rest of my babble (don't keep reading if you want to figure out what the story's about yourself) this is a Sleeping Beauty story. If you have any questions, seriously ask them, at any point in time by any means; I will know the answer and if I don't I'll make it up so's I look as though I do.

Scandal Sheets: This story owes its being to Rosa Cotton who after reading the Contrarian Cindy Story said she wished she could see/read the 'desperate maiden-hunt' alluded to in said Story (well actually she said she "almost" wished and I picked that up, started running and ended up in Belgium again but whatever). And I updated it after only 3 years, will the wonders never cease?

The Roses: Was going to call it 'Sweet Rose and Wild' but that would have just been begging for trouble - anyway, it's where the idea came from, again. Another, 'nother, 'nother, 'nother Sleeping Beauty.

The Ones that Failed: So feey called her story Half-Formed Words (which you should go read now if you haven't yet - it's one of my Favourites) a 'failed fairy tale' which I think is one of the most beautiful, poignant phrases in the entire world and happily commandeered for my own purposes. A series of short little tales that don't quite make it. At the beginning of the first chapter there's a comprehensive overview of what you'll be getting yourself into.

Rapunzel: Martin Crimp's Attempts on Her Life I owe a great debt to for the idea of answer-phone messages. It's Rapunzel in a very fast, very loose fashion - as in light-speed and ... so tempting to make a crass joke right about now. If you want to make yourself useful, tell me if I laid on the green dress a bit thick.

Three Of Thousands: Just to put things in perspective, I started writing this before I finished Heart of Gold - when I say it takes me an age an a half to write anything I'm not kidding. It all started while writing a Sleeping Beauty (none of the ones published, another one, I have many) and trying to describe that feeling when someone takes your hand and you feel instantly comforted - the result of which is the title of the third tale - and it grew all out of proportion from there. I wrote them in backwards order; which isn't really relevant unless you like psychology and reading too much into things.

Monster: The origins of this story lie in two slipshod/bread and coal stories which she's gone and deleted on me. And then it was said writing in second person was hard and I couldn't pass on a challenge like that. People usually skip over Beast asking Beauty to marry him every night after dinner - I think it's one of the strangest, most interesting parts of the story.

Snow White: Yes, I'm making myself a wee mini-series of modern retellings here. I met up with my friend Lydia who's in med and she told me about her first human dissection. I thought this story was about sharing that experience and creeping people out but it's not. This is a story about ships passing in the night.

Jenny! Jenny, that was so not fair! I like - nay, love - replying to reviews. You have to tell me what the inside of the Lindo Ferguson is actually like - I've never been inside - and if I got the right lecturer for dissections - I chose the lady from the med website because the story felt so male-heavy - Jenny, I command you!

How to Begin: I only just realised two years and six days after the fact that I'd never written a blurb for this story, poor lonely thing. If you live in the Fairy Tale section long enough you start to notice certain trends; one of them I tackle in Like an Eye Witness, another is stories that begin 'Once upon a time is how these stories always begin'. I have a bad habit of leaving reviews to stories so I can tell the author that no actually they don't and what did saying that really add to your story? And, geez Louise, if you're going to do it, do the phrase justice. Thus this story and so forth.

Ad Undas: Written as part of the ACA 2009 Phenomenomenom for FaylinnNorse, who prompted thusly: Rapunzel, with pirates. No stupid questions/remarks. -- "My, you're so much heavier than the prince!" Must include swashbuckling and golden hair floating in the water. It's the longest thing I've ever written (even inculding my honour's dissertation - Addy was one of the few things that kept me sane during the last month of that) and it makes me inordinately happy, so enjoy.

Like an Eyewitness: I do not like, and do not read on principle, stories whose summaries are something along the lines of "My name is [name]. I want to tell you the truth about [fairy tale]. This is my story" - it's an old and tired cliché, and I find the concept of 'truth' ludicrous in relation to fairy tales anyway. So this is my reaction to that. A quote from Tim O'Brien for you: "A thing may happen and be a total lie; another thing may not happen and be truer than the truth."

Good Enough: So I was walking home one day with my ipod on, and a line from Simon and Garfunkel's 'America' got all suggestive on me, and before I got home I had what I wanted to say planned out and it was written that evening. And then I, being me, spent the better part of five months tinkering with it until I decided to unleash it upon you all, le sigh. It was originally supposed to be a One that FAILed but then it didn't really fail, it just got its happy ending ... suspended a bit.

if you touch me again i will: As said (somewhere, I forget where, I say a lot of things), I have a habit of taking anything that particularly strikes me and twisting it about until I can make it into a fairy tale, and the circumstance of the poem this story is written around was very familiar to me. Passive agression ftw. Linking likewise themes, it's kind of similar in its thoughts to those running about behind 'In the Tradition of Lear' which is the ... fourteenth? One that Failed.

From Andersen Sanders: Written for the ACA 2011 Ficathon for Captain Fantastic, who prompted thusly: A Little Mermaid tale in which the main character realizes that she does not love the prince after all, and a story in which the "Cinderella" who fits into the shoe is not the girl who was at the ball. I have fanart! (And there would be a link there but the ff gods hate links so you'll just have to search 'Andersen Sanders' on deviantart should you wish to see it.)

Annis Milligan: (Title will almost certainly be subject to change.) Quoth I to slipshod, "like what kind of story [would you like if you won]?". And she to I, "like a story about robots! a steampunk fairy tale in which a main character is a robot!" And thus did begin my Cinderella steampunk tale. It's ... interesting, shall we say, to try and write in a very visual kind of genre when my writing style leans heavily towards dialogue and as little description as I can get away with, but I get to look up up pretty steampunk clothes as totes legit research, yay!

Don't: If one were taking Clar the Pirate's Literary Tour, this story would end you up outside an empty shopfront on Princes Street where I destroyed my lower back writing on a too low table. Unsurprisingly, I don't like The Girl With No Hands, I don't like it at all. And therefore I write a story about it? Pretty much.

Destiny's Ending: The Captain - man, how many years ago was it? I might have still been an undergraduate - gave me an idea for a One that FAILed and then it turned into something more. I blame it on us both being English Majors but whenever I write something for her it ends up being meta.

Beauty and the Beast: Among the many things I did to avoid writing my dissertation, I read all of Neil Gaiman's Sandman comics and was immediately filled with the desire to make a comic. But I can't draw. You see my predicament. So that's where this came from; and from doing a restorative justice programme at the local Corrections Facility; and hating it when books think that the hero beating the bad guy to a pulp is an acceptable, noble even, just dessert; and MertleYuts being awesome and winning an imaginary contest.

The C3PO: (you can't tell me that's not what you thought of first time you saw 'C2')

I just like Sleeping Beauty, okay. So you don't have to, I've been through all 153 (last time I checked) pages and found every Sleeping Beauty in the Fairy Tales section. This is not all of them, there are over a hundred and I can only be thankful that I wasn't trying to collect all the BatBs. All of them are good but my personal recommendations are What's to Come, Stasis, and the two poems by Mad Poetess.

Help Wanted: Must Love Footnotes. If you have the time and nothing better to do, and enjoy potentially being bored out of your mind / finding literary gems pertaining to sleeping princesses, come be my long-story slogger. I have the list of stories but now need someone of good taste to read them and decide whether they should be included in the C2.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Rosemary Potatoes by MertleYuts reviews
"Will you marry me?" "No" "Why?" Because the Beast deserves an answer, and Beauty has far too many.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,146 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 8 - Published: 3/15/2013 - Complete
One Thread Pulled by Artemis Acorn reviews
PREVIEW - Now that the book has been published, only the first chapter remains on FFN as a preview. What would have happened if Lizzy did not hear the insult "She is tolerable I suppose, but not handsome enough to tempt me" at the Assembly Ball? How does Elizabeth behave when her own pride was not mortified? This AU version explores the possibilities
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,383 - Reviews: 2494 - Favs: 1,212 - Follows: 1,179 - Updated: 8/18/2012 - Published: 12/18/2010 - Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy
Saving Bluebeard by Mlle Shiow Jen reviews
Bluebeard isn't in the only one with secrets . . .
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 136 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/14/2011 - Complete
Red Light, Green Light by orchidvines reviews
You're a little screwed up. No, seriously. Everything you meddle in just spontaneously combusts. Kind of like the Midas Touch, but just, you know, less about gold and more about crap. Emma, Modern Day.
Emma - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 65,840 - Reviews: 413 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 7/21/2010 - Published: 4/30/2009 - Complete
Twenty Months by Dee12 reviews
Today was the day Fitzwilliam Marcus Darcy would reclaim his sense of propriety, snap out of this funk, and bring pride back to the Darcy name. And then a pregnant girl decided it would be a very good idea to stop by and ruin his life.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 88,101 - Reviews: 2297 - Favs: 1,597 - Follows: 1,031 - Updated: 5/2/2010 - Published: 10/17/2006 - Complete
Snapshots from a Rose Garden by claudiastar reviews
Three short vignettes updating three well known fairy tales. Oneshot, reviews appreciated
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,587 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 11 - Published: 3/2/2009 - Complete
End Of the Line by shewhoguards reviews
Hell was, Snape decided, a crowded railway platform.Post Deathly Hallows. Contains spoilers.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Discworld - Rated: T - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 30,933 - Reviews: 786 - Favs: 2,150 - Follows: 575 - Updated: 10/31/2008 - Published: 7/22/2007 - Severus S. - Complete
Tatterhood: Don't Mess With A GoatRider by taniaSLA reviews
The old fairy tale of the girl who rides a goat, carries a wooden spoon, and is as strange and uncontrollable as her red hair, re-told.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 12,244 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/20/2008 - Published: 9/25/2008 - Complete
Archetype by Silver Pard reviews
Jack is a constellation of events and motifs.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,187 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 12 - Published: 7/16/2008 - Complete
Drifting by FaylinnNorse reviews
And she was always drifting, without an anchor to hold her down to sea or land. Little Mermaid oneshot.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,911 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/12/2008 - Complete
Heirlooms by Nelras reviews
A series of largely unrelated oneshots about the generation following several tales.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,555 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/24/2008 - Published: 5/11/2006
Remember What I Said by Naladot reviews
Cinderella's wicked stepmother was always lying to her own daughter. Oneshot.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,037 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Complete
The Central Trails by Proverbial3013 reviews
The first little bit of the General Prologue of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, modernised and translated.
Misc. Books - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 204 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/13/2008 - Complete
Frog Prince? by EstellaB reviews
One evening, whilst everyone is quietly reading, playing chess, or worrying about Valentine's Day, Jill does something startling.
Chronicles of Narnia - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 740 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/2/2008 - Eustace Scrubb, Jill Pole - Complete
The March Stepper by Die Schildkroten reviews
An omniscient narrator's eye view retelling of the story of The Three Billy Goats Gruff, with special appearances by a Girl.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 17,300 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/3/2007 - Published: 9/26/2007
Half Formed Words by feey reviews
One Shot. A failed fairy tale, from one point of view. Beauty is not the only one who returns to the Beast and his castle.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 464 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/22/2007 - Complete
Erlkönig by Subtilior reviews
Sarah takes Toby to a concert of art song. It is the darkest evening of the year. Words have power. Songs can be magic. And undying love can be more terrible than beautiful ... Please read and respond!
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 16 - Words: 52,230 - Reviews: 522 - Favs: 761 - Follows: 157 - Updated: 9/21/2007 - Published: 4/26/2007 - Complete
Entrapment by DallaLuna reviews
Nonromantic BatB. 'You have no reason to hate me,' I tell you, my fists balling of their own accord. 'You shouldn’t torture me as you do. It’s not fair. I cannot help what I feel, but you CAN. Tell me to leave. Release me. Please.'
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,927 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/30/2007 - Complete
Breaking point by coolchick207 reviews
Sometimes it hurts so badly, you can't imagine that you could possibly still be alive... Everyone has a breaking point, and one cold night in November, Dr Temperance Brennan finds hers. Edited and reposted.
Bones - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,820 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 13 - Published: 10/20/2006 - Complete
On Beauty by Hedgewitchery reviews
Just a little poem, from the POV of a man musing on the woman he loves.
Immortals, Tamora Pierce - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 172 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/23/2006 - Complete
We Didn't Get Clowns by Willow21 reviews
It's Josh's brithday and the campaign staff have organised a party, but the birthday boy is hiding. Basically my idea as to why Josh doesn't celebrate his birthday Josh, Leo, Donna
West Wing - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,076 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/21/2006 - Josh L., Leo M. - Complete
A Perfect Queen by LeBibish reviews
Cinderella slash.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,046 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/29/2004 - Complete
A Postmodernist's Hansel and Gretel by Rocketfox reviews
Ever wondered what 'Hansel and Gretel' was REALLY about? Certain there were some socio-political connotations or Freudian innuendo in that gingerbread house? (For all high school students studying Postmodernism and not understanding a word of it...)
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,034 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 7 - Published: 3/6/2003
Opaque by Northlight reviews
"Good girls did not become Companions." Mal/Inara.
Firefly - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,053 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/25/2002
But He Spun So Well by Mad Poetess reviews
Rumple-who? (As well as being an evil take on the little guy, it's possibly the world's longest run-on sentence with the exception of anything written by James Joyce.)
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 718 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/25/2001
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Ones that Failed reviews
If you think about the number of coincidences that string your average fairy tale together it's a wonder that any manage to succeed. But for the moment let's forget about them, because these are the ones that failed.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Suspense - Chapters: 33 - Words: 32,458 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 2/22/2014 - Published: 6/26/2008
From Andersen Sanders reviews
The Little Mermaid, but only if she decided she didn't really love the prince and took to gallivanting about the known world instead.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 40 - Words: 41,816 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 1/31/2014 - Published: 6/12/2011 - Complete
Beauty and the Beast reviews
He was a vigilante superhero on a crusade for justice. She was just on her way home. They fight crime.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Crime - Chapters: 10 - Words: 13,000 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 1/8/2014 - Published: 6/4/2013
The Outrageous Ashley Winding reviews
Kept doing one outrageous thing after another and no one ever stopped him.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,206 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/9/2013 - Complete
Destiny's Ending reviews
The stories we tell ourselves. Tonight it was Cinderella. Her glass slippers broke – multiple lacerations to the soles of her feet, spent the better part of two hours digging the glass out.
Fairy Tales - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,704 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/28/2013 - Complete
Sprookjesachtig reviews
A series of stories that grew while I was writing 'From Andersen Sanders' - fairy tales for the women it glanced over.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,324 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/2/2013
Annis Milligan reviews
A story of Scandal! Downfall! and Murder Most Dire! featuring a Cinderella who refuses to be downtrodden, a mortiferous Duke, and a phrenologically-conversant robot.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,250 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/24/2012 - Published: 10/26/2011
Don't reviews
The Girl With No Hands. After this, therefore because of this.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 589 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Published: 12/2/2011 - Complete
Scandal Sheets reviews
Dotty Dauphin Dashes After Damsel! The media fall-out of one prince's mad man-hunt for his mysterious midnight maiden. And now a further fairy tale finds fresh refurbished in frantic frippery.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,511 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/25/2011 - Published: 3/14/2008 - Complete
if you touch me again i will reviews
Mm, the title doesn't have capitals. A little portrait of one of those oh so noble and selfless youngest children who seem to populate fairy tales.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 957 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/4/2011 - Complete
Good Enough reviews
Snow White. A failed One that Failed, actually - but it's terribly cute about it.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,863 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Published: 12/31/2010
Ad Undas reviews
Lat. 'to the waves'. Rapunzel, with pirates.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 14,999 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 11/3/2010 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Complete
Like an Eyewitness reviews
The true story of Cinderella.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 753 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 13 - Published: 7/14/2010
The Contrarian Tales reviews
Well, they could have just as easily been called 'How the Wicked Queen Danced in Red Hot Shoes' or 'The Old Lady in the Oven'. It all depends on how much you know.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,628 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 10/17/2009 - Published: 10/3/2006 - Complete
How to Begin reviews
Once', 'upon' and 'a time'.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 489 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Published: 9/15/2009 - Complete
Snow White reviews
What colour were her eyes? A not-quite-a-retelling of modern, fast, and loose proportions. Your warning: set in med school and, shall we say, poetically graphic.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,152 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/11/2009 - Complete
Monster reviews
A neurotic mess of a Beauty and the Beast story; about words and monsters, and love if you can call it that.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 649 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 10 - Published: 10/21/2008 - Complete
Three of Thousands reviews
You have heard the story of Little Kay and the Snow Queen no doubt, but the mirror that began it all shattered into a thousand fragments. And each has a story of its own.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,065 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/9/2008 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Complete
Rapunzel reviews
A modern not-quite-a-retelling that began with the question: what constitutes a tower with neither stairs nor doors today?
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,410 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Published: 7/13/2008 - Complete
The Roses reviews
Two roses guard a sleeping beauty and judge all those who seek her.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 594 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 11 - Published: 4/19/2008 - Complete
Sweet Rose and Wilde reviews
Rose and Rose live in a tower which is not particularly tall, though Rose does sleep in the highest room. Oscar visits them there.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,753 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/16/2008 - Published: 2/3/2008 - Complete
Her Toes reviews
I recently considered becoming the owner of a pair of transparent shoes. This story is dedicated to them.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 499 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 8 - Published: 1/21/2008 - Complete
Time Within Mind reviews
How long are twelve strokes of midnight? A thought about Cinderella, albeit a very lengthy one.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,621 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/17/2008 - Complete
To my Son reviews
Once on a time there was a boy named Jack, and one morning he started to go and seek his fortune. An obscure little letter from his mother on the nature of fairy tales.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 621 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 12/1/2007 - Complete
The Ballad of the Golden Goose reviews
If one were stuck to the back of a goose, one might be tempted to attempt writing a poem or two, to pass the time.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 8 - Words: 1,164 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 11/7/2007 - Published: 9/11/2007 - Complete
The Truth About Sisters reviews
An optional happy ending of sorts for Heart of Gold, this won't make much sense if you haven't read it.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 600 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Published: 9/4/2007 - Complete
Heart of Gold reviews
There once upon a time was a King with twelve daughters, each more beautiful than the last.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,838 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/31/2007 - Complete
Ten Kinds of Fool reviews
From time to time, several kings' sons came, and tried to break through the thicket into the palace. This, however, none of them could ever do for the thorns and bushes laid hold of them.
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,220 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/11/2007 - Complete
The Prince Who Spoke Gibberish reviews
or The Princess Who Overslept
Fairy Tales - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,693 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/20/2006 - Published: 8/18/2006 - Complete
The Princess and the reviews
One would think that a country would not entrust the choosing of their future queen to a vegetable. Not even a very special vegetable just a common, gardenvariety pea! With new! bonus material
Fairy Tales - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,705 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 5 - Updated: 7/30/2006 - Published: 6/24/2006 - Complete
Han Solo reviews
One shot Unfortunately, not a crossover in sight. Just a little Hansel and Gretel ficlet.
Fairy Tales - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 983 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/9/2006 - Complete
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