Author has written 11 stories for Song of the Lioness, Mediator, Janet Evanovich, and 1-800-Where-R-You.
The Bucket List
Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
Jane: I feel like I just found out that my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.
Jane: Oh yeah, I'm a real good cocker.
Kevin[into recorder Likes cock.
Kevin: Do you not have any needs?
Jane: No, I'm Jesus.
Kevin: Love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly going out of your mind
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Jack Sparrow[reading off a map "Up is down"? Well, that's just maddenly unhelpful.
Will Turner: I told myself, think like Jack.
Jack Sparrow: And this is what you came up with? It's like you don't know me at all, mate.
Jack Sparrow: Why should I side with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past... one of you succeeded
Jack Sparrow: You know, for all that pirates are clever-clogs, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things.
Jack Sparrow: I once sailed with a geezer lost both his arms and part of his eye.
Gibbs: What did you call him?
Jack Sparrow[pause Larry.
Jack Sparrow: Nobody move! I've dropped me brain.
Mistress Ching: Who is this traitor?
Barbossa: Most likely not one among us.
Elizabeth Swann[pause Where's Will?
Jack Sparrow: Not among us.
Jack Sparrow: Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.
Jack Sparrow: We shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited!
Lord Cutler Beckett: You're mad.
Jack Sparrow: Well thank goodness for that, 'cause if I wasn't this would probably never work.
[catapults himself onto his ship landing safely on his feet behind his crew
Jack Sparrow: And that was without a single drop of rum.
Gibbs: Well, slap me thrice and hand me to me mama!
Governor Swann: Elizabeth, are you dead?
Elizabeth Swann: No!
Governor Swann: I think I am.
Captain Sao Feng: Drop your weapons, or I kill the man!
Barbossa: Kill him, he's not our man.
Maggie McGlone: Your wife left you. Your best friend is dead. You sound like a country song. If you had a dog, he'd be run over by now.
Jake Fischer: So do you have a name?
Emily Thomas: Yes, "Don't forget my money"...
Jake Fischer: OK... Do you have middle name?
Ben Randall[On his "number" It's 22.
Jake Fischer: Well that's not... bad... It's not 200 but...
Ben Randall: 22 is the number of people that I've lost. It's the only number that I've kept track of.
Jake Fischer: You gotta make a move!
Billy Hodge: I can't. I get nervous.
Jake Fischer: You're tellin' me you can jump outta helicopters but you're afraid to go talk to a girl?
Billy Hodge: Uh... pretty much, yea.
Mike Teavee: Who wants a beard?
Willy Wonka: Well, beatniks for one, folk singers and motorbike riders. Y'know. All those hip, jazzy, super cool, neat, keen, and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o! Are you hip to the jive? Can you dig what I'm layin' down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother!
Shrek: Join the club. We got jackets.
Shrek: Aww, look at him, in his wee lil' boots! I mean, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly?
Donkey: Oh, don't feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you.
Riley Poole: Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
Abigail Chase: Are you crying, Riley?
Riley Poole: Look... Stairs.
Riley Poole: For the record, Ben, I like the house.
Ben Gates: You know, I chose this estate because in 1812 Charles Carroll met...
Riley Poole: Yeah, someone that did something in history and had fun. Great. Wonderful.
Bruce: Behind every great man... is a woman rolling her eyes
Bruce: And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Grace: I've got a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
Bruce: Well I'm IB positive. I be positive they ain't touching me with no needle.
George of the Jungle
Narrator: Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.
Ramón: Just a moment. I hear people wanting something... ME!
Ramón: Kiss my frozen tushy! Kiss it, kiss it!
Memphis: You bet you will. The word triumph starts with "try" and ends with...?
Young Mumble: umph?
Memphis: That's right, a big ol' UMPH!
Raul: What you huggin me for?
Ramón: He told me to.
Raul: Get away.
Ramón: No, you like it!
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
Achoo: Hey, Blinkin!
Blinkin: Did you say "Abe Lincoln"?
Blinkin: Oh, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Robin Hood: He's dead?
Robin Hood: And my mother?
Blinkin: She died of pneumonia while - oh, you were away!
Robin Hood: And my brothers?
Blinkin: There were all killed by the plague.
Robin Hood: My dog, Pogo?
Blinkin: Run over by a carriage.
Robin Hood: My goldfish, Goldie?
Blinkin: Eaten by the cat.
Robin Hood: My cat?
Blinkin: Choked on the goldfish.
Angry Villagers: LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!
Robin Hood: Lend me your ears!
[Crowd proceeds to pull off ears and throw them at Robin
Robin Hood: That's disgusting!
Scarlet: Blinkin! Fix your boobs; you look like a bleedin' Picasso!
Prince John: Send word to one and all, and all and one... that's a little redundant, isn't it?
Maid Marian: This means you've always been my one true love because it's just the right size!
Sheriff of Rottingham: It's not the size that counts... It's how you use it!
Robin Hood: BLINKIN!
Blinkin: Master Robin, Is that you?
Robin Hood: Yes.
Blinkin: What back from the Crusades?
Robin Hood: Yes.
Blinkin: And alive?
Robin Hood[pause yes.
Maid Marian: Broomhilde, there's a foul plot afoot.
Broomhilde: It's not my feet, I just washed them.
"Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing."
-- Ranger Mañoso
"If we were gonna stalk someone it wouldn't be no chicken impersonator working for minimum wage."
“Babe. You just looked me up and down like I was lunch.”
“I need a doughnut. I really need a doughnut.”
“That would have been my second guess.”
-- Ranger & Steph
I knew Ranger was beside me because I could see his earring gleaming in the moonlight. Everything else about him--his T-shirt, his flack vest, his slicked-back hair, and 9-mm Glock--was as black as the night. Even his skin tone seemed to darken in shade. Ricardo Carlos Manoso, the Cuban-American chameleon.