Author has written 11 stories for Song of the Lioness, Mediator, Janet Evanovich, and 1-800-Where-R-You.
The Bucket List
: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
: I feel like I just found out that my favorite love song was written about a sandwich.
: Oh yeah, I'm a real good cocker.
: Do you not have any needs?
: Love is patient, love is kind, love is slowly going out of your mind
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
[reading off a map "Up is down"? Well, that's just maddenly unhelpful.
: I told myself, think like Jack.
: Why should I side with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past... one of you succeeded
: You know, for all that pirates are clever-clogs, we are an unimaginative lot when it comes to naming things.
: Nobody move! I've dropped me brain.
: Who is this traitor?
: Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness.
: We shall have a magnificent garden party and you're not invited!
: You're mad.
: Well, slap me thrice and hand me to me mama!
: Elizabeth, are you dead?
: Drop your weapons, or I kill the man!
: Your wife left you. Your best friend is dead. You sound like a country song. If you had a dog, he'd be run over by now.
: So do you have a name?
[On his "number" It's 22.
: You gotta make a move!
: Who wants a beard?
: Join the club. We got jackets.
: Aww, look at him, in his wee lil' boots! I mean, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly?
: Oh, don't feel bad, Shrek. Almost everybody who meets you wants to kill you.
: Who wants to go down the creepy tunnel inside the tomb first?
: Are you crying, Riley?
: For the record, Ben, I like the house.
: Behind every great man... is a woman rolling her eyes
: And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
: I've got a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
George of the Jungle
: Don't worry. Nobody dies in this story. They just get really big boo-boos.
: Just a moment. I hear people wanting something... ME!
: Kiss my frozen tushy! Kiss it, kiss it!
: You bet you will. The word triumph starts with "try" and ends with...?
: What you huggin me for?
Robin Hood: Men in Tights
: Hey, Blinkin!
: Oh, this never would have happened if your father was alive.
Angry Villagers: LEAVE US ALONE, MEL BROOKS!
: Lend me your ears!
: Blinkin! Fix your boobs; you look like a bleedin' Picasso!
: Send word to one and all, and all and one... that's a little redundant, isn't it?
: This means you've always been my one true love because it's just the right size!
: Broomhilde, there's a foul plot afoot.
"Last time you called me late at night you were naked and chained to your shower curtain rod. I hope this isn't going to be disappointing."
-- Ranger Mañoso
"If we were gonna stalk someone it wouldn't be no chicken impersonator working for minimum wage."
“Babe. You just looked me up and down like I was lunch.”
-- Ranger & Steph
I knew Ranger was beside me because I could see his earring gleaming in the moonlight. Everything else about him--his T-shirt, his flack vest, his slicked-back hair, and 9-mm Glock--was as black as the night. Even his skin tone seemed to darken in shade. Ricardo Carlos Manoso, the Cuban-American chameleon.
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