Poll: It's simple... Which would you prefer; Cake, or Death? Vote Now!
Author has written 21 stories for Gilmore Girls, Naruto, Twilight, Final Fantasy VII, Bleach, Black Jewels Trilogy, and Sherlock.
I am going to die by either A) Being glomped to death, B) Being run over by an ambulance, or C) A friend is going to decide that they wont use the axe I lent them to kill the creepy mass-murderer, but come after me instead.
When I die, I wont laugh at Death. Oh no. I'll instead give him a list of names on who to bring with me, like the explosives weren't enough...
Dromerige Schat der Nacht ~ Carpe Noctem.
"Honour isn't about doing the 'right thing'... Its about dealing with the consequences."
Decus Permanit - Honour Prevails.
Ba'ad az ar tariki, roshani ast - After every darkness, there is light (Afghan proverb)
Pede poena claudo. Punishment comes limping. Retribution comes slowly, but surely.
Aut viam inveniam aut faciam - I will either find a way, or make one
(If any of these translations are wrong, please tell me and I'll be glad to fix them...)
You are an Opportunist Seme!
Preying on the clueless is what you're all about. You really don't intend to hurt anyone, but if a bit of harmless manipulation can get you what you want, you're not beyond taking a little advantage of someone, which you figure is an even exchange for your companionship anyway. Not one for lots of drama, you are best paired with the Clueless Uke, who will appreciate your attention and never bat an eye at your slightly sneaky ways.
Most compatible with: Clueless Uke, Innocent Uke
Least compatible with: Badass Uke
Figured it was finally time I put something here... So, huh, what do you want to know? Ask, and I'll probably add it... Maybe... If I can be bothered...
Name: Well people here either know me as crazy-lady, or Dreamer. I'll answer to either... -shrug- Lately you can also add 'Princess', 'Schatje', 'Little Demon', and 'peluche' to that... I know that I'm forgetting 'some' as well... Uhm Blossom, Ting Ting, EvyKiwi, Evil!Beta/Muse-Lady... and so on... Also Angel. From the Devil-Lady. Yea... don't ask
Location: New Zealand!! Or as I normally call it - Kiwiland! Although 'Sheepland' would probably be more accurate...
Hair: A light brown that shines golden/bronze in the sun... Can seem almost blond. Hangs between my shoulders and mid-back - its different layers/lengths - and annoyingly straight.
Side Note: My friends want to shave me so that they can make my hair into a wig, but as they 'debate' who gets it first, they completely forget that they were planning to make me bald in the first place to get said wig. (Thank. God.) UPDATE: They say they no longer want my hair. I'm sensing a conspiracy - they are only trying to lull me into a sense of security... But I'm on to them. UPDATE THE SECOND: I'm gonna grow it out and shave it off for charity on my 21st :3 Yay me.
Eyes: A weird colour that changes on mood, lighting, and day. Seriously. Blue/green/grey/hazel all is there... Just... In different quantities :S
Age: Nineteen, Birthday is in October.
Sex: If you haven't guessed by now; Female.
Hmmm what else... Likes: Quotes. My hair where it is. Books, Fanfiction, Reading... ;P Music, Friends (despite all evidence to the contrary, I do love them. Maybe. Kinda. A little... To be completely honest they'd kill me if I tried to run), Skiing, Hokey, Beaches, Mountains, hmmmm what else... Reading yaoi on days that end with 'y' ...
Hokey Pokey ice cream, Pineapple Lumps, L&P, the Kea, Pukeko and Mawpawk (?)... Kiwiana Stuff. Oh and a steak and mushroom pie...
On fanfiction; Toki Mirage, SarissaDiablo, phoenix catcher, Abby Ebon, amitai, The Morrigu, Stalker of Stories, Branwen777, Bittersweet Alias...
Published; Anne Bishop (she has changed how I view fantasy), Kelly Armstrong, John Marsden, Tamora Pierce, Anthony Horrowitz...
Manga/Anime: Ouran Host Club, Jing; King of Bandits, Love Mode, Tsubasa, Fullmetal Alchemist...
Books: Too many... Seriously, way too many for me to remember half of them at any given moment...
Music: Pretty much everything... Adoring 'Poets Of The Fall' at the moment... Mal luv, I bow before your greatness! -bows-
Habbits: Chewing my nails, biting my lips - which has greatly increased in frequency due to one Vixen... stumbling as I walk around due to thinking of said Vixen, making faces as I think, humming in exams, playing with my hair, fiddling with any of the rings I am wearing at that moment in time - my necklace is also free game, cracking my knuckles, etc etc... I am a major fidget. I really do find it impossible to stay still. I have a theory on the knuckle cracking - it seems to happen more often in the heat and cold. So middle of summer and winter. Hunh.
Studying: At the University of Auckland. Yay me. A BA (Bachelor of Arts) and I'm changing my mind on what I want to major in. Probably Ancient History or Classics now, with English, Philosophy and Psychology thrown in... Aaaaand some education papers too.
My Luvs: I have managed to find a group or wonderfully insane people -grins- I call them my luvs. They are (and in no particular order) : Roos, Toki Mirage, Momonster, Emrys Nerlun, Aina Riddle, Malaquita, Marmee Noir, Starrie Wolf, Eloise Rosier, and Valar Morghulis.
Now there's one who has managed to steal my heart. SarissaDiablo. Love, please try not to smirk too much when you read this... -kisses cheek-
I'm also Momonster's beta lady/muse/scary person/thing. Its so much fun helping a madwoman plan torture... -whistles-
Huh, should probably mention my stories... Hehehe? -sweatdrop-
Story Tally: Naruto - 7. Final Fantasy VII - 6. Black Jewels - 2. Bleach - 2. Twilight - 1. Gilmore Girls - 1.
In the Arms of an Angel - Wrote it years ago on multiple post-it's... (Oooh it was fun typing it up... Haven't looked at it in ages. Not sure if I want to...) It's a Trory - Gilmore Girls... Good god. About Tristan looking back on his life, and looking at how Rory influenced it. My favorite line, that I have managed to remember all this time (and I think it inspired the entire thing), is "A house is not a home." Wonder how many people fully understand what is meant by it..
How to Kill Orochimaru - I was bored on the bus, I think, and thought of how many people are rather... Opinionated... On the Third's Law, and its effectiveness. Wondered what a good and loyal shinobi would do, if faced with Orochimaru telling someone. Thus, it was born. Complete and utter crack. Take seriously at own risk.
How to Kill Sakura - PhelpstwinsandElftwins, has written a series of crack! stories of unusual pairings in Naruto my favorite being 'You Should Be Proud' and I offered to off someone for her, and she wanted Sakura killed. Voila! Also crack.
How to Kill Annoying Vamps, Part I - Momo, dearest Momo - more commonly known as Momonster - gave me a challenge to kill Aro, and yea, managed it pretty quickly, and then she read it and helped polish it up, so this one is dedicated to you luv. Please, no killing of Dreamer, yea?
Speaking of, Give me someone to kill, from anywhere, and I'll see what insanity strikes.
My latest stories... You'll notice in the summary they all say 'For SarissaDiablo', yes? Well that's because I love her and adore her and wanted to show that. I had talked to the wonderful Momonster - so she's onboard, so to say. Momo has finally published her massive smutty story of sheer awesomeness. Sooo, yea. Now to remember each story... -facepalms-
Phone Sex? - Eh, I think the title is pretty self explanatory. But anyway, a comment made by Mistress Penelope about phone sex made me want to write something along those lines, and here we have it, the results. Very special as it contains Zack and Cloud and Zack's general pervertedness. You know you love it~
Blue - Naruto story, with Kaka/Naru and the ability of the past to haunt you. Not too much angst, I hope, but still enough to move. Hopefully -crosses fingers- Written because my computer is psychic. :D
Scars - Light-hearted Kenpachi/Ichigo. As light-hearted as a bloody fight that is just foreplay can be anyway... Written because of a comment said by the wonderful SarissaDiablo -hugs her-
Boredom - I was bored before class. And staring at clouds. Its kinda natural that I think of Shika, and thus Naruto...
Safe - Written straight after Boredom, it has the same characters (Naruto and Shika) and is completely pointless. Like holy cow I have no idea why I wrote even wrote it pointless. Maybe because I was so bored? -shrugs-
Comming of Age - I aint gonna regurgitate the AN in there as its long and just thinking of it gives me a headache. -glares at Momo- Basically, Zack experiences a moment we have all gone through - or will - as we grow up. And yes, it is supposed to be over the top with over use of italics. Its Hyper-hyper-hyper!Zack, after all... The entire story is also proof I think in squiggles. I managed to get the toenail scene from someone talking about a belt. Do. Not. Ask. Just no.
Headaches - a Black Jewels fic, mainly because I think Daemon and Lucivar are too cute for their own good. Another over-use of italics, but c'mon, they're excitable little kids... For Valar Morghulis as well as SarissaDiablo - the only ones I know personally who have read the BJ trilogy without me having to recommend it to them first! You both rock!
Masks of Madness - Hinted Gaa/Naru, and works on the cliche of Gaara being completely unhinged and how Naruto changed that. Hope that I did manage to bring a slightly different perspective to it... The thing is with this story what is left unsaid is key. I'll probably do more along the theme of Masks... In Naruto, BJ, and probably HP too... I'm not too sure if its possible in Bleach... Hm. Urahara. -taps chin- This deserves more thought... But yea, trying to do a perspective of a madman as they are mad? Not easy... Momo, and everyone else for that matter - no comments on my own questionable sanity please.
Sleep Deeply - Cute Bleach family ficlet. Family bonding over past embarrassment, and simply being there for a sibling or siblings. Spawned because something very similar to that just happened, and my little-giant of a brother I 'affectionately' call Betty is sleeping behind me.
Fight... Or Flight - a BJ story, might not be up-dated again... multi-chap, and will be done with advice from Valar Morghulis. Will also have a sequel called 'Flight... Or Fight' Pretty much stories on the one time Daemon ran away instead of fought and more importantly why, and the first of many times he defied Dorothea and her ally's. My version of the start of how he gained the reputation as The Sadist. As of 28/4/10 Yea ok this story is pretty much dead... Anyone want to adopt the plunny?
Fruit Salad - FFVII, something I wrote for Momonster as well as SarissaDiablo. Thank you Momo for being awesome and wonderful! -kisses cheek- Keep spreading the insanity~ Um, the story is pretty much random insanity and smut. My longest story yet I do believe...
The Offer - FFVII again. What can I say? I love it... At the moment pre-slash, I'm pretty certain it'll be smutty later... much later. It will make sense if you know me, if not, no worries - just smile. Written most specifically for SarissaDiablo - and yea, can't really think of anything else to say... oooh wait, yea, I think I might just have been the first to write a Seph/Tseng/Cloud fic. Mebbe. XD
Why Me? - A FFVII story that is a continuation from 'Comming of Age' - might turn into a series - short and fun, so why not? - Probably will be called "Battle of Wits" and is written primarily to celebrate SarissaDiablo's return. Love ya! -big smoochies-
Last story written for SarissaDiablo... for now, at any rate.
Morals - Naruto, A plunny that attacked during uni and wanted to be written... What I've got is what I got from it before it abandoned me... Feel free to adopt if it attacks you too...
So. Not. Fair. - FFVII, third in Battle of Wits. Mo and I were talking, somehow my misadventures with technology came up, the line "Inowannadie" also starred - have yet to work that in, but its coming, promise! - and yea. Oh, and in case anyone actually reads this and cares, the rants Zack has, and will have, are rants I have had. Just so you know.
And now, if anyone reads this, and cares, and can be bothered... I'm writing a fair amount of stuff. Just not all of it is fanfic. In fact, I'm pretty much writing no fanfics. Instead, I am writing little snippets/drabble things about my vixen and posting them on Deviant Art. My username there is Naomi-Kasumi and yea, feel free to check it out, though there is no pressure to do so :D If you do, you will get a damned good glimpse into my mind, and how it is a dangerous place to be...
Also, I'm a kiwi, as I said before. So I have weird spelling. Also take into account that recently I've been talking a lot to people all over the world, who spell the same thing in some cases three different ways. I get confused. Easily. Just write it off as a weird kiwi thing - like 'colours', and using an 's' instead of a 'z'... You weird people... :3
I'm kind, idealistic, mean, sarcastic, dense, observant - I am both and all yet neither. Paradox? Yes. But true..., a bit of a prude in certain situations, a hypocrite, and a walking contradiction. I am also unfailingly loyal to those who I call friends - to the point where I wonder what the hell I am doing up at four in the morning, with no sleep, and working ten hours in two hours, because a friend was bored, boy/girl-friend/family troubles, and then they thank me, and I know I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I am also gonna say 'ja ik wil' one day, and frankly, nothing has ever made me happier.
Just a warning. I do not abide racism, homophobia, or anything that is needlessly insulting. We are all people, we all bleed the same colour, as cliché as it is - it doesn't make it suddenly false - and everyone deserves a basic respect until they have done something to insult you personally.
Another Thing - I saw this in a profile recently - sadly, I can't remember who's - and I fully agree - I will not write a yaoi/slash/shounen ai warning. Not until it is compulsory, and even then, if it isn't compulsory to warn that something has a 'het pairing, do not read if you do not like', etc etc. I find it incredibly biased and unfair that people get so iffy about something that is clearly stated repeatedly in amazing fics.
Toki Mirage's 'Bloody Skies' comes readily to mind. If you don't like the fact that it has some man-love going on, don't read. If you do read, its your choice to do so, none of this 'Your story would be better if it was het' b.s. ...
Ooh and people. Really, look at who the main characters are. While not always telling of the pairing, it is a good indicator all the same. It is not that hard to use what should be between your ears!
Stop the Pairing Wars!
By copying and pasting this in your profile, you vow to respect other pairings and the people that like them. You shall not insult them, explain why they can't be together, or say that they would rather be with someone else. You shall have your opinions but shall not insult pairings. You shall avoid them if you hate them.
You shall keep an open mind about stories even if you despise the pairing. You shall paste this in your profile.
That said, there's not enough good het or yuri stories out there... Feel free to recommend some! :D
A Little Poem Regarding Computer Spell Checkers...
Eye halve a spelling chequer
Eye strike a key and type a word
As soon as a mist ache is maid
Eye have run this poem threw it
— Dr. Jerrold H. Zar
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
I am a woman who scorns the fact that the anyone can be belittled because of the person they love.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
Copy this to your profile if you believe in legalizing gay marriage-
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal. And also, point of reference, the Greeks and Romans accepted Homosexuality. Their cultures did not 'die out' due to this. Why is it that the 'modern world' is so far behind those that lived thousands of years ago?
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
Girls Don't realize these things;
But most of all
Ladies always complain and gripe to their friends that there is never any good guys out there, and they always end up with assholes who mistreat them. Well ladies, next time you're complaining, maybe look up to see who you're complaining to, maybe that special someone is right there hanging on your every word as usual, screaming in his head "Why won't you give me a chance?"
If you're a guy and you agree with this letter, copy and paste into your profile as 'I'm sorry'
If You're one of the FEW girls with enough BALLS to copy and paste this into your profile, and you would never make your guy feel this way, copy and paste into your profile as 'Girls Don't Realize These Things'
Stereotypes are for idiots.
I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
RACISM IS WRONG! Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image - five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it.
If you are against racism, copy this message.
Just some things you need to know to survive….
(2) The world is going to end so go bite off your big toe and be done with it….
(3) Black is the purdiest color of the rainbow…
(4) Most of the time the true geniuses are truly insane…
(5) I do not suffer from insanity… I enjoy every waking moment of it!
(6) Santa Claus is just a fat drunk guy in a red suit with fur…. Or possibly Michael Jackson… Or Orochimaru…
(7) MY SPORK CAN SO KICK YOUR SPORKS ASS!!….
(8) No woman does not like gay porn!!…
(9) Snack Packs are the nummiest pudding thingies out there!…
(10) Life’s Rough… Cry me a river and build a bridge over it…
(11) You should listen to the voices in your head…. THEY HAVE SOME GOOD IDEAS!
(12) And Finally… COME TO THE DARK SIDE… WE HAVE COOKIES, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY YAOI! XD
Put This In Your Profile If You're Still 5 Inside...No Matter How Old You Are Now
REMEMBER WHEN ..
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN”
5. Put Decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Expresso.
6. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”
8. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
9. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
10. Specify that your drive-through order is “To Go.”
11. Sing along at the Opera.
12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why all the poems don’t rhyme.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
14. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
15. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I WON! I WON!”
16. When leaving the Zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling,"Run for your lives, they’re loose!!"
17. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
18. Go in front of your classroom and shout "I like pie!"
19. Greet all your friends with a tackle.
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...
20. Copy and end this list to someone to make them smile... It's called therapy.
Notes To Self...Of DOOM!
1. Do not introduce yourself as role-playing character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard last number. Do number 1-4.
7. Note Expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies...kill them all.
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete last note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying doesn't solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly (or inhumanly) possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room full of sharp, pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember, uh...uh...damn.
25. Train armies of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word 'pianist'.
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo. They have feelings...and teeth.
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do it as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me. Bonding.
36. Never pet a burning dog.
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it a lot.
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree."
48. No matter what people say, There is a way into your fantasy world.
49. The way is rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a shit.
51. The Ten Steps to Dying.
a. Fall down.
b. Be rushed to hospital.
c. Not be saved.
d. Be mourned over.
e. Be buried in dirt.
f. Have your grave looted.
j. Have your bones reanimated and used for pain, destruction and terror.
52. You cannot kill the snow.
53. The snow can kill you.
54. Grass can kill you too.
55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I couldn't get his lucky charms.
56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57. He is real...no matter what the men in white say.
58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61. Pretend to be so around the n00bs.
62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul-sucking demon.
63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64. Go ask Senior Diablo for bigger pitchfork.
65. Remember to kill HIM.
66. Tell the small children in the TOYS 'R' US that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory. Repeatedly if need be.
69. Scream. Doctors don't like it; they give you a shot of something nice.
70. Hide the bodies. Otherwise people will ask embarrassing questions.
71. Eat the evidence.
72. But not if it’s broken glass.
73. If in the presence of someone much wiser then you, point in a random direction and shout, "LOOK, a distraction." Then run.
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats little children.
75. Disregard last note.
76. Note reactions.
77. On average, 100 people choke to death by ball point pens every year.
78. Stock up on ball point pens.
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
81. Do not stick fingers in a blender.
82. Blender... Bad... Ouch.
83. Blood loss is bad.
84. Find way to reattach fingers.
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86. Answer every question with a question.
87. Ask people what gender they are.
88. Note reactions.
89. Refer to people as mortal.
90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92. Start by drowning them in fire ants.
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94. Kill them.
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97. Dunk head in boiling water.
98. Disregard last note. Was written by voice #7.
99. Gullible is written on the ceiling.
100. Investigate this whole 'critical mass' thing when the klaxon dies down.
25 Reasons I Owe My Mother:
1. My mother taught me to Appreciate a Job Well Done:
2. My mother taught me Religion:
3. My mother taught me about Time Travel:
4. My mother taught me Logic:
5. My mother taught me More Logic:
6. My mother taught me Foresight:
7. My mother taught t me Irony:
8. My mother taught me about the science of Osmosis:
9. My mother taught me about Contortionism:
10. My mother taught me about Stamina:
11. My mother taught me about Weather:
12. My mother taught me about Hypocrisy:
13. My mother taught me the Circle Of Life:
14. My mother taught me about Behavior Modification:
15. My mother taught me about Envy:
16. My mother taught me about Anticipation:
17. My mother taught me about Receiving:
18. My mother taught me Medical Science:
19. My mother taught me ESP:
20. My mother taught me Humour:
21. My mother taught me How To Become An Adult:
22. My mother taught me Genetics:
23. My mother taught me about my Roots:
24. My mother taught me Wisdom:
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about Justice:
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Love you too, ma... :D
May God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things that I can,
And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people that I killed because they pissed me off.