Announcement:
My stories are not abandoned. I am working on updates right now and will be dolling them out soon. In the meantime I have decided which fandom I am moving to, so drum roll please

...and the winner is...

BLEACH!

Why? The story line is deep and powerful, with enough action to move it along, but touches of humor and compassion to it that make it come together smoothly. The characters in it are quirky but realistic, with back stories and details I don't see too often. Altogether it is a truly amazing peace of entertainment and I enjoy writing it. I have three Bleach stories in the works already, all Yaoi/Slash with touches of Yuri/femslash. If you like Bleach and enjoy my writing take a few minutes and check them out. To find them please go to my alternate account Shadow of an Echo, which may be found under my favorites author section below this bio. There is also a HP crossover and a short Fruits Basket piece there.

A Long Absence Deserves A Long Explanation

This is why I have not updated a story since April, it is a very long story and I don't want to clutter up word counts in my stories by posting it in each wip so here it is.

In late April of 2011 I was at work when I received the message that the person I had loved, and was falling in love with again, had committed suicide. I was 21 when we were dating, and she was 42, she had many medical problems as well as bipolar disorder. She would fall into extreme depressions and was occasionally suicidal during them. I talked her out of three episodes that were bad enough for her to be suicidal, two while we were dating and one after, the first was bad enough to land her in the hospital. She told me that if I ever left her she wouldn't be able to stop herself anymore. In March though, she found someone else (the person that had gotten us together) and was very honest with me. She told me it was my choice, I could stay and she would suppress her feelings for the other woman, or I could chose to leave and she would be okay.

I chose to leave because my family was unaware of my dating her because of the age gap, and she lived a good eight hours away by car. I loved her, but in choosing her I would be leaving everything I had known up till then behind. I let her go, thinking this other woman would take care of her, and everything would be ok. It wasn't.

My Ex had the third suicidal episode I was involved in after we broke up, and because she didn't think she could call her new girlfriend she called me. I learned they had been having trouble and the new girl wasn't able to handle the non-suicidal depression episodes like I did, they were frequent and intense, and her new girlfriend had asked for space. I talked her out of that truly bad one, and in doing so it felt so good to talk with her again I thought if things didn't work out between the other two, I would like to try again. My life isn't perfect, I think I would have been alright with moving if I gave myself enough time to get used to the shock.

I didn't know that my talking her out of that episode would spark a fight between my ex and her new girlfriend, the new woman was mad that she had come to me instead of her despite asking my ex for some space. My wonderfully loving, beautiful, amazing ex had an episode following that fight that left her suicidal but knowing the fight was triggered by her coming to me, and being unwilling to irritate her new girlfriend with another one so soon she tried fighting it on her own.

She lost her fight.

Both me and the new girlfriend felt guilty over her death, I feel like I should never have left her and I remember saying to her during the last conversation that she wanted to live or she wouldn't have called me, I felt like by saying that I told her not to call. Her new girlfriend felt like she should have been more supportive, or let her talk to me when she was too strung out to handle it, she admitted to me she never thought our woman would ever really go through with it. Unlike me, our mutual friend that had gotten us together, didn't have a mental problem that required constant work to deal with. That is why I could handle the depression and she couldn't. I don't blame her, after all its easy to get the wrong idea when you hear that your girlfriend has been talking to their ex over something this big instead of you. I respect their relationship and wouldn't have tried anything, but she didn't know that.

I know that the only one to blame in this is my loves disease, it stole her from us. I know after everything we went through that she would probably not have survived much longer even if I had stayed. I hope she is at peace now and can get some rest from the constant cycle of loss, regret, and depression.

End of long story

I have been on Fanfiction since 2006 and was hooked by one of my good friends. I owe a lot to fan fiction. I learned to write, to grieve, and to love on this site, now I find I can’t just abandon it, so here I will stay. The only reason I will stop writing here is if by some miracle I get an original work published.

If any one is curious enough to see the real me, I finally got the courage to post this... http://www.youtube.com/user/DaggersBloodPain#p/a/u/0/Aoc2G8T9Kd0

I am twenty-three years old, female, and I am a lesbian, have always been and will always be, there is no choice only acceptance.

I am not a Christian, I call myself a Druid but I have warped even that religion. I believe what I feel is right from whichever faith I find. I don’t believe any religion is completely right, or completely wrong. They are just different ways of grouping and explaining the same thing. This odd outlook gets passed onto my characters when I write, though I can write from a Christian perspective if I have to because of my families' background.

As for appearance, I am short and curvy, work gives me plenty of muscle but I carry a few extra pounds covering that up most of the time. I have shoulder length reddish brown hair now that I cut the black dye out of it. My eyes are dark grey that change between blue, green, and black whenever they feel like it. My favorite thing about my looks is my seven tattoos, that's right seven. My first tattoo is a dagger with a red snake wrapped around it on my left arm, aqua pummel stones in the dagger match the eyes of the snake. My second tattoo is a blue seven pointed star with four red diamonds fusing into three blue coming from each side of the star banded around my right arm. My third, and currently largest, tattoo is a black and grey phoenix flying out of colored flames covering my right calf muscle. My fourth tattoo is a rainbow armband on my left arm below the dagger and just above my elbow. My fifth tattoo is a simple black lined owl, with no color, and three drops of blood falling from her talons placed above my star armband. My sixth tattoo is a purple winged butterfly flanked by two red roses with my first nieces name written above it, its below the star above my elbow. My Seventh tattoo is an orange and green hummingbird sipping out of a blue and green flower with my second nieces name above it, its to the right of my dagger and above the rainbow. I have plans for a tattoo of a Pegasus on my left calf in blue and grey-scale to compliment the phoenix, as well as a full back mural tattoo. I have a tentative idea for my outer thighs, and I'm waiting until I have my own children and will give each of them their own tattoo either on my forearms or over my collar bone depending on what job I have then.

If you would like to see pictures of my tattoos, they are my new story covers (except my armband ones as they didn't fit the stories) I am particularly happy with the picture of my Phoenix, butterfly, and owl. The hummingbird and dagger tattoo didn't convert quite right to the image dimensions but you can still see the general idea.

I only write Slash or Fem-slash.

Due to lack of time to write, I am currently not accepting story requests, I'm having enough trouble updating my current stories as it is.

This is my poem, I wrote it when I had just started to stop cutting. I am still fighting it to this day, but everyday gets a little easier.

An Answer No One Should Give

I am hurting inside

Craving release

Needing the pain

Leaving the scars

Little reminders

Of pain long gone

Yet the memories

Burned into my skin

Hurt like they are

Newly made wounds

Past or present

The pain hurts the same

Tearing me apart

The hurt is always there

Waiting to overwhelm

I only wait

To see how this pain

Will end

I wont be the same

It will tear me to pieces

I wonder as I lay here

Will I survive this

I don’t know

DaggersBloodPain

If this poem calls to you, or you just wish more people tried to understand go ahead and spread it around make it do some good.

Notice: To all those who think Homophobia is wrong and want to fight for a better future for our gay and lesbian friends, please repost this into your profile:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

I am going to stop babbling now that my profile is the same length as most of my posts.