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Disclaimer: -in a John-Turturro-as-John-Shooter accent- It's mine. Weren't ever anybody else's. . . . . Okay, fine. I don't own anything except my stupid plots and crappy OCs! Way to rub it in my face that all the cool stuff belongs to someone else.

Stories: You see those little things at the bottom of the page, with the blue letters and stuff? Yep, that's the writing I'm putting out there for the world. Lucky you, world. So . . . here's a brief description for each of them (in chronological order, approximately). I might be harsher on them than I should be, but I try to give people (like YOU!) fair warning on the bad qualities of my writing. The good qualities, for the most part, I'll let you find for youself.

Genesis (February 2006 - November 2006):

Ah, my very first fic. Living proof that very first fics are, more often than not, absolutely terrible. This is crawling with Mary Sues and idiotic plot devices, and is really just . . . not good. However, I keep it up here because I like to look it over and realize how far I've come (which I hope is pretty far), and because it's the prequel to my arguably better Zelda stories. . . . which haven't actually all been written yet. Anyway, this story is okay if you don't really like quality writing. I mean, parts of it I'm very proud of (there's a section with pirates that makes me laugh every time -- because it's intentionally funny), but it's riddled with amateurish mistakes, and whatever anonymus person reviewed it and said, "n00b," they couldn't have been more right. Still, as far as first attempts go, this one isn't horrible. Chapters 1-10 have been updated/edited, and each broken up into two sections. Which means that technically the first 20 chapters you read are edited.

The Worst Ever Spy Movie (June 2006):

All right, though this one was written around the same time as Genesis, I actually enjoy it quite a bit. The writing quality is about the same as my previous story, and the fourth wall has been broken so many times that it's practically nonexistant, but it's a comedy, which is a bit more lenient, I've noticed, and thus some of the more cringe-worthy phrases are excusable. Overall, this is an fun read, and happens to be one of my favorites (though in no way the best). The humor is obvious but funny, so I consider it a success.

Insanity (February 2007):

It's odd. It's nonsenical. It's pretty amusing. Another one of those Genesis-era fics, with no real plot or rationale to speak of, it's a silly little piece of crack for those of you who like that sort of thing. I'll admit that I liked writing Yuki as a psycho, though.

A Song of Paris (November 2007):

A poem I wrote whilst being utterly obsessed with the Hunchback of Notre Dame. It's about gypsies and Gadje (which I think I spelled wrong in the summary and don't care enough to fix). It's just a poem, and as far as poetry goes, I think it's all right. Nice use of imagery and description.

Yuki and Kakeru's Cooking Adventure! (December 2007):

My last -- so far -- humorous little story, though of supremely better quality than anything else written at this point (by which I mean December 2007). Though with hints of awkward wording and adjective bloat, it's cute, it's funny, and I love it. Yuki and Kakeru are extraordinarily fun to write, and overall I'm happy with everyone in this story's characterization (with the possible exception of Machi, who may be a bit too friendly). This is possibly one of my better stories.

The Dark Triforce (December 2006 - Present):

This was started before I'd even wrote Genesis (ie, back when I still sucked), and published immediately after Genesis' end. So . . . the beginning definitely leaves a lot to be desired. A whole lot. However, as I began to suck less and grow to be the writer I am now (and I consider myself pretty good, or at least decent), the story's improved greatly. The time between updates for this one is obscenely long, because I have to fill twelve pages before posting because I'm an idiot and decided that was how long to make the chapter length, but it's still being worked on, and WILL be finished. But the later chapters are much better than the first several. So far the Prologue has been rewritten, but it'll be slow going, since my chapters are so long and I decided to work on the prequel (Genesis) first.

Horton Hears a Who!: Moments of You (April 2008 - Present):

YES! I actually have a 100-percent-or-pretty-darn-close-to-that GOOD fanfic! Hallelujah! This is by far my favorite story (excluding The Dark Triforce for nostalgia's sake (and that the later chapters are, as I said, not bad)). It's about Mayor Ned McDodd and his childhood friend (and future wife) Sally O'Malley, and their budding relationship. Filled with cuteness, fluff, and humor to the brim in a slightly unusual style -- it's much more childish than anything else I've written. And I'm pretty sure . . . NO MARY SUES! WHOO! That calls for a happy dance.

Dear Marni, I Am So Sorry . . . (April 2009):

I like this one. It's nine pages, and it took me three months. How sad is that? However, it's very good, in my opinion, and worth checking out. I'm too tired to say anything else about it, so go read the thing for yourself.

A Little Glimpse of Leg (July 2011 - Present):

A little experiment in characterization and writing a story that currently has no plot but needs one. I read so many amazing stories including (but not limited to) The Burbank Confession and the first two chapters of Family (which are, sadly, all I've had time to read) and was inspired. I tried my best to keep these authors' influences out of my work, and hope that the only similarities are that they can be depressing as heck. If you spot anything untoward, please let me know. There's a character I'm worried about who may have gone so far away from Sue-age that she's come full circle as an Anti!Sue or Whiny!Sue, but again, I hope not. All in all, I think it's pretty good so far, and I'm excited to see where it goes. The cover image was created by me, using the following images with permission: The picture of the Warners by AyakoOtani, the font from cooltext, the image of Minerva Mink by MawsCM, Hello Nurse by crazedg, and Emily (OC) created using a princess maker.

Hairdresser (January 2012):

Just a little one-shot that's meant to take place before A Little Glimpse of Leg. Yakko's such a cute little lech, isn't he? I wanted to play around with him and the other Warners as kids, though they've never really talked like little kids, have they? It was a character study, I guess you could call it, and a fluff piece that was just fun to write.