Courtj3ster
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Joined 05-29-07, id: 1288327, Profile Updated: 07-05-08

"Come aboard Sir."

"Your name?"

"Court Jester Sir, Human."

"Very good, you will be born in Windsor, England in 9 months time."

"Actually, I would like to speak to the captain Sir."

"You will speak to the captain when you die and not before. Now go on below and stow your dunnage."

"Aye, aye Sir."


Aww, isn't Midshipman Hammond adorable? In fact, most of the guys on that show are... must be the sea air...

Anyway, I am the Court Jester, and in case you didn't guess, the show I was referring to was Hornblower, awesome show isn't it? And those fore and aft hats! They look so gorgeous on our Navy Boys! Long Live the Royal Navy!

Ahem... moving on...

I have a keen interest in all things Napoleonic and especially the Royal Navy, the dresses aren't bad either. I love writing and reading fanfics but I haven't posted many of my literary creations up here yet - if you really want to, or are just really, really bored, check out my stuff on Fictionpress.com. (Search for Morbid Mouse) I've written a few poems and a story (well a bit of one) and I love reviews as much as a bottle of good red wine so if you have a moment to review some of my work I would be most grateful. If you've written anything you think I'd like then send me a message or leave a note of it in a review and I'll be happy to R&R it for you.

I like any stories set in the 1800's or earlier, fantasy, romance, adventure, humour that kind of thing. I also love LOTR and POTC stories. I have nothing against stories with slash and am not at all faint hearted in the blood and gore department, or the rather more enjoyable one. There are limits to what I can stomach though I'm sure, but I am yet to find them. I am not vehemently against Mary Sues, or their male counterparts whose name eludes me, but I prefer realistic characters.

I don't like stories with excessive swearing, but the odd bit doesn't bother me if there really is nothing better the character could say in that situation. Oh, and something else I hate with a passion is stories that have every other word spelt wrong. I'm not going to flame anyone over it but I just tend to not bother reading such stories. These spellcheckers take advantage of our hospitality you know, we should make them earn their keep!

That said, all hands make sail!

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Thief by Culhilien reviews
A young thief, stubborn and proud gets tangled up in the fate of the Fellowship of the Ring.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 43 - Words: 116,831 - Reviews: 437 - Favs: 295 - Follows: 431 - Updated: 12/23/2014 - Published: 11/1/2005 - Aragorn
Teach Me To Live by Daughter of Thranduil reviews
When a battered elfling is brought to Imladris, the twins, Arwen, Haldir and Legolas begin to teach her to trust and smile again. This is her story as she grows up there and can finally face her past.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 54 - Words: 144,852 - Reviews: 725 - Favs: 399 - Follows: 406 - Updated: 11/22/2014 - Published: 6/24/2006 - Legolas, Elrond, Elrohir, Elladan
The Awkward Adventures of Meghan Whimblesby by FebruarySong reviews
What happens when a girl who is afraid of blood, thinks Legolas is a complete fruitcake, and knows next to nothing about LotR gets dumped into Middle earth with the Fellowship? Crazy spin on a MarySue fic. Now complete.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 112,669 - Reviews: 2162 - Favs: 1,220 - Follows: 1,107 - Updated: 7/14/2014 - Published: 7/14/2007 - [Legolas, OC] - Complete
The cries that reach heaven by Laurenke1 reviews
Legolas finds a wounded elf in Helms Deep. Who is she and why does she seem familiar? Mary Sue warning. Au warning.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 61,217 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 3/14/2011 - Published: 1/14/2007 - Legolas
She rode a black horse by bunnychica9 reviews
She was just going for a ride, who knew she would end up in a different world? Will she get home or will she have to make a new home in this new and different world? EomerOFC
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 43,231 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 89 - Updated: 9/12/2010 - Published: 7/2/2005 - Eomer
Every Cloud Has a Silver Lining by MrsRJLupin reviews
COMPLETE! Cicely has run away from home, disguised as a boy and looking for her brother. Will she be able to board the ship he's working on? Will she get discovered? Begins in 1804, 1 year earlier than the film. Please R&R! Your opinions are valued!
Master and Commander - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 47,138 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/18/2010 - Published: 5/19/2007 - Complete
SO WHAT NOW! by ElvenPwner reviews
Middle Earth isn't real, they said. It's a great daydream, but get your head out of the clouds. Knowing so much about a fictional world is NEVER going to help, they said. Now Lena, Ana, and I are stuck in a tiny apartment with the Fellowship. Crud...
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,652 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 4/1/2009 - Published: 6/10/2007 - Boromir, Legolas
Pictor Ignotus by MusicalCharlatan reviews
As an unknown painter manipulates the colors of his masterpiece, so shall the Valar. Maybe that's why they're trying to play matchmaker with the Prince of Mirkwood? ::slightly AU: legomance::
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 39 - Words: 109,298 - Reviews: 362 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 10/11/2008 - Published: 9/25/2005 - Legolas
Battle of the 5 Fandoms by Kisu Pure reviews
Discontinued.
Movie X-overs - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 19 - Words: 114,562 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/10/2008 - Published: 1/26/2007
Into the West by talking2myself reviews
The war is over and Gimli and Legolas are finally free to travel Middle Earth, but during their travels they find creatures they long thought destroyed. Why are nazguls and orcs hunting the fellowship? They have to find out or become the final victims
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Mystery - Chapters: 29 - Words: 64,413 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 6/27/2008 - Published: 10/9/2007 - Legolas, Gimli
Goodbye Goodbyeeee by Hello Anyone There reviews
A different finish to the end of Blackadder season 4.
Blackadder - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 626 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 12 - Published: 3/18/2008
The Lost Commodore by Lahara reviews
Commodore James Norrington has lost so much that was important to him. However, Natania Raphael has little important to herself. Drawn across over time and space, with James stuck in 21st century America and Natania dealing with a fictional character.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 28,731 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 2/12/2008 - Published: 1/7/2007 - James N.
Bittersweet Revenge by Dark Diamond reviews
Saruman is resurrected 10 years after the original story and captures the fellowship for revenge. FELLOWSHIP TORTURE
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 41,078 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 10/1/2007 - Published: 10/19/2006 - Legolas, Aragorn - Complete
You've Never What? by JustInunotaisho reviews
Bachelor parties for a certain king of Gondor are anything but sane. Who has the most surprises when a game of I Never is combined with a keg? Nonslash and dang proud of it. Formerly on hiatus, now finished with song but not dance.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,080 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 9/16/2007 - Published: 5/21/2007 - Complete
Helm's Deep by LotRComedy reviews
A Comedy version of the scene from Helm's Deep, based on the film.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,080 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 9/11/2007 - Complete
The Risks of Knitting by papercut ninja reviews
Legolas has strange symptoms and the Hobbits suspect something even stranger. Can Aragorn sort things out?
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,392 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 8/17/2007 - Published: 1/5/2006 - Legolas, Aragorn
The Crazy Misadventure by TroublesDaughter reviews
Southern Californian teens end up in middle earth, what a surprise i know, and poor middle earth had been saddled with girls who spread rumors and sarcastic boys who have problems dealing with their new situation. Bad Summery, better story
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 35,621 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 8/10/2007 - Published: 4/10/2005 - Eomer, Legolas
The Quest for a Coat by FebruarySong reviews
When Frodo horribly tears his coat, the Fellowship is forced to enter the deep darkness of...the local mall. There they face fangirls, coatracks, and other angsty evils. Oneshot.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,230 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/17/2007 - Complete
The Lord of the Apples by Quelebnen reviews
What if the Lord of the Rings took place in a highschool setting, or two schools? It’s one of those things in life no one really knows! Well in my opinion it would go like this...
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,593 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/29/2007 - Published: 7/1/2005
School Days by Hiei-Rulez reviews
[CHAPTER 3 UP] It’s your favorite LotR characters in Middle School…complete with the hormones, fatal chemistry experiments, insane gym teachers, hairy cafeteria ladies, and the bus rides from HELL!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,885 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/29/2007 - Published: 1/21/2007
The Fellowship goes to the Zoo by Quelebnen reviews
Just like the title says, the fellowship goes to the zoo.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,524 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/29/2007 - Published: 12/23/2004 - Aragorn, Legolas
Monty Python And The One Ring by IthilielCuivienien reviews
The Lord of the Rings Monty Python style. Warning: complete nonesense
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,262 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/19/2007
Only Two Lives To Live by Usa69 reviews
This is a Lestat story. WARNING: I put a lot of chapters into one to save me some trouble... Maybe I'll fix it later.Also... there is a love pentagon... Just so you know... Haha.Main Couple: Lestat O.C.
Book X-overs - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16,313 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 8 - Published: 4/22/2007
The Gift by Lyra Lupin reviews
Norrington and OFC. To release his unspent passions, James Norrington has a secret: he plays the violin. Drama, action and beautiful duets unfold helping James to discover love, trust and the true nature of his own heart. FINAL CHPT POSTED.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: M - English - Romance/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 30,220 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 1/12/2007 - Published: 11/19/2006 - James N.
Kings, Queens, and Corsets by Fiery Mango reviews
When Legolas and Aragorn are assigned to protect visiting royalty secrets will be revealed, bonds will be tested, and dresses will be worn.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 20,566 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 8/8/2006 - Published: 6/27/2006 - Legolas, Aragorn - Complete
A clash of worlds by Jacinta Kenobi reviews
Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Frodo, and Sam are brought into a 17 year old girls bedroom, and chaos ensues. Can she get them back to their world? Will they listen to her warnings about Earth? Will getting what she's always wanted make her happy?
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,235 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 4/7/2006 - Published: 7/23/2003 - Legolas, Peregrin T.
Beam Me Up, Glorfindel by Zhie reviews
The wayward adventures of Captain Glorfindel and his crew aboard the U.S.S. Elfterprise. Parody, crossover with Star Trek of sorts.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,702 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/9/2006 - Glorfindel, Erestor - Complete
Careful What You Wish For by Gilraen73051 reviews
Brianna is fed up with the losers she's been dating and makes a wish in fun. But what happens when her wish is granted?
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 21,245 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 1/27/2006 - Published: 10/12/2004 - Haldir
The Courtship of Peregrin Took by Pippinfan1988 reviews
Pippin falls in love...or he thinks he's in love. Is he? And is that love reciprocated? Rating is for safety, overall a G. COMPLETE
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 87,026 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/15/2005 - Published: 5/20/2005 - Peregrin T. - Complete
Masquerade by Celebdil-Galad and Tinlaure reviews
Captured as prisoners of war by the Haradrim, Legolas and Aragorn are tortured ruthlessly at the hands of their host. If things go as planned there will be no dawn for either Elf or ranger, but first one must break.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 193,809 - Reviews: 509 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 7/18/2005 - Published: 1/31/2005 - Legolas, Aragorn - Complete
Military Elves by Crazy Air Force Pilot reviews
Legolas ang Haldir are on a mission from the Lord and Lady, they end up at a military school in America and meet two girls that might change the forever. Please Read and Review! :)
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 48 - Words: 80,907 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 3/16/2005 - Published: 5/20/2004 - Legolas, Haldir
Of the Vacation by Kokui reviews
This is one of those 'Fellowship in Modern Times' things. But this has a lovely trip to Italy in it, planned by the most annoyingly adorible Hobbit, Pippin! Good thing he has Elvish and Adult supervision. Too bad they are just as immature as the Hobbit.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,773 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/20/2004 - Published: 6/21/2003 - Peregrin T., Legolas
Love Me, Just Leave Me Alone by Losille2000 reviews
The daughter of a respected teacher, an arrogant March Warden infatuated with her, and a Lorien elleth insistent on getting what she wants.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 29 - Words: 106,107 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 154 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 6/1/2004 - Published: 4/26/2004 - Haldir - Complete
Not all Pirates are Bad by got-lotr reviews
(LotrPotc) Legolas and Aragorn wake after being hit on the head by Sam's pots and pans in Port Royal, where they meet Will and Jack. Jack brings horrible news: He's Back. Barbossa and his crew is back.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 28,007 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 4/6/2004 - Published: 1/18/2004
Time Squared by Nefret429 reviews
The Leauge of Extraordinary Gentlemen are blasted back into the 17th century, and team up with the Caribbean gang to try to beat Barbossa and the Fantom. Then everyone is taken back to Middle-Earth.
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,146 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Updated: 9/13/2003 - Published: 9/3/2003
Lord Elrond's Private Boarding School by Fiora-da-Insane reviews
A/U. A Private Boarding School in Middle-Earth! Elrond, Earmuffs, Eyebrow Contests, Legolas, social groups, hot boys, Grima, and Wet Hairy Chickens!?! You KNOW you want to read it!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 32,653 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/17/2003 - Published: 1/24/2003 - Legolas, Haldir
Elusive Heart by Sirannon reviews
COMPLETED!! Ignoring his heart's loneliness, Haldir plunges himself into his duties as Captain of the Lorien Guard until someone enters the Sacred Wood that he has waited for all his life....non-Slash, OFC.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 34,918 - Reviews: 234 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 5/6/2003 - Published: 12/23/2002 - Haldir, Galadriel - Complete
Corma by Shakespeare Diva reviews
FINSIHED! the fellowship loose themselves in a boarding school in the 21st century.. a bit over-done i know, but worth it.. i think... FINISHED!!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 16 - Words: 29,367 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/31/2003 - Published: 1/3/2002 - Legolas
By Divine Intervention: Revenge of the Mary Sue by Technoelfie reviews
It's got Legolas in it again. The poor elf is becoming allergic to 21st century girls with nice hair, so what happens when a fedup reader who's got the hots for the elf decides to become a MarySue herself? [complete]
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 40,501 - Reviews: 211 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 5/24/2002 - Published: 2/24/2002 - Legolas, Gimli - Complete