Smerby
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Joined 07-12-04, id: 630333, Profile Updated: 05-04-12
Author has written 23 stories for Harry Potter.

I love desk. I love lamp. I ate a big red candle. Formerly known as "Brick Retarded Weatherman."


xxx

I blog or some shit:


xxx

I also write Snape & Hermione stuff occasionally (WHAT, SURPRISED? FUCK YOU. Just kidding...but really):

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Of Myth and Magic by Wonkington reviews
She knew it wasn't good for her, standing here like this, waiting for something that wasn't there to appear. Something spectacular to happen between mis-numbered houses. Something to prove that magic was real. Eventual SS/HG. AU with purpose.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 26 - Words: 79,624 - Reviews: 356 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 214 - Updated: 10/12/2015 - Published: 11/13/2014 - [Hermione G., Severus S.] - Complete
The Infinitely Curious Woman by A plus reviews
“The boy is a Horcrux. In order for Voldemort to be truly gone, the boy must die.” But his deal had never been with Dumbledore, it had always been with Lily. By teaching Granger the Dark Arts, he could corrupt Potter's soul and save his life. SSHG
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 52,244 - Reviews: 490 - Favs: 349 - Follows: 483 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 9/26/2008 - Hermione G., Severus S.
The Quality of Mercy by ChristineX reviews
Devastated by Ron's death, Hermione distracts herself by focusing on Severus Snape's mysterious demise. What she finds when she unravels the mystery will change both her life and the wizarding world forever. SSHG, T now, M later. Slight AU, DH spoilers.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 25 - Words: 119,828 - Reviews: 824 - Favs: 590 - Follows: 283 - Updated: 10/6/2008 - Published: 8/11/2007 - Hermione G., Severus S. - Complete
Never Talk to Strange Cats? by iswearimbritish reviews
Harry is all alone at a time when he needs companionship most. How will he cope when he has much pent up frustration and no one to take it out on?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,392 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/28/2006 - Published: 3/23/2006 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Salmonella Gets Sporked The Motion Picture by suethor reviews
This is not a serious story. You have been warned.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,022 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/2/2006 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
NumberssSss by iswearimbritish reviews
Hogwart's first trip to the zoo. R&R if you please.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 430 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/19/2005 - Harry P., Cho C.
Menstrual Magic by dobby21 reviews
A little parody; the things that bugged me in OotP, over accentuated. Cho is extra menstrual, Harry is extra pissy, and everyone is horny. Complete R&R please!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,557 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 5/2/2005 - Published: 4/9/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Curse of the RoboHufflepuff by DudeIRock reviews
A loud bang is heard through the Great Hall all the surrounding students look up it seems that a large hole has been punched in the northern wall by...a giant metallic badger...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,648 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/27/2004 - Complete
Harry Potter: the Sorcerer's Stoned by FanFictionFantom reviews
Mwahahaha...a twisted version of Harry Potter featuring Harry as a schizo, Ron as a crossdresser, and an accident-prone Hermione. Enjoy, hehehe. COMPLETE!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 11 - Words: 27,797 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 12/19/2004 - Published: 7/26/2004 - Complete
Hey, You Have a Beaver on Your Head by iswearimbritish reviews
Yeah, actually a pretty lame story I wrote while I was uppy on mocha. Read, review, and hug your inner beaver...
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,054 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 11/12/2004 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Love at St Mungos by EntirelyInsincere reviews
A story of two people in the right place at the right time. Two misunderstood personalities finally find love.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 108 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/1/2004 - Dolores U., Gilderoy L.
Harry Potter and Why Not To Play Cluedo by Jennigen reviews
PG for swearing and hinted slash. This is a spoof of the movie Prisoner of Azkaban! With Cluedo refrences, shipping war indications and MURDEROUS INTENTIONS! This is one mad, crazy, drunk spoof by yours truely!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,034 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Published: 8/17/2004 - Harry P., Ron W.
Harry PotterTheBoyWhoTripped by iswearimbritish reviews
Harry and his two best friends were exploring the depths of Diagon Alley when they come across the unexpected. What will happen? Read to find out...One shot story. YAY!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 873 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/9/2004 - Harry P., Bellatrix L. - Complete
The Adventures of Lucius Malfoy, Baby Eater by rufustehshinra reviews
Humor fic. Supposedly funny. Give it try, what've you got to loose?
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,591 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/22/2004 - Ron W., Lucius M.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Interview with a Death Eater reviews
An interview with imprisoned Death Eater, Severus Snape, leads to some unexpected discoveries.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,902 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 10/17/2012 - Published: 5/1/2012 - Severus S., Hermione G.
What? reviews
Who?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 373 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 8/21/2010 - Complete
I, Alone reviews
Everyday, he feels the heavy burden of his past, present, and future.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 934 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/20/2010 - Peeves - Complete
Killing Ginny Weasley or Killing Her Not So Softly reviews
Harry Potter does not like Ginny Weasley.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,058 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/29/2008 - Harry P., Ginny W. - Complete
Ahoy! reviews
Harry Potter meets some pirates.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,194 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/1/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Moose reviews
Harry Potter is a moose.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,185 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
The Crux of the Matter reviews
Hermione develops a certain problem. Harry has a problem with this problem. Together, this makes a problem for Voldemort. Do you have a problem with this?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,600 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 11/21/2007 - Hermione G. - Complete
The Final Battle reviews
A rather sloppy possible ending to Deathly Hallows. All about the power of love.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,344 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/15/2007 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Minnie Sue reviews
A pants ripping parody of MarySues... but with a different approach! Happy Crimbo, KP!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,791 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/24/2006 - Complete
Debauched, Dissipated, and Dissolute reviews
A lighthearted parody of the concept of Hermione's first time. Throughout the world of fanfiction, Hermione has lost it to just about everyone... except, maybe, a few in this story!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,400 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/3/2006 - Hermione G., Severus S. - Complete
That Flighty Temptress, Adventure reviews
A portion of Chapter 4 of Half-Blood Prince that we didn't see! Some consider this my most disgusting story. DO YOU DARE?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,624 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/18/2006 - Harry P., Albus D. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Average Asian reviews
The worst parody ever written! Includes a mysterious exchange student, snogging, a new enemy... oh, and rice! Essentially just one big, long... inside joke. Story is now complete.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 15 - Words: 18,497 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 12/30/2005 - Published: 7/14/2004 - Harry P., OC - Complete
Oh, Canada! reviews
Harry is a little upset. A Songfic... but a songfic PARODY. Written to the same titled song by Five Iron Frenzy.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 703 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 7/25/2005 - Harry P. - Complete
Hairy Potter reviews
This is the worst story you will ever read.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 480 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/14/2005 - Harry P., Oliver W. - Complete
The Half Blood Prince reviews
A short little ficlet on who the Half-Blood Prince might have been. Written pre-HBP.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 677 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/30/2005 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
H is for Hogwarts reviews
Having a tough time remembering characters? Or who did what, and how they did it? Read this piece which was nominated for a Pulitzer prize AND an Oscar!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 985 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 8 - Published: 11/25/2004 - Complete
To Love a Hooded Snake reviews
Written solely to be the result for "Voldemort/Argus F." searches.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 358 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 9 - Published: 10/30/2004 - Voldemort, Argus F. - Complete
Hogwarts Fun? reviews
This site makes their rules, and I break them in the name of ART.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,294 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/4/2004 - Complete
Love Birds reviews
Their love was one so forbidden, one so unseen... Did anyone believe these two would ever make it together?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 405 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 6 - Published: 8/26/2004 - Complete
Who Are You Again? reviews
A parody of the absurd use of nicknames in Harry Potter fanfiction.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 951 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/24/2004 - Complete
A Night to Remember reviews
It was an impossible love. A forbidden love. A passion filled affair. Can romance survive? One shot. So give it your best shot... and read.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 592 - Reviews: 13 - Published: 8/24/2004 - Dobby, Winky - Complete
Deja Vu reviews
An unfortunate incident with a timeturner causes Hermione to live the same day repeatedly. THIS STORY IS NEVER GETTING FINISHED BECAUSE APPARENTLY THIS BECAME A COMMON FANFIC TROPE AND I DON'T REMEMBER WHERE I WAS GOING WITH IT I'M ABOUT TO GET CUT-
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,845 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/17/2004 - Hermione G.
Harry Potter and the Parody To End All Parodies reviews
Parodies have been done to death. But what's one more? R&R and you'll get lots of slashy goodness! Or not. Take a gander, if you will. Story is complete as is.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,352 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/8/2004 - Published: 8/1/2004 - Complete